teenager school

Sexual Activity and Chastity – A Teenager’s Perspective

I’m very sure that whilst most of you may not be teenagers, each and everyone of you was once between the ages of 13- 19 (Even if you’re a fairy or a mythical creature of some sort). You know how excited and indomitable every teenager feels when they’re done with high school? Well, that was a perfect picture of me a few years back; with the perfect make up,  voluminous weaves, high heeled pair of shoes and sophisticated demeanour; I was literally basking in cloud number-nine.

Then, came the wait for the finalisation of my admission process. I ought to have travelled to the UK, but plans changed. A few months later, I was within the confinements of another learning institution; it’s funny how we’re supposed to spend six years in high school, just to come out with flying colours and gain entry into another learning institution requiring an additional four years of our lives ** smh..I’m not the best fan of school, right? Guilty as charged! **

I’m a sophomore in a private institution now and I must confess, it’s been a great experience thus far. But, there are a few perks here and there that have always made me quite baffled. This has given my friends the weird notion that I must be a pixie fairy of some sort, or a mystical creature who was born and bred in a snow globe. You may be wondering what this bone of contention could be about right now. Please shut your eyes for one minute, and think of one of the most controversial and ethical issues that’s trending right now. Feel free to open your eyes when you’ve arrived at a specific conclusion.

It’s all about Chastity, guys! And, I would most definitely love to know what your opinions are on the issue. Should youngsters be sexually active? Almost all of my friends are, and they’re barely nineteen. In my institution, as is common with most higher learning institutions, it’s regarded as a norm, and specific code of conduct for almost all students. Talking about it with most of my friends causes them to stare at me with a weird face or even totally distance themselves from me for several hours.

In my institution, it’s what almost all relationships are about. The guys all want it, and they would never even try to hide that fact from the girls that they are supposedly ‘in love’ with, only the naïve ones may be spared from such details. In most movies I’ve watched, the guy dresses better, visits the salon to get his hair trimmed, purchases a new bottle of perfume and walks around all day with a dictionary or an encyclopaedia, until he has memorised the necessary terminologies and registers required for him to express his feelings to the girl he truly loves. But, it’s alarming to know that some guys no longer deem this fit or necessary. They ask you out using bizarre words and phrases they’ve picked up from Nigerian songs, dress irresponsibly, stare at what’s on your chest and behind you all the time, and expect you not to look at them with a disgusted visage. ‘How on earth could that be possible? Even a suckling child would be able to foretell the end of such ‘relationship’. Not so?’

I was alarmed to discover that most of my peers are sexually active, and have been that way for years. Every Friday night, they find a way to sneak from the hostel with their purses stocked and seething with condoms, caplets of ref, and any additional stimulating substance they can find. They return the next day, and recount their tales of how they met a fairy tale prince on a sojourn to planet earth, and how they tore their legs apart for him because they knew he was ‘ the one’ they had been waiting for all their lives. They’re plunged into a maudlin state a few weeks afterwards, because, ‘prince charming’  has turned out to be not so charming after all. And, this strange occurrence keeps going on and on in that direction.

Why should relationships supposedly based on love be all about sex? Why can’t we wait for the one who was specially crafted for us from heaven? Why shouldn’t these young guys take time to become better husbands and to their wives instead of touring campus for every new chick who would be willing to let them ‘get some’. I guess it’s one of the adverse effects of westernization sha; because almost all the American teen series that are hits in the Nigerian market all revolve around sex, baby mamas, drugs, etc. I actually feel that if any guy doesn’t even try to improve himself, or act as a sophist, or even employ some sort of Machiavellian intelligence to get a girl, it’s definitely because he feels she’s cheap and unworthy of such time and attention. Whilst employing the last two options mentioned above is wrong, it at least depicts the teenage guy trying to ‘show some hustle, and work for it’.

I’m most certainly not a feminist. I believe God fashioned Eve from Adam because he felt that we were supposed to run this world together, so, who am I to think otherwise? I just believe that we were created to subdue earth, and then, procreate. I wasn’t created by God to become any man’s sex slave or machine, and I don’t need a dildo to maintain my resolve. What’s the use of dipping your hand into the cookie jar when you can’t have any of those little glazed temptations? Such scenario would best be likened to that of a man touching the ‘forbidden fruit’ all day without any intention to dig his teeth in; believe me, he would sooner or later. Some of you may think I’m an idealist, and I wouldn’t quite agree with that. I just believe the world would be a better place if we just worked on some of these ethical issues that are eating deep into our society. I urge you all to please mentor, teach and educate every teenager and young person around you on sex, chastity and other ethical issues that are plaguing the society presently. You would never know what your little niece/ nephew/sibling has been up to in school if you don’t make enquiries or talk to them in this light. Thanks for reading! Now to the exciting part. I must confess, I’m most eager to read your comments. **big grin **

** Written by a teenager who’s just thinking out loud **

Image via The Black Home School

The following two tabs change content below.
Avatar

The Sophomore

A teenager who's passionate about life, good humor and God.
Avatar

Latest posts by The Sophomore (see all)

Comments
  • Avatar
    Ada

    First????

    January 28, 2016
  • Avatar
    Ada

    Yess! I gotta say I’m impressed, I mean a good number of teenagers don’t reason like that. We need more like you, especially now that the line between right and wrong’s been blurred. Not trying to judge or anything…

    January 28, 2016
    • Avatar
      The Sophomore

      Thanks for stopping by# Ada…

      January 28, 2016
    • Avatar
      The Sophomore

      Thanks dear #Ada.

      January 28, 2016
  • Avatar
    Ray

    Hi Soph.
    I find it amusing that a girl in her second year in a Nigerian university is surprised her friends are so involved in sexual activities. Makes me wonder what secondary school you attended, if you are a preacher’s kid or close to that and if you had older women more open to exploring their sexual lives around you while In your early teenage days. I’m tempted to talk to you like a younger sister.
    No attempt to sound condescending here but The whole piece just reeks of naïveté to me. Not only the part that addresses chastity but also the part that focused on relationships.
    I would like to believe that as you grow older, you will understand that relationships and romance are not really about what is done by the dude to get the girl, it is about what is done by both parties to keep each other. So please, let your mind mature past all those things you see in movies, Hollywood love is hazardous to you. Understand that relationships go beyond how good an orator he is and how much vocab he can spit. Would you rather a man that fakes a Version of himself just to impress and get you, only to revert to his true, shabby self after he does?
    I also believe that as you work towards getting your degree and become a Gold standard of yourself, better men would come to you. You know that thing they say about you attracting what you are? Focus on you, baby girl, not them.
    As much as I don’t encourage whoring, which is what your friends are really doing but it makes it easier for them to sleep at night when they tell themselves their emotions are involved, I think it’s a good thing If a woman is not judged for owning her sexuality I.e deciding to keep herself to herself or not.
    We can’t teach other people how to live their lives. We shouldn’t. We should understand that others have as much free will as we do. If you subscribe to their ways of living, fine. If you don’t, find new friends whose ways of living you are ok with.

    As for teaching teenagers about ethics, When I was a teenager, I did what I wanted and not what anyone told me to. And it’s also important to teach them to make their own choices and their own mistakes. As long as they are choices they would be proud of later in life.

    January 28, 2016
    • Avatar
      thetoolsman

      Wow.. I owe you drink for this comment Ray. Awesome awesome.

      January 28, 2016
      • Avatar
        Ray

        Oh, I am so taking your offer, thank you.

        January 28, 2016
    • Avatar
      Anita

      I don’t smell naivety. I smell good moral. There’s right and wrong. This lady has chosen to stand with right. She’s a generation builder. And I give her a bottle of something she likes lol. If a random guy comes and all in the name of honesty, isn’t presentable enough, he’s not for me. But we all have our views. I love this post. And what pains me is that 90% will probably find a way to make this all another joke. Maybe to free themselves from their thoughts. Who cares? People should be reminded of some “old fashioned” values that are a thing of pride. I’m proud of you Sophomore and I encourage you to remain chaste. It pays. And don’t let anyone make you feel less. They probably envy you. Bravo!

      January 28, 2016
      • Avatar
        Ray

        Lol. Let the misinterpretations begin.
        Nobody is bashing her for her choice. Nobody is calling it wrong. But I think it’s naive of her to expect all men coming to her at this age to be smooth and clean-cut. And also, Face it, real life relationships and romance are about much more than that. I’m not even saying she should date random guys, a girl needs to have standards. But being a teenager, like Olayinka said below, is a phase. Those boys are also going through a phase as she is. With time, they will understand that you should do better to get girls and they will become better men. If she focuses on the right thing, she will by then be a better woman to accommodate the better man coming.
        Her choice to remain ‘chaste’ is not what I think is naive, it’s the fact that she somehow expects and wants everyone to be like her, forgetting they also have their own choices to make.
        About good morals, who are we to decide what is good or bad or how others should live? We like to say say that women who engage in sexual activities have bad morals, in your words, ‘not standing with right’, but please how is virginity a yardstick for being a good person? Answer me this, who has become a better or worse person for deciding to keep or lose their hymen?
        Society likes to slut-shame girls who give it up like it is a degree or talent or somehow decides what these girls will be in future. Please, Because a girl chooses to lose her virginity doesn’t make her a slut or morally decadent.
        I won’t join the bandwagon and commend Anyone for keeping an anatomical landmark intact. It is her choice. The same way I won’t congratulate anyone for deciding what to do with their day.
        What we should, rather, teach our teens is to make choices they are comfortable with, for themselves and not for others and not to be judgmental towards others who choose differently.

        January 28, 2016
        • Avatar
          Don Flowers

          Hey Ray, I like most of what you said so I won’t bother repeating them but I think that we can do better than having each individual decide how they want to live their lives without so much as suggesting a better alternative.

          Whilst I do not respect women who are virgins over and above those who are not, I find myself awed at the strength it takes to maintain such a resolve especially with all the pressures and raging hormones.

          I also think whoring about is wrong and it doesn’t matter whether or not the person doing is satisfied with their choice or as some will say, it is a victimless crime.

          Society must set out rules by which it expects it’s members to conform for peaceful coexistence and development of the society.

          Our liberalism is fast approaching extremism where anything goes as long as the actor(s)/participant(s) are okay with it. I disagree totally.

          January 31, 2016
        • Avatar
          *kira_writes*

          “who are we to decide what is good or bad”

          “line between right and wrong’s been blurred” (wish I could tag the lady who made this comment)

          Firstly an individuals definition of what’s good or what’s bad is largely based on their moral/ethical level which can be linked to background, culture or religion and most importantly how the individual chooses to understand this variants, with that said everyone is entitled to their opinion YET we must also conform to what society deems to be acceptable regardless of our own beliefs. It is wrong to hit a woman why? beyond the fact that I was raised to respect women I see no reason why it is wrong (after-all woman do slap guys), Society believes it is wrong, why? because the society has agreed that a real man should not hit a woman, no further questions asked.

          Bear in mind that the society is made up of individuals like you, me and other people, we define what society deems right, the moment one individual feels it is right to hit women, and he convinces a few others then society’s perception on hitting women will begin to change…. So who who are we to decide what is right/good or what is wrong/bad?.. I hope I am able to paint a vivid answer. if not here is a summary ( we are all individually responsible for what is acceptable today, either by what we say, do and permit)

          And the phrase “the line between right and wrong’s been blurred” is better rephrased as ” The wrong things are becoming acceptable” (or something like that).

          P.S- because it is wrong doesn’t mean we don’t indulge in it (jeez loads of us dubbed back in school exams and assignments), it just means you cant judge someone who is also in the wrong ( U know cast a stone, the plank in your eye) try carrying expo into the exam hall and then cast a fellow pupil for doing the same thing and see how that works out for ya.

          To the author/writter/blogger of this post, we tend not to understand why people do certain things because we do not know where they are coming from, bear in mind this not the case for everyone, some people are clueless and just under peer pressure but for the genuine ones, they might have grown up in an environment where such was normal getting exposed to such at an early age or from strict background and finally had their freedom and wish to enjoy every moment.

          The best thing you can do for yourself is spend less time trying to understand people ( i say less time because sometimes u need to read people and determine who could be a danger to u) cause its pointless and you may end up losing urself in the process.

          Geez* Longest comment or nah?

          February 2, 2016
      • Avatar
        The Sophomore

        Thank you so much # Anita…. *big grin *

        January 28, 2016
    • Avatar
      ibiela

      Very well said

      January 28, 2016
    • Avatar

      And Ray’s back. Even if I don’t completely agree with all you said, you made some valid points. It’s good to ‘see’ you back. 🙂

      January 28, 2016
      • Avatar
        Ray

        Hi, Sexy me ?
        Good to ‘see’ you too.

        January 28, 2016
        • Avatar

          Lool! Only two of you own the ‘rights’ to call me that. Hope you’ll be around a bit more.

          You should consider writing something for TNC o.

          January 29, 2016
          • Avatar
            Ray

            I should be around more. I am considering writing, actually. Just don’t know what and when it will be.
            When I eventually do, I look forward to reading your comments on it.

            January 29, 2016
          • Avatar

            Yay!!! Oh, I sure will!

            January 29, 2016
    • Avatar
      Larz

      Sorry to sound contrarian. I am up for people sticking to what they are all about. Sexual adventure or chastity. However, I bet majority of those teenagers having sex do so becuz they have been told that that is the only way to show love or keep a man. Media/ social media/ peer pressure all tell them that sex is equal to love.

      January 28, 2016
    • Avatar
      Air

      I agree with you…..I don’t tink just cos some1 is not sexually active or a virgin better than a sexually active or non virgin individual, it’s all about your morals in all ramifications not just sex in particular, we shouldn’t even try to judge any1 for there choices cos they have there reasons for doing so,….

      January 28, 2016
    • Avatar

      You deserve a standing ovation for this comment (and all the others in this post). Absolute truth, said with a lot more patience than I could have.

      January 28, 2016
    • Avatar
      MIA

      Thank you Ray.

      January 29, 2016
    • Avatar
      Joy

      Thanks Ray, the toolsman add another drink to what you’ve given already.

      November 4, 2016
  • Avatar
    Yasmine

    Hi Ray,
    Your comment is amazing!

    January 28, 2016
    • Avatar

      I concur! Standing ovation for this comment abeg.

      January 28, 2016
    • Avatar
      Ray

      Lol thanks. I’m glad some people actually understand me and won’t misconstrue my statements.

      January 28, 2016
  • Avatar
    Chiamaka

    Thank God! Finally something for us younger readers

    January 28, 2016
    • Avatar
      thetoolsman

      Hello there. We built this space for every one, young and old so we’d definitely love to read more from you guys. Send in a post on stuff on your mind and share the site with friends, lets get as many of you guys on here so we can all talk.

      January 28, 2016
      • Avatar

        How or where would I send a post to if I wanted to send something….i’m always shouting about the naked convos on my social Media…i’m so obessed with it up to the point that I took a hiatus from writing on my blog and made it my goal to read all the posts by all the writers. I think i’m almost there 🙂

        January 30, 2016
    • Avatar
      The Sophomore

      Thanks dear#chiamaka….its good to hear from a young reader….

      January 28, 2016
    • Avatar
      Roshey

      Ray? Seriously?Younger sister advice ke? Views like yours only contribute to the level of decadence we see around us.We are humans;means we should aspire to be better beings by having and upholding standards. Not acting like animals and gratifying every whim of emotion.We have a head to think and a heart to guide our conducts.Seems yours are dead.Be warned,this road won’t take you where you wanna go.I know you would reply with seeming words of wisdom.Go ahead!Truths don’t die!!!

      January 28, 2016
      • Avatar
        Ray

        Lmfaooooooooo!
        Wow!!
        You think I have no standards. You think my head and heart are dead. ‘This road will take you nowhere’. ??
        On top wetin na?
        It’s never this hard, abeg. ???

        January 28, 2016
      • Avatar
        Olayinka

        Na wa! See as you turn doom preacher on top pesin opinion. Anty Christian. E ma pele o.. Sister with live head and heart. Perfect moral compass.

        January 29, 2016
    • Avatar
      The Sophomore

      Its always nice to hear from a fellow teenager #Chiamaka….thanks!

      January 28, 2016
    • Avatar
      The Sophomore

      Its always nice to hear from a fellow teenager #Chiamaka….thanks! You rock!

      January 28, 2016
  • Avatar
    omolorlah

    on point Ray,…….agree wt u totally

    January 28, 2016
  • Avatar
    Snow

    Why can’t we wait for the one who was specially crafted for us from heaven?
    Why shouldn’t these young guys take time to become better husbands and to their wives instead of touring campus for every new chick who would be willing to let them ‘get some’.

    Yooo, I thought this was 2016!!!! Are we still blaming sex as a reason why people aren’t striving to be better? Is the pursuit or non-pursuit of sex now a determinant on who makes a better spouse? Is chas…………………………Nvm

    Let me just keep quiet and keep sipping my bleach

    January 28, 2016
    • Avatar
      The Sophomore

      Lol….sipping your bleach? Lmaoo…I respect your views#Snow…Thanks!

      January 28, 2016
    • Avatar

      Heck, kindly pass me a glass ? of that Hypo bro’
      Just sitting in a corner & observing…

      January 29, 2016
  • Avatar
    Olayinka

    I have to say I like how your ideals. Ideals are very important in molding our to be personalities later in life. The idea of sex and chastity of course is always embedded in religious upbringing. So, in a way, making that decision may not be what you truly want at this point. Because you are yet to experience life on a larger and more practical ways. Trust me, its coming. And I just hope when you find yourself falling for the sweetness of a young sweet talking man like all your peers, you can make the right decision for you. As a teenager, all I dreamt of was finding the one before becoming sexual. And I succeeded. I was quite intimate with my boyfriend then but we never had sex. And I didn’t until I was in my mid 20s. When it finally happened, I was ready psychologically and physically. And that’s when I think anyone should have sex. When you can bear the consequence.
    Meanwhile, contrary to what you think, there is no heavenly tailor made man or woman for anyone. We only hope to end up with our friends cum lovers. Relationships and marriages are huge risks. It may work or fail massively. Pick up lessons and move on. You have to realize that is how life works. While you can, build yourself to become the best person you can be. Don’t wait around for the right man. Build your life solidly first and whichever man you happen to fall in love with and give your body to will realize he cannot mess with you. Because you can do without him.
    See ehn, this your ideal is a phase. Trust me. It is. Wait a little while. Meet more boys. Fall in love. Get heartbroken. watch yourself make the same mistake again. And again. And again. Then you know life has happened to you and we’ll see then if you wil still hold this ideal.
    But like I said, I love your idealistic nature. You are on the right path to greatness. And oh, don’t ever feel the need to have sex because your friends are. Make the decision yourself. When you feel ready to. Kudos

    January 28, 2016
    • Avatar
      The Sophomore

      I totally agree with you…thanks for your advice
      .. _#olayinka

      January 28, 2016
    • Avatar
      The Sophomore

      Thanks for taking time out to explain your views and share your experience with me…#Olayinka

      January 28, 2016
      • Avatar
        Olayinka

        Sure thing dear. Anytime..

        January 29, 2016
    • Avatar
      Larz

      I like

      January 28, 2016
  • Avatar
    Mayokun

    Wow…. It’s so rewarding to know that the world we live in still have sane pple.. Extremely rewarding.. Great article

    January 28, 2016
    • Avatar
      The Sophomore

      Thanks! #Mayokun

      January 28, 2016
  • Avatar
    Snow

    Why can’t we wait for the one who was specially crafted for us from heaven?
    Why shouldn’t these young guys take time to become better husbands and to their wives instead of touring campus for every new chick who would be willing to let them ‘get some’.

    Yooo, I thought this was 2016!!!! Are we still blaming sex as a reason why people aren’t striving to be better? Is the pursuit or non-pursuit of sex now a determinant on who makes a better spouse? Is the…………………………Nvm.

    I’m confused here abeg.
    Are you people telling me one should take pride in his choice to have or not have sex. i’m speaking neutrally here. is my choice to have or not have sex now used as a factor when people look at me?

    Confusion here

    January 28, 2016
    • Avatar
      Ray

      Lmao didn’t you hear ? People who are not Virgins are not in the right moral standing ? we are going to hell ??

      January 28, 2016
      • Avatar
        The Sophomore

        I respect your opinion #Ray. But, I didn’t mean to imply or insinuate that people who aren’t virgins do not have a right moral standing..but then again, hopping from one bed to another seems quite pointless to me..there are std’s out there! And most of these young people barely know much about protection… That was why I suggested a heart to heart talk with young people… I believe in chastity! Its a personal ideal..i’m not trying to enforce it on anyone. If you don’t believe it, that’s fine…if you think it’s a ridiculous notion that should be laughed at, please suit yourself. #nohardfeelings#

        January 28, 2016
        • Avatar
          Ray

          Lmao. Why are you people catching shots that are not yours.
          The bit about moral standing wasn’t for you.
          I respect your opinion, I respect your ideals.
          I don’t think your notion is laughable. As I said earlier, I don’t condone or encourage whoring.
          Be proud of your choices. But also, live and let live.

          January 28, 2016
          • Avatar
            Roshey

            Ray? Seriously?Younger sister advice ke? Views like yours only contribute to the level of decadence we see around us.We are humans;means we should aspire to be better beings by having and upholding standards. Not acting like animals and gratifying every whim of emotion.We have a head to think and a heart to guide our conducts.Seems yours are dead.Be warned,this road won’t take you where you wanna go.I know you would reply with seeming words of wisdom.Go ahead!Truths don’t die!!!

            January 28, 2016
  • Avatar

    I really enjoyed this….I see nothing bad in premarital sex but not underage shii…..I am a man with allota mistresses

    Click below to read a poem I wrote one of my mistress

    I WRITE MY MISTRESS A POEM

    Enjoy

    January 28, 2016
  • Avatar
    Nelo

    Sex is worth waiting for. Youngster, please wait for that man that respects you and deserve that V. Boys on campus do a lot of ‘try your luck’. Move with the crowd that share your thoughts.

    January 28, 2016
  • Avatar
    The Sophomore

    Thanks for stopping by #kikiotolu… I love your specification… #nounderageshii# lol

    January 28, 2016
  • Avatar
    The Sophomore

    To everyone that totally agrees with my opinion, to those who partly do, and to those who totally disagree, I harbour no hard feelings…Its been a privilege to read your comments, thank you all! And to TNC’S admin, you rock! Thanks for posting this, its a first for me,and I’m highly elated and grateful for this platform that has given me an opportunity to air my rather opinionated views…

    January 28, 2016
    • Avatar

      You and many other youngsters out there need to have your voices heard. TNC is a great platform to let out your thoughts and get good feedbacks. You really should write more and share here. And also look for topics you’re interested in reading about. Chances are there’s a post about them on here.

      One of the best things about this platform is that there is a rich diversity of opinion so you’ll almost always find someone who writes your thoughts. Best part is, respecting other people’s opinions is encouraged so you’ll find that counter-arguments will often be objective. You’ll learn a lot from the debates.

      Read TNC. Write (for) TNC. And encourage your friends to do the same. A lot of experienced heads you can learn from within this community but it’s always refreshing to read from your perspectives.

      January 29, 2016
  • Avatar
    Anonymous teenager

    Ok, I completely agree with Ray. I strongly believe that we as individuals should have the ability to make our own choices and stand by them regardless. “Chastity” in itself is a very relative term and that is a topic for another day. I strongly believe that sex is something beautiful and should be enjoyed by everyone. It is a pity that we live in a culture that does not encourage people, women especially, to explore their sexual personalities, if I may say. I think it is more important for our society to teach younger people to have a mind of their own, to think for themselves and be courageous enough to bear the consequences of their individual decisions. Furthermore, relationships are not formed based on a chase, simply because a guy does not employ “Machiavellian intelligence” to get you does not mean that he thinks you are cheap. Are you a trophy? Yes, chivalry can be very sexy but at the same time, sometimes, the man is a goal for you as much as you are a goal for him, i.e, you have certain standards when it comes to the kind of man you would like to be with and its vice versa. And I understand the ‘save yourself for the man specially crafted for you’ tori but ‘is this man saving himself for you’? Again, marriage is not for everybody and some people do not see marriage or even procreation as a goal. Does this mean that people like this are not allowed to enjoy sex whenever they feel ready to?The way I see it, as an adult, if you choose to have sex, its your choice, all we can say is be responsible about it. And its funny how people think sexual freedom is decadent. You are not surrendering yourself to a man, you are an active player in an experience and your partner is one as well- which is why sex should be between two consenting adults. And if a human being has decided not to explore this part of their existence, that is their choice as well. We have no moral right to judge anyone’s choices, choosing not to have sex is a good but choosing to have sex is just as good.
    By the way, bear with me, its a bit all over the place and I apologise for typos (French keyboard).

    January 28, 2016
    • Avatar
      Maxwell

      Anonymous Teenager! I suggest you read the article for a clearer understanding… You’re also contradicting yourself…you said sex should be between two consenting adults..the question is,are you in support of sexual activity as a teenager? If you are, I urge you to go and get laid?..Biko,suit yourself and explore your sexuality….if you’re in school, you can make yourself a hierarchical trophy ?…you would be passed down from one boy’s bed to another …then also, you can move on to more matured men in their fifties and sixties… Don’t find the way to make Nigeria a better place…. Or better still, write your own article on the subject and stop attacking your peer for voicing out her opinions…?? … M outta here…looking forward to your article,dear. I think teens should air their views and speak up…And to Soph, pls write more….and find more platforms to publicise your works

      January 29, 2016
      • Avatar
        Anonymous teenager

        @Maxwell, so 18/19 year olds are not adults, oh please. The objective here is not about getting laid or not, its about young people being able to make and stand by their choices regarding sex. And this again is the problem, most people, especially younger women, have being raised to believe that sex is something they give and that they can not be sexual themselves. I was raised by my Nigerian parents to be an independent young person and to think for myself and as far as that goes, it has made me a more responsible young adult and has certainly informed my decisions regarding sex. This again is one of the narratives that we are trying to change, “chastity” or preaching chastity does not necessarily make you a better person with high moral standing, the ability to make your own decisions, the courage to take responsibility and having a good heart are what I think makes people better, not their choices regarding sex. Responsibility is what is key here and that’s what I am trying to say, I am not saying, oh, go and be ashewo of Africa.
        I very rarely comment on the blog but I really had to respond to this. I am not attacking a peer but her opinion.
        With regards to your subtle insult, thank you but you will not get to read my article except of course, you are interested in the works of Kelsen, Dworkin and Locke.

        January 29, 2016
  • Avatar
    Orteri

    Hi Soph.

    It is really amazing the views you have. I must admit that I’m really happy for the passion with which you carry such views. My dear, it is beautiful that you possess such ideals and I do hope you carefully nurse them, especially considering these ‘expressive’ age.

    However, while your friends and peers at school are being experimental; you should see them, as seeking answers and making their choices. How right or wrong these choices are and eventually pan out; is often a consequence these individuals bear. Some may be lucky and discover only their sexuality out of such experiences; while some could be so unlucky and end up with STDs or babies. The point is; these people have made their choices and such choices, have consequences.

    If I must advice any teen; I’d tell them, of their freedom to choose and the consequences of such choices. I admire your choice for chastity and hope that you really maintain such stance. please my dear make such decision for you; feel okay with it and do it for the right reasons.

    On the issue of boys and their ‘laziness’; I think it has come to stay. Some good ones will speak sincere and simply to you and others would comb through Michael West to impress you. Not to worry, lazy or not; when you’re ready, your heart will choose and I urge you to see beyond such ‘coatings’.

    Soph dear, sorry for the lengthy comment. It just felt really nice hearing from a teen. Ensure you make the most of the discussions on this community; keep an open mind (it’s helping me learn) and keep writing.

    January 28, 2016
  • Avatar
    Maxwell

    LOVE THIS ARTICLE!• Shared it with a few friends of mine,and they’re in love with it too…To anyone that has contrary opinions and can’t be nice about it, get yourself a dildo and try exploring your sexuality with living hosts of .Aids… It’s funny how African youths seem to have no sense of moral decency anymore. That explains why most of our youths are lazy and unproductive.See how some people like Ray were attacking this teenager, like she was this productive when she was a teen herself. A sexually active friend was lost her life in the process of hopping from one bed to another and words can’t explain how awful I felt when that happened. M sure you would also support same sex marriage ? and whatever trash is trending right now…. And to all of you who cheered her on, ?. After all, maturity isn’t a perquisite for wisdom… People who believe naive teens should be sexually active are just plain evil…they can ruin the upcoming generation….people with this mentality can legalise prostitution since that’s their part time occupation…Soph?? you’re a voice that the world needs to hear. Keep speaking….talk to your friends….trust me, there would be a positive change in their lives if you do that….Let me leave some of these agbayas ….mtcheew.??

    January 29, 2016
    • Avatar
      GB

      I’m assuming you’re a teen, too. Did you actually read Ray’s comment(s)? Or Olayinka’s, for that matter? You’re getting very sound advice, from “productive” adults, all geared towards making you think for yourself and this is your take on it? Your angst should be aimed at the generation before you, I think.
      Your dead friend may have been hopping, true, but I doubt she died because of the hops. Something else killed her. That’s almost like saying we shouldn’t use cars anymore because someone once died while using one. If I slip on bathroom tiles and die, the bathroom didn’t kill me, the tiles didn’t kill me. It was the fall that did me in.
      Maturity may not be a prerequisite for wisdom, but youth isn’t either. In fact, being young is often synonymous with rash, impulsive behavior and a tendency to think you know it all. There’s a lesson there.

      January 29, 2016
    • Avatar
      Snow

      Yooo, Whoever you are, I beg you to not be stupid. Please.
      The post was fucking naive, YES, I said Naive because it is prescribing that one should based on how sexually active or inactive they are.
      But your comment and all others you have made on this post are stupid, simply because you are desperately trying to draw a relationship between sexual activity and productivity. and you failed at that.
      For you, Morality seemingly begins and ends with “sexual activity”

      Goodbye

      January 29, 2016
    • Avatar
      Katniss

      Dear Maxwell, You sound very dumb. But there’s hope because you’re alive. Read a book. Or hundred. Interact with people way above you. And most importantly, open up your mind.

      January 29, 2016
    • Avatar
      thetoolsman

      I will assume you are new here and you haven’t read the community rules here > http://thenakedconvos.com/community-rules/. We don’t condone this kind of behaviour here. You can criticise but do it respectably and constructively. If not, you’ll have to excuse us.

      January 29, 2016
  • Avatar
    Anita

    Also, I’d like to chip in that as as we are “leaving our youngsters to choose and live with the consequences”, it’s our duty as older ones to guide them to choose rightly. And in this case, my apologies to anyone who may feel judged but in my belief, there’s an absolute right and wrong. Teenagers are in that stage where the chemicals in their body are on fleek and their antennas receive very strong signal. If left alone, they can do, undo and redo. Why do you think there’s something called adult age? If I had a daughter and I got to hear of her trying to go all sexual on her, I wouldn’t call her and say “Adediwura, are you sure this is the man you want to give this special something to? Ok… Just use a condom o. You know you can get std” HEEEEEELLLL NO! I wouldn’t also use my pestle to destroy her before she destroys herself. Lol! I would even call the boy in question and advice both of them against such. And watch on with very prying eyes lol. I will not even try to list that as an option. Cuz she’s my daughter. For women, sex is more than giving of body. It tampers with our emotions too.

    January 29, 2016
    • Avatar
      GB

      I’d like to say, because you don’t seem to know, that men also have emotions that can be tampered with by sex. Just for the record.
      Now, as to your watching with prying eyes, how has that ever stopped anything from happening? Thousands of mothers before have watched and have received ‘miracle’ bundles of joy from their children. I’m not saying give your daughter (or son) their first condoms, I’m saying be humble enough to accept that it may not really be in your control. All you can do really is hope your children make better decisions than you did. You greatly increase the chances of this by telling them about your own experiences and mistakes.

      January 29, 2016
    • Avatar

      Lol. Anita, try that and your daughter will never tell you anything again. Were you never a teenager? Did “prying eyes” ever stop any teenager doing whatever they really want to do? Or maybe you’ll follow your daughter to school and sleep in her dorm room. I really hope you change your approach for the sake of your future daughter.

      January 29, 2016
      • Avatar
        Don Flowers

        So you’d do something different from Anita?

        January 31, 2016
  • Avatar
    MIA

    Everyone should be a feminist. I stopped reading when I saw I am not a feminist.
    Now scrolling back up to read comments.

    January 29, 2016
  • Avatar
    Triqx

    when people start to talk about how “we” human should be left to make our own decisions and mistakes, you think they know what they are saying. Look around does it look like, we can truly do that, dont decieve yourselves truth is absolutely and not relative. and only one person can define truth for us. If i get to do all i want i will be hurting someone definitely, nobody will live longer enough to learn from all his mistakes learn from other or things around you even animals.. nice piece, it brings about great debating #sophomore nice

    January 29, 2016
  • Avatar

    The sophomore… I like your name…

    I love the fact that you’ve chosen to wait for the right one and the right circumstances… It’s a great thing…

    I made the same decision long ago and I have friends who don’t think the same way but we’re still friends all the same… I like to believe I’m the good influence in their lives…

    Just keep holding on… God is your strength…

    January 29, 2016
  • Avatar
    DEJIDOPE

    Hey sophomore,i enjoyed your post, it’s hard to find someone as young as yourself that thinks the way you do. Please don’t let anybody mislead you, you are on the right path and doing the right thing, its just a shame most people prefer to do the wrong things because it’s fun and pleasureable, they know fully well what they are doing is wrong, you can’t blame it on hormones,at least you have those same hormones and you are not behaving like an animal. I had the same issues too while i as in school, my friends then practically used to beg me to knack(have sex), even going as far as telling me they would organise a babe for me.It’s is just the way the world is, but don’t let that get you down. I would suggest you maybe find a fellowship/bible study in your school so you can be around like-minded individuals. GOD bless you young lady.

    January 29, 2016
    • Avatar
      Snow

      “you are on the right path and doing the right thing”

      TROLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOOL!!!!!!!

      January 29, 2016
    • Avatar

      Aveg abeg. Fellowship/bible study guys always the most lecherous. They’ll go to chastity fellowship to boast about how long they’ve been celibate then be begging the so-called sluts for sex in secret. Pastors in training. Nonsense.

      January 29, 2016
  • Avatar
    SurprisedNSomewhatIrritated

    Dear Sophomore,

    I knew you were going to get a lot of flack for this post as soon as I was done reading but I have to commend you. You have a brilliant mind and a good head on your shoulders.

    As for the condescending or not so meaningful comments coming from some “adults”, please ignore them. The term “adult” is used in very loose terms these days.

    Young Christian, please keep yourself chaste. There is no part of you that should be “ready” to have sex before marriage. We are to go to our marriage beds undefiled. We unfortunately live in an era where people pick and choose what parts of the Bible they want to follow.

    Stand firm dear. The temptation will definitely come and I’m sure you would experiment to some extent (kissing and the like) but please do not succumb to the pressure of premarital sex. People who had no self control will tell you that you are naive. Ignore them. The joy you get when you make God proud by getting married a virgin and the way your hubby will celebrate you makes it worthwhile. I’m not saying non-virgins don’t get this benefits. Let’s just say yours will be a more direct path. 🙂

    I celebrate you sweetie. Your standards don’t make you naive. May God give you strength. Hugsssssss.

    January 29, 2016
    • Avatar
      Ray

      ‘The joy you get when you make God proud by getting married a virgin and the way your hubby will celebrate you makes it worthwhile. I’m not saying non-virgins don’t get this benefits. Let’s just say yours will be a more direct path.’

      This theory just confuses me. But, oh well.

      January 29, 2016
    • Avatar
      thetoolsman

      Sigh.. So many things I want to say to this comment but I’ll stick with two. 1. Why do we christians always find ways to rationalise some types of sins. You literally just told her it’s ok to “experiment to some extent (kissing etc)” but not to have sex. You do know how things are either black or white with God right?
      2. You also told her that her hubby will celebrate her if she stays a virgin as if this is on of the reasons why she should keep her virginity. Well, what if he doesn’t? You didnt say anything about how she would handle the very possible scenario where he doesn’t.

      January 29, 2016
      • Avatar
        *kira_writes*

        lol mortal sin and venial sins bro

        February 2, 2016
    • Avatar
      Countess

      ries you a virgin n and I’m like huh? Does it mean my being a virgin somehow makes me a better person? Does it mean I’ll love him better or treat him better? Does my intact hymen guarantee I’ll be an exceptional mother to his kids? So why will it make him love me “more”?

      *This your logic ehn, it does more harm than good. You see young girls engaging in all sorts of sexual activity but never intercourse itself so they can have fun but keep their hymen intact and at the end of the day become masters of deception. Deceiving themselves and the unsuspecting idiot who marries them for their virginity.

      Girls/women, if you want to be a virgin until marriage, all well and good, but do it for yourself/God and not for any man. Your virginity is yours. It’s not some prize for the last man standing. Neither is it something you owe your future husband.

      I don’t encourage whoring and I applaud chastity but bear in mind this:
      Chastity is one aspect of morality. It doesn’t define you as a person neither does it define anyone else. Your values are yours and should not be used as a yardstick for judging others. You deciding to keep yourself till marriage doesn’t in any way make you superior to those who do not share your views or your values.

      January 30, 2016
    • Avatar
      SugaMama

      I know I am days late, but I absolutely HAD to comment when I saw your line about “the way your hubby will celebrate you makes it worthwhile”. I want to abide by TNC guidelines, but… TUEH!
      DO NOT tell a woman to keep her virginity because of her husband. Do you not know what kind of absolute mindfvxk that is? It is a decision that is between her and God (if it is a religious reason), and should not be to please her husband. Saying things like she will make God proud is the reason why some virgins think they are better than non-virgins. We are all sinners please, doesn’t make you less of a sinner because you choose a different sin.
      Listened to a podcast about a woman who didn’t have sex until 5 years AFTER marriage because of how she was brainwashed to think sex was dirty because of all the preaching from church. Let your decision to remain a virgin be about you and you alone.

      Having standards doesn’t make her any less naive. She has standards, but she is definitely naive.

      Personally, I think the bottomline is to know yourself. If you’re the kind of person that will regret ever getting intimate with anyone else besides your husband, abeg hol’ body. If exploring your sexuality (without being extreme which in itself is subject to interpretation) won’t give you sleepless nights, go for it.

      Sophomore, what I celebrate you for is sticking to your standards and not going with the flow because that’s what everyone is doing.

      Sorry if my thoughts are all over the place, but it ticks me off when so much emphasis is placed on being a virgin. There is SO much more to a person, a woman, your relationship with God and your relationship with your husband than your virginity.

      February 4, 2016
  • Avatar

    Madam Sophomore, I think the beginning and end of everything wrong with this your post is this statement : “I’m most certainly not a feminist”. I was once a teenager too, and I wish I had been given this free advice I’m about to give you when I was 17.

    You need to be a feminist. That you are not a feminist is the reason you have such ridiculously judgemental opinions on what your friends have chosen to do with their own bodies. You have chosen to be chaste, they have chosen promiscuity. A feminist would understand that neither of you is wrong. Unwise, maybe. But not necessarily wrong. You need to teach yourself what feminism is about. Being a teenager is not an excuse; you have the internet. Do your research (start with Chimamanda’s TED Talks) and really learn what it’s about. Fuck what you heard; feminism is not about women refusing to cook for their husbands or trying to usurp the husband’s perceived authority over the household or some other mundane, inconsequential shit. Feminism is the freedom to be the woman you choose to be, the freedom from society’s expectations of who/what the ‘model woman’ should be. Feminism is having control over your body, your life, your happiness. When you truly understand feminism you’ll begin to wonder why everyone isn’t feminist. Be a feminist, my dear. Be free. And stop being so judgy, we have God for that.

    January 29, 2016
    • Avatar
      Ray

      I’ve always stayed away from the tag ‘Feminist’ because sadly, a lot of people happen to think it is a fight for women to be treated as superiors to men as opposed to it actually being a fight for equality regardless of gender.
      The way you have successfully explained it now, has taught me to embrace Feminism because ‘the freedom to be the woman you choose to be, the freedom from society’s expectations of who/what the ‘model woman’ should be’ is an ideal I strongly believe in.
      Thank you.

      January 29, 2016
      • Avatar

        Wow Ray thank YOU. I’m honored my words resonated with you in such a positive way!

        January 29, 2016
        • Avatar
          Ray

          You’re welcome, Itua. Your words sure did.

          January 30, 2016
    • Avatar
      DEJIDOPE

      What They are doing is wrong and they know it.

      January 29, 2016
      • Avatar
        Ray

        Who are ‘they’? And what are they doing?
        I hope you don’t mean feminists. Is it wrong to believe one shouldn’t be regarded as less than her equal male counterparts just because she is perceived to be the ‘weaker sex’?

        January 30, 2016
      • Avatar
        Snow

        HAPPY NEW YEAR DEJIDOPE

        January 30, 2016
  • Avatar
    Cavey

    ???
    I travel for two bloody days and TNC decides to upload the most exciting pieces ever.
    Issorite.

    The sophomore…????

    January 29, 2016
  • Avatar
    QT

    Dear Sophomore, I must commend you on your decision to stay chaste. Please stay committed to it but I must warn you, it gets even harder. So, stay strong.

    However, being a virgin does not a decent person make. You can be a virgin and be rude, judgmental, selfish, Jealous, deceitful, dishonest and all what not. Being a virgin does not excuse these behaviors and make you a decent human being. You come across as really judgmental in your post. Your status as a virgin does not define who you are. So, try this. Take away your status as a virgin and ask yourself who you are without it? I really do hope you are satisfied with the honest answer to this question.

    Personally, i admire your choice though.

    January 30, 2016
    • Avatar

      Thank you for this comment, QT.

      January 30, 2016
  • Avatar
    Countess

    To all you self righteous people implying that the sexually active are somehow lesser beings than the “chaste”, pls know self-righteousness is a sin. Repent!

    Anyway, speaking generally, we need to stop encouraging this idea that sex is something that men take and women give. That it’s something women are cheated of. Just a thought.

    January 30, 2016
  • Avatar
    Snow

    QT & COUNTESS.

    THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMENTS.

    AT LEAST SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS MY IRRITATION AT THE POST

    January 30, 2016
  • Avatar
    e_thereal

    After all is said and done.. I think what most people are trying to drive at is that … one’s sexuality or choice to express it , is not a yardstick to judge or tag them… there’s so much more to a person than that…

    February 1, 2016
  • Avatar
    Julibravo

    awesome comments… really awesome. im late to this party but be rest assured that a couple of people spoke my mind already.

    weldone The somophore. I was once like you…but I do not regret my actions thereafter. you will understand that it all boils down to your own decision and personal values. YOUR own.

    February 1, 2016
  • Avatar
    Molade

    I love this article….GBU Sophomore! You rock..hoping to read more from you on TNC. Keep shining!

    February 1, 2016
Post a Reply to Don Flowers cancel reply