It happened during CDS again.
The “are you a virgin question” was thrown at me.
I smiled and thought, he obviously doesn’t read my blog, neither has he read my book, he’d have known the answer to that question already. My answer to the “are you a virgin question” isn’t one that’s hidden. Almost everyone who really knows me know that I am not a virgin – at least I am not one according to the world’s standards.
In fact, everyone who has had a serious conversation with me about how I came to God already know that yes, I was wrapped in sexual sins before – pornography, masturbation, pre-marital sex and the works for a long time. I even had an abortion(s) while I was in it. And I say this with no iota of pride. I say this because I have been set free from hiding the past and from thinking that I am that same girl who had multiple sexual trysts with a guy who wasn’t her husband.
My book “Chastity For Men” arose out of a deep burden in my heart to let men know that they can also keep themselves chaste even though they may have fallen into sexual sins in the past.
My intention was to only collate a series of guest posts from men who were living chaste and when God asked me to also share my story, I balked and cried at the thought of the shame I felt that He wanted to put me through.
I remember postponing the pull to type out my “sex-timony” (as one of my blog readers called it).
I was scared of what people would think.
Yes I had this testimony where God had pulled me out of the grips of sexual addiction, but yes, I was also ashamed of how I would be judged by men.
Almost everyone thinks that a woman who isn’t a virgin (physically) has no right to talk about chastity.
People think that a woman who isn’t a virgin is already spoiled goods, hence the “are you a virgin question”.
Translated into “you don’t have to keep your body chaste anymore, after all you are not a virgin”.
Well, as a lady who isn’t a virgin…
In fact as a lady who isn’t a virgin and has also even struggled with sexual addiction for years, I believe that I am qualified to answer the question on whether a non-virgin still needs to keep her self chaste and abstain from every sexual-related activity before marriage.
I will answer this question by giving you details of my own life and also by sharing the night and day difference God has made of my life with you all.
My journey with sexual sins started when I was in secondary school.
It started with hiding to watch my brother’s “blue films” and stealing his erotic magazines to read.
Somehow, I graduated into masturbation and got hooked.
From masturbation I graduated into having a boyfriend and having sex.
And then I graduated from having sex into committing abortions that arose from having sex before marriage.
I could stop right here and tell you that you need to abstain from sex because it leads to unplanned pregnancy and psychological trauma when you decide to abort the pregnancy but that will only be half the truth.
The entire truth would be that it is only with Christ as the foundation that chastity finds its true value.
But let me complete my story and show you how true my above my statement is…
I finally gave my life to Christ and decided to leave relationships that weren’t God’s will for me but the masturbation and porn wasn’t so easy to leave behind.
There was just a stronghold that I couldn’t seem to break free of on my own.
I was a tongue talking believer who still browsed X-rated sites at night and slipped fingers under my panties to relieve myself of built in sexual tension I had stoked by awakening sexual feelings before it’s time.
Some persons may argue that masturbation isn’t a sin as its not expressly stated in the Bible and to them, I have just one way you can ascertain the truth for yourself.
Can you browse X-rated sites, masturbate and say “Lord, this is for your glory?”
We are to be led by the Spirit in us as believers, not by the world’s ideologies.
If you are truly born again and are wrapped in sexual addictions – pre-marital sex, pornography, masturbation, etc… do you feel the spark to rush in and worship God after you are done?
Despite what the world may tell you or what justification we may want to make for certain things, if we truly have the Spirit of God in us, He leads us into all truth.
For me I knew that masturbation and pornography were a big no-no for God.
They were drawing me back from functioning in my identity in Christ Jesus.
I spent days wrapped in guilt and condemnation instead of days wrapped in the joy of the Lord.
Some of us are wrapped in that same guilt trap today.
We just don’t know how to stop. We make decisions to stay off sex and lustful pleasures, but he/she touches us and we melt into butter.
I have found this to be true; we can have victory over sexual temptations if we would only just hearken to God’s Word to FLEE and not reason it out with him/her.
Like my Pastor Nat would say, “Don’t dance around crayfish if you are a rat”.
So where was I with my story?
Oh yes, the struggle to be free from addiction to masturbation and pornography.
I struggled with this for years after being born again before I found this truth…
I wasn’t supposed to be struggling anyway, I was simply supposed to “walk in the Spirit and I shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh” (Galatians 5:16)
For all the times I fell into sexual sins, I let the flesh rule.
I had unguarded moments of walking in the flesh; the perfect environment for sin to thrive.
I chose to load up an X-rated site instead of a Christian blog.
I chose to pick up an explicit romantic novel instead of a novel like Karen Kingsbury’s which would feed my soul.
I stoked up on the lust of the flesh instead of the power of the Spirit.
All the years of struggling came to an end after just one Word that came alive in me.
It’s been one year going and I have neither watched a pornographic movie nor slipped my hands under my panties to pleasure myself.
I have seen tremendous growth with God; one unhindered by sexual sins.
I have lived in the victory over sin that Christ has given to me, not in the shame and guilt sin brings.
And this victory was what I simply wanted men to walk in when I put together my book “Chastity For Men”.
I mentioned that I even had an abortion while I was in the world (the story is on my blog) and was held under the weight of psychological trauma for a long time.
Those who know my story wonder about this girl who simply shines her light in Christ right now… they don’t know that I am awed at myself too, only God could have wrought this change in me.
So for everyone who says that a non-virgin doesn’t have any need to keep her/his body chaste anymore, I say that’s a lie.
You are as chaste as anyone if you are in Christ Jesus.
I do not even remember that I was that sin stained girl in the past anymore except when I have to share my story like now.
It’s almost as though there’s a demarcation between that person and me right now.
When the Bible says that you are a new creation in Christ Jesus, it means it.
My past cannot recognize me right now, never.
And I have gotten this truth about virginity that the world seems to be missing out on…
“For God in all his fullness was pleased to live in Christ, and through him God reconciled everything to himself. He made peace with everything in heaven and on earth by means of Christ’s blood on the cross. This includes you who were once far away from God. You were his enemies, separated from him by your evil thoughts and actions. Yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault.”
I am not pure as a result of my virginity, I am pure because God has made me so by virtue of His blood that was shed for me on the cross of calvary.
He did a perfect work there, so much so that God doesn’t look at whether my hymen has been broken or not as a prerequisite for me chaste in Him.
I am chaste in Him once I accept Him into my life and recognize the fact that who I was before I came to Him is dead and gone.
So if anyone asks me if I am a physical virgin, I would say no.
But then I am more than a physical virgin right now, I am pure and chaste because God calls me so.
I am not keeping my body because it’s a thing of pride, I am keeping it for the one who saved me. He says that my body is His, it’s not meant to be given to any Tom and Harry who asks.
My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and I don’t want to desecrate it with sexual sins.
He has saved me and redeemed me from all those sins. Now I am pure in Him and by His grace I will keep on being so.
To all the re-virgins out there like me, you are as pure and chaste as any “virgin” you know.
The worth of your body isn’t in what the world sees.
The worth of your body lies in the one who has washed and cleansed you from sins.
He has called you holy and that is who you are.
For everyone who struggles with sexual sins…
I understand how it is because I was once like you.
I cannot condemn you, I can only give you what God gave me – LOVE irrespective of what maybe happening in your life.
I can also give you the reassurance from my own story that you can live in purity and chastity again and rise above sexual sins.
God gave me the go-ahead to share my story because He knows that it would free others from the world’s orientation and belief about sex.
I was ashamed to share before now but now I see.
I see that the world needs light to shine on their ideologies about sex.
I see that men and women need to rise above the shame that arises from sexual addictions.
I see that we wrap a lot of our struggles under the carpet and we have no one to talk to because everyone seems to be so perfect.
Everyone talks about getting married a virgin, no one talks about the fact that they slept with 11 men and had abortions before they came to Jesus.
We, believers seem to forget that we are all imperfect and only Jesus’s perfection has made us who we are.
Those who have been healed by Jesus need to share their stories and share the light.
We need to tell others that this light can make them whole too.
And if you struggle with sexual sins, I am certain that if you are ready to let God work on you like He did on me, you can live in victory over them.
It would take days for me to reproduce everything about my story and the book that arose from my story with sexual sins here.
But the book – “Chastity For Men” (the e-copies) is for free and you can get more on getting freedom from sexual sins in it.
The title suggests that it’s for men and it was written with men in mind but the steps really can be applied and followed by everyone.
The light and knowledge in it is for everyone and I even got biased a little bit and added an exclusive chapter for the ladies.
I am certain that this book will be a blessing to you like it has been to others and you can get it by clicking here.
Remember that virgin or not, you have every right to keep your body chaste in Christ.
Whenever you feel that you don’t…
Whenever you feel like you are dirt and feel condemned by the standards of men on being pure…
Remember me – the soiled stained girl with the shady past – the girl who had blood on her hands from killing her own babies – the girl who was wrapped in sexual addictions… but who is now a pure bride of Christ Jesus.
Remember me the girl who God still uses for His purposes and be encouraged.
If you are in Christ, then you are pure.
You are holy.
And being a virgin (or not) can never change that fact.
Image via Lipstick Alley
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