Virgin Or Not, You Have Every Right To Keep Your Body Chaste In Christ

It happened during CDS again.

The “are you a virgin question” was thrown at me.

I smiled and thought, he obviously doesn’t read my blog, neither has he read my book, he’d have known the answer to that question already. My answer to the “are you a virgin question” isn’t one that’s hidden. Almost everyone who really knows me know that I am not a virgin – at least I am not one according to the world’s standards.

In fact, everyone who has had a serious conversation with me about how I came to God already know that yes, I was wrapped in sexual sins before – pornography, masturbation, pre-marital sex and the works for a long time. I even had an abortion(s) while I was in it. And I say this with no iota of pride. I say this because I have been set free from hiding the past and from thinking that I am that same girl who had multiple sexual trysts with a guy who wasn’t her husband.

My book “Chastity For Men” arose out of a deep burden in my heart to let men know that they can also keep themselves chaste even though they may have fallen into sexual sins in the past.

My intention was to only collate a series of guest posts from men who were living chaste and when God asked me to also share my story, I balked and cried at the thought of the shame I felt that He wanted to put me through.

I remember postponing the pull to type out my “sex-timony” (as one of my blog readers called it).

I was scared of what people would think.

Yes I had this testimony where God had pulled me out of the grips of sexual addiction, but yes, I was also ashamed of how I would be judged by men.

Almost everyone thinks that a woman who isn’t a virgin (physically) has no right to talk about chastity.

People think that a woman who isn’t a virgin is already spoiled goods, hence the “are you a virgin question”.

Translated into “you don’t have to keep your body chaste anymore, after all you are not a virgin”.

Well, as a lady who isn’t a virgin…

In fact as a lady who isn’t a virgin and has also even struggled with sexual addiction for years, I believe that I am qualified to answer the question on whether a non-virgin still needs to keep her self chaste and abstain from every sexual-related activity before marriage.

I will answer this question by giving you details of my own life and also by sharing the night and day difference God has made of my life with you all.

My journey with sexual sins started when I was in secondary school.

It started with hiding to watch my brother’s “blue films” and stealing his erotic magazines to read.

Somehow, I graduated into masturbation and got hooked.

From masturbation I graduated into having a boyfriend and having sex.

And then I graduated from having sex into committing abortions that arose from having sex before marriage.

I could stop right here and tell you that you need to abstain from sex because it leads to unplanned pregnancy and psychological trauma when you decide to abort the pregnancy but that will only be half the truth.

The entire truth would be that it is only with Christ as the foundation that chastity finds its true value.

But let me complete my story and show you how true my above my statement is…

I finally gave my life to Christ and decided to leave relationships that weren’t God’s will for me but the masturbation and porn wasn’t so easy to leave behind.

There was just a stronghold that I couldn’t seem to break free of on my own.

I was a tongue talking believer who still browsed X-rated sites at night and slipped fingers under my panties to relieve myself of built in sexual tension I had stoked by awakening sexual feelings before it’s time.

Some persons may argue that masturbation isn’t a sin as its not expressly stated in the Bible and to them, I have just one way you can ascertain the truth for yourself.

Can you browse X-rated sites, masturbate and say “Lord, this is for your glory?”

We are to be led by the Spirit in us as believers, not by the world’s ideologies.

If you are truly born again and are wrapped in sexual addictions – pre-marital sex, pornography, masturbation, etc… do you feel the spark to rush in and worship God after you are done?

Despite what the world may tell you or what justification we may want to make for certain things, if we truly have the Spirit of God in us, He leads us into all truth.

For me I knew that masturbation and pornography were a big no-no for God.

They were drawing me back from functioning in my identity in Christ Jesus.

I spent days wrapped in guilt and condemnation instead of days wrapped in the joy of the Lord.

Some of us are wrapped in that same guilt trap today.

We just don’t know how to stop. We make decisions to stay off sex and lustful pleasures, but he/she touches us and we melt into butter.

I have found this to be true; we can have victory over sexual temptations if we would only just hearken to God’s Word to FLEE and not reason it out with him/her.

Like my Pastor Nat would say, “Don’t dance around crayfish if you are a rat”.

So where was I with my story?

Oh yes, the struggle to be free from addiction to masturbation and pornography.

I struggled with this for years after being born again before I found this truth…

I wasn’t supposed to be struggling anyway, I was simply supposed to “walk in the Spirit and I shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh” (Galatians 5:16)

For all the times I fell into sexual sins, I let the flesh rule.

I had unguarded moments of walking in the flesh; the perfect environment for sin to thrive.

I chose to load up an X-rated site instead of a Christian blog.

I chose to pick up an explicit romantic novel instead of a novel like Karen Kingsbury’s which would feed my soul.

I stoked up on the lust of the flesh instead of the power of the Spirit.

All the years of struggling came to an end after just one Word that came alive in me.

It’s been one year going and I have neither watched a pornographic movie nor slipped my hands under my panties to pleasure myself.

I have seen tremendous growth with God; one unhindered by sexual sins.

I have lived in the victory over sin that Christ has given to me, not in the shame and guilt sin brings.

And this victory was what I simply wanted men to walk in when I put together my book “Chastity For Men”.

I mentioned that I even had an abortion while I was in the world (the story is on my blog) and was held under the weight of psychological trauma for a long time.

Those who know my story wonder about this girl who simply shines her light in Christ right now… they don’t know that I am awed at myself too, only God could have wrought this change in me.

So for everyone who says that a non-virgin doesn’t have any need to keep her/his body chaste anymore, I say that’s a lie.

You are as chaste as anyone if you are in Christ Jesus.

I do not even remember that I was that sin stained girl in the past anymore except when I have to share my story like now.

It’s almost as though there’s a demarcation between that person and me right now.

When the Bible says that you are a new creation in Christ Jesus, it means it.

My past cannot recognize me right now, never.

And I have gotten this truth about virginity that the world seems to be missing out on…

Colossians 1.19-22

“For God in all his fullness was pleased to live in Christ, and through him God reconciled everything to himself. He made peace with everything in heaven and on earth by means of Christ’s blood on the cross. This includes you who were once far away from God. You were his enemies, separated from him by your evil thoughts and actions. Yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault.”

I am not pure as a result of my virginity, I am pure because God has made me so by virtue of His blood that was shed for me on the cross of calvary.

He did a perfect work there, so much so that God doesn’t look at whether my hymen has been broken or not as a prerequisite for me chaste in Him.

I am chaste in Him once I accept Him into my life and recognize the fact that who I was before I came to Him is dead and gone.

So if anyone asks me if I am a physical virgin, I would say no.

But then I am more than a physical virgin right now, I am pure and chaste because God calls me so.

I am not keeping my body because it’s a thing of pride, I am keeping it for the one who saved me. He says that my body is His, it’s not meant to be given to any Tom and Harry who asks.

My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and I don’t want to desecrate it with sexual sins.

He has saved me and redeemed me from all those sins. Now I am pure in Him and by His grace I will keep on being so.

To all the re-virgins out there like me, you are as pure and chaste as any “virgin” you know.

The worth of your body isn’t in what the world sees.

The worth of your body lies in the one who has washed and cleansed you from sins.

He has called you holy and that is who you are.

For everyone who struggles with sexual sins…

I understand how it is because I was once like you.

I cannot condemn you, I can only give you what God gave me – LOVE irrespective of what maybe happening in your life.

I can also give you the reassurance from my own story that you can live in purity and chastity again and rise above sexual sins.

God gave me the go-ahead to share my story because He knows that it would free others from the world’s orientation and belief about sex.

I was ashamed to share before now but now I see.

I see that the world needs light to shine on their ideologies about sex.

I see that men and women need to rise above the shame that arises from sexual addictions.

I see that we wrap a lot of our struggles under the carpet and we have no one to talk to because everyone seems to be so perfect.

Everyone talks about getting married a virgin, no one talks about the fact that they slept with 11 men and had abortions before they came to Jesus.

We, believers seem to forget that we are all imperfect and only Jesus’s perfection has made us who we are.

Those who have been healed by Jesus need to share their stories and share the light.

We need to tell others that this light can make them whole too.

And if you struggle with sexual sins, I am certain that if you are ready to let God work on you like He did on me, you can live in victory over them.

It would take days for me to reproduce everything about my story and the book that arose from my story with sexual sins here.

But the book – “Chastity For Men” (the e-copies) is for free and you can get more on getting freedom from sexual sins in it.

The title suggests that it’s for men and it was written with men in mind but the steps really can be applied and followed by everyone.

The light and knowledge in it is for everyone and I even got biased a little bit and added an exclusive chapter for the ladies.

I am certain that this book will be a blessing to you like it has been to others and you can get it by clicking here.

Remember that virgin or not, you have every right to keep your body chaste in Christ.

Whenever you feel that you don’t…

Whenever you feel like you are dirt and feel condemned by the standards of men on being pure…

Remember me – the soiled stained girl with the shady past – the girl who had blood on her hands from killing her own babies – the girl who was wrapped in sexual addictions… but who is now a pure bride of Christ Jesus.

Remember me the girl who God still uses for His purposes and be encouraged.

If you are in Christ, then you are pure.

You are holy.

And being a virgin (or not) can never change that fact.

Image via Lipstick Alley

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Frances Okoro is a Lawyer by profession; Writer and Christian blogger by passion/calling. She is the author of "Chastity For Men" - go to the website link to get your FREE e-copy (with an exclusive chapter for the ladies) - and "10 Steps To Walking In purpose". Visit the book page and get started on living and walking in purpose! (book page link: She has a heart for young girls and currently organizes "Awakening Youths" seminars in Secondary Schools in Nigeria. She is also an adventure seeker and revels in any trip that kicks off her adrenaline levels. Visit her website to know more about everything she's passionate about; living a purposeful life, living in purity/chastity and living forth the fullness of life that God promises us.‎.. and you just might also get sucked into the bug of her #12TripChallenge and get started on enjoying life even as a single lady! You can keep in touch by liking her page on Facebook. Subscribe to her Youtube Channel at - Frances Okoro, and follow her on her Twitter account.
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    Beautiful article! Nigerians need to learn to be more open about their sexuality. Nowadays, people are no long born virgins so there’s no need acting like we don’t all know “what’s up”.

    Read today’s Feature Friday story.

    September 11, 2015
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      I agree with you Viva…if we dont say the truth about sex, and yes, even in the Church, the world’s ideologies will continue to gain credence…

      September 13, 2015
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    Thanks for being bold enough to share this Frances. Being a Virgin it’s hard to not just give in and have that taste of sexual pleasure. But then it’s only by God’s grace that I keep going. God bless you girl!

    September 11, 2015
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      Thanks Temi! and grace is always enough..

      September 13, 2015
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    Wow. Exceptionally beautiful. Thank you Frances

    September 11, 2015
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    Wow! You have just blessed and encouraged many by sharing your past. For me I don’t think there are ” virgins” anymore, reason is that when I think of the word virgin, i think of innocence, if you claim to be a virgin in your body cos you’ve not been penetrated by a man, what of your thoughts, are your thoughts pure, with pornography all around ? What about those who have bn kissed, touched in an ungodly way by someone. Gosh! I could go on and on. I am no virgin in my thoughts but I am one in my body, so what am I? Guys I need help here and God help us all.

    September 11, 2015
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      Hey Virgin, i am glad this helped you…

      I wrote a really long comment in response to your comment and it disappeared… sigh.
      was just trying to explain the deal about renewing our minds…hats the secret to staying pure in body and thoughts.
      The truth even when you get born again, you still have to renew your mind, Romans 12:1&2.
      We are assaulted by different things everyday and one must learn how to pull down thoughts that don’t align with purity and chastity.

      Another way to think good thoughts on chastity is to be careful with what you feed your heart.
      \what do you read, WATCH/LISTEN TO?
      You feed on garbage, you think garbage.\
      It is no an easy journey but one;s mind can be renewed to fit in with the sate which their body is – being pure in Christ if they control their thoughts.

      You can get Joyce Meyer’s battlefield of the nind in this oo, it would help you.

      September 14, 2015
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    Wow! what a leap between the poll and this article. The contradiction is fresh sha. Keep it up Frances

    September 11, 2015
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      And thats why it’s TNC.. we are here for everyone 🙂

      September 12, 2015
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    I love your write ups Frances.

    Everybody is busy with the poll. That place is hot. It’s really nice how we have this post to ‘cool’ off.

    September 11, 2015
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      thanks D.k! Glad my article helped with ‘cooling off’…lol

      September 13, 2015
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    John Doe

    Is it weird that I had a boner as I was reading through? Well…

    September 11, 2015
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      Pele o..

      September 11, 2015
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    Great writing. As much as I tried to find the refreshment in this post, it was just hard to relate to personally. Not that I have anything against decisions to stay celibate, but I just cannot fathom feeling shame because I pleasure myself. I refuse to be ashamed of it. I mean if I was married, would it still be a sin? Sex is a natural phenomenon and just like everything in life, it can go south if not done with some sense of decorum and modesty. I just cannot see the sinfulness in it whether I’m married or not.
    I will not beat myself or put myself down over a mature decision I made. Just saying.
    Beautiful writing.

    September 11, 2015
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      Hi Olayinka, yes i agree with you, sex is a beautiful thing, a natural phenomenon created by God…to exist only in marriage.
      1corinthians 6 in the Bible gives us full details on what sex really is and why God wants us to abstain from sex before marriage.
      Trust me, even spirikkoko’s flesh rebel against this directive, but the flesh isn’t what matters, the spirit is what really matters and who we are.
      soul ties abound with sex before marriage, desecrating God’s body which His Spirit dwells in… your flesh cant feel shame at doing sex outside marriage/pleasuring yourself, but i sincerely pray/wish that your Spirit is regenerated by being bron again…He will tell you beyond what my words can say that sex, porn, masturbation, doesn’t gel with living forth a life in Christ Jesus… that is the ultimate conviction you can have and i pray you do have it.

      Hearty cheers!

      September 13, 2015
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        ”Spirikoko” only heard that term used in the school where i graduated from (BU)… spiritual emphasis.
        Frances we use minds like yours sincerely as Holy water eye drop (like the one Dijidope used in the last poll) in this ‘naked convos’… Prrrreach it!

        September 19, 2015
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    I love this because of the honesty, and the simplicity
    I love this because this is a truth I have come to know, I remember a time when I used to judge people who weren’t physical virgins touting myself as pure and undefiled… all that changed when I realized that I wasn’t walking in love as I was supposed to. I LOVE this because it is a truth that so many haven’t come into and still need to come in to…. God will bless and increase you in wisdom and on all sides. Thank You ☺

    September 11, 2015
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    You know you inspire me every time you write.

    September 11, 2015
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    @virgin…a virgin z one who has nt been pernetrated.even an unbeliever can be a one z naturally a spiritual virgin cos our minds have been defiled at one point or d other.@poster i love ur testimony.being a virgin nd God-fearing z a big plus nd even bad virgins re loved by God cos keeping dat hymen is not easy,still being it cannot guarantee peace,only christ can.may God give u more strength to inspire more youths.

    September 11, 2015
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    @virgin…a virgin z one who has nt be pernetrated.even an unbeliever can be a one z naturally a spiritual virgin cos our minds have been defiled at one point or d other.@POSTER,i love ur testimony.being a virgin and God-fearing is a rare but a big plus,our dear virgin mary is an example.even if u’re doing it cos they say itz d best gift for ur husband,you tried cos keeping dat hymen is not easy.wichever motive we choose,let’s all do things that are worthy in the sight of God.being a virgin does not guarantee peace and blessings,only christ can…poster thanks,u really inspired me tonight.

    September 11, 2015
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      Hi Kim…yes, no one can naturally be a spiritual virgin… but thats why we have Christ Jesus…He has accorded purity and holiness to us, one that virginity cannot shake or remove….so yes, one may still be a virgin but thats not the only thing that counts now…what counts is if we’ve accepted what Christ did for us on the cross… only then can we indeed be pure in HIM…

      Thanks for your words…

      September 14, 2015
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    Sorry for posting 2 tyms…phone error

    September 11, 2015
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    Your writing is beautiful!!! Great read.

    September 12, 2015
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    Mind blown!this just encouraged me to share my story cs the world actually needs it. We shy away from these things but they are the things that actually happen. Everyone just shows us d perfect picture not d struggle they went through or what they were.I’m not a physical virgin, but iv been chaste for almost 3years after being involved in premarital sex for about 2years.I don’t know how but Christ did it,I dint have to try and i don’t even feel like the same person I was. I’m not keeping myself for any man, I stay away from sexual immorality because I respect my body which is Gods temple. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything,I actually forget I’m not a virgin sometimes.?

    September 12, 2015
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      Yes Queen! thats what God can do with our lives… the past person can totally not fit in with the new creation..
      I am mega happy for you and i pray for grace for you to stay in Him, in purity and chastity till the end..grace for you and “the one” too, may your relationship honour God in purity also..

      September 13, 2015
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    This is so beuatiful, i can imagine how hard it most have been to bare yourself like this. I used to have a porn addiction too, so i can relate with this, i also read your blog too and i got the book a while(haven’t finished reading it). GOD bless you.

    September 12, 2015
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      Dejidope… yes it was hard to share ohh, till God broke me and made me know that I wasn’t saved for myself but for others.
      So the story really isn’t mine to hide, others need it.

      Thank God for your freedom from porn.people who have never been there just might no understand fully…but #Grace… we thank God for grace!

      And oya go and finish my book 🙂

      September 13, 2015
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    This is beautiful.It is such an inspiration for those on the path of celibacy because our bodies are God’s temple and we have decided to keep it pure until God sends a husband.Great post.

    September 12, 2015
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    You are a light Frances…shine on!

    September 12, 2015
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    *hugs* Love this!

    September 12, 2015
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    Wow! Beautiful story Frances. In a world that trivializes God more and more every day, stories like this remind us in a very powerful way that God IS alive. He is real and ready to prove that realness to those who let Him. Praise Jesus! May He continue to use you for His glory.

    September 13, 2015
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      God IS Kmerlyt…I know cuz i see Him in this frail me everyday. everyday…
      I hope others do too…

      September 14, 2015
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    Wow! Nice one Frances

    September 14, 2015
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    Oluwasegun Abolarin

    Hello Francesn

    I love your write up, I have even tried to like u on facebook in order to follow up with any other post of urs, please can u link me up with it. Moreover, more grace to fulfil ur purpose

    September 14, 2015
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    This Is beautiful.
    I have a boyfriend & we are sexually active, i used to sleep with married men once in a while for money, but I’ve told God I’m never doing it anymore. So it’s just my boyfriend & we are good Christians who love each other & hope to get married in future. Is having sex still wrong for us ?

    September 14, 2015
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      Well, if you’re Christians and you want to follow the Bible, then you should only have sex when you’re married. It will probably be quite difficult to stop but you can ask for help from the Holy Spirit. Also, try to keep your minds pure by watching what you read and watch and studying the Bible more often. Then, you’d probably need to avoid being alone with your boyfriend for a while till you can develop self-control.

      September 14, 2015
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    Hi Frances,
    I can only bless the name of the Lord for you. God is so wonderful and He amazes me. I was disturbed while having my quiet time with God this morning about not being a physical virgin. only to stumble on upon your article.
    And you answered all my questions and doubt. Am encouraged to keep on to fear the Lord and be chaste for Him only despite all my past.

    Thank you so much for sharing your story and I pray the Lord continue to guide you in writing and strengthen your faith in him.
    I also pray God gives be the boldness too to share my story one day so that people would be encouraged to belief that the Lord is faithful and merciful.

    September 15, 2015
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    One thing your post moved me to think of was how the fear of judgement, even by the church, has pushed many into hiding their true testimonies, and worse their struggle with sexual sin. I don’t know if I’m wrong for feeling upset that today’s church makes it look so easy to be pure and thus make people feel so worthless because they ‘try’ to be pure, which should be easy, but can’t.
    You are a true light, telling it as it is, because it is not easy to break free of sin, neither does the process happen instantly at a Holy Ghost service (no puns here). I pray for half your courage to share things that could be a blessing to another.

    September 26, 2015
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    I really appreciate your transparency in sharing this. “you browse X-rated sites, masturbate and say “Lord, this is for your glory?” “⬅⬅⬅⬅⬅⬅⬅ that quote really got me

    May 1, 2016
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