Ladies and gentlemen of TNC, welcome to another edition of Wednesday Dialogue proudly sponsored by www.madamkarakata.com. If you haven’t checked out the site and bought something nice for yourself or the boo, what are you waiting for? I have an interesting topic to discuss today so let’s get into it. **** Let’s start off with…
Ladies and gentlemen of TNC, welcome to another edition of Wednesday Dialogue proudly sponsored by www.madamkarakata.com. If you haven’t checked out the site and bought something nice for yourself or the boo, what are you waiting for? I have an interesting topic to discuss today so let’s get into it.
Let’s start off with a little background (please bear with me). Some weeks ago, I met up with a friend who runs a fashion label. He had been trying for long to convince me to make some traditional outfits with him and on this particular day, he succeeded in convincing me. However, I told him there was a certain design I had seen somewhere I wanted him to replicate on one of the outfits. So I proceeded to pickup my phone and navigated to the Instagram account of one of my other friends where I had seen the said outfit. The picture was one of her and ‘le boo’ all cozied-up at some event and he had on this really neat trad outfit.
After spending a few minutes searching through her timeline, it suddenly hit me – the said picture was gone. Vanished. Deleted. I quickly hid my surprise and dismissed my designer friend. Later that day, I took time to look through my friend’s timeline and it was only then it occurred to me that every single picture of ‘le boo’ had been deleted from her account. Now I’m sure most of us reading understand what this means and it probably is no big deal to you as well but in my world, it’s a major deal. And no, I’m not talking about the fact that my friend had probably broken up with her boo. Nope, I’m talking about her decision to delete all his pictures off her Instagram page. Why is this even post worthy? I’m still the Toolsman no? Today, I want to throw up some questions and I hope at the end of our dialogue you’d have helped me find answers to those questions.
I’m one who never ever regrets. I learned at a very young age that every single thing in this life happens for a reason (no, I didn’t learn this from church – life taught me). Everyone you meet, every encounter you have, every success or failure happens for a reason – I know it sounds clichéd and all but if you are true to yourself, spend some time really meditating on things from your past and you’ll probably realize what I mean. But this isn’t some inspirational post so let’s side step that. My decision never to regret things but instead try to see what piece of my life’s puzzle they are, helped me to see failures in my past relationships not as failures but more like learning curves.
Today, I can proudly stand before y’all and say I’m still friends with every single one of my exes – and no, I’m not talking just being civil, neither are we best friends who talk to each other every day.
I still love my life yanah. But at least I know I’ve gotten some super referrals from exes and I’ve also helped some without expecting anything in return and so on. I’m not asking for a medal, surely I’m not the only guy who has this kind of relationship with his exes even though others may have found themselves there accidentally or really do it for their ulterior motives. My point is this, if after leaving these relationships, I dwelled on the failure and let myself slip into regret, would I have ever been able to benefit from knowing any of my exes?
I’m no saint. I’ve hurt people and I’ve also been hurt so it’s definitely not a matter of speaking from a position of no experience. In fact, during my feature on Moments with Mo, I spoke publicly for the first time about how I found out an ex was cheating on Facebook. I know she might be reading this now and I’m sure she can vouch that I didn’t go from there to ‘unfriend’ her on Facebook after I found out. Yes, there was no Instagram back then but even though we ended the relationship eventually, I didn’t delete her numbers from my phone, I didn’t try to erase her from my life and lie to myself that what we had never happened. Sure, I kept my distance for a while, I’m a very disciplined person but too many times, I found myself calling her when I didn’t need to but deep down, I knew the solution to that wasn’t deleting her number because I could always get it if I wanted to. The best way to conquer your fear is to face it head on no?
I found out the friend I spoke about at the beginning of the post broke up with her boyfriend and in less than two weeks she deleted all of his pictures from Instagram, Facebook etc. She unfollowed him on every possible social media site, deleted all his numbers and literally tried to erase every record of him in her life. When I eventually spoke to her, I only asked one question – Did you rip out your heart too? Of course she couldn’t answer that question because deep down she knew she was only deceiving herself.
I’m sure most of us have seen that viral internet video titled “Look up”. The one that shows us just how much of our lives we give to social media and electronic devices. Maybe I’m digressing a bit but truth is, a lot of us nowadays have made ourselves believe social media and digital things have some form of influence or the other on our emotions. Also, we’ve become so much of cowards that rather than facing our fears, we decide to run, hiding behind technology. Some think their relationships are not ‘legit’ till their partner changes their Facebook relationship status to show “in a relationship with XXX“. Others believe they aren’t important in your life if you haven’t use their picture for a #MCM or #WCW post? And the quickest way to know two people are no longer together is when you notice they’ve gone ahead to delete pictures from their social media accounts. It has created the illusion that you can ‘Win Your Break-Up’ by deleting things and pushing buttons but as this hilarious video below demonstrates… sometimes that has more to do with hurting them than helping you heal.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you shouldn’t delete pictures. No, I’m not some kind of perv. Also, what kind of message would you be sending to your new boo if pictures of you cozying up with your ex are still on your Instagram timeline. My point is, do you have to delete every single picture? And do you have to do it immediately sh*t hits the fan? No matter how hard we try, we can NEVER EVER erase the past. The moment you embrace your past, learn whatever lessons you were supposed to learn from it and use that to make your future relationships better, that in my opinion is the real moment of victory. I’m not saying it’s easy but in this world of 6-degrees of separation, I think that’s a better plan than simply deleting pictures.
We are not all the same and certainly not everyone can be like me but today I want to read your views on this topic. To what extent should Social Media influence our relationship decisions? Have you ever been heartbroken? How did you manage your emotions with respect to your activities on social media sites? Did your actions help make you feel better? After reading this post are you going to do things differently from now on? Use the comment box to express you.