In the heart of different cities in Nigeria, lies certain aggregation of houses known as ‘Face-Me-I-Face-You’. The life over there is on a whole-noda-level, I tell you.
So for those that had the ‘luxury’ of growing up in such quarters, these are some of the things they can understand perfectly:
1. The struggle to bathe every morning
With just one bathroom for 50+ people, I don’t need to explain the struggle.
2. When need to take a dump and another tenant has been stuck in the toilet for the past one hour
After downing a plate of hot porridge beans, ukpaka, two boiled eggs and one bottle of Small Stout.
3. When it is time for monthly compound meeting
They will now start tabling all the fuckups in the compound like Mama Azeez, your soup dey too smell, you fit reduce the smell?
4. How you escape from your room when you see all your neighbors coming to say ‘WELCOME’ because you just came back from a trip
Don’t welcome me. Where did I go sef. Ordinary Cotonou and you people are welcoming me. If I now go to London nko?
5. All the kabashing and shouting that happen at the weekly prayer meetings
When the landlord leads the prayers and goes…. Every tenant, I say EVERY TENANT… holding my destiny should do what? Fall down and die! DIE! DIE! DIE!
6. After watching the Indian film – Teri Meherbaniyan, everyone in your compound will be like…
Especially that time the dog was crying by the graveside!
7. The other tenants, when Iya Bisi starts frying her delicious puff puffLet me wait five minutes before I go and knock!
8. When landlord decides to add money on top house rent
Oga Landlord, ordinary one year of CHANGE and you are already increasing rent. We no go gree o!
9. How all the tenants turn up for a neighbour’s child’s naming ceremony
*Now Singing* Ceeeeleeeebrayyyyshun time, c’mon, let’s celebrate!
10. When you are watching a movie and your neighbour’s children ‘chook’ head through your window
If I konk you people’s head now, they wee say I am wicked!
11. When they bring all the accumulated NEPA bill to the compound
We never hexperred it.
12. When two girls start fighting over boyfriend or stolen pant*tears bra, weavon, pant and shimi*
13. When NEPA brings light and the children in the compound will not let you hear word again
Now all the children wee be shouting ‘UP NEPA’, ‘UP NEPA’ upandan!