1. You and 17756267909876543284567 people watched how TeyanAss Taylor behaved childish in that video.



2. Your face when you watched the video.


No, No, No…dat canor be the body of a human being jor. She must be a witch!

3. You giving yourself reasons why you are better than her


(Shior! At least, me I’ll still make Heaven.) Under G: Who fitfam don epp?

4. But secretly, you want to look like that. You go to bed that night, fully motivated to embrace the fitness life. And you set a date to start.


Yes, I am ready forreet!

5. The fitness gear you order arrives


Because I cannot come and go and carry last in the fitfam sturv

6. You after checking meal plans on the internet


Two slices of bread, one egg and one tangerine for the whole day? You want me to die before my appointed time? Olorun maje!

7. Your haul of healthy food


I must lose this weight by fire and by force

8. You start calculating calories like


Small plantain = 600 calories; fufu = 800 calories; plate of Asun = 1200 calories. Adonbilivit!

9. What they tell you healthy food looks like


Food that cannot even belle full small pigeon, they are giving me to eat. Eez nor fair o!

10. What you end up making


(Why do bad things happen to good people?)

11. But you eat it up anyway like a G


( vitamin A –Z CHECK, Stomach burner CHECK Total calories is – 0.82 CHECK!)

12. You finally join a gym


(Gonna die on the line)

13. After one day of gym


I cannot go on like this

14. Then after a week, people tell you that you look buffer


15. So you think you are this


Oshey, sexy mamacita!

16. And you leave your house looking like this


Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder jor

17. Tell yourself you have worked so hard for the past one week and reward yourself like this


(Shebi I’ll just jog home)

18. You wake up the next morning to reruns of MTV VMAS


Chai, na me fuck up

19. Lord why me


Fix this Lord Jesus


  1. Vanilla
    Deblowwww …..LOOOOL!!
    Head thrown back, mouth wide and loud laughter is the only way i can describe my reaction in the office.

    Calorie count +the version of healthy food + over eating to compensate for working out got me 100% and made me scream even louder!

    kai, this was apt!

  2. Olayinka
    The story of my life. Even my gym made matters worse by coming up with Teyana routines. The bastards! Every morning I’m looking at my stomach hoping to catch the faintest look of a semblance of one ab. All I see is the remnant of my extra tyre struggling to stay on. Modafucka!
  3. Sussy
    This has got to be the most hilarious article I have read all year.Teyana is hot and thats a given. Lmao I am determined to keep fit and bought my trainers last week. Ejo who lives around yaba and wants a jogging partner for Saturday morning. Mail me @[email protected]
  4. NO2_EFX
    Well…..Okay I can say I know this feeling. Although right now I’m 4 years strong on near consistent working out.

    Here’s the thing, if you want to do all that chalorie counting and stuff straight out the gate, YOU WILL BURN OUT! You gotta take steps. Baby steps. For the exercise you can start with 5 squats every morning. Then you add an extra 1 squat every week. By the end of the month you’d be doing at least 9 squats every morning. See…..? Baby steps.

    Same with nutrition as well. You gotta take it slow. a major contributor of fat is JUNK FOOD, SUGAR and ALCOHOL. So start by taking more of the healthy beverages and snacks. over time you’ll acquire a taste for the healthy stuff. Then you can start reducing the carbs and increasing fibre intake. e.g. Instead of 5 serving spoons of rice, take 4 and cut a bit of a cucumber into the meal. Then over time make it 3 erving spoons with more cucumber slices…..

    You’d need a will of Iron or a very bad health situation to be inspired to change on a high level and maintain the momentum.

    Maybe I should just write post.
    fun read….reminds me of “zikoko” site.


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