A few weeks back I went to visit my grandmother and we got gisting. She told me of two married women’s situations and I was simply mind blown.
First was her niece. This babe married and before I could even say happy married life, she already had a child. I didn’t understand the rush but it’s not my life. The current issue is that her first child is barely five months old, she is pregnant again and her husband isn’t speaking to her because of that. It was the funniest thing I have heard this year, hands down. Yes, you read right, her husband is mad at her because she is pregnant. He has a reason to be mad obviously, she took his erect penis and she had intercourse with him against his wishes, or she had sex with herself and got pregnant all on her own. So yes, he has a reason to be mad at his wife, he truly does.
The second is my grandma’s goddaughter. She lives in the US with her husband and by the time they were married for two years, they already had two sons. Now in the third year of her marriage, she is pregnant again and its twin boys. Both women called the babies ‘a mistake’, not in a derogatory sense but more like they didn’t plan to have get pregnant. I burst out laughing when I heard but my grandmother couldn’t see how it was funny to me, but it really truly is.
Hi, my name is S and I blame these two women for having pregnancies that they didn’t plan for.
I don’t know if I’m medically accurate but it seems like if a lady remains a virgin till marriage, she MAY be more fertile than sexually active ladies. Why? If you have been sexually active there is a chance that IF YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE, you are on some type of birth control measure, perhaps the pill or an IUD and that shit messes with your hormones. This will most likely not be the case if your hormones and loins have been dormant till you say I do, so chances are you’ll conceive pretty easy.
Except by some miracle or whatever, I believe you can decide as a woman when your body decides to grow a baby. I strongly believe in medical science, I really do. I applaud the advancement in science as it pertains to birth control and baby making and related matters. This is the 21st century where you can decide to have a girl child, or boy child, where you can fix the DNA of your child, you can even decide to have twins or even grow a baby in someone else’s uterus. So how do you come and now cry that it was a mistake? I say you were careless.
I’m not married but I don’t need to be to understand the importance of birth control. It’s basic stuff that every female should educate herself about, and these two females who are unfortunately my scapegoats choose to ignore it and have kids that they carelessly now have to bear. Too bad.
It seems like it’s one of two things, I don’t think the average Nigerian takes birth control seriously AT ALL, and I’m not talking about just condoms. I’m pretty sure loads of people don’t like to have sex with condoms but you got to do it because it’s cheaper than having a kid! This is why I stated that if you aren’t responsible, you shouldn’t even be having sex in the first place. My grandmother wasn’t even having my argument of birth control, as far as she was concerned, if you have a kid (from marriage) it’s meant to be, clearly there is no point in trying to explain my view because we come from totally different ideological generations.
Perhaps it also has to do with a person’s up-bringing. Several parents are so fixated on instilling don’t have sex before marriage and forget to include advice about sexual protection and this needs to change. I was raised by my grandparents and both of them though are staunch academics, never gave me the sex talk. My mother on the other hand is the best person in the world. We discuss sex so freely,it’s amazing and I can say boldly that his has helped me.
Secondly, it seems that people believe that just because they are married, there is no need for any birth control whatsoever and this is so so wrong. So wrong. Family planning is an actual thing; secondly as a woman, if you have a gynaecologist, you are advised on these matters. If you don’t want to have any more kids, there are ways. If you want to space out your children, there are also ways that this can be done. However it seems like there is this I’m married now I’m going to screw my brains out mentality, without even taking precautionary measures. By all means enjoy wild sexy time with your spouse but don’t neglect being protected. In this day and age where everything is so damn expensive, you really don’t want to be having children you didn’t plan (budget) for. Though Mark Zuckerberg is crazy filthy rich I can bet that he’s not going to have a brood of kids. If your goal is to have a football club of children, please by all means, but if it’s not and you keep having kids you didn’t intend for, perhaps you need to check yourself.
A friend of the family was gisting with my grandmother and I after this issue of un-planned kids, she talked about how after having her first child who is about two years old, she found out she was pregnant and without wasting time ‘nipped it in the bud’. It was a mutual agreement between her and her husband and I applaud them. They didn’t want a second child because one was expensive and demanding enough. After her abortion, she got an IUD in her uterus which will help keep all potential babies away. My grandmother may have had a little stroke after she heard her story but she’ll get over it.
The two ladies above will most likely have those babies because they don’t believe in ‘other’ options but I still feel like, you should only have children you absolutely and totally want. They’ll love their kids with I assume their whole heart but it could have been prevented.
Image via Brides.com