A few weeks back I went to visit my grandmother and we got gisting. She told me of two married women’s situations and I was simply mind blown.

First was her niece. This babe married and before I could even say happy married life, she already had a child. I didn’t understand the rush but it’s not my life. The current issue is that her first child is barely five months old, she is pregnant again and her husband isn’t speaking to her because of that. It was the funniest thing I have heard this year, hands down. Yes, you read right, her husband is mad at her because she is pregnant. He has a reason to be mad obviously, she took his erect penis and she had intercourse with him against his wishes, or she had sex with herself and got pregnant all on her own. So yes, he has a reason to be mad at his wife, he truly does.

The second is my grandma’s goddaughter. She lives in the US with her husband and by the time they were married for two years, they already had two sons. Now in the third year of her marriage, she is pregnant again and its twin boys. Both women called the babies ‘a mistake’, not in a derogatory sense but more like they didn’t plan to have get pregnant. I burst out laughing when I heard but my grandmother couldn’t see how it was funny to me, but it really truly is.

Hi, my name is S and I blame these two women for having pregnancies that they didn’t plan for.

I don’t know if I’m medically accurate but it seems like if a lady remains a virgin till marriage, she MAY be more fertile than sexually active ladies. Why? If you have been sexually active there is a chance that IF YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE, you are on some type of birth control measure, perhaps the pill or an IUD and that shit messes with your hormones. This will most likely not be the case if your hormones and loins have been dormant till you say I do, so chances are you’ll conceive pretty easy.

Except by some miracle or whatever, I believe you can decide as a woman when your body decides to grow a baby. I strongly believe in medical science, I really do. I applaud the advancement in science as it pertains to birth control and baby making and related matters. This is the 21st century where you can decide to have a girl child, or boy child, where you can fix the DNA of your child, you can even decide to have twins or even grow a baby in someone else’s uterus. So how do you come and now cry that it was a mistake? I say you were careless.

I’m not married but I don’t need to be to understand the importance of birth control. It’s basic stuff that every female should educate herself about, and these two females who are unfortunately my scapegoats choose to ignore it and have kids that they carelessly now have to bear. Too bad.

It seems like it’s one of two things, I don’t think the average Nigerian takes birth control seriously AT ALL, and I’m not talking about just condoms. I’m pretty sure loads of people don’t like to have sex with condoms but you got to do it because it’s cheaper than having a kid! This is why I stated that if you aren’t responsible, you shouldn’t even be having sex in the first place. My grandmother wasn’t even having my argument of birth control, as far as she was concerned, if you have a kid (from marriage) it’s meant to be, clearly there is no point in trying to explain my view because we come from totally different ideological generations.

Perhaps it also has to do with a person’s up-bringing. Several parents are so fixated on instilling don’t have sex before marriage and forget to include advice about sexual protection and this needs to change. I was raised by my grandparents and both of them though are staunch academics, never gave me the sex talk. My mother on the other hand is the best person in the world. We discuss sex so freely,it’s amazing and I can say boldly that his has helped me.

Secondly, it seems that people believe that just because they are married, there is no need for any birth control whatsoever and this is so so wrong. So wrong. Family planning is an actual thing; secondly as a woman, if you have a gynaecologist, you are advised on these matters. If you don’t want to have any more kids, there are ways. If you want to space out your children, there are also ways that this can be done. However it seems like there is this I’m married now I’m going to screw my brains out mentality, without even taking precautionary measures. By all means enjoy wild sexy time with your spouse but don’t neglect being protected. In this day and age where everything is so damn expensive, you really don’t want to be having children you didn’t plan (budget) for. Though Mark Zuckerberg is crazy filthy rich I can bet that he’s not going to have a brood of kids. If your goal is to have a football club of children, please by all means, but if it’s not and you keep having kids you didn’t intend for, perhaps you need to check yourself.

A friend of the family was gisting with my grandmother and I after this issue of un-planned kids, she talked about how after having her first child who is about two years old, she found out she was pregnant and without wasting time ‘nipped it in the bud’. It was a mutual agreement between her and her husband and I applaud them. They didn’t want a second child because one was expensive and demanding enough. After her abortion, she got an IUD in her uterus which will help keep all potential babies away. My grandmother may have had a little stroke after she heard her story but she’ll get over it.

The two ladies above will most likely have those babies because they don’t believe in ‘other’ options but I still feel like, you should only have children you absolutely and totally want. They’ll love their kids with I assume their whole heart but it could have been prevented.

Image via Brides.com

Responses

  1. A Loco Viva Voce
    The issue of birth control sometimes get influenced by religion. In the Catholic doctrine, any form of birth control is prohibited and staunch Catholics be having 5, 6, 7 children in the name of avoiding sin and being good Christians.
    Aside from the whole issue of having numerous children due to lack of birth control, it is even detrimental to your health to have children back to back without adequate spacing especially if you had a C-section. Because your body is yet to completely heal from the first one and you already having the second.
    I actually believe both husband and wife are to blame and as much as mistakes do happen, they need to ensure they do not have sex carelessly and wives simply avoid sex during your ovulation if you refuse to use birth control. That is apparently the only method acceptable in the Catholic church; abstinence.

    FEMINISM VS SUBMISSIVENESS – A THIN LINE!
    http://alocovivavoce.com/2015/12/23/feminism-vs-submissiveness-a-thin-line/

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    1. ify
      I am a Catholic and birth control is allowed, it is even taught in pre marriage classes, billings method is preferred and not pills and the likes. I’m all for birth control, the body needs to ‘breathe’ and it saves you a lot of unplanned spending
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      1. Toby
        Please let’s be specific when saying these things. The Catholic Church forbids artificial birth control (pills, patches, condoms, IUDS, etc), and allows ONLY natural birth control methods like Billings and rhythm methods.
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      2. A Loco Viva Voce
        Hello Ify, I don’t mean to counter your opinion but birth control like condoms, pills, or anything that hinders the natural performance of spermatozoa is highly frowned upon by the Catholic Church and considered a sin. It is part of the Canon Law in the Catholic doctrine.
        I remember the priest teaching me how to count my ovulation cycle during marriage classes. It was the most awkward conversation I ever had with anyone. Please ask your priest whenever you can. I am so right about this.
        The only Pope that supported birth control was Pope John Paul (the first). But he died just 33 days into office and unfortunately wasn’t able to change the stand on birth control. His successor Pope John Paul II simply reverted to the norm and hence the Catholic Church still prohibits birth control.
        I’m honestly hoping Pope Francis salvages the situation. At least he has finally given priests the permission to absolve the sin of abortion which was previously prohibited. So that’s a start, there is hope with birth control.
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        1. Ify
          What you are referring to is The billings method which is a form of birth control, the church frowns upon condoms etc. I agree with you but you misunderstood me
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  2. Five Loaves
    Good Talk S! This informattion is needed for everybody, single and married. Family Planning should be Preached as a Gospel!
    I know a tailor that has 15 children. I mean, 6 of them are Twins. Remaining 3 children. Imagine! What it will take to take care of those children.. Family Planning also avoids the consequences of Favoritism; and Low Self Esteem amongst d children who feel they are less talented dan their sisters or Brothers. And so many other issues are there.. So i strongly agree with you S.. Sexual Protection or Child spacing when married is the way.
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  3. Naomi
    The patch ladies…the patch…I didnt have kids till after 2 years of marriage…
    seeing as children are almost permanent in your life why rush to have them, why rush to breed loads of kids like rats lol…
    then pass them onto relatives or the government to take care of them for u hisssss…
    I believe its our responsibility to handle family planning coz trust me most men would not care,
    Anyone/church that tries to bring up some funny statements just say “OK thank u” dont argue, just keep it moving…
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  4. Toby
    Imagine how annoying it is, to be the doctor to a woman who has just had her 6th child. You ask, “So, madam, have you thought about family planning?” She fidgets for a while and then tells you that where she’s from, they don’t count children. *internal eye roll*
    2+
  5. Nelo
    Ok guys. It’s pretty tough for a lot of couples out there trying to conceive. The good side though is unprotected sex anytime any day. Having said that, every Naija lady should be wise cos we tend to take the rap for every mistake including those jointly made with hubby. Take care of your health and If you can’t cater for those kids, don’t bring them here.
    3+
  6. Kiki
    I totally agree with u S. Ladies single, married… excluding baby’s mama…lol. Okay seriously though, we need to understand that limited resources + unplanned kids= Unnecessary complicated problems. We already have enough problems in Nigeria as a whole. There’s fuel scarcity, unemployment, electricity, the economy is getting worse generally speaking, then u add innocent beautiful kids to come and suffer…for what??? I believe that before u have kids, u & hubby (or le boo whichever is applicable) should talk about it, consider your financial current status & birth control measures before u get all naughty. Kids are truly a blessings but that’s when they are planned for!
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  7. Enn
    I’m totally for birth control..it’s a must to prevent unplanned pregs & all but abortion it’s a diff ball game…u can call it a bunch of cells or what have u but that’s a life & abortion is simply killing as far as I’m concerned it’s disturbing how pple talk of abortion so casually…
    1+
  8. Sylvia
    Birth control is very important and i blame people who end up with unwanted pregnancies.
    Abortion is a totally ball game, if one makes the mistake of getting pregnant don’t make the mistake of taking a life.
    1+
  9. Meka
    Like someone advised early.
    Pls ladies handle this specifics. We guys don’t think with our default head when it comes to sex and the moments proceeding it.

    It’s very possible we can’t even remember if we came inside u or not. So Pls, use the patch…dont meet ur hubby when ur ovulating and a host of other things if we shouldn’t be having a baby just yet

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  10. Sapphire
    Birth control fails.
    And most (not all) breastfeeding women don’t need birth control…. So I understand the case of d 5 months.

    Plus these birth controls increases body weight.

    0
    1. Ray
      Hi Sapphire.
      Breastfeeding actually serves as a guaranteed contraceptive within the first 6 weeks after delivery.
      + most birth control methods don’t make women fat. Only the progesterone-containing pills and injectables might do that.
      There are so many other methods asides that: male/female condoms, implants, IUCD, Bilateral tubal ligation, hysterectomy, vasectomy etc.
      each has its pros and cons. Every man and woman who wants to indulge in birth control should visit a family planning clinic and they would be educated on the options before they choose one.
      3+
  11. Zelle
    Well said S!
    You shouldn’t be partaking in extra curricular snacks if you’re not responsible!
    Ladies, it’s your body, you’re the one who gets fat, sleeps uncomfy etc abeg pregnancy is wahala on its own then imagine when its unplanned err
    My family friend just had a baby after having a baby in January (yes she had two babies this year) still trying to wrap my head around it oh and yea both natural births hiss she’s married but wtf, how irresponsible can you get? I was so mad at my sister when she got pregnant when my nephew was barely 1.5years old particularly as her previous pregnancy was a tough one so yea
    Im single but when i do have sex, i take full responsibility for whatever happens, ladies have your own stash of condoms so there’s no excuse of em no condoms and if you guys go bare hmm be ready for what that brings you are your own person, it’s your body, in this day and age there is nothing like unwanted pregnancies, only irresponsible adults (particularly the woman cause you’re the one at the receiving end) I can never stress this enough, you are responsible for whatever outcome yes i know when its deeklicious when a nigga be beating the pum pum like a drum but you have to take control of the siduwayshunnnn.. Get some form of birth control, cause that pulling out is the hardest thing especially when its sweet deeeek!
    I don’t care if you’re married or not but be responsible!! Its your pussay kitty x
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  12. C
    I’m all for birth control as a means of protecting yourself and planning your family responsibly. Quick one though; am I the only one who doesn’t think of the “rhythm method” as birth control? I mean some ladies have irregular cycles and regualr ones can be upset by something like stress.
    1+
  13. TOKO
    I was having a random convo with some guys at my workplace when I said I wanted to wait a year or more after my wedding before having kids. I was completely shocked when turned into an argument. One guy asked if I was going to starve my husband of sex like he didn’t know what family planning was. You’ll be surprised that in this 21st century, the people that you’d expect to know about stuff like this are the ones that will be having kids like rabbits (bringing so much life to the command, “be fruitful and multiply”). There are pills, cervical caps, copper coils and other IUDs you can use if you think you’ll die if you use a condom. I mean, it’s never been easier, there are friggin calendars for this shit. There are even birth control measures men can take. Uh, have you heard of pulling out or are you just weak-willed?
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