Poll: Cheating Pass For Your Spouse: Yay or Nay?

Hey guys!!! It’s been a looooong New York minute. Christmas is here again!!!!!!!!! I’m super excited partly because of the grand arrival of harmattan which my skin is soo thankful for and also because the level of turn up this particular year is going to be gangster. Apart from all these, the general vibe makes me…


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Hey guys!!! It’s been a looooong New York minute.

Christmas is here again!!!!!!!!!


I’m super excited partly because of the grand arrival of harmattan which my skin is soo thankful for and also because the level of turn up this particular year is going to be gangster. Apart from all these, the general vibe makes me put all my worries and fears on hold, kick off my shoes, scatter my imaginary locs and enjoy the experience! Special shalla to my fam FunmiO, S, Sirkastiq and ReniJ for holding down polls for me while I was away!!! Me love you long time.

Let’s move on shall we?

Last week, we asked: What would you do if #SheSaysNo! 36% of the guys chose: Is she ok?? Is it because I asked, my friend gather your things let’s go and 47% of the ladies chose: Somebody can not play with you again? Which one is break up? Ladies, I hope you can read the writing on the wall?


I heard a story some days ago and I thought to share. A friend of mine is friends with this particular couple who live outside Nigeria but visit sometimes. The husband came home for vacation some time ago and the wife told my friend that he can hook her husband up with a babe. In her words, her husband has been amazing all year to her and the family so she feels he deserves some sort of reward for being amazing. She specified though that she didn’t want any 18year olds because those ones fall in love faster than the speed of light. She also said she didn’t want a babe in her late 20s because she is probably under pressure to get married and will do anything to get that status. She prefers 25 and 26 year old babes. My friend then asked me ‘is this something you can do? Can you give your husband a cheating pass?


‘Don’t you think the husband will respect the wife more if she does that?’


‘I believe it would strengthen their relationship and give the the wife the upper edge in the relationship’


First of all, I want to know why any woman would think a man deserves that kind of reward for doing what he ought to do in his marriage?


It’s almost as if you are conceding to an unspoken fact that you are not worthy of him and are not good enough, so him doing all those amazing things and treating you like the queen you are is truly a gift to you. You both chose each other. He chose you despite your imperfections. He looked beyond the fact that you suck at oral sex compared to Shakiti at Kuramo beach so what changed? When y’all got married, the package wasn’t to stay lawfully wedded to you and get the occasional loving from Aisha, Linda and Shalewa with your consent. The whole point of ya’ll getting married was for you two to make each other stronger and better. Some women  may think if there is something they can’t give their husbands, then they can’t be mad if the boo goes out and gets it elsewhere – but yes, you can. As a woman, you were designed to be complete by yourself. Not with the help of other women.

One guy actually said

‘Men are wired differently from women and are not monogamous by nature. So a cheating pass is a way the woman accepts the reality.’



Please miss me with that bull shit. Who did this wiring? It has to be Fatai Rewire because God cannot wire anyone to be this badly behaved. These same men will not give their wives cheating passes but will gladly collect from them if they offer.

I read an article about how Monique gives her husband a “pass to cheat,” and I read the same thing about Toya Wright giving her husband Memphitz a pass to cheat. While the situations are a little different, both of them are basically saying they want their man to have an ‘honest’ way to step outside of their marriage, under their supervision. But then again, if you are not leaving your house at 3.30am to resume work at 7am, if you are not queuing for fuel, if you are not staring at the amazing decorations on Ajose Adeogun, wondering how you can convert all that light from the Christmas decorations to electricity in your dreary little apartment where power has been seized, giving cheating passes to your boo yearly should be a thing of priority. At the end of the day, do whatever works for you and makes you happy.

Dear future husband, you know I love you scatter already therefore if I ever give you a cheating pass, please be scared.

Be very scared.

Over to you guys. There will be two polls each for the ladies and the guys. Vote with the fear of God 😀





  1. A Loco Viva Voce
    To be honest, I will actually give him 2 passes to cheat but I wouldn’t be letting him know he has those free passes.
    That just means that if he cheats, as much as I’ll throw tantrums and probably move out temporarily, I’ll still come back with him after all his pleas but if it happens two more times, he’s obviously a pathological cheat and I’ll be out for good.
    My point is that he’s not supposed to cheat but if he does, I’m willing to give him another chance after all the initial gra gra. So he has the free passes but he just doesn’t know about them so he doesn’t abuse it.

    Read today’s Feature Friday story

    1. Anonymous Aboki
      Hi (sorry, your name is long),

      I’ve somehow inferred from the comments you make that you’re married, shey?

      So, to be clear & if you don’t mind my asking, is your comment above based on a hypothetical scenario or, does your husband actually have these passes?


      1. A Loco Viva Voce
        You’re right Anonymous Abokii, I am married. And yes my husband has 2 passes to cheat but like I referred in my initial comments, he doesn’t know these passes exist.
        And since he doesn’t know they exist, he is expected NOT to cheat and be of best behaviour.
        But worst case scenario that he actually cheats, it’s not automatic. I wouldn’t just act like it’s ok. Like I said, I would obviously be heartbroken act like any one who has been cheated on would but I will be giving him another chance not to misbehave.
        But if he cheats again and again then I would realize it wasn’t just a mistake.
        I believe everyone deserves a second chance. And if it truly were a mistake the first time, then it truly wouldn’t happen again hopefully.
      1. A Loco Viva Voce
        That’s up to him but personally, if it gets to that point that I cheat, then I definitely no longer have feelings for the person so giving me a second chance will mean I would still cheat again.
        The second chance is only deserving for those who genuinely made a mistake and would do everything within their power not to repeat it again. It’s not meant for those who cheat at will.
        And remember it’s not an infinity pass to cheat but rather only two free passes. Otherwise, no one wants a pathological cheat for a partner.
        1. Miz
          Ok…so personally if you cheat it means you don’t have feelings for the person thus if given the opportunity you would do it again…but for some reason if your spouse cheats he gets two passes because, according to you, “The second chance is only deserving for those who genuinely made a mistake and would do everything within their power not to repeat it again”

          So your passes are based on the bewildering assumption that his cheating is a genuine mistake and not because he doesn’t have feelings for you anymore and therefore doesn’t need a second chance…it’s a genuine mistake that he makes on multiple occassions.

          Sounds like the recipe for an infinity pass to me!

          1. A Loco Viva Voce
            You’re missing the point. If he cheats and isn’t apologetic or remorseful then that’s pretty much clear that we’re done. No second chances for that.
            Like for me, if I cheat, I won’t even bother apologising because like I said, if it ever gets that to that point then I’m done with him feelings wise.
            My point is if the reason he cheated is because he doesn’t have feelings for me anymore then what’s the point of even being together? Free pass or not. And you would know when he doesn’t care about you anymore cos he’ll act like what he did isn’t really a big deal. If that’s the case then the free pass doesn’t matter. I’ll be done with him.
            But if it was truly a mistake and he’s begging and pleading then like I also said, I wouldn’t act as though he even has the free passes in the first place cos he doesn’t even know they exist. I would be genuinely hurt and act like it but the difference is that I will forgive him eventually until he cheats again and again then I would know that he’s either cheating because he doesn’t care about me anymore or because he just can’t help it and either is not acceptable so I’ll be out.
  2. Nosa
    I almost said I would accept a cheating pass from my imaginary spouse but i couldn’t just for the life of me imagine a nigga planting roots with my imaginary spouse.
    While it all sounds fun, I believe there are other ways to do stuff without cheating, even if it’s from a position of loyalty.

    but if you gave him/her a pass, does it really count as cheating then?

    1. Feline
      Hi Nosa, I am your number 1 fan.
      To the topic of discussion…No pass required. We will teach each other what is needed, go for tantric sex training if we need to.
      To the men who think they are not wired to be monogamous, everything in life is choice and discipline (I mean, you weren’t born with sphincter control, but look at you holding your pee and all). That being said, all can make mistakes but biko no pass
      1. Nosa
        That’s it for me, I can’t accept the idea of cheating being a mistake. it’s not just a spur of the moment, there now-gone the next, action.

        I mean, you kiss, take your clothes off and then proceed to tussle and pound each other for at least 5 minutes (even if it’s just a quickie), all i’m saying it ; for the entire duration , did you never realize that what you are doing could be a mistake.

        Tell me kissing is a mistake and i’ll hear but dont go and tell me that an action that took almost half an hour was also a mistake,, you didn’t black out

        1. Feline
          Nosa marry me!!
          Smooch* (I think I’m in luv)
          Humans are fallible. If we hold ourselves to same standards we hold others, we should be on the straight & narrow tho’. A li’l thoughtfulness is all that is required.
          1. Nosa
            LOL!!!!!! see proposal. Whoever said 2015 was already too late to be seized?

            but we have to court first, i believe that’s how it’s done

  3. Larz
    If a man gives me a pass that means there will be 3 of us in that room. Me, hubby (free pass) and the guy I am having sex with. Thats too
    Many ppl in the bed abeg
  4. Cavey
    Which one is free pass?! Hian!
    I remember a conversation bae and I had early in our relationship. The only pass either of us have is kissing pass and it only applies during truth or dare and once we tie the knot, those passes don’t even exist again!
      1. Olushola
        That is, I’m indifferent and would really respect the woman’s choice and that will not affect my judgement of her if she asks for a pass, I mean she could do that without asking, but then, I think it’s hypocritical. Because at the end of the day, why deceive ourselves, do we really need to ask? You can only know what you can know… abi? Asking for a pass doesn’t reduce the dick or make the sex inferior, just do what you want to do and keep me out of it.
        1. Adedoyin
          Lol. So easy for you to say this. Imagine your bae walks up to you and tells you “hey honey, I saw Tyrese down the road, hope you don’t mind if I go there and have just a little sex with him” Your judgement of her won’t be affected? Seriously? Naah, I doubt.
          About keeping it hush hush. If it’s someone you truly love (& when I say love, I don’t mean this half-baked nonsense these days) it will hurt you deeply. Lol. That is another level of pain to be honest.
          No matter how casual we try to make sex seem unless it is random sex, there is a connection. That’s my own sha.
          1. Olushola
            Okay, you brought up the realism twist. So let’s do reality.
            Unless there is great communication and understanding, it’s almost impossible to bring up the conversation. So if we have such wonderful understanding and you bring up the question, I’ll understand why you asked, why you trust my ability to handle the situation. And it will not affect how I see you because I understand you.
            For the typical ‘hush hush’ levels, just jejely do your thing and keep me out of it. It won’t hurt if I don’t know, innocence is bliss
  5. Drachma
    Wel… A Cheating pass is a lazy way of saying “can’t spice it up myself , epp me” in relationships.
    And If he comes home with an STD…
  6. Princewill
    The answer to this, is in a movie I saw “four of hearts” the cheat (guy), turned out to be a better lover than her hubby. So therefore their marriage is in jeopardy except by God’s divine help.

    That’s why we should all pray for a “wife” and not just a “woman” and vise vasa. Someone you can live with His/her imperfections and actually feel is perfect other than committing adultery. Cos that ain’t “just” cheating.

  7. Five Loaves
    Cheating Passes are not going to be allowed in my Marriage.. Number 1, thats like d end of the marriage.. You will not die from being with me only.. Other people didn’t…
    Number 2, the bible specifically bans it.. Adultery, i mean.. Cheating, whether allowed or not, is still Cheating and consequently, Adultery..
    So i’m just gonna say, “Hell to the capital NO!
  8. Adedoyin
    Pardon me to digress a little. But why does cheating have this effect on people? What of abuse? Verbal, physical? There are countless other things that we don’t give enough “voice” to.
  9. Thic' tea
    BIG YES to extra-marital sex, been with Le Boo for a year now,she’s still intact so we agreed not to go hardcore.
    (She doesnt stop me from getting it outside though), but,point is; we both agreed we cud get it outside of marriage as long as there is mutual consent,wc neutralizes the chances of it jeopardizing our marital life.
    1. Nelo
      I had a friend who allowed her guy sleep with other women cos she didn’t want to do it before marriage. It was so stupid that she slept in visitor’s room whenever she comes on weekend and the guy had a lady. Mutual agreement abi? They eventually got married but guess what? She found it hard to trust him. Wouldn’t want him to leave her sight. That marriage broke up in 2009. I wish you and your bae the best of luck.
  10. Miz
    A pass? A pass…a pass…well, my heart says “Nay never! We were meant for each other alone and none shall touch a hair upon thine head for I hath forbidden it!” Or something like that.

    However *coughs* another part of me further down south is like “You know what, bae, I’ll give you a pass, if you give me a pass. We are human beings, we’re meant to explore!” …at which point I’ll quietly accumulate all my passes until I have like a booklet of passes and then I’ll go on vacation, alone, somewhere far away to *coughs* clear my head

  11. Gracey
    Cheating pass??!! I had to clean my glasses twice. Hell to the freaking no! If he likes, he can be an angel all year round. Kpatakpata, he gets gifts an extra kinky shags and all what not but cheating pass? Deblowwww don’t make me Slaaap you Looool.


  12. Gracey
    Sorry I had to comment again. The thought of it is vexing me seriously. It’s bad enough we are dealing with cheating now cheating pass. Tshew. Imagine my husband cheating on me and not keeping it hush hush all cos he’s got a free pass. The union of marriage is too sacred for all this yo! Yes, I’m taking this personal. Deblowwww now I really wa t to slap you. Lol.
    1. Archer
      It’s somehow similar to what Sarah did to Abram in the bible when she asked him to shag the maid. Not exactly same thing, but the ideology is similar
      1. Grace
        Yup! Doesn’t make it okay tho. Not trying to get into stuff but isnt that the genesis of … Lets leave it be before it spirials into another topic
  13. Cavey
    I’m a guy and i need to understand something; explain to me how you ‘mistakenly’ cheat and i promise to give you all the passes you could dream of.
      1. Cavey
        Excuse my french but thats a load of horse shit! How can you even use ‘bad mood’ as an excuse? I know not everything is black & white and sometimes, don’t mean to, but cheating is never ‘mistakenly’.
        1. Anonymous Aboki
          This your selective application quite wondrous Sir. Like anybody wakes up one glorious morning, yawns, says “what a fine day to cheat!” & then proceeds to the bathroom.

          Maybe our definitions of ‘mistake’ differ. Archer does have a point, a valid one. Which is why the idea of 2nd chances (as posited by A Loco Viva Voce) makes sense, & even exists in the first place.

          It’s good to have principles (like Nosa does too) & stand by them. But when you discard human weakness & hold everyone to your, a general standard, that’s a god complex. Last time I checked, Cavey not Castor.

          1. Cavey
            Forgive me if i seemed to discard human weaknesses or if i seem to have a complex. Those were not my intentions.
            I know there could be ‘mistakes’ that happen. But i wasn’t referring to those. I believe the ‘passes’ referred to be Debloww meant ‘cheating on purpose’…giving the guy/gal a valid excuse to, using your words, wake up and say “what a fine day to cheat”.
      2. NoSa
        Bad mood? Won’t you go and sleep?
        Peer pressure? Change your friends
        Alcohol & Drugs? Simply stop doing them to avoid these “mistakes”
          1. Nosa
            Ahn ahn!!!! Which one is god colmplex inside again? Ontop your own decisions?

            I did not say you cannot cheat na. I just said a conscious action that took up an extended period of time cannot be said to a mistake as at the time it occured. You people will only start saying it’s a mistake in retrospect, when it was happening, dod you also think it was?

  14. hush
    Lol…you guys are a bunch of hypocritical weirdos.
    My wife is chilled. She offered me a day of the year called “anything goes day” which is sorta like a honeymoon day where we can do anything. Pause. Yes. Anything.
    Does that mean i’ll jump into bed with someone else? Hell no. However she offered to bring another babe for US to share tho….. what do you think my reply to that was?
    1. Cavey
      I really don’t want to know your response. What i want to know is this: does your wife have a junior sister who’s single and as chilled?
      1. hush
        Lol… My guy, I’m a “yoruba demon”.

        And she has a younger sister. She’s the head of the prayer team at one of the popular churches in lagos so you’re on your own. Still want the hook up?

        Sorry for the essay guys, but I need to say this. To the ladies out here spewing that bullcrap about being “possessive” and giving their terms n shit, well hurray for you. I pray God sends your “spec” your way just the way you like him- a bihhnigga. That man will cheat on you, crip-walk over your heart and you’d come back TO this poll, search for my comment read it slowly again as a lone tear rolls down your eye.
        To the wise and discerning, the tip to keeping your man is simple. Mystery.
        Make him curious. Offer him one day (or days) in a year where you get to blow his mind(no head) with an no holds barred, no rules day.
        Go with him to a resort in Osun state or for the Calabar festival, remove his wedding ring, and tell him that you have a special surprise for him. Arrange a sweet masked kpansh for your husband, join them(if your can handle it oh) and watch him respect(and maybe fear) you.
        I might be wrong with this tho…but I’ve been married 5yrs so Wetin I sabi sef.

        1. yettie
          Mr hush…..shebi it works for you both…congratulations!!!
          Now,allow us that wont give passes..use the mystery that works best for us….mscheeeew!
        2. Miz
          Now now Mr. Hush, just because some people choose different ways to bring mystery into their marriage isn’t a crime. And you can’t assume the people saying they’re possessive here aren’t already married and for longer than your 5 years.

          And all that about how the guy is a bihhnigga, will cheat on them, walk over their hearts, not respect/fear them enough simply because they’re not pimps…Mr. Hush, come on, we all have demons but you need to keep your Yoruba demon firmly in check and stop it from writing comments!

          And finally, I’m glad you’re not a hypocrite, and I’m thrilled you embrace the mystery in your marriage, and I can only imagine how supportive you will be the day you go to a resort in Osun or the Calabar Festival and the Mrs. slips off both your wedding rings and arranges a hot masked hunk for herself and you to enjoy! You could join them if you can handle it oh and watch her respect you for not minding as Mr. Hunk screws her brains out, repeatedly…and yours too, no judgment here! 🙂

        3. Debloww

          ‘That man will cheat on you, crip-walk over your heart and you’d come back TO this poll, search for my comment read it slowly again as a lone tear rolls down your eye.’

          Really? It is your wife that will cheat heavily on you, possibly with your friends without remorse then you will come back to this poll, with your hands on your head and all kinds of fluids running down your nose and read your own comment again.

        4. Cavey
          Mr. Hush,
          I’m delighted and happy that you are 5 years into your marriage and I’m glad you found a formula that works for you but the thing is, just because you tried 7+3=10 doesn’t mean EVERYONE has to go about it that way. My ‘mystery’ can be 100/10 or 2*5 or ‘√(20^2)+xy where ‘xy’ is 8*10. All still give me ’10’! If its mystery, what’s wrong with my boo taking me to calabar festival and texting me she has a surprise for me and if i find it, she promises me the best night of my life with her?! I have zero interest in masked kpanshes because my bae’s is the only one i want!
          Enjoy your passes, it works for you.
          We that don’t have passes, it works for us too.
          The End.
          (Sorry guys, if I went off)
  15. Uche
    Lol. I’m wondering why there aren’t more comments here. Would have really wanted a large sample size….

    Cheating pass. LOL. LMFAO. LOL. Dear future husband, if I give you a cheating pass, best be sure your divorce papers are coming the next day.

    Please stop this BS about men not being wired for monogamy.

  16. Anita
    No problem here as long as I get my pass too. Guys be acting like we don’t see some fine people we could have hooked up with if we were not with them. Just make that deal and see me running to that fine tall brother that has bn on my case…

    You don’t want to respect the vows? Lol, I will teach u how to break it! *hiss*

  17. Chinedov
    What is a pass? Are we taking about those exquisite ones Iniesta dishes out on a regular?

    I’m neither giving nor receiving any passes.

    Not ready to taste the different flavours of Chlamydia.

  18. Archer
    As a guy. I would appreciate a wife that gives me a pass. I’ll try my best not to use them but if/when I eventually do, it’ll lessen the guilt i’ll feel (i think)

    Cheating sometimes just happen, because we’re flesh. There’s a psychological effect to the free pass as it makes you know you have an understanding wife that doesn’t feel threatened and knows for sure that a one or two-night stand does not reduce or erode the love I have for her.

    Ladies on here are being too emotional about it. Get practical, not emotional. As to whether I’ll also give my wife the pass, well, culturally it doesn’t look / feel right to, but I’m sure she has the pass too. The world won’t end or I won’t leave my wife if she cheats. She gets the pass, it’s stored somewhere with me.

  19. Orteri
    Lovely way to introduce such a hot topic. I’m I the only one that concentrated on the memes. Every. Meme. Nailed. It.
    What passes are we talking about? In my opinion, this is a topic that should come up for discussion between me and future wifey. The thought of such ‘passes’ might just led to an own goal. Like D opined in option D above the only spice we need is in Indomie Hungry Man pack.
  20. Itua
    I find it hard to believe that 99% of the commenters here are anti-pass. So where are all the serial cheaters of Lagos fame? The statistics say some of y’all are being dishonest here…

    The overwhelming majority of marriages/relationships are plagued by adultery/cheating, and not just by men. This tells you how strong people’s natural inclination towards multiple partners is. This idea of one partner for life is an unnatural ideology when you get down to it. How logical is it to expect your sexual and emotional intimacy needs to be satisfied by one person, till you die? Haba, are they Superman/Wonderwoman? The ridiculous fairytale expectation we put on our spouses is how we set ourselves up for disappointment. This is why I believe that many relationships are not based on true love at all, but on a warped, irrationally possessive form of it. “He’s mine, why should I share him with anyone else?” Oshey he’s yours. Is he a handbag? How can you presume to claim ownership to all his capacity for romantic affection? Let’s be real abeg. It is only by being brutally honest with yourself and with your partner that you can be truly happy in your marriage/relationship.

    For the minority who are truly happy living monogamous lives, biko do you. But please don’t get into a relationship with the polygamous majority and expect them to change their nature for you. You will find yourself sitting on the living room floor at 2am crying into a glass of wine, wondering why he doesn’t love you as much as you love him.

    Personally, my partner either has to be down for extra-marital adventures or the relationship will not last long. If he is the type of man who would love a pass but doesn’t want to give one, we would never even hit it off anyway.

    1. Cavey
      Dear Itua,
      I’m glad you know yourself well enough to know that extra-marrital adventures are needed to keep your marriage going and i sincerely hope your marriage survives the test of time.
      However, I know that i can’t even bear the thought of kissing another woman that isn’t mine, talkless of anything more.
      You’re right in saying that majority of relationships are plagued by away matches but you’re also right when you said lots of relationships aren’t based on true love but on a possessive form of it. But the minority that are happy in being monogamous and playing home matches for the rest of their lives don’t have two heads…they probably are the ones that are truly in love because that’s when you’d find all you’d ever need in your partner.
      My 2 cents.
      1. Itua
        I was reading your comment and nodding along until this: “But the minority that are happy in being monogamous and playing home matches for the rest of their lives don’t have two heads…they probably are the ones that are truly in love”
        What does this mean?
        1. Cavey
          Sorry about that, Itua.
          It just means that when its the true kind and not the possessive, it wouldn’t be as difficult, living the monogamous life.
          Not that true love removes the possibility of cheating but it greatly reduces the chances.
  21. Iggy_wiggy

    Cheating pass ? Lol lol lol lol lol I will be so baffed if future bae (husband) decides to open his mouth wide and vomit such nonsense! Seems like a screw is missing from your head. Like I just read this post and almost lost it. Why will I willingly give my man the right to sleep with another woman, why will my husband willingly give me the right to sleep with another man ? when there are different sex inventions coming out every year to entertain us and you want free pass! Ko ni da fun iyalaya e.
  22. Seriously...
    Pass… If the dude no want again, he should just say so. I have been married going on 10 years and if my hubby suggested either of us stepping out, I would offer him a divorce instead. Love is possessive oh. I won’t juat watch and allow anyone try to take my place in my children’s hearts. Same goes for my one-and-only.

    Have we finished learning tantric sex? Have we joined the mile-mile – high club yet?

    Pass indeed!


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