big booty

7 Things You Need To Know About Big Booty Girls

Chai. Chineke m. Doc, abeg take am easy na. This thing dey pain me die”, he shouted.

O boy, arrange ur leg make I stitch this thing. I don give u injection wey go reduce the pain, u still dey shout. Na me tell u make u go dey look that girl nyansh”, I shot back.

At the same time, I was laughing. He knew I was joking. I continued stitching and soon I was done.

But bros, u dey try o. U dey on top motorcycle inside busy road. On top am, u still dey look woman nyansh. U no know say e dey risky”, I asked him.

Doc, no be my fault. Na devil cause am! But if na you wey see this nyansh, I swear, you sef for look am join”. We laughed together at the joke and I walked away, as the nurse continued attending to him.

She got an ass that could swallow up a G-string!

Ur bumbum bigger than Bombay!

This nyansh dey scatter my head o…my head o…my head o!

Show me your ikebe baby make I enter!

Baby the thing about your body na your idi nla!

And it goes on and on and on. Lyrics to different songs playing on the radio. Everyone cannot be wrong at the same damn time. I mean, hey, come to think of it. If everyone sings about Ebola, then it means Ebola outbreak is definitely taking place. If everyone sings about NEPA taking light, then it means NEPA is really phucking up. Now when almost every Nigerian artiste sings about that mound of thick flesh on a woman’s backside, then you definitely know that it is the new craze. The New Obsession!

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Much ado about big booty, nyansh, idi nla, otele, ikebe, azuka. Call it anything in any language. Even the French got a funny word for ass – derriere OR foufounes. Na so! I mean, wetin dey inside big nyansh wey dey make some men to give their lives for it? Kanye West just lost his career to Kim’s butt. Wiz knew what was about to happen to him and be bailed out on Amber ASAP!

These days, a big booty chic doesn’t even need to walk from office to office in search of a job. I mean there are a thousand up and coming artistes in Nigeria that are seeking for easy ways to break into the already saturated music industry. And one of the ways is to organize some scantily clad big booty chics to be shaking their asses. Just shake and shake and twerk and twerk the more and people will view your video. Afterwards, you sell a few records. All thanks to the boootttyyyy!!!

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Oh, she’s so bootylicious! That’s the in-thing. “Oh, I am not fat. I am just a thick girl”, says the girl who’s BMI reads 34. No one wants to lose weight anymore. Just pack burgers, isi ewu, cow tail, shawarma…and be chopping. Just munch and munch and munch the more. As for this booty, you must come out by fire and by force.

So as usual from the stables of TNC, we present to you, the important things you need to know about big booties:

The Heaviness Is Real: Just as a young man will pray to the Almighty for an enormous rod after watching a porn flick, it is not an uncommon sight for females to wish for bigger derriere. And I blame this trend on no other factor than society’s glorification of idi nla. Big Backside is now synonymous with Beauty, even if the owner of the backside is a female incarnate of Ota Benga.

Jesus answer my prayers… You said there is nothing too hard for you to do. My faith is as small as a mustard seed so show yourself mighty in my life. Give me a big nyansh Lord! Make it bigger Abba Father!

Na wa o! All these heavy demon-killing prayers on top ordinary nyansh… Ordinary flesh and shit. My sister, before you say this prayer again and Angel Michael carries it up to the Almighty for processing and answering, try and understand that the heaviness is real. BIG. NYANSH. DEY. HEAVY. WELL. WELL. Repeat after me! Again! Big Nyansh Dey… Lol! Cat-walking is also a problem. So you should have a second thought about getting that booty job you plan to get and make do with what your mama gave you.

Fitting Into The Loo Is A Problem: You wake up very early in the morning to that early morning piss that normally attacks ladies at night. And you are in Bobo’s house, so you are not familiar with his bathroom. The piss hold you well well, you just put on the switch and rush into the loo. Then you remove Under G. And then you sit down. BANG! That is when shit hits the fan…yo! Yo’Ass is stuck in the loo. You can’t get it out. TRAGIC, that shit crayyy! Now what if you had a derriere as flat as my Grand Momma’s? I mean, you can sit your ass on any loo, anywhere, anytime, in any freaking place. You could even take a dump in the bush and not worry about those stubborn grasses sticking to your behind.

Victims Of Wolf-whistling: At Alaba, Balogun, Tejuosho (before the destruction), Ladipo, Mokola, Wuse, Ariaria, Ogbete, it is always the same problem everywhere. Ask those that are regular shoppers at shopping malls too. Some mischievous urchins will even run up to you, tapping current upandan while pretending to ask what you want to buy. Well, I got an advice for you if this happens. Tear that zuwo better slap and discharge sharparly! Ahn, Ahn…na your fault say you get idi nla?

The Bus, The Passengers and The Conductor: You are already late for work. The last time you came late, your MD threatened to sack you without issuing a query. And today, the lateness is about to repeat itself again. Then you land at the bus stop. Every bus that slows down suddenly accelerates and takes off. It happened the first time, then the second and then the third. You look at yourself to be sure there is no remnant of poop on your clothes. But that is not the real issue. Blame it on the backside, Baby Gyal! Even if one of them manages to stop for you, the other passengers will complain about the invasion of their own territory with your ikebe. And God will punish Devil when that imp of a conductor asks you to pay for two seats.

My Anaconda Don’t, My Anaconda Don’t: Let’s just say you are at a party, y’all are having a good time, feeling good and having fun. Y’all are dancing the night away. You are actually two stepping and giving Kaffy a run for her money. All of a sudden, the brothers and some lesbo sistas start making those owl-like and pigeon-like sounds…Awww, Oohoo, Ewww, Waoooh…and so on. And you think they are marveled at your shakitibobo and okamfo dance steps. C’mon Sistur…that’s not what they are looking at. Alright, guess what they are ogling at! Yeah, that’s right. Your guess is tha truth! It’s your booty, Baby!

Pant Size Too Badt: Very Important. Getting Victoria Secret sleek pant and lingerie na BIG wahala. Wearing small sized ones will cause MAJOR discomfort, as they will enter and lodge inside the ass crack. Occasional pulling out is what will follow. So the safest bet is to start wearing adult pampers. Or getting your tailor to take your measurement and sew pants of varying sizes and qualities for you.

Some Big Booty Gyals Secretly Wish They Had Smaller Derriere: This is the conclusion. O ti ya! Case Closed!

*****

Word to Mutha: Ladies and Gentlemen, Moderators, Panel of Judges, Accurate Time Keepers, I hope I have been able to convince and not confuse you that big booty girls also face major issues. So to the young lady with a derriere as flat as hundred Naira slippers, take heart…OK? Don’t envy those your friends with big bakassi because with every blessing comes an associated whammy.

Abeg, if you have other things you will want us to know about Big Booty Ladies, feel free to contribute to the humor and love. Omini Knowest!

Image via 042Express

Comments
  • I hope I’m the first… Now back to the post

    April 19, 2016
    • Dr. Baruu

      Yep…that’s right…you are first Sir.
      So wetin we go arrange for you?
      Holy Communion or Burukutu??

      April 19, 2016
      • First of, Amma lady… All these una slangs eh….

        I just want cake…. Lots of it

        April 19, 2016
        • Dr. Baruu

          Aah, my dear sister, no vex.
          Cup cakes for the lady…Lots of it!

          April 19, 2016
  • Uche

    1. I have a big booty. I HATE IT. No one can tell me otherwise. It’s the bane of my existence. Buying oversized trousers and skirts because my waist size won’t let trouser fit. Being very conscious of tight clothes. That’s why I wear flared gowns and skirts. And the stupid cat callers. I have a default no nonsense look when I’m walking. One morning on my way to work one tout felt obliged to tap current. I insulted his very existence and ensured I embarrassed him. Fool.
    I NEVER let a guy walk behind me as long as I can avoid it. You have to do extra screening for your male friends to confirm who’s looking for knacks and who wants the real deal. Don’t take sex jokes lightly; na from clap dance dey start.

    April 19, 2016
    • LMAO

      pele dear. Its God’s blessing. It will add no sorrow

      April 19, 2016
      • Aty Jorbes

        Hahahahahaaha

        May 20, 2016
    • Dr. Baruu

      My Sister Uche…Pele, Jesus is Lord!
      But hating on tha booty???? Nah, Nah, Nah!

      April 19, 2016
    • Detox

      Dear Uche, we should talk.

      April 21, 2016
  • Hahahahaha so true, and to think that this is coming from a guy too… Any body part in excess can be seen as both a blessing and otherwise, especially booty and boobs….

    What I’ve noticed is that, some who have big booty, have small boobs and vice-versa..

    Those who have both in abundance were sure in the forefront during creation…

    I know a lady who has big boobs and she says ‘when I give birth, I’ll need 2 maids, one for d baby and one for the boobs’…

    April 19, 2016
    • Dr. Baruu

      “Those who have both in abundance were sure in the forefront during creation”…
      Real talk Bro…real talk!

      April 19, 2016
  • Afrolady who loves her derriere

    I disagree with your list, but it’s funny all the same. I have a big booty and It took years before I embraced it for what it is. I used to hate the attention I got so, I’d wear clothes that could hide it, I’d avoid walking past a group of guys(in Uni) and all that. NOW, I wear clothes that flatter and make me feel and look good; though getting the right fitting jeans or pants is a challenge. I also have a default “don’t you dare talk to me” look while out in public.
    And yes @dr-tee to that small breasts big booty look, I’m in that category.

    April 19, 2016
    • Dr. Baruu

      Afrolady who loves her derriere…Lol, my personal person…Omo, see name na!
      No mind me my sister, the list is just what it is.
      And embracing the booty for what it is, you sure on the right path.
      God bless Sister!

      April 19, 2016
    • Detox

      Hi five girl! Thick thighs and curvy hips is an important criteria for me tho. That way, my relationship fear is cancelled out. If the chic is committed enough, we’ll work every other thing out.

      April 21, 2016
  • EAO

    Aint got no problem with some junk in the trunk

    April 19, 2016
    • Sophierevs

      My nigga!

      April 19, 2016
    • Dr. Baruu

      Ma Nigga, your word is your bond
      Chop knuckle Bro *fist bump*

      April 19, 2016
  • Emma Marie

    The yoruba translation that says ‘Those that have the hat, have no head. Those with the head have no hat.’ ????
    Plus I am no fan of crude uncouth speaking that even comedians employ.

    April 19, 2016
  • Ehi

    Big booty!!!!!!
    There are good days and bad days…. Like not being able to sleep face up because waist pain when you wake up… 🙁

    Posted from TNC Mobile

    April 19, 2016
    • Redhot

      Dayumm….

      April 19, 2016
    • Tee boy

      Wow! That bad?
      It is true that it’s those who carry it that know.
      Sorry.

      April 19, 2016
  • Ehi

    Oh and buying different sizes of suit because up is not proportional to down :'(

    Posted from TNC Mobile

    April 19, 2016
  • Sophierevs

    I used to have a big booty at least @eao can attest to this. And for someone like me who like attention it was awesome….Went through one terrible heartbreak and that’s how everything disappeared. I would give anything to have my booty back. Sisters in the house please help me I have tried almost everything ranging from drinking raw eggs and milk,squats….

    April 19, 2016
    • EAO

      lol! i can attest to that fully. i actually you trying the wrong method to get it back though 😉

      April 19, 2016
      • Sophierevs

        Rabbi…I sit before you as a willingly student. Please teach me the right method to get it back..Lol!

        April 19, 2016
        • Sophierevs

          *willing

          April 19, 2016
        • EAO

          it’s PG17!

          April 19, 2016
        • Dr. Baruu

          Lol, Abeg Rabbi EAO, teach our dear Sophierevs the way!

          April 19, 2016
          • Sophierevs

            Please help me beg him.

            April 19, 2016
          • Cavey

            I believe what he’s struggling to say is “your methods are good ideas but you need someone to nurse that ass back to health!”
            ????

            April 21, 2016
        • nO2_EFX

          according to a commenter, 200 squats daily while eating more meals or more servings per meal. Also up your protein intake.

          April 21, 2016
  • wistful soul

    I waaaannnntttttt bigger..not so flat, used to be big, lost weight, it deflated, my friends say “my glory days have passed”.. i want it all baaaaccck *in c.b’s voice” well, i dont want something massive. im slim, ass isnt flat, if i wear all those bodycons* i dey try …aside from bagging degrees and making money, having a big booty for bae to work with is #dreamllife

    so, Jesus answer my prayers… You said there is nothing too hard for you to do. My faith is as small as a mustard seed so show yourself mighty in my life. Give me a big nyansh Lord! Make it bigger Abba Father!

    Amen.

    April 19, 2016
    • Sophierevs

      Are you sure we’re not twins?

      April 19, 2016
    • Dr. Baruu

      Lol, My Dear Wistful Soul,
      Your prayers have been answered.
      Now receive the anointing….take eeet…receive eeet
      Amin!

      April 19, 2016
  • sara

    Lol! Finally! I am glad someone wrote abt this

    April 19, 2016
  • wistful soul

    Ok on a more serious note, the pressure is normal. Who remembers “omo pupa ooo, omo pupa lemi fe, omo pupa o jowo moferan re omoge” and then “caro, yellow sisi” and then everyone started bleaching(not everyone) and then we condemned it..then there was the skinny girl trend, where people became anorexic to fit in..everybody wanted to be like a model. “Lepa” was sexy..now it is big booty..all in all, you have to learn to be satisfied before u kee ursef..society doesnt even know what it wants so know for yourself! they are forever changing mouth..if you are not in vogue today, like “bootcut” jeans, u will come back tomorrow..keep your head..(doesnt hurt to have big booty tho and still be skinny)

    April 19, 2016
  • sara

    I have a *considerably* big butt, at least for my size; waist 26 and hip 41.
    Every dude dat meets u just wants to hit it from behind, dey basically forget other sex positions.
    Let me not even start on drama at work since I am an architect, I work with men and lot.
    And getting a tailor to make a high waist skirt or gown that has that bulge that rests on top your butt

    April 19, 2016
    • Olushola

      Hello Sara

      April 19, 2016
      • 11

        lol, see ashawo

        April 20, 2016
        • Olushola

          Hia, what’s ashawo about this na? Lol

          April 21, 2016
    • A

      @sara i can so identify with you, the only thing they see is your butt and have fantasies of you on your knees with your butt in the air.
      The constant ogling and mistaken brushes with your backside, agberos shouting when you’re walking by, cars turning on their headlamps at night to see it clearly, waist pain when you lay on your back, etc.
      I think my worst problem is the dresses, how they roll up, the folds of material just above your waist, constant pulling down and how one can’t wear loosely fitted dresses all the time.

      April 19, 2016
    • Seun

      @sara, I understand what it means to be an endowed female architect among males. Your endowment won’t let many concentrate on the job. I remember my mates who were endowed back in university days, would always carry the day at presentation.

      April 21, 2016
    • Detox

      Lol. Sara the Hourglass. Tehehehe.

      April 21, 2016
    • Aty Jorbes

      Hello Sara
      I’v been with girls who have big asses & when I ask them if I can take it from behind, most of them don’t agree initially. After foreplay, they eventually agree.pls why do ladies do this…..is it because they’re shy or is doggie painful?

      May 20, 2016
  • sara

    I meant *a gown that doesn’t have the bulge that rests on ur butt*

    April 19, 2016
  • Tee boy

    Big booty…..always eye catching cos it’s uncommon and that makes it really unique.
    @sophierevs there are exercises that can enhance your butt texture and make them look bigger.
    When you lose weight, you loose some booty too.
    If your booty is already firm then there might not be much you can do except to put the weight back on.
    On the other hand, you could do the required squat exercises and that will firm up the muscle around there and give the butt a lateral firm raise. Which makes it sort of stand rather than stay limp.
    All the best.

    April 19, 2016
    • Sophierevs

      Thank you.

      April 19, 2016
  • sara

    Hi @olushola

    April 19, 2016
    • Olushola

      Architect, I like.

      April 19, 2016
      • Bem Bem

        Architect, I like too!

        April 20, 2016
        • Olushola

          Dibs brother

          April 21, 2016
  • Sewa

    But Oga baruu, (just being curious), why should it be so heavy when its just adipose tissue. Anyway, a wel curvy behind is graceful to spy at once in a while…(no quote me o, just tryna mak common sense)

    April 19, 2016
    • Dr. Baruu

      Lol…Oga Sewa, na common sense wey you make my Brother
      *now singing the chorus of 2Chainz Birthday Song*
      Na so!

      April 19, 2016
  • Olamii

    Some boots are so annoying, they seem to be walking a short distance away from their owners. Lemme exaggerate… I have ushered a lady in and was waiting for her ass to arrive #runsAway.

    April 19, 2016
  • thatmac

    i dont hate my butt,i earned it. 200 squats everyday,cycling, you name it. and i dont have a problem catwalking,i earned my thigh gap too

    April 19, 2016
    • nO2_EFX

      You go, girl! 🙂

      This is what i was trying to say in an article i wrote a while back here on TNC. If ones issue with their body is something exercise and/or a healthy diet can amend, just go for it. I’d definitely like to read a post on why,how long it took you, and when you decided to go for the booty. Really happy you got the results you wanted. Keep it up

      April 20, 2016
    • Wow!

      April 20, 2016
    • Detox

      Oshey! Chop knuckle. If you want it, go get it. Awesome!

      April 21, 2016
  • Tosbabe

    This article though @Dr Baruu your list though, i agree to disagree, I am an OG in the big booty category, it’s has been a love hate relationship between the booty and I, as a young child my father didn’t allow me wear shorts, mini skirts and some dresses cos he always complained about the fitting, my not so younger sister got away with it cos she doesn’t have that much booty,mehn i hated that so much. @sara and @A tou guys totally get the struggle, I can’t wear fitting dresses comfortably without constantly pulling down and adjusting or wearing pencil skirts to work and collegues tease me throughout the day like they haven’t seen me wear that a million times, when i walk through yaba market or lagos island market, i practically have a boxing glove on, slapping hands and shouting threats, some people will even be insulting you on ur own property. You niggas don’t even help matters at all with your “let me tap that ass” motive everytime. It’s more wahala than you all think abeg.

    Posted from TNC Mobile

    April 20, 2016
    • Dr. Baruu

      My sister Tosbabe, I understand…the list is just what it is sha…
      And on behalf of all the Yaba boys and street urchins, I apologize for the “let me tap that ass” motive. We are sorry Sister…
      Amin!

      April 20, 2016
  • Fola Dee

    It is embarrassing sometimes… I get looks I am not so comfortable with but I think I am used to it… I wear dresses that flatter my body and constantly exercise, cos really… My ass is d first part that gets bigger when I add weight and I like the present size ???????????? how to know a guy isn’t after you just cos of big booty is still a challenge

    April 20, 2016
    • @fola-dee I relate with the “not knowing if all a guy wants is just the booty” challenge. I am attracted to girl who is a good friend. Now, that girl’s got some! But I haven’t really figured out if it’s her good natured self I want or her booty. I have tried to picture her without the booty just to see if things would be different, I just can’t separate the two *wink*

      April 20, 2016
  • Cavey

    @dr-baruu Ass-rounding article sir! Had me in stitches for a while…then this thing passed by me and I was like “hello good morning. I just read an article and I think you’re in the perfect position to explain somethings better. Wanna help? Oh my name is *Cavey. Yours?”
    So Dr, you sure say you no go turn matchmaker?

    April 21, 2016
  • Moji

    What about people that have both, I mean booty n busty. Like im a bit busty n the booty is there. I just want it to go down

    April 21, 2016
    • nO2_EFX

      Any particular reason why…?

      April 21, 2016
    • Deejay

      @Moji How big can this be for you wish it goes down. don’t know sha, but some are ready to die to have it, not to talk of both.

      April 21, 2016
  • Deejay

    @Moji, that’s nice. To have both is a blessing. Would like to meet you. who knows, I may just be able to help.

    April 21, 2016
  • Moji

    Its not that big bit its really obvious and causes unnecessary attention….hi @Deejay maybe you can help

    April 21, 2016
    • Deejay

      @Moji would be glad to help. How about we hook up.

      April 21, 2016
  • !nk

    So I have a big booty and i have a number of nicknames that refer to that (even from my family smh). sure i get the teasing and the wolf whistling (i can deal w that, i laugh it off) but not touching (that really bothers me, enough to hit a stranger who did just that).
    I cant sleep on my back (unless I put a pillow in the arc above my waist), it sucks buying jeans (@Toshabe my parents didnt allow me wear jeans or shorts or mini/ fitted anything teenage years too) , and there’s a size or 2 difference bw top and bottom meaning I usually have to adjust dresses I buy. Despite all this, I like my booty. what can i say?

    April 21, 2016
  • Deejay

    Would be glad to be of help @Moji. How about we hook up..

    April 21, 2016
  • Zeus

    Lmao. Stuff is really true. I’ve got this female friend sha who’s heavily endowed. Like the real ass-anwa. Whenever she’s around, na only doggy go just dey your mind. I’ve literally had to slap myself to maintain focus around her. Got privileged once to bang that shit and, men and brethren, the doggy was paradise. My brains nearly came out via my rod. Big booty is the real deal, y’all. As for those that want it down, please donate to a brother for proper panel-beating. Peace.

    April 22, 2016
    • Olushola

      LMAOOOOOOO. You!!!

      April 22, 2016
  • Moji

    @deejay drop your email addy

    April 22, 2016
  • Deejay
    April 22, 2016
  • Olushola

    Dear thick-behind sisters, cool down fa, whether yo behind thick or nah, we all either want your legs in the hair or in front.
    There’s no saint amidst us yet.

    April 22, 2016
  • Otunba O

    #Np.i luv dat booty…overloooad..e dey make me catch cold*booty call..Mohit recird*
    ..what can i say…big big something.. big big booty….. BUT PLEASE NO big TUMMY.
    ..back then a girl mentioned it to my friends i asked her out and all that..they all laughed and said they can bet their lives on it ‘she was lying…all because am #teamBIG yansh#UKWUnDinma..she was lying actually,d babe was slim and long
    …African curvy ladies..Jah bless you all for adding colours,texture and for the fresh hope of brighter days only you bring. *

    April 22, 2016
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