7 Things No One Tells You About Getting Married

Plenty folks make marriage seem like a spring of life in the Bahamas. Well, scratch that. Okay? That shit crayyy. So below are few things no one tells you about getting married: 1. Marriage isn’t like love scenes in Indian films and Telemundo: Not even close! In the movies, the partners sit on a couch,…

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Plenty folks make marriage seem like a spring of life in the Bahamas. Well, scratch that. Okay? That shit crayyy. So below are few things no one tells you about getting married:

1. Marriage isn’t like love scenes in Indian films and Telemundo:

Not even close! In the movies, the partners sit on a couch, cuddling each other and feeding themselves oreos soaked in cow milk, riding horse together romantically, doing jangilova and such sturvs. Awww, Love Nwantiti! Warraluv! What could be more adorable!

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TNC Memes

But in real life, by the time the couple gets back from the endless holdup, they will even be lucky to get cabin biscuit and chin chin to play love inside Lagos heat.

2. You definitely change over time:

Marriage changes you and your partner. Other single folks might think you are now ‘doing guy’ for them and shunning them. Not at all! They won’t understand.

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TNC Memes

The truth is: you just got entangled with the intricacies of marriage that you barely have time for the stuff that gave you pleasure back then during your ‘singu’ era.

3. Sex (and kpanshing) is no longer the same

If you see that person that told you that you will turn to a ‘pornstar in bed’ after marriage, my sister…just swear for her at that canal near Idi Ape because na big lie be that.

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TNC Memes

Sex is no longer the same, especially when you guys start having babies. Maybe the konji has been piling up, so you decide to sneak one round inside bedroom. That is when the devil will start pinching your baby to start crying uncontrollably. Pheeww!

4. You become an expert in knowing the tastes of different food and dishes:

Yeah right. Ndi Nne Mama! Na so! From attending one owambe party to another naming ceremony, you definitely get to know the tastes of different dishes.

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TNC Memes

Because all the associations you will now join after getting married will involve cooking food at some point.

5. You eventually become like Nigerian mothers:

The same stuff that your mum used to do to you, will now be what you wee be doing to your children.

TNC Gifs

TNC Gifs

From shouting for them to collect remote control that is close to where you are to sending those WhatsApp messages on how to type AMEN, reality sets in.

6. The tying-wrapper-syndrome eventually sets in

Before getting married, most ladies swore that they won’t be caught tying wrapper over the bosom. Lmao. Scrgh! Scrgh!! My dear, no one plans to do so.

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TNC Memes

But research has shown (don’t ask me who conducted the survey) that it eventually happens. If it is not your mother-in-law that initiates you into the tying-wrapper cult, the members of umuada will do so.

7. Over time, looking sexy isn’t an option anymore:

As the marriage progresses, G-strings become uncomfortable. High heels and ‘akpola’ shoes worsen your arthritis. Attachment and weavon remind you of Willy-Willy and Karishika. Crop tops show your belly that has become rotund from endless amala and odeku stout.

TNC Memes

TNC Memes

So your new friends will now be BouBou, shimi, cupion lace, rainbow-coloured tight/leggings, granny pants and rubber slippers.

 

But at the end of the day, there is nothing as amazing as getting hitched with the love of your life. So let nothing deter you from taking that leap of faith. Because you shall not attend Shiloh this year as a spinster. Se oti to? So shout a loud AMEN, somebody! Na so!

Responses

  1. Naomi
    My dogs!! Stories for dayssss. They are part of my family, household even take my surname lol they change the tempo of a place. Hmmm the love and devotion of a dog needs is fascinating. My late Major bit and fought with everyone in the house except me😂😂😂😂 The other one Millie is very playful and friendly, then she does this noisy dance when anyone of us comes home, very annoying if you’re trying to sneak in. Then they love warm baths, u see them calm and peaceful, then the puppies omg so clingy, when u wake up u see little things around ur legs and head. My dogs were very sensitive eg for loud noises they cover their ears😂😂 and they hated other animals-chickens, rats, fish, lizard,turkey or any other pet, although Millie had one sparrow friend that she shares her food with…the sound of our cars omg she starts that annoying noisy dance, they love playing with water, any pool of water, bucket, drum they will splash 😂😂😂 in fact one day we told our dad to go n talk to them to stop playing with water, my dads visitor legit thought we were referring to humans😀😀 then their food hmm they knew us in tantiz…my lil cousins used to feed the puppies golden morn, but omo puppies dey CHOP!! Ah!! We had one dog Roger he used to scale fence n toast other dogs, in d morning people will gist us oh we saw your dog us: lailai he was in all night, until we saw the photocopy pikins the dog sired, omo we sharply collected Roger’s pikins tho we gave them out last last😂😂 Blackie used to harass my neighbours lol it almost became police case mehn the stories can never end..will def want my kids to experience this although this obodo oyinbo pet insurance na wa
  2. Olubukola
    😂😂 Funny post but no, I disagree with all of them.
    BTW, I still don’t tie wrappers over my bosom…..lol. And we have been in this “game” for a little while.
    1. Jo!
      Yep. Me too. I disagree with everything, every single darn thing. Feels like a man wrote this.

      And for the record, looking sexy is the ONLY option, and will always be the ONLY option.

      Teinz & God bless

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