What is it about women that makes us so complicated? They say nobody can ever understand a woman, funny, I don’t believe that’s true. The thing is, the world made us this way, as a woman, to be heard you basically have to fight. We fought to be counted, we fought to work and earn a living, we fought to be taken seriously, we fought for everything and till today, we are still fighting to be seen as equal. We are strong and we don’t give up. According to Clare Luce, “Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed. If I fail, no one will say, “She doesn’t have what it takes.” They will say, “Women don’t have what it takes.”
Why treat your son in a different way than you treat your daughter? Why does he get to have more pocket money? Or get to further his education and go for a masters degree but your once your daughter earns a bachelor’s degree, you are all hands off, the next questions is, don’t you think you should be looking to settle down and have children? Who says it has to be that way? My father has always been someone I admire. Growing up, he always treated my brothers and me equally, to the point that one time, he bought my brothers a toy gun and he bought one for me too. My mum was livid, but all he said was, “If they can shoot, so can she”. So shooting I did, and I did it really good. I am not advising that you buy toy guns for your kids though, let’s keep them as far away from violence as possible, the world has become a crazy place.
Do you have a daughter?
If you have a daughter, teach her to love, tell her she’s special, let her know she can do whatever she sets her mind on, always remind her that no one is more important than herself. Like Paul Tough said, ‘“What matters most in a child’s development, they say, is not how much information we can stuff into her brain in the first few years. What matters, instead, is whether we are able to help her develop a very different set of qualities, a list that includes persistence, self-control, curiosity, conscientiousness, grit, and self-confidence.” Believe me when I say, she would need all these to be great.
A woman is strong, just like a teabag, – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. I know a woman, a strong woman, a confident woman, an independent woman, a single mother who had been all by herself for as long as I can remember. Who says you can’t stand strong all by yourself if you have to. “You do not always have to follow the rules, break the rules sometimes or write your own rules”, my friend Chinyere will say. Sarah Dessen wrote in the book ‘along for the ride’, “you don’t have only do the debutante thing like they want you to. Or just take up pageants instead of riding jump bikes with a bunch of grungy boys. Tell them you can do both. Who says you have to be either smart or pretty, or into girly stuff or sports? Life shouldn’t be about the either/or. We’re capable of more than that, you are capable of more than that.”
Are women confusing?
Now people will say women are confusing, and sometimes we don’t know when to stop. The truth is, everyone gets confused once in a while, all you need to do is, stop for a moment, focus and think, you will figure it out. We do know what we want, but that’s not what we are after. “You are not supposed to understand a woman. That’s not what she’s after…. She doesn’t want you to understand her. She knows that’s impossible. She just wants you to understand yourself. Everything else is negotiable.” I didn’t say this, Neil Stephenson did, and he is correct.
You know, the world will be a boring place without women. Easier maybe, with little or no drama, but what’s the fun in easy. We love really fast, and we hate with the same passion. We overlook some things and act ignorant, but trust that we know. We are built to last, to fall and get back on our feet. It’s in you as a woman, never let anyone tell you otherwise.
Now there’s this quote that says, “what a man can do a woman can do more better”, it is not a competition, life shouldn’t be one. Instead, it should be “what a man can do, a woman can equally do”. We want to live and exist the same way every other human does, we want to be seen, heard and taken seriously. We don’t want to be judged because you are not God, and you are not perfect either. We just want to be allowed to be ourselves, nothing less.
Remember, there’s nothing more beautiful than a woman who has found herself!