Looming Doomsday, Poor Performers and Other Things I’m Angry About Today

Opinion

People say this generation is always annoyed about something. I say, why not? They say we’re sensitive and I agree. I’m so emotionally ticklish all you have to do is call my name the wrong way for me spark. Leaked episodes, shady pastors; these are the things that are making me mad at the moment.

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The orange mess across the Atlantic

For about a year now, I’ve tried my best to ignore the mess occurring in America, apparently cause by whitey white people threaten by the first black president, so they believed a bloated orange man with comb-over hair is their saviour. Their problem, after all, isn’t my wahala. So, why care? My desires to live in their “land of the free” is minimal, and I do not have  immediate family living anywhere near their lynching mobs.

But recently, you have to wonder if this man-baby isn’t just a threat to his own people, but now a world hazard. First of all, he threatened ‘Fire and Fury’ against North Korea, another country ruled by a bloated leader with “incredible” hair. Then those ones threatened to attack Guam and now we’re all wondering if the end of the world the christians talk about is not upon us.

I remember when Obama became president and started his progressive policies. Some Nigerian pastors began to describe him as the anti-christ. Then Trump became president and they decided to magnify their fraud by calling him the deliverer of America. What nonsense. Now, with the coming fury and the whitey white boys running around with torches, you have to wonder if these pastors are worth anything. I mean, if you can’t take a cursory look at Trump’s background and his utterances and predict that his bad news, should we even trust anything you say?

Anyway, all of that isn’t directly my business, I just want to be able to sleep at night, enjoy my little life, and not have to worry that a man-baby somewhere getting worked up by a country nobody cares about will starts World War 3. Some people will say Nigeria is out of the reach of the missiles, but, I’d rather not find that out.

The president with private health

Nigerian leaders have a long history of thinking we, the citizens, are foolish. They come and tell us fables knowing we will not ask anything of them. So, when the president’s surrogates came to the media with talk about the president’s health being private, can you blame them? And it’s not like any of these things couldn’t have been predicted before he entered Aso rock. I remember Ayo Fayose, the rabble rousing governor of Ekiti State telling us the man was sick throughout the period of the campaign. But did Nigerians listen? Nope.

Now they’re releasing more images of the man laughing with another round of museum visitors. If those images are supposed to inspire confidence, then these people must really believe in the folly of Nigerians. Last week, I described him as a museum exhibit in line with Asukwo’s cartoons, but now we have more information. The exhibit isn’t a painting. Rather, it’s a living fossil, in danger of breaking down if touched by any of the museum goers.

You have to wonder though: if the only sane public figure in a country, the one who had the bravery to speak about the impending disaster that is one of the leading candidates’ health was maize-eating Ayo Fayose, aren’t we in trouble?

Nigerians and an utter lack of empathy

There’s often an argument to be made for the inherent goodness of people, a hope that when they see a fellow human in mortal danger, they will be moved to pity and offer help. iI’m not sure why, I’m not sure how, but this hardly happens Nigeria. forget all that you see online when people are asking for money for medical procedures; Nigerians are callous.

Last week, the image of a girl who was missing at Adeyemi College of Education made the rounds online. One would think citizens of a country with a recent trend of busted kidnapping rings would be sympathetic to a apparent kidnap victim. But nah, Nigerians are nothing if not foolish, and they take the liberty to display that online. Under her picture posted on Twitter were posts like “Check the nearest hotel” and other suggestions that she was not really missing but away on sex work.

There’s a part of me that permits cynicism, but not when men routinely choose to employ it in the service of callousness. Those men—and they’re largely male humans making those comments—really think they’re saying something smart and funny and I wonder what kind of life they live offline. And if you think this was a one time thing, the same occurred when news was tweeted about two Unilag students who died in a hotel fire.

The National Disgrace that is Mr Eazi

The good news is that Mr Eazi appeared on James Corden’s The Late Late Show. The bad news is that he performed on James Corden’s The Late Late Show. It’s easy to get jealous of Mr Eazi’s life. He’s at the top of his career, being featured in apple music, giving talks at Google, and having the girlfriend of his peer’s dreams. headlining a concert at the New African Shrine and appearing on late night shows in America. His appearance on an American late night show is even reminiscent of some of our finest musical stars like Majak Fashek.

But somehow Mr Eazi got to the big stage and first of all, thought it wise to perform In the Morning. Perhaps he thought the afrobeat and tight pants would hoodwink his audience into thinking he possess the musical brilliance of Fela. Someone should have told him, when you’re in the west, and you’re not a musical savant, it’s in your best interest to put as much distance between yourself and abami eda as is possible. Then he opened his mouth and sounded like his throat was clogged with phlegm.

Mr Eazi has the charm of a statue, and when you do not know how to impress audiences, the only thing to resort to is your voice. Alas, Mr Eazi had nothing to offer but a silly smile, a badly performed set, and further proof that Nigerians, for all their trips to the other side, are still learners in this entertainment business.

Responses

  1. Anons
    Saw pictures of when they went to give him ‘get well soon’ card. I would have been livid, but I am not Nigerian, just waiting till my original country comes to claim me.
    Eazi’s performance wasn’t bad, I actually liked it.

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