Human sexuality has always been an interesting part of our existence. In recent times, it has become a norm to hear young Nigerian men and women declare their sexuality as sapiosexual—attracted to or sexually aroused by intelligence and its use. When critically analysed, however, are we really sapiosexual?
According to a friend, most Nigerian men aren’t sapiosexual; they feel intimidated by smart women. This echoes the recent findings of researchers at the University of Buffalo, California Lutheran University, and the University of Texas at Austin, which showed that men are sapiosexual in theory and usually lose interest in smart women after encountering them.
Maybe there is an iota of truth in both opinions. I do like smart women, but there’s much more going on than merely a meeting of the minds. Naturally, intelligence often comes with a certain amount of arrogance, pride, autocracy and being opinionated. Some smart women exhibit sheer arrogance and a dire need to be an authority in the relationship. And this is what often scares Nigerian men away, not the lady’s smartness.
Masculinity comes with a big ego as well as social and hierarchical dominance. As a consequence, anything that puts men in danger of having their ego bruised or losing their territory makes them scamper and run for the hills.
This doesn’t mean that the man is weak or intimidated by a smart woman—even though in most cases it appears so. In dating, we are being evaluated on far more than our most attractive traits. And as aforementioned, there seems to be a strong correlation between our attractive traits and some unattractive traits.
For example, it is still an enigma why women turn down nice guys. American singer, Mary J Blige said in her song, ‘Mr Wrong’, “Good guys ain’t no fun.” A female friend went further to succinctly explain it to me. She said, good guys have a certain mentality: the things should be easy for me because I’m good mentality. The same applies to smart women. Smart women have a similar type of mentality: the I am a strong woman who is not scared of sharing my opinion mentality. If you can’t handle this strong woman, you are weak.
Men do value intelligence as much as women value nice guys. Women want nice guys who exude masculine energy and scoff at the constant need for others’ approval whilst men do want an intelligent woman who gives them warmth, affection and peace of mind thus making their lives easier and more pleasant.
Human relationships require social and emotional intelligence, which are based on viewing people through the lens of their own social and emotional needs. Nevertheless, many people focus their attention inward instead of outward. As a result, they find it hard and painful to acknowledge that their strong traits are often accompanied by significant downsides. If you are smart, opinionated and domineering, don’t be surprised if some of your actions turn people off.
P.S. These things go both ways. Some ladies are too awed by a smart man’s intellect and demeanour that they lose interest. They want someone who completes them and sometimes a smart person lacks the qualities they seek in a partner.
What side do you fall on? Is being sapiosexual even a real thing? Does intelligence play a role in attraction? Let’s hear your thoughts.