I met *Kane at a conference in Port Harcourt two years ago and we hit it off immediately. He was one of the speakers at the event and I was impressed with how he infused Christian perspectives to youth political engagement. I sought him out during the meet and greet and complimented him on an excellent presentation. We exchanged contacts and that was the beginning of our friendship. He was a Christian Youth Leader in the headquarters of his church and in his words, ‘a crazy Jesus lover who couldn’t imagine a life without Jesus’. I was impressed really. It wasn’t every day one met extremely good looking young men who weren’t ashamed to profess Jesus as their Lord and Savior.

A few months into our friendship, Kane wanted us to begin dating. I didn’t think it was a bad idea. He was an enterprising, cute and intelligent young man who loved the Lord. Some feminine part of me was already ‘husband-zoning’ him. I totally saw him fitting that role perfectly. I am however not the sort of person who gets involved in dating relationships without finding out where the other person stood on critical issues, particularly that of sex. So I asked Kane, ‘where do you stand on premarital sex?’

You see, I almost didn’t ask this question. In fact, a part of me felt I was disrespecting Kane and his faith in God by asking him where he stood on pre-marital sex. I mean, he was a Christian Youth Leader who was in love with Jesus. Of course, his stand would be the stand of his Lover and Christ, I said to myself.

I shouldn’t have been too quick and too sure.

Kane’s views on pre-marital sex bore no resemblance to those of the Lover of his Soul, Jesus. Kane believed that if two people loved themselves, he saw no reason they couldn’t express that love physically. When I reminded him of what the scriptures said about sex and sexual immorality, Kane said:

‘Look, I believe the Bible too. I love the Lord. But sex is a very important issue in marriage. I believe people should know whether they are sexually compatible before they get married.  How do you know the man isn’t impotent? How do you even know the girl has a vagina? I’m not willing to risk it. Before I marry any girl, we have to make love. I don’t think that is wrong. Sex is very important o. In fact, any man or woman who agrees to no sex before marriage is having sex outside. Don’t be deceived my dear’.

Atrocious comments from a Jesus lover right? But his views have become very common in Christendom today. There is a word for this kind of belief. It is called sexual atheism.

A sexual atheist is a Christian who believes God has no say when it comes to issues of his/her sexuality. Just like atheists believe there is no God, sexual atheists believe God shouldn’t decide how they behave, morally speaking, with regards to their own sexuality. What sexual atheists say really is:

‘I love you Lord, but you see, with regards to this issue of pre-marital sex, you are wrong there. Body no be firewood. You cannot put all these emotions in us and expect us to chill till we are married. How can we chill? How can we just marry someone without testing? I love you o Lord, but I don’t trust you enough not to shortchange me in this sex department. What if I end up with a partner who doesn’t know their way around the bedroom or one who just lies on the bed like a sack of wood? What if I end up with a man who is impotent or a woman who has no vagina? Lord, you know these things happen na. Shebi, you know everything. How do I cope with someone I am not sexually compatible with? And how will I know if we are sexually compatible without testing? Who buys a car without taking it for a test drive? I don’t want to be unfaithful to my spouse. So I am going to do this my way. With regards to my sexual behavior, I am taking you out of the equation and I am going to engage in sex outside of marriage. I have to be sure of what I am getting myself into Lord’.

I have engaged some young Christians on this issue and more than 95% believe that saving sex for marriage only is religious stupidity. To them, it is absolute bunkum. In fact, more than half of this 95% outrightly said they don’t want to marry virgins. What would they do with virgins?

An online Christian magazine, chrismamag.com quoted a recent study conducted by christianmingle.com. In the study, Christian singles between 18-59 years were asked if they would have sex before marriage. An overwhelming 63% of the single Christian respondents indicated yes.

This is nothing but perfect oxymoron.

One the one hand we have Christians, like Brother Kane, who believe that God is a loving, wise and sovereign God who deserves all of our worship. Simultaneously, they also believe that God cannot, should not, will not and must not dictate how they live their lives sexually.

This has me thinking, why do we practice selective belief? Why do we say we love God but we choose parts of His word to believe? Isn’t this some kind of disconnection between what we say we believe and what we actually practice? Why do we go as far as behaving like the devil in the Garden of Eden when it comes to the issue of sex before marriage? We ask questions like, ‘Did God really say that?’ ‘Did He really mean it quite like that?’ ‘God must not mean total abstinence from sex before marriage because that is just impossible. I’m sure He agrees that we can do other things without necessarily going all the way’.

Why do we believe that after trusting and obeying God, He will shortchange us in the sex department? Where did this total distrust and faithlessness come from? What is it about sex that has Christians brazenly and unashamedly trashing God’s word and making it of no consequence? What is the big deal about sex that has Christians boldly shaming virgins? Is sexual purity really unattainable and impossible?

Sexual atheism has permeated Christendom. At some point, I think we have to make the decision to be the generation to put a stop to it through the help of the Holy Spirit. We christians cannot sit on the fence on this one. We must choose for ourselves this day whose we are and whose words we believe. Because trust me, this oxymoronic and hypocritical stance we have on pre-marital sex isn’t helping.

Christians must understand that how we live our lives both as single and married people says a lot about what we really believe. My question for you today is, ‘are you a sexual atheist?’ Where do you stand on pre-marital sex? Do you support Brother Kane’s position on the issue?  I sure would love to read your thoughts.

*Names have been changed in this article for privacy purposes.

Responses

  1. Viko
    Well, it’s not surprising really. Sex permeates all aspects of today’s society, and like it or not, the church will be contaminated by it. Contributors to this situation include the message of ‘grace’, the stories and experiences of people gone before who indulged and came to no harm vs people gone before who abstained and resulted in stories that touch, stories of adultery by clergy, the tendency for the church to turn a blind eye to some of these issues, etc.
    I don’t think I’m in a position to say anything for or against. I’d rather talk about the pros and cons, and leave people to their God and belief.
    Sex is beautiful as long as it’s consensual, and not abuse.
    4+
  2. Viko
    Well, it’s not surprising really. Sex permeates all aspects of today’s society, and like it or not, the church will be contaminated by it. Contributors to this situation include the message of ‘grace’, the stories and experiences of people gone before who indulged and came to no harm vs people gone before who abstained and resulted in stories that touch, stories of adultery by clergy, the tendency for the church to turn a blind eye to some of these issues, etc.
    I don’t think I’m in a position to say anything for or against. I’d rather talk about the pros and cons, and leave people to their God and belief.
    Sex is beautiful as long as it’s consensual, and not abuse.
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  3. Butterflymind
    I am not a sexual atheist. The bible itself calls premarital sex a sin against ones own boy– God’s temple. If anyone feels that God has no say or shouldn’t have any say in how their bodies are treated outside the sanctity of marriage, yet calls himself/herself a Christian, I’d have to ask what they truly believe following Christ and having him as the Lord of their lives truly mean.

    This sexual atheism is simply short for: I love you, Lord, but do not trust you enough to lead me.

    24+
    1. Bkd
      Sex with an intended is not “sexual immorality”, even by bible standards. The Bible permits premarital sex as long as they get married. However, in a situation where the girl’s father disallows the marriage, the man hasn’t to pay for reducing her bride price since it’s assumed that her value Osborne reduced from losing her birginity.(exodus 22:16).
      Besides who’s to say that sex with one’s intended qualifies as immorality?
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  4. Taiwo
    The real problem, i believe, is that sex feels great. That is all. Unlike not killing, or not stealing, it involves a tremendous amount of control to keep from not getting intimate with someone you’re in a relationship with. And most people would rather try to logicalise their way out of it by claiming what if impotent and what if all that… The easy way is to just go ahead with it. And force your conscience to accept it as normal.
    12+
    1. Ukachi
      That’s true. fallibility of the human nature lies in not only making mistakes but in our ability to rationalise the mistakes that we make. If one is not a professing Christian, it’s okay to do whatever one wants. But if we say we are Christians, we have to either let God and His word be our guide. It’s really all or nothing.
      3+
  5. Dami
    @butterflymind The idea of ‘one’s body as God’s Temple’ is not just about sex. It’s about purity of the body, mind and soul. You can be a virgin and harbour hate, jealously, envy so many other sins yet your body will still not be God’s temple. Let’s get that fact straight. The purity Ideology relating to sex is man owns construct. It is beyond sex please know. The bible says it is not what comes into a man that defiles him but what comes out of him. God looks into your heart. If you are a virgin and you still commit other sins you are not purified, you are not holy and God will not dwell in you.

    Concerning sexual atheism, under Christianity as a faith i believe it is wrong but Christianity as a religion that maybe not. Let me elucidate further. Christianity is not a religion but a way of life. It means to be Christ like or to act like Christ. Religion on the other hand is a set of by-laws to guide and judge how you live your life. Those are the two categories of Christianity that I discovered. This is just from my own understanding and my own point of view. When it comes to Christianity I have learnt that it is ‘to each their own’

    No one but God can accurately tell you how to live a true Christian Life.

    p.s. sorry about the errors, wrote it in a rush.

    23+
      1. Dami
        Thank you Ukachi. Loved the article. There are so many pastors like *ken out there today even just christians. I think this is where I emphasize on the fact that God is the only the true one that can show you, teach how to truly live the right christian life. cause his ways are not are ways nor are his thoughts our thoughts . When you full give your all to him, he will just like he did to solomon. Bless you with wisdom, understanding and Knowledge and teach you and reveal so many things to you. Ken in this case is yet to completely give his all to Christ just like must of us, but we truly should not judge him I think, We can voice our opinion about how we think his way of thinking is wrong but we must leave it to God to judge him. Another reason why I say God alone can truly teach us is because people like ken mentor other young christians and will impart such thinking in them.
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    1. Kad
      “The purity is spirit, soul and body” sexual immorality is the only sin against the body, meaning if I steal I’m doing so WITH my hands I’m doing it gainst my neighbours not AGAINST my hands, I think that’s the difference with sexual sins. All sins involve the 3 realms actually just this involves the 3realms and is still against your body. I hope you get the point
      3+
    2. Moyo
      With all due respect to you Dami, I completely disagree with what you said. There’s no such thing as “to each their own”. Where in the scriptures was that ever mentioned? Wouldn’t that make God a God of double standards if something is okay to someone but would be a sin if someone else did it?
      The easy answer is this; If we claim to love God, and we genuinely do, and see that He is truly the One True and Sovereign God that created us- and we see that His word says to not have sex before marriage (or any other of the things He asked from us), then WHY? why would we even think of disobeying?
      At a point in your relationship with God, it needs to go beyond just the rules and regulations, the things we can and can’t do, and get to the place in our hearts where we ask ourselves if Jesus is worth more to you that whatever sin you’re facing. If He’s truly your everything, what is foregoing sex? It wouldn’t cost you anything to choose Him above whatever urge you’re feeling.
      Nothing else would truly matter. You would truly be dead to self and that’s what He wants from us. God is not looking for people that obey part of His word and don’t obey others. This relationship is total surrender. It’s pride that makes us think what The Sovereign Lord says sometimes is not right. At least you know what God says about the pride? (He rebukes the pride!)
      At the bottom of it all, it goes beyond the particular sin. If God is not everything to you; or if you’re still questioning some of His laws, then you’re not truly sold. And that is the real issue. Let’s stop hitting on issues that are not the foundation. The foundation is having your heart checked by God. Begging God for the Holy Spirit, because The Holy Spirit is The One that can help us with total surrender. He is the Spirit of God!
      With total surrender nothing comes close to where God is in your heart. If God says no sex before marriage, Then I’m not having sex before marriage. He’s God, and I’m a creation. He makes the rules, not me! It really should be that simple.
      14+
      1. Dami
        Hey. I think you should read my comment again darling. I never said that to each there own is in the bible. I said that I have learnt when it comes to Christianity that it is to each their own. Meaning that people say and do according to their own understanding or what someone tells them. Also meaning I just don’t judge people anymore. Please read again. Nawa o! Not so much of a fan of these comment sections here. Please Moyo read my comment again. You’re taken my comment totally out of context with your reply. I am a born again Christian. In no way have I implied or tried to imply that God is of double standard o. I am simply saying let us understand this concept of purity that is not just about abstaining sex but it involves our mind,our spirit, our soul and our body together. I have in no way question his laws in what I have said. Again concerning the article I said I believe there are two kinds of Christians the faithful one and the religious one. The religious ones are those who practice Christianity according to their own will such as the pastor in the article. Again please read the comment before you decide to descend on me again o! I think your comments should be towards the religious Christians I speak about. Thank you ma/sir. God bless you
        5+
    3. Frances Okoro
      But God has accurately told us how to live a life in Christ in His Word..its all in there.
      God even says He has magnified His word above His name…

      King James Bible, Psalm 138:2
      “I will worship toward thy holy temple, and praise thy name for thy lovingkindness and for thy truth: for thou hast magnified thy word above all thy name.”

      So if we as Christians rely on just voices or society to show us the way, we are being deceived and sometimes we cant even blame those who are deceived but we are enjoined to hold onto the Word in these times because wrong doctrine and societal pressure will sweep MANY away.
      God help us all

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  6. Well...
    I think its as big a problem as other sins. I only just wish that we will all ‘agree’ that it is against the will of God and we are sinning, instead of giving excuses only. If we looked at it as a sin, we will be more inclined to pray for the grace to overcome, instead of justifying it and moving on. Seriously, acknowledge, just acknowledge.
    12+
  7. Sweetheart
    ‘Nobody but God can tell you how to live a true Christian life.’Amazing. There are people who can tell you how to live a true Christian life. There are people who God has given understanding, wisdom from His Word to teach the ones who don’t know. Apart from that, you can read the Bible for yourself and see where God clearly states that pre-marital sex is a sin. Gal.5:22. Please, don’t ever say that nobody but God can tell you. He has assigned people to teach you. 1Cor. 12: 4-11. Sex is beautiful, amazingly beautiful. God made it so but He also made it to be between a man and a woman who are married, with Him as a witness. Anything outside of that is a sin. To the writer of this article, thank you. You did a great job. God bless you. I am a total believer and servant of Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, too. Unashamedly so. I love this article.
    11+
    1. Ukachi
      Thank you sweetheart. As Christians, we must not be ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ. We have a responsibility to continue to speak the truth regardless of how unpalatable or unpopular the truth is. God bless you too.
      2+
  8. Olamide
    Dear writer, you are so on point. It saddens a lot whenever I see people finding excuses for premarital sex. I’m a Muslim however and the Quran boldly talks on how wrong it is including it’s penalties but you see people indulge and still find excuses and you can only pray to God to lead us aright. Serial Atheist. I really love that word. Thanks a lot for this.
    3+
    1. Dami
      By taking the bold step of developing a personal and intimate relationship with him with consistency, determination and discipline.
      0
  9. Love
    Why as a christian are you questioning the beliefs of others? Why do you have to put up so much resistance to choices other people are making. You should look within and ask yourself those questions. Their life journey which is different from yours has led to them to believe what they believe in. Your job as a Christian is to love them regardless just like Christ love you. Stop acting out of fear. Their choices doesn’t reduce or lower your “Christian potency”. If you do not believe in sex before marriage look for who does and have a wonderful life.
    2+
    1. Kad
      I don’t get please, I’m questioning the belief of someone within the same faith?
      There’s always the place of correction oh, and at least the Bible doesn’t excuse jealousy, sexual immorality or any other sin but it doesn’t say we shouldn’t correct each other in love.
      If I see that your weakness is sex should I not call you to order and you do same if you see
      that mine is anger? Yeah it’s all the grace of God but let’s not continue in sin like it’s our right to sin, its no longer a right when you are in Christ.Grace says come as you are cos God will mould you to be better and with the HolySpirit as your witness things should change, but how can I say I’m in Christ and say without shame that I’m a fornicator. Is that how people boast of their other sins?
      8+
      1. Henny
        My thoughts exactly…Thank you. Why do people just hide behind the statement -do not judge- to justify their lust for the flesh? God’s grace is sufficient for us. But we must desist from RATIONALIZING our shortcomings. God help us all.
        2+
  10. Optimus Prime
    This was succinctingly put. It was a good read. Well done, Ukachi.

    I think Brother Kane’s position is valid. There’s so much deception out there now that one cannot but “investigate” what one is signing a life contract with.

    There’s a long list of nonbinary gender identities out there – imagine the shock on the night of the wedding if Brother Kane found out he married a bigender or a shemale?

    Besides, what makes premarital sex so evil and premarital kiss so acceptable. According to the Holy scriptures, both fall under fornication and it doesn’t end there.

    From what I also understand, if I imagined doing “interesting” things with Beyonce’s butt, it’s also a clear case of fornication. Therefore, a whole lot of people are fornicating without being aware they are.

    Many Christians are picking and choosing what constitutes fornication, majority of them are in denial. Brother Kane’s position is valid. The actual premarital sex and having sexual thoughts about someone carry the same weight in the eyes of the Almighty.

    Why not go all the way?

    9+
    1. Ukachi
      Thanks Optimus Prime for reading. I totally agree that we are picking and choosing what constitutes sin in general. Some Christians condemn homosexuality but rationalise pornography or pre-marital sex. As for ‘discoveries’ on wedding nights, if people in relationships were more honest, then there would be no need for some ‘kain’ surprises. I believe in total honesty- no holds barred kind. If I am a hermaphrodite for instance, I should tell my intended that this is who I am and allow him make up his mind whether or not to be with me. Hiding that information is clear deception and not at all Christainly.
      1+
  11. Olayinka
    First of all, it was a snake that was in the garden of Eden not the devil. Remember God took away snakes’ legs with a curse for misleading Eve. The devil was never linked to the events that occured at the garden.
    See, as Christians whether you like it or not, you must be selective in your beliefs. Jesus gave conditions as to when a Man is allowed to divorce his wife. Abuse was not reason. It wad adultery he specifically mentioned. Tell me in all honesty, aren’t women divorcing men today and are they not using other grounds apart from adultery in doing so? Is that what Jesus prescribed? Does that make them less of Christians?
    Didn’t Paul forbid women from speaking at all in Church or even leading men calling it a disgrace. Please can we tell Joyce Meyer and all those wonderful female General Overseers to close church and will you stop asking questions in church or at all till you’re married since Paul specifically stated that women who have questions should ask their husbands at home.
    I hope you see where I’m going with this? Just like everything in this world, even biblical injunctions are subject to changes. Back then like people will like to argue, a lot of the injunctions in the bible were cultural. Since cultures evolve, even those in the bible like clothings, divorce, jewellery, birth, circumcision, marriage and even rules on adultery have been re -moulded to fit into today’s world. Which is why Christians don’t stone adulterous women to death again or force raped victims to marry their rapists as stated by the Bible. Heck we don’t even kill animals for burnt offerings anymore.
    See the question of being a wholesome Christian is one that will forever be debatable.
    14+
    1. Kad
      Valid points, even some questions I can’t answer yet! but moving according to the times totally is been blown by the wind oh my dear and not living as a Christian. So if the new thing is hate, Christians should join the band?
      I have come to the point where I see the Christian faith as for our own good. With testing the waters sef don’t people still get it wrong? U hear so many people testing the waters and the guy may not be good in bed,they know this oh and decide to cheat after marriage Biko how did this testing help ur life? humans are just inevitably selfish If you are saving the cookie and can’t give birth early on in the marriage, does that mean you knew you’d have such issues and things won’t get better.
      It’s way easier to go to your father if you feel you played your part and he didn’t meet up to his own end of the deal but if you come 2nd and the deal is to come 1st and travel to the Bahamas , you can only BEG him to be merciful and maybe still let you go or maybe send you to Ghana but you cannot DEMAND except you actually came 1st.
      P.S we all sin but difference is some are okay in it while others use GRACE to find a way out of the sins? The question is which side are you on?
      2+
    2. E
      Ahh!! I just had to reply this comment… Bia , u said the incident at the garden of eden was never linked to d devil??? Gosh!! Go read ur bible sir.
      Yea, u gav valud points on christianity and culture, which is true but then, on this issue of sex, it doesn’t add up biko… The way d issue of pre-marital was flogged in d scriptures will even let u know its NO mere culture…
      Thank u
      2+
      1. Olayinka
        Oya quote the part of the bible that said the snake was also the devil. Pls.
        Where was the issue of pre- marital sex over flogged in the bible? Was it the only thing over flogged that we condone now? Slavery was condoned in the old testament. Jesus had the chance to condemn that but it skipped his mind. Paul could have made up for that in his letter to Philemon. Did he condemn slavery? Nope. He even enjoined slaves to obey their masters thereby sealing the validity of men owning other men. So tell me about that and how that scripture benefits you.
        1+
    3. E
      Lol… Jesus!!! Am not supposed to check blogs today but oga
      don make me change my mind…

      Ok, am not a theologian(thats what they call those Bible folks abi??)but thank God 4 HIS Spirit.

      Genesis 3:14-15
      And the LORD God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life

      /////(when u read d below, NoTE He is talking to different personality here)////

      And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel”.

      Ok i hav seperated that passage into two, in d first, God caused d serpent, why?? u did ask; Becos the serpent has been a bad creature be4 that very incident
      “Now the serpent was more subtle than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made” (Gen. 3:1). So by nature d serpent is crafty,& cunning. U don’t expect satan to see d serpent & choose to work wit a goat, do u?? So u find d devil using serpents & dragons more in scriptures.

      Coming to d second part- d brusing & enemity part- u find that God was talking to a different being all together, lets go the future (Revelation-d end of d world) and see who is been bruised (d devil or d serpent),

      Following the imagery of chapter 12 of the Book of Revelation, (lets call) Mary the “conqueror of dragons(dragon and serpent were used interchangeably there) “, becos she was long to be shown crushing a snake underfoot, also a reference to her title as the “New Eve”. Read d whole of chapter 12 pls

      Done with explaining, Can’t believe i typed all that, it would’ve been better if we were talking u know… Ehe!! On that of old tastement,st. Paul & slavery, i will try and reply u leta on that(if its necessary though)…. Thank u

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  12. Anonymous
    Don’t do the things that God & Jesus said not to do and do the things that God & Jesus did not say not to do, shikena! Don’t make laws, you are not God; don’t amend laws, you are not a Nigerian legislature; don’t suite laws to your taste, you’re not a tailor (apologies to tailors reading this(you are not exempted either)). If God ever feels that a law needs to be changed, it will be clear as a dawning sunrise, shikena!!
    6+
  13. Ufuomaee
    It’s sad that Bro Kane’s answer is sooo common, even among Christian leadership. But what did we expect? Didn’t Jesus saw that the wheat will grow with the tares? The Lord alone knows those who are His.

    Thanks for a great post!

    10+
  14. Mofesola Babalola
    Christianity will continue to have to cope with the hypocrisy. What’s available in the bible does not go down well with most Christians and that’s the truth. We shouldn’t point out sex alone.

    Now we have Christian gays, Christian feminists, Christian fornicators, Christian Alcoholics, Christian Abortionists. These are oxymorons. The truth is that the bible was written by men who didn’t know any better. If the bible was re-written today, it will accommodate all these refined world views.

    I still don’t understand how a young man is not expected to have sex or to masturbate before he gets married. Is he impotent?

    4+
    1. Orochi
      Well said. Someone please answer the young man? Y’all are in denial. This post is not far from the positions pastors assume themselves – you want to be the person who knows what is right, you want to feel good about your life and you want to tell everyone else how to be better (how to be more like you).
      Christians and religious people are the greatest liars, they lie to themselves and everyone around them.
      I can go over the failings of the bible message that have already been listed by a couple of people.
      Y’all tend to interpret the scriptures to the extent that’s comfortable for you.
      Please keep your thoughts to yourself and address things that will make this world a better place now. Not things about another life you have no proof exists.
      3+
      1. Grrey
        Your reasoning is really faulted… Christians, true christians are not liars… You should say you’re surrounded with false claiming christians who’re obviously liars… And besides that, there are numerous proofs that heaven exists… You’ve just blinded your eyes to them… And if you’re really following what you said, you’d keep your own thoughts to yourself and mind your business… And it is very possible for a young man or woman to live without sex or masturbation, without being impotent… You’re simply comparing yourself with others, what you see as normal or as a must isn’t the same for others… Hundreds of people, millions of people live morally pure lives… You simply don’t have the grace to… So it seems impossible to you…
        Thanks
        1+
    2. U
      Mofesola Babalola, You got it all wrong. Christianity is not pastor this or bishop that. Christianity is God’s way of life for those who are committed Christains. Hypocrisy is everywhere. Christianity stands tall notwithstanding the hypocrisy/sinfulness of some of the adherents.

      The bible states that Homosexuality/ lesbianism is sinful & it has not changed. “Christian gay” is same as Christain fornicator or Christain thief. God has the final say even though as human being we judge.

      There are two things that do not change – Bible and Mathematics. The formulae & theories of Mathematical sciences- (Physics/Chemistry/ Calculus/Geometry etc) are still same from ages. So is the Word of God – the Bible. The Bible was written at God’s inspiration, how then do you think God would change His commandments /instructions to Human race.

      God is of yesterday, today and tomorrow. He lives through the ages and does not change. In the beginning there is God & He created (not made) heaven and earth and all in between. He is God.

      3+
    3. Frances Okoro
      No,dear Mofe, if the Bible was written today, it still wont be changed to accommodate “this world’s view”.
      Why?
      Because the Bible wasn’t written from this world’s view in the first place, it was written from God’s view and no, God’s view NEVER CHANGES.
      “Thy Word oh God is settled in the heavens and earth FOREVER”.

      And though God used men to speak His word, this is what He tells us in 2Timothy 3:16

      New International Version
      All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,

      New Living Translation
      All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right.

      English Standard Version
      All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness,

      I think everyone of us who are Christians have to know the Word of God for ourselves, so we wont be swayed by new world ideologies, etc.
      The book of Timothy has a lot to say on new world ideas and thoughts…it would do every Christian who hopes and desires to stay strong in God to study and fasten those words to heart, else we will fall for every wind that blows and sounds like truth when its not.
      God help us all.

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  15. U
    It’s a sad day. Education gives us reason, sometimes, to justify the unjustifiable. Many of us commit sins we are comfortable with.

    There’s no justification for premarital sex if one is a Christain. The bible is the instruction book for Christians & you had better act accordingly if heaven is your destination. Every sin will be punished whether repented for or not. You don’t choose with God because Christianity(being like Christ) is not a buffet that one chooses. One must accept all.

    The bible prescribes how to avoid occasions of sin & that includes premarital sex. Relationship is a sure avenue to premarital sex. So avoid it. If you trust God, wholeheartedly, He will give you a woman with a vagina & who is not barren or a man with a penis & not impotent. Being good in bed is not innate/inborn but learnable. If your spouse is not “satisfying” in bed, then this is time to learn together. Practice makes perfect even in sex.

    4+
  16. Nedu
    Amazing how this views are always aired more by and contributed to more by Women … but I think it’s simply because over time Sex has been painted as something Men gain from and Women loss once it is pre-marital

    So many Women are against and many Men are pro … doesn’t that really tell us something?

    My point like one of the contributions made was that Religion is not Belief and that is the problem … Sin is not the Ten Commandment and something more

    Let’s really understand why we have Sex with someone and try to get your belief in line with the Will of God … if Sex is going to affect the work of God in your life … you will know

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    1. U
      The perception is no longer tenable. Women ask for sex in subtle ways than men. What most women are against is a relationship that’s mostly sexual & doesn’t lead to commitment/marriage. Any woman who likes sex will have it with her partner once it’s certain marriage is written in “blood”.
      In many local languages love making translate to a “man doing sex to a woman”. In reality it’s the woman that allows sex to happen. Man can only beg or suggest but approval comes from the woman. Women decide to f••k men simple.

      If she is already “husband-zoned” & pretty sure he is very committed, she is doing premarital.
      Lastly the names on some of these comments do not reflect the gender. Men sometimes comment with female names & may be vice versa.

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      1. Nedu
        I get your point there on the comments … I was even talking generally and from experience, but what you have said even highlights it more interestingly because Men by default want Sex in any relationship … it’s the Women that decide and I guess that’s usually were their stand and views on the subject with context to religion + society comes into bear.

        As for “Husband – Zoning” … I think it actually varies for alot of Women … and just boils down to if the Woman likes Sex or Not … then the games begin

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  17. Darling
    Yes, it’s a sin but let me share my own thoughts and experience. God please forgive me. I met this guy & we got close. Cut the long story short. We eventually had sex & the first time I actually thought it was a joke like I didn’t feel anything & he was actually small. We had sex again & I just concluded that I cannot be with this man cos in the long run, I will never feel satisfied.

    If I didn’t “experiment” & went ahead with the whole thing & found this out on our wedding night, trust me, I’d be distraught.

    Please don’t get me wrong. I didn’t reject him based on his size, truth is we fell apart somehow. I met someone else who understands me better…..bottomline, we no just click sha.

    I know it’s wrong to have sex before marriage but somehow, in this case, I do not regret it. God forgive me oh.

    Posted from TNC Mobile

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  18. Orochi
    “If you trust God, wholeheartedly, He will give you a woman with a vagina & who is not barren or a man with a penis & not impotent. Being good in bed is not innate/inborn but learnable. If your spouse is not “satisfying” in bed, then this is time to learn together. Practice makes perfect even in sex.” – here we go again with the burden of faith. You place the burden on the man/woman, so if things go wrong – like getting married to a woman who thinks the doggy style or giving blow jobs is evil, it’s his fault for not trusting God wholeheartedly, and all barren couples in the church also didn’t trust God enough.
    Sexual comfort and satisfaction is as important as Financial comfort and satisfaction in relationships and marriages.

    It is really amazing how humans live life on a daily basis using evidence then so easily claim we should live life on trust when it comes to issues addressed in a book.
    How many times do you choose a school for yourself without examining its attributes/qualities? or a woman/man, a house, a job, a car, clothes, a watch etc.
    Yet we all choose all sorts of things, cos all humans are different, and have a plethora of preferences.

    And yes, Christian Feminists is an oxymoron. The bible isn’t feminist if you have read it.

    I don’t expect y’all to change your position.
    But the would definitely be a better place if every one who believes in a god stops assuming they know what the truth is, or what is right or wrong.

    2+
    1. U
      Orochi,
      …….”stops assuming they know what the truth is, or what is right or wrong”. A Christain does not assume what is right or wrong. It is stated in the Bible. They know.

      You misunderstood the line of argument. As Christains, they trust God. He asks Christians to seek Him & the rest will be added unto them. You discuss with your potential spouse about all things and you will definitely know if she likes the blow job before marriage. Your naiviete shows when you think you are barred from discussions or you can’t know your future spouse well before proposing.

      There was no reference to the post about impotence/barrenness being consequent on not trusting God enough. Bad things happen to good people and that includes fervent Christains.

      Lastly, this post isn’t about who is hollier but how one feels about premarital sex. God says it wrong and that’s it for Christians. No assumptions.

      Someone had posted that she had premarital sex even though she knew it was wrong and asked God’s forgiveness. That is straight to the point and well said. Again, most of us committ sins we are comfortable with and not out of ignorance.

      5+
  19. Shopss
    I definitely agree that premarital sex just like lying, stealing etc, is considered a sin from my relationship with Christ. What i however feel very uncomfortable with is the school of thought that “If you trust God, wholeheartedly, He will give you a woman with a vagina & who is not barren or a man with a penis & not impotent.” Are you God?? How do you know what He is thinking?? Just like certain folks believe you cant be a christian and be poor or have cancer. His ways our not our ways neither are His thoughts our thoughts. So what happens if i believe i have been following Christ wholeheartedly (that includes being a virgin) and THEN find out my husband is impotent, does it make me any less of a christian?
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  20. Dami
    I have posted too much comments on this post with errors loool. I apologize. My final thoughts are to have a personal and intimate relationship with Christ. Speak to him like to speak to your friends, listen to him like you listen to your friends. Love him like no other. Let him be your best friend, your mother, father, brother or sister. Let him completely have all of you and watch him show you to live the right life. it won’t be easy but it is for you. For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Mark 8:36
    All he does is for you, because you are his child, his love. He gave up his own life for you, the kind of love he will show you will come with discipline, affection and reproach. He will teach you how to live a life that will please him. Just take that bold step of giving your life to him and developing what I call a closet relationship with him. Where it is just you and your maker, where you do not have to worry what anyone thinks or says, were you just worship him in truth and in spirit. begin to develop a personal intimate relationship with Christ, Jesus today.
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  21. Toni
    “Christians must understand that how
    we live our lives both as single and
    married people says a lot about what
    we really believe.”

    Look, apart from this being a hot topic, this was well written. That quote above says it all: if you’re CHRISTIAN it will show in your actions/words. Many of us who claim “Christian” are actually not, and I’m pointing fingers at myself too here. God even says on the last day many would say they were His followers but He’d tell em He don’t know em; meaning many of us half-hearted, pick-and-choose ‘Christians’ are the lukewarm-neither-hot-nor-cold that Jesus says He’d spew out of His mouth. And it’s people like us who give Christianity a bad name. However, our sin and hypocrisy shouldn’t make you disbelieve the truth in God’s injunctions, they are the ONLY way to salvation. Now, He doesn’t force His ways on us, or kill us all when we disobey; that era ended with the Old Testament and the coming of Christ. God instead looks at the sacrifice of Christ as an atonement for the death we rightly deserve each time we sin, so His mercy is more evident when He forgives us because He’s punished Christ (basically punished Himself as Christ is God). So you see, God and Christianity haven’t given you double-standards, or impossible-to-achieve goals, men have done that. Jesus agreed that following Him is hard, He called it a “yoke!” But, and this is the main point which many of us miss or ignore, He says He’d help us with this “yoke” and that we’d always have problems/persecutions here on earth so He promises us a better life in heaven. This is the basic promise of Chrsitianity: life is hard, abstaining from pre-marital sex is hard, trusting Me to give you the right partner is hard especially when you know many who were more devoted than you that didn’t get what they wanted in a partner, but inspite of this hardship, I’d make things easier for you if you trust me and follow me no matter what. The hardship you pass through while still trusting Me would prepare for the promised land, heaven. Think of what Israel had to endure through the wilderness for decades to get to their promised land, Canaan. There were shortcuts to get there but Moses led by God took them the long way around to teach them to trust God. Many fell along the way, many are falling today, but follow nonetheless. Many are having pre-marital sex because it’s the easier, shorter way around, but don’t do it. God has a harder but better way. And He has a reward for the hardship, heaven. It’s not easy, but that’s His promise.

    I chose the easy way around and ended up with a son I wasn’t prepared to raise and a forced, quick, almost shabby wedding. I love my wife dearly and my son is just the best thing God has given me but I regret getting married and having a child the way I did, because It won’t be easy to teach my son to trust God when I didn’t. I learned from my experience but I still fail to trust in some big issues today. Does that make the bible untrue? No. It makes me a sinner like everyone else. Should I tell you what to do with your life, your sex? No. But you should listen to the one who lived on earth but never sinned, Jesus. Again, he was tempted and overcame so He understands how hard it is to be sinless, that’s why He asks to help us. Don’t push Him away because people like me didn’t trust Him fully but claim to be His follower. Look instead at the mercy He’s shown sinners like by not giving us what we deserve (I got an amazing wife and son, a happy marriage, despite my sin) and know that you may not get the same thing but what you do get will be to teach you to trust Him. I haven’t gotten many other things I want from Him so it’s not as if “test-driving” got me the best deal, there’s a lot I’m still missing.

    Long story short, people are messed up. Christianity isn’t. Life is hard, choices are hard. Christianity is hard, too, but Christ is willing to help us through the hardship of the Christian way. He will still show mercy to the sinful but that doesn’t justify their sin.

    Blessings.

    13+
  22. YD
    i don’t necessarily buy the “to each their own” statement in Christianity. at the end of the day, Christianity, as God intended it (a way of life or religion, anyhow it pleases us to call it), is governed by the Bible. The word of God is made available to ‘instruct”. he already told us how to “accurately live as a Christian”…

    it is of course a given that God focuses more on the inside than on what we claim on the outside, and it is a given that one should strive to be Christ like mind, body, soul together. (i am sure the writer is aware of this). But, that doesn’t take away from the fact that the Bible clearly makes it obvious that Fornication is a sin. I guess what i am trying to say is, no matter how much we fine tune the message in this article,bottom line is Fornication is not approved by the Bible. And you cannot say you are Christlike (or striving/practicing to be) and consciously, repeatedly, without remorse, engage in sin (fornication being one), and more so, justify your actions (as the world is doing now). To live for Christ is to die to sin.. no matter how hard it is.. at least try.. (sadly, ‘trying’ alone will not lead you to the kingdom of God.

    May God continue to give us the grace to increase in our walk with him. its a bittersweet experience at times..

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  23. Daniels Ajanaku
    Secret thoughts of the mind, but the questions should be:
    1. How will i face her/him in public tomorrow knowing fully well am not tied to him/her in holy matrimony
    2. Will God smile at me when i become a Seual Atheist even though my heart speaks his word.
    no matter what, Serving God is a personal choice with individual consequence and the standard should not be because Mr. A said it’s good.
    Let the pride in you lead you to make the right and wise choice, He is too faithful to fail you in the “Sex Department” at the right time.
    1+
  24. Jeanne
    I really find it ridiculous, when someone who is allegedly a Christian, claims to live by God’s commandments, but sees nothing wrong in engaging in pre marital sex.
    It’s crazy, the justifications people give for doing so. From, ‘body no be firewood’ to ‘I can’t buy something I’ve not tasted. ‘
    You’re either committing a sin or you’re not. What’s with the double standards and sitting on the fence?

    Talking about testing, is you already questioning God’s being able to give you more than you ask for or can ever imagine. And that’s another sin.
    The world is so messed up that even saying that you don’t believe in pre marital sex, would earn you more snide remarks and insults, than encouragement. Mostly from ‘Christains.’ It’s just so sad.
    May God help us.

    4+
    1. Ukachi Post author
      that’s one of the biggest ironies in the world today. Celibacy gets shamed while promiscuity is meant with ‘don’t hate’. Lol. At the end of the day, we have a duty to live as we deem right. God is the final judge. Christians ought to know, though, that they have a standard to uphold. We can’t be professing on the one had, and living the way we want on the other
      1+
  25. Cool Breeze
    Well, a lot of people are sexual atheist then if that’s what it means. People would always find a defense-mechanism, an excuse, something; anything that helps silence that small still voice in them when it comes to sex. Even some proud men of God are sexual atheists. I won’t forget in a hurry the day a priest called me aside in church after mass and asked if i was a virgin, afterwards he started discouraging me and telling me that keeping ones self wasn’t an achievement. He shamelessly brought up the topic of ending up with a partner who you are not sexually compatible with because you decided on a no-sex before marriage policy. A man of God! I won’t lie he almost messed up my psyche. Seriously though, why a lot of people think like this is because they are not really Christians, they don’t understand what it means to be “Christ-like”. But who i’m i to condemn, i’m too busy living my own life, everybody should live the way they feel is right, at the end, time shall tell.

    Sexual atheists..lol, wonderful concept!

    1+
    1. Ukachi Post author
      a priest? Wow. I guess I should stop getting shocked. The truth is, if one calls him/herself a christian, then some things should be pretty clear.
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  26. MexManuel
    Sexual Atheist. What happens if the tasting does not turn out as expected.
    Would he go out looking for some other sexual compatible ones?
    Truthfully, there is something true about relationships especially when it concerns two opposite sexual beings. The fact that it transcends beyond physical characteristics, status or influence of any of the parties to true and pure feelings. This strong and young and long attraction; its hotness that even ice-water that even quench.
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  27. Bkd
    Sex with an intended is not “sexual immorality”, even by bible standards. The Bible permits premarital sex as long as they get married. However, in a situation where the girl’s father disallows the marriage, the man hasn’t to pay for reducing her bride price since it’s assumed that her value Osborne reduced from losing her birginity.(exodus 22:16).
    Besides who’s to say that sex with one’s intended qualifies as immorality?
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  28. Bkd
    Sex with an intended is not “sexual immorality”, even by bible standards. The Bible permits premarital sex as long as they get married. However, in a situation where the girl’s father disallows the marriage, the man only has to pay for reducing her bride price since it’s assumed that her value value has been reduced from losing her virginity.(exodus 22:16).
    Besides who’s to say that sex with one’s intended qualifies as immorality?
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  29. Pingback: Are You A Sexual Atheist?

  30. tchidi
    Generations will come and go. Philosophies, beliefs and all man “knows” will change, get countered and disproved with the passing of time. Everything is subject to change, heaven and earth will pass away but the word of God remains the same. God is ALWAYS right, NEVER wrong. His word is always true, and will remain so irrespective of the myriad interpretations that it is subjected to by man. God says to stay away from sexual immorality as every other sin is committed outside the body, but sex. that sounds to me like a extra special warning from my father to stay away from wrong-doing in general, and sexual immorality in particular.
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