Are We Becoming Antisocial, Or Just Growing Up?

Disclaimer: This piece was written as a result of a self examination that I conducted on myself(duh). Due to my inability to balance life and work. *Still A Work In Progress* Your friends call you to go out and you don’t even look at your phone. It’s not that you don’t like them, it’s just…


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Disclaimer: This piece was written as a result of a self examination that I conducted on myself(duh). Due to my inability to balance life and work.

*Still A Work In Progress*

Your friends call you to go out and you don’t even look at your phone. It’s not that you don’t like them, it’s just that even to acknowledge the things they’re saying would make you feel guilty and uncomfortable. You’d rather listen to the sound of your vibrating phone and wait until it’s over than see the words which have actually been written to you. You know what it’s going to say — “Hey, we’re all meeting up at the bar at nine, want to come out?” No, you don’t want to go out, and you’re tired of explaining it.

It’s not that you’re sad. In fact, you’re happier than you’ve been in recent memory. You’re just not interested in doing things socially just for the sake of doing them. You like being by yourself, or maybe inviting a friend/or the lover over for a movie, and getting to bed at a reasonable hour. And you know that announcing your desire to go to sleep would result in a million cries of “Oh, come on, don’t be so boring.” The thing is, you’re not sure if you’re boring or not by wanting to go to sleep early and not get drunk. You very well might be, but no amount of embarrassment is going to get you out of your house.

You sometimes wonder about the things you’re missing, the people who are doing things without you, developing friendship and accumulating memories. The desire to join them occasionally wells up in you and spills over into actual social interaction — you join for a few drinks, you stay out for a while, you laugh with the jokes and catch up on the stories you’ve missed. And you can enjoy it. There’s nothing wrong with it. But the more pressing truth seems to be that you’ve grown out of something which you cannot quite identify. You love seeing everyone, you love learning new things, but you may not experience it in the same way you once did.

Your stamina, your ability to get wasted and consider it a real diversion, your desire to meet people in embarrassing circumstances which you might not remember the next morning, are all waning as you decide that you want to construct things during the day. You’ve always been told that maturing into a time when partying is no longer your go-to activity makes you something of a boring person, a certified adult — but you can no longer force yourself to be interested in the same things as all your other friends.

Sometimes you worry about what it would mean to be the “boring” one, to no longer be the last to leave a party or even be interested in meeting at the bar. You get frustrated at the automatic division amongst a group of people as “cool” or “no longer cool,” strictly judged on how much alcohol you intake or how long you stay out at night. You have moments of seeing yourself older and no longer fun, long-since slipped into a routine of a bit of television before bed, but you aren’t as scared of it as you are of being a person you’re no longer interested in being just to please everyone else. You’d rather ignore your phone, you’ve decided, than go along with a group who isn’t interested in finding a pleasant middle-ground.

You know that they’re probably saying something about you. They’re saying that you’re not as fun as you used to be, that you don’t know how to party, that you’re always at home. And though the feeling of being talked about behind one’s back is never pleasant, you at least know that it’s true. You’re the “boring friend,” and that’s okay with you.


Or, maybe Amyn, you have become really boring.


  1. Cavey
    Nah, . You’ve not gotten boring. As we grow up, our wants get reprioritized (if that’s a word) and our definition of ‘fun’ changes. Now (for me), “Let’s go out” only sounds inviting if it’s some form of celebration (that’s REALLY important eg birthday) and not really because I want to go clubbing or get wasted or whatnot but because I love my friends (I don’t have too many) and your presence would mean a lot. If boring/antisocial now means going to Gbobobiri and having an swell time or going to NeoCafé and watch a 1940 movie or staying home with loved ones, cooking or ordering food and watching something funny like ‘Blackish’ or just talk about life; past, present and future or even staying home alone, plugging my ears and picking up a great book, then please, crown me King of The Antisocials.
  2. Twisted
    The Story of my life.
    At a point i had to check myself to be sure i wasn’t depressed or something.
    The truth is I appreciate my ALONE time now. I dont want to go out, I dont want to chill at any clubs or restaurants. I dont even want to reply whassapp messages! But I’m just happy being by my self.
    Everyone says i’m boring now too.
    1. Cavey
      Ha! So this is why I never got a way to contact you…or maybe you didn’t want to buy ice cream for me afterall ????????????
      1. Twisted
        Haba .
        That one is all on you o!
        Ironically I had gingerbread with rum and raisins yesterday.
        it was raining cats and dogs and I sat at the table alone watching devious maids.
        Now that i think about it, i may have enjoyed it more if you got around to calling me as planned.
        1. Cavey
          I would’ve. But last I checked, the sky had stopped giving out numbers of awesome women because to many people had abused it and my psychic powers aren’t that great ????
          1. D.K
            “the sky had stopped giving out numbers of awesome women…” Hahahaha! Geez , you sure have a way with ‘sweet’ words. ???? just be careful. We all know Cavey here. Hahaha
          2. Cavey
            “we all know Cavey here”. Be making me seem like John Tucker ????.
            don’t let anyone prevent the greatness that is gingerbread icecream with a fellow icecream lover

            Biko, tell me what you know ????

          3. Snow
            See you????????
            Thinking you have lines for days. Now she would be blushing scarlet

            Posted from TNC Mobile

  3. Tori
    “But the more pressing truth seems to be that you’ve grown out of something which you cannot quite identify.”

    I relate with this post too well. My friends have even stopped inviting me out because I’m the one who always has to work.

    I’ve given up on trying to find a work-life balance, that effort was stressing me too much. I love it when I eventually go out, but the process leading up to the going out is where I now have a problem.

    I don’t think it’s healthy to be by myself all the time when I’m not working, but it’s very comfortable 🙂

    1. Lipglossmaffia
      You know! And i love it when i hang out with friends. Then we make plans to meet up again and nothing ever happens.
      I have decided that from now on I’m just going to enjoy being in the moment
  4. Snow
    Truth is; whichever one you are. The turnup kind of person or stay at home and read a book or watch blackish (yes, i’m talking to you).

    Whichever kind of person you are, it get’s exhausting. It gets tiring. And even then, stepping out of your ass and doing something different may seem daunting but it is needed. You have to.

    When your friends call you boring, it isnt that you dont have fun or know how it. It’s that you’ve become predictable, too rigid. Like you have a 24/7 timetable with only 3 periods; work, home, sleep.

    Sometimes surprise yourself even if itz just once a month.
    If you’re the bookish type, pick a day and go out to a park and just watch people around you or read.
    If you’re the stay-at-home-watch-a-movie (staring myself in the mirror right now) person, pick a day and just stroll into the cinema.
    Pick a day to do something you used to do or cant see yourself normally doing.

    I havent partied in 5years, or even smoked cigarettes in 6 years.
    All i do these days is read and sleep and look for money. But i’m trying to change somethings. At least one day a month, i’ll unhinge even just for my sanity.

    The problem with being too comfortable and safe in hour own self and routine is that you’re gonna wake up one day and find yourself in a rut or infinite loop. And you’re gonna want to tweak it a bit but you’ll realize you dont know how to

    1. Cavey
      Fam, trust me when I say I don’t have a ‘loop’. I’m still spontaneous and I still have fun, it’s definition might not just resonate with yours. I see at least 3 movies/week (by myself of course), pick an area in Lagos to just explore (haven’t found anything as interesting as a snake peppersoup spot but still) and now, Pokemon Go has me doing the silliest (but fun) things. The problem is, I’d rather do these thinys by myself and on my own timetable ????
  5. jojo
    This was me the whole of last week, dealing with people calling me boring and what not and complaining about my constant naps after work till I decided to take matters into my own hands and go on a weekend road trip with my bestie and boy was it awesome!!!! We had time of our lives, took the load off and just chilled, I think everyone should just take time out once in a while and just live!
  6. Butterflymind
    Hah just do what makes you satisfied to say, “I had a great day.”

    I’m a routine person– very triangulated life, but sometimes I try something spontaneous and literally have to psyche myself to keep to that date. Recently I signed up for a random meet and greet for a blog I follow. I have no idea who I’ll be seeing there and what the ‘surprise’ activity will be, but I’m all up for it esp if it involves jumping off a plane ????

    Point is, perhaps your priorities have changed. Maybe the things you considered fun aren’t fun anymore. These things happen the older we get and the more exposed we become. Whatever it is, so long as it makes you happy and satisfied with your life, then it’s okay. If you think this somehow affects your life, then make the necessary adjustments, a day at a time.

    Me, I haven’t walked into a club in over 8 years now. I won’t be walking into one either. I’ve done some pretty ‘exciting’ things in my lifetime that I consider just drab now. I don’t care as much about these things now, like I did before.
    So I’m evolving, just like everything living is prone to do. And if it makes my old clique unhappy, then perhaps it’s time to find a new clique 🙂

  7. Exclusive
    If the answer lies in either being antisocial OR grown up, then I have been antisocial AND grown up most of my life.

    Sure, I love the occassional days at the cinema, trying out a new restaurant and all that stuff but my best time usually is when I can curl up with a great book or have an amazing conversation with someone.

    The little things, ya know.

  8. Fissy
    I guess I enjoy the little things nowadays. Like the joy I derive from sleeping alone ehh. Watching cartoons or letting my younger brother bully me. Point is when uv done all the every every. You find out that you really do not need to go all out to be happy.
  9. kachi
    I feel like you looked into my mind and put all that’s there into writing . At a point I thought I was probably depressed or something . But then I realised wanting to be alone isn’t actually that bad. I watch my phone ring till it stops , I don’t like meeting new people because I’m tired of explaining why I don’t want to hang out. Glad to know I’m not alone in this ????. *Group hug *.
  10. Ify Sage
    I can totally relate… It’s not like I don’t want to hang out, but I’m just so tired from work and my toddler. All I want to do is sleep, watch a tv series and sleep again. But last weekend a few friends and I agreed to meet for lunch and swim (one of us hosted) and it was so much fun. Maybe we might make it a monthly or bi-monthly routine. But it can’t be every weekend. As for clubbing and all, I literally don’t have the strength for all that hard partying till 5am I did when I was in Uni.
  11. Abi
    I think it is okay to spend time by yourself and it doesn’t mean one is boring. Going out all the time , clubbing every weekend and so on, gets boring and really really tiring. Sometimes, all I wanna do (& do) is stay home all day and do absolutely nothing.

    I think it is still necessary to do things with friends from time fo time . Socializing is still important but there should be a balance. can’t go everywhere, so we should prioritize which we decline and those we accept.


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