Ben 10 or Older

Opinion

Today I am bringing controversy to the table. Let us talk about this. I know most of you ladies have dated younger men but you just do not want to talk about it or tell your friends your man’s age. My Case We were at a media workshop. The conference room was full of males…

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Today I am bringing controversy to the table. Let us talk about this. I know most of you ladies have dated younger men but you just do not want to talk about it or tell your friends your man’s age.

My Case

We were at a media workshop. The conference room was full of males and I was the younger one in my group of ladies. I got the most attention obviously and I loved it. The men in the room are all grown according to body structure and conversations. I was single but not looking although I kept an open mind, we may never know where the heart will go grazing. Throughout the meeting I was sitting alone paying attention to the presenter but my eyes would steal “clips” of one particular gentleman who was sitting across and constantly staring at me and smiling like a fool.

I was doing the registration for the meeting so I was able to see who he was, position at work and contacts. I was preparing myself and thinking “You like what you see” and smiling to myself. After the meeting was over, he came to sit next to me and greet. We talked about silly things and ended up exchanging numbers.

The conversations we had on Whatsapp were decent and matured. I asked him his age and he was older than me obviously. The conversations led to our first date which was absolutely beautiful. He was fun to be with and I like the way I felt around him. We were playful and happy together so I gave it a go. We were both single so why not get together and see where our love would lead us.

We carried on with our relationship, shared so many memories and we had a bond. He would playfully say I want to marry you and I would say “if you know what is good for you, marry me soon.” We would laugh and cuddle, I felt like a little girl floating in those streets of gold in heaven.

The Twist

He told me he was guilty about something and wanted us to meet in a private place just to talk. I started getting worried and hated the sound of a “private place” because it meant there was more to it than just talk. I arranged that we hang out on a Friday night, take a drive and chill under the stars. It was a hot week so we were not worried about the weather at all.

Friday came and our plan was in action. We met and chilled under the stars, drinking. “I have something to tell you” he said. I told him he could tell me anything. He told me he was scared because it might change the way I see him and our love might just die down. I was seriously getting worried and told him to spit it out. I put my drink on the side and looked straight into his eyes.

He stood up and walked away looking up and said “I am actually not what you think I am, I just can’t keep up with the lie anymore. I am falling in love with you.” I felt my heart beat change and I asked him what was wrong. “I am actually 25 years old.” My jaws dropped I did not know what to say.  He was 6 years younger than I was and was pretty good at hiding it. He justified his lie by telling me that he was interested in me and could not miss out on being with me. I asked him if he was aware that now his chances of being with me were slim. He could have just avoided the pain by being truthful, maybe I would have considered him.

Verdict

I did not know what to discuss with this kid anymore I just told him to grab his things and put them in the car. It was time for me to drop him off before his parents reported him missing. I needed to clear my head and think about all of this. I know some of you will say, it was not true love but I had to do what was right. He was working and stable but too young for me, I would bully him so I needed to do him that favour. I cut off the relationship, the way I saw him had changed. I never pictured myself dating a man/boy that young. He was fun to be with and brought back the naughty little girl in me.

BUT is fun enough?

Responses

  1. Morris
    Oh my gush. Fun, in this case is definitely enough. I have a question tho, if he didn’t tell you till you were both old and granny, would you have even been offfended about the lie?
    4+
  2. Anonymous
    It takes something special to think little of someone you erstwhile thought to be the bomb only because you are older than they are. Clever people understand how age is just a number and that life itself in the end, is pointless. Man just got evaded by an effing barbie. He’s lucky.
    5+
  3. ManOfWar
    The one thing I was able to deduce from your piece is that you are not a very clever individual. It takes some shallowness to think little of someone you erstwhile thought to be the bomb only because you are older than they are. Man just got evaded by an effing barbie. He’s lucky.
    3+
  4. Morris
    Wow… Nope, i have no words. Lovely piece btw , the struggle is for real. I, personally would love not to be bothered by the age difference, but, I know that I will be. Even older has a limit for me.
    0
    1. LincayaD Post author
      may i blow my own horn: i am gorgeous, smart and principled. it’s about ones experience and decisions hence mine to end the relationship early. i do not mind the age BUT the future of that relationship is important. There are different levels in relationships that display maturity. For me, i keee my ears and eyes opened, there are things i saw that could lead to him feeling inferior: i was employed full time, i earn more than him, i afforded my lifestyle..already he was feeling like he was the woman instead of being happy. experience opens our eyes
      2+
  5. Larz
    By all means, break up with becuz he lied to you but breaking up with him because you think you will bully him etc says more about your personality than anythibg. I hate this African mentality that says you cant respect someone younger than you.
    PS- if you ever tell this story to your next bf/ suitor, they will never trust you enough to be truthful to you
    1+
  6. cypher
    I totally agree with @larz .. Dear writer, you’re the one with the problem and not the guy.
    I personally like older females cos I don’t like immature communication and stuff so sometimes I buff up my age to make the lady comfortable with me before I reveal the truth, its like a safe thing to do.

    My aunt got married to a man 4 years younger. She is a bossy control freak but I deeply respect her cos you’d never know that she’s older than the guy (I stumbled on their visa applications and found out). She’s even richer but respects and cherishes him like a spouse should with no comma untop. Age is just a number.

    5+
  7. Morris
    @larz , so they would lie? and it would be okay or justified? I don’t see anywhere in the post where she even said the guy was aproblem, but i do see where she said she would have bullied him. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being truthful about yourself, whether or not it is agreeable or accepted. Now, personally, i think it’s an orientation thing. I believe the chances of a younger woman, being respected, in the circle of older men are higher than a younger man in the circle of older women. It is just what we see in this country.
    3+
  8. LOST
    I paroled about two older ladies during the course of my sojourn on Bachelor Avenue.They knew they were older from the start. It was all fun and no one bothered about age difference. we ended up not being together, the way fate had it. The Bottom line here is that age is nothing but numbers, maturity counts more. However, the fact that he hid it initially could be an issue. “How many other lies to confess?”
    Note: The saying age is nothing but a number doesn’t work for everyone. You know what’s best for you. Whatever any other feels is just an opinion and should be treated as such.
    Anyway, what do I even know since I’m still LOST!
    4+
  9. Snow
    maybe I would have considered him………….

    and your entire post just went downhill from there. nothing could have redeemed your point (which I still have to ask: WHAT IS IT?).

    So your entire history together was not valid enough to warrant consideration?

    When you were able to see who he was, position at work and contacts. and you were preparing yourself and thinking “You like what you see” and smiling to yourself, consideration was still not needed?

    Or when you started feeling like a LITTLE girl floating in the streets of gold in heaven, you still didnt considered him?

    It was when he told you his age that you were now ready to consider him and you concluded that he was a kid who you suddenly couldn’t discuss anything with anymore? suddenly you were concerned about his parents reporting him missing?
    You didnt think of this when you were cuddling? the whatsapp conversation no longer sounded decent and mature? Was the first date no longer beautiful in your memory? He was no longer OBVIOUSLY older than you?

    Aunty, go and rest abeg

    VERDICT
    That guy is lucky.
    I actually blame the guy for not telling you his age from the beginning. A lot of time wasted could have been avoided.

    10+
  10. ChaellyXY
    IMHO, I think happiness is all that really matters. I personally would base my happiness on what is socially acceptable or not in a relationship.

    If I feel I have to let go, I would; rather than stay miserable.

    0
  11. QT
    Age has absolutely nothing to do with maturity.

    It certainly has nothing to do with how sensitive or caring a guy is.

    And it sure as hell doesn’t have anything to do with getting loved the way to want to be loved.

    If you stopped seeing the dude solely because of his age, I’ll say it’s your loss…..I mean, there are so many older guys out there living baby boy lifestyles and can’t even spell the word “Maturity”.

    2+
  12. Kambili M.A. Chimalu
    I was thrown by the condescension in this statement: “It was time for me to drop him off before his parents reported him missing.” It is your prerogative to choose your dating requirements, but implicitly infantilizing a grown-ass adult man because he happens to be a little bit younger than you are is juvenile.

    You thought him okay to date from the moment you saw him, enjoyed conversations with him, was okay with the idea of marrying him since you guys joked about it, but somehow he lost all those qualities by virtue of being 6years younger. Do you boo, but don’t insult him.

    6+
  13. Ibiela
    I’ve always preferred older men and really can’t imagine being with a younger dude. I’ve casually dated a younger guy, but for the life of me couldn’t bring myself to making it serious. It’s just the way it is.
    1+
  14. LincayaD Post author
    Thank you for your input guys. but think about this; we all have values and respect for peoples choices. In a relationship maturity counts a lot and there is no disputing that. There are older men who act like 21yr olds and there are younger men who act 35 yrs old. I would go for a matured younger men instead of a paps acting like some kiddo. As much as the conversations maybe sweet and romantic there are more manly things you are looking for and somtimes someones age confirmes that for you.

    Let us not forget the stigma in our society. A younger guy in the company of older women is basically nothing. Your family and friends may not respect him..and society in general.

    We say age is nothing but a number BUT we know very well, somethings we want go hand in hand with life experiences. if you are divorced from a girl who would get drunk and forget who she is and would cheat on you believe me you will not want to marry a girl who drinks because you will loose that respect and trust: Seeing is believing.

    Lastly, i respect people’s choices. you have a choice on who to date. What if you give in to your relationship and he lives you for his agemate? what then

    0
  15. JoyGirl
    I once dated a younger guy and when I look back I just wonder if I was mad sef. Then when I think of all the times he reprimanded me I feel silly. Age is not just a number for me. First law of attraction for me – just be older.
    1+
  16. Ojuolape
    While I get previous comments especially the one by , I think we need to chill.
    Everyone is a sum total of their experiences. is someone that can’t/won’t date a younger man. It’s her prerogative. So under hand shade should please stop.

    I honestly can’t say I ever really considered dating a younger guy. Just not in my sphere of possibilities.

    Everyone to their tent abeg. There is no right/wrong in this matter.
    As you were……

    1+
  17. Loelah
    Pls. Live and let live .
    See as u have one chanced your self out of something that would have been amazing.
    Even if for just one more day.
    Life i short and precious….u shld wring as much joy out of it …as much as u can
    0
  18. Dumebi
    Write a response. You are in a relationship with an older lady because you choose to be, because its worked for u does not mean it will work for another person. don’t think I will ever again date a younger guy.
    0

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