Broken: Episode 5 – At Breaking Point

Broken

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). Hi everyone.  My name is Ope.  I am the husband of a sex addict. Last week, I spoke for the first time, after attending for three months.  I was encouraged by a lot of your testimonies, as well as your…

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The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18).

Hi everyone.  My name is Ope.  I am the husband of a sex addict.

Last week, I spoke for the first time, after attending for three months.  I was encouraged by a lot of your testimonies, as well as your feedback from sharing mine.  I went home resolute and determined to keep fighting for my marriage.  However, I got home to find that my wife, Promise, had packed out of our home.

I was heartbroken, but found the strength to go after her.  I knew where she would be.  I’d known about her affair with one of our neighbours for a while now.  So his place was the first place I checked.  And surely, she had packed three suitcases to move in with him.

There are no words to explain the agony I went through that night.  My worst nightmare had come true.  And I was afraid that it would happen again, that she would keep trying to leave me.  However, I was determined to keep fighting, to keep defying her attempts to break me and make me hate her.

The day after I brought my wife back home, we found out that she is pregnant, and the baby can’t possibly be mine.  That realisation was like the shocking bolt of reality on the joke that has been our marriage.  She didn’t show any shame or remorse at what she had done, and only seemed more determined to leave me.  For a while, I just sat on the floor crying my eyes out.  It was all I could do.  I eventually got up to find her packing again to leave, and for a moment, I thought to let her go.  I mean, how much more could I possibly endure?

But I considered that she was only running because she didn’t believe I could love her unconditionally or that she was deserving of my love.  The baby was not the problem.  The pregnancy was not the sin.  Her unfaithfulness was, and I had already forgiven her for that.  We just had to face the consequences now, and I was ready for us to do it together.  I was ready to be a father to her child, and to love her as I had always done.

So I challenged her on her decision to leave, and told her that the baby doesn’t change anything, and that she was only running.  I was surprised when she admitted it, and said that she would have the baby just to spite me.  She actually told me she doesn’t love me anymore, but I still didn’t believe her.  Even still, it hurt badly.

It wasn’t until we went to the hospital to get a check up on her health status, and I found out that she’d alerted the Police and tried to make me out to be an abusive husband, that I realised the hate that has been brewing in her heart for me.  At that point, I was really beginning to think she was right, that I didn’t know her at all.  Of all the evil she has done to me, that was probably the worst.

I realised she was simply lashing out at me because I was forcing her to stay, when she would rather have abandoned our marriage.  I decided that if she wanted to leave, there was nothing I could do to stop her, and prayed that I would have strength to keep chasing after her in any case.  I eventually left her at home to go to work.  My heart was figuratively in my mouth, when I told her what I would like for dinner, hoping she would be home when I returned, but afraid that she would run away as soon as I departed.

However, I was not prepared for what I saw when I returned home that evening.  My wife had not prepared any dinner as I had hoped.  But she also had not ran.  The house was dark, and there were sounds coming from our bedroom.  There were strange sounds, and I wasn’t sure if she was watching TV or with company.

I hastened to our bedroom only to be hit by the most horrible scene I had ever seen in my life.  Two men and a woman were in bed with my wife, having an orgy, and she was dressed as a dominatrix, with a dog collar around her neck, and demonic horns on her head.  A man was digging into my wife from the back, while the other woman was giving the second man, who I recognised as our neighbour, Tony, a blow job.

The scream that left my mouth alerted them of my presence, and my wife looked up at me from her position and didn’t even move.  She just smiled wickedly at me, while the man kept at his bumping and grinding.  They were not stopping, apparently undeterred by my presence.

I shouted at them to get out of my house, but they didn’t answer me.  The man banging my wife began to climax and Promise was giggling sadistically, probably at the horrified look on my face.  I will never forget the words she said to me, while I stood, paralyzed by the scene.  She said, “You can hate me now!” and continued laughing, as the others joined in.

In that moment, I ran out of the door, as if it was not even my house.  I ran to my car and drove away.  Where I was going, I didn’t know.  Whether I would ever return to that house, I didn’t know.  I was running…not only from her, but from God.  I was running from His call on my life, because I couldn’t bare it anymore.  It was an impossible mission, a hopeless cause.  Why He would call me or any man to suffer such a horrible fate, I didn’t know.

I could no longer justify her actions as simply a reaction to the abuse she suffered as a child.  I could no longer see her as an innocent victim, who is simply doing what comes naturally to her.  Her actions that night were pre-meditated, to hurt and break me, and I think she has finally succeeded.  I finally see that I married a monster, and I care little now how she became a monster, because I know that she has chosen to ignore my love and hurt me with all her being.

I don’t know what more I could have done.  I really wish I could have helped my wife, I wish I could have loved her enough to stay and keep fighting.  But I’m tired of trying to prove that I can take anything she can dish out.  I can’t.  And I won’t.  Not anymore.

I spent the night at a hotel, too afraid to return home, to be tortured by the memory of my wife defiling our marital bed.  The woman who I loved and knew would never have done what she did, no matter what anyone had done to her in the past.  Even if she was sexually immoral, my wife was kind and thoughtful and considerate.  She wasn’t the horrible person I saw mocking me in our home and dishonouring our marriage and my God.

The next day, when I returned home, she was gone, just as I expected.  Every trace of her presence in our home wiped out, every evidence of our marriage erased, just as every memory of our love had been destroyed by her incessant betrayal.  I had no more tears, nor fight.  I had done more than most men would do, and I was done.  All that was left for me was depression.

That night, I had my first taste of alcohol at a bar in the city.  I have a hereditary liver condition, which means that I am not supposed to drink any alcohol.  However, I was determined again to spend a night with a prostitute, and this time, I wanted to be liquored up.  However, I ended up drinking myself to the ground, as I prolonged the main event.  I never made it to the Brothel.

In the morning, I woke up in my own bed, in my house, wondering what had happened to me.  I knew someone was in my house, because I could hear some clattering in the kitchen.  For a crazy and joyous moment, I sat up in bed relieved, thinking that my whole disastrous marriage had been a horrible dream, and that my wife was still at home, making me breakfast.  In anticipation, I waited for her to come through the door of our bedroom and greet me with a kiss.

However, it was Cindy who popped her head into my room to check on me, and smiled when she was that I was awake.  To say that I was shocked to see her is an understatement.  For another scary moment, I wondered if I had slept with her last night, horrified at the irony, if it was true.  She said “Hi” to me at the door, and presented me with a drink, saying “Drink this.  It will make you feel better.”  It was apparently a mixture to counter hangovers.  It was absolutely awful.

I started to ask her if we had slept together, not sure which answer I wanted to hear.  It really didn’t matter if I had slept with her, because Promise couldn’t have cared less about me, or what I do, so it wouldn’t have been pay back.  For me, it was more a right of passage…into being the bad broken man she had made me.  I had hoped it would have been the release of my pain and grief too.  But if I had slept with Cindy, that would have been…unforgivable.

Cindy shook her head and joked.  “I’m a good girl now, remember?”

I was relieved, and then curious about how she had gotten into my house.  She recounted how she had found me spewing nonsense outside a bar, on the same street as the Bakery where she worked, last night.  She had used my driver’s license to locate my home, and so she brought me home in a cab.  She decided to sleep on the sofa until the morning.  I thanked her for her help.

She asked about my wife, and I told her that it was over, and that she left me, after showing me in the worst possible way how much she hated me.  Surprisingly, Cindy said, “She’ll be back”.  I asked her how come she thought so, and she said, “It’s a cruel world out there, and soon she will realise her mistake.  Guys like you are one in a million.  I should know.  And besides, I believe in God.”

With the amount of alcohol I took the night before, I was actually surprised that she hadn’t found me dead.  I remember wishing to die with each glass I consumed, knowing that I was damaging my already crippled liver.  But surprisingly, it seemed all I suffered was some embarrassment and a hangover.  Normally, I would say it was by God’s grace that I had been saved…but I couldn’t understand why God would do such a miracle, and yet not stop my wife from destroying herself, our marriage and me in the process.  I couldn’t see His plan anymore.

I don’t have the strength to hope that my wife is coming back.  I don’t want to live in waiting for her second return.  I know that hope keeps many alive, but hope deferred makes the heart sick.  And my broken heart can’t take any more of her careless treatment.  I wish I came here resolved that I still believe in God’s plan for my marriage.  I wish I had a testimony to tell you, about how things have improved.  But all I have is reality.  And reality stinks.

Right now, my battle isn’t hanging on to the love I had for my wife.  My battle is believing in God, my first love.  I am wondering if I haven’t wasted ten years of my life, thinking He is real, and trying to do the impossible in my own strength.  Once again, I find myself at breaking point…with no one to help me but Him.

Thank you for listening to me.  I would still appreciate your prayers.

Read all episodes HERE.

Responses

  1. Clarejewel
    Aw. Ope I wish I could say this is happening for a reason. But then….
    Life…its a mystery. You may be broken but it doesn’t end there. You can’t let her win. How can you lose your heart and your faith to her. Pls forget her for now and work on rebuilding your faith. Like Cindy said, she just might come back.

    Thanks Ufomae, Continue. More grace.

    Posted from TNC Mobile

    1. Ufuomaee Post author
      Thanks for reading and commenting… Ope is really in a tough position. He had done more than most. Promise is in God’s hands, and I think Ope needs to relinquish control to God.

      Cheers, Ufuoma.

  2. U
    Hmmmmm,this is a lot. I don’t think God gives people a temptation they cannot bear. But what I’ve found out is that only the love from God can continually remain pouring and never stop.
    No human being can love promise continually without God fueling it. So Ope should just find his first love God and stop chasing after Promise cos she would break him again and again
    1. Ufuomaee Post author
      No, God doesn’t give us more than we can bear. There’s a time to fight, a time to forsake and a time to reconcile.

      When the Prodigal son left, he learned the hard way that his Father was good! We are like Promise in that we don’t know how good we have it, until we loose it. Hopefully, she will come to her senses soon.

      Cheers, Ufuoma.

    1. Ufuomaee Post author
      Your response made me smile, even though this particular episode is very sad… Catch you next week, and I hope you will comment too. Please recommend and share, thanks!
  3. Olubukola
    Ahh Ufuoma, this is too much for anyone to bear oh.
    Lord, have mercy. When will this tribulation end?
    If I were sister to Ope, I would even question if he heard God right.
    1. Ufuomaee Post author
      Yeah, if I were his sister, I would probably question him too. If I was his mother, no way no how would I accept such!!!

      Let’s see how it unfolds.

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Cheers, Ufuoma.

  4. Glow
    I can liken Ope to Job. This is way too much. This one can cause some form of mental illness. Haba!
    But relating it to God and mankind, we have done far worse than what Promise did to Ope, yet His love never diminishes. Which kain love be dis?
    Mr. Ope, it will end in praise.
  5. Orlaarmy
    I know this is fiction but no sane human would take this much from a woman. Haha, this is heartless jare. There’s a love that’s best shown from afar. If loving the person is hurtful biko coman be going jare. I will love u from afar. The saying that broken people seek to break others is surely true. I dey vex for Promise. Thumbs up Ufuoma, May God increase u in knowledge and wisdom
  6. dafididafidi
    Ufomaee they said its fiction but even in fiction there is truth. Have enjoyed your previous episodes but sorry to say this one is capital impossible to believe and therefore does not fly with me. I think this could have been done in a different way to get the require effect. As for me it far far exceeds the bounds of imagination . My thoughts sha
    1. Ufuomaee Post author
      Hi thanks for your comment, and I hear you. As for this exceeding the bounds of imagination, how can that be, since it was within my imagination?

      Anyway, I guess you are talking about the extreme wickedness of Promise, because as you can see, it was the last straw for Ope. It was his breaking point. I think that much is believable. Maybe what is hard to believe is that someone can do this to her husband in present day Nigeria. As unthinkable as that may be, it is not impossible.

      I hope you will still follow the story, and see if there is any hope for redemption for someone like Promise.

      Cheers, Ufuoma.

      1. [email protected]
        Maybe imagination is not the correct word i should have used. what i am trying o say is that from your preceding episodes there is no build up to this scene. From being promiscuous sex addict to jumping into an orgy scene and not just an orgy scene but a dominatorix cum devil worship scene and this even in the mans house and not at maybe tonys place? lets face it the wife does not need the mans permission to walk out of the marriage not to talk of the house. Even ” Ope”” ending up ” drinking ” in a bar? i think i understand the theme of The story which i think is redemption and forgiveness for “” extreme”” sin which is what Christ did for us but i think in this scene you may have lost the “” GLUE”” that is holding your story together. just saying sha.
        1. Ufuomaee Post author
          You are entitled to your opinion. I guess what you’re saying is the story is too “out there” and not relatable to common experience. Maybe. I hope that those who can relate to it will get the lessons I hope to pass across through the story.

          Cheers, Ufuoma.

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