Can A Committed Bachelor Change His Ways?

Opinion

“If I ever got around to having a wedding, I want this one.” That was my immediate thought. From my vantage spot, I could see that the guests present numbered less than one hundred and seemed to only include young people. I was already salivating at the dancing that would ensue at the end of…

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“If I ever got around to having a wedding, I want this one.”

That was my immediate thought. From my vantage spot, I could see that the guests present numbered less than one hundred and seemed to only include young people. I was already salivating at the dancing that would ensue at the end of the boring formalities. If I could change anything though, it would have to be the suit. My groomsmen would wear jeans and T-shirts, I was sure.

My introspection was interrupted by Jimoh’s entrance with his bride, which sparked off a reverie. I remembered him coming late to Beer Barn three weeks ago where we gathered to watch the Champions league match between Arsenal and Basel. I was already there, along with Ohis and Manu, and we had our customary beers in front of us. He was grinning from ear to ear. That set me off as I didn’t believe anyone had enough reason to be that happy; so I threw in my first jab.

“This United Man, wetin dey smile you? Your mate dey here? You no go wait for Thursday night football?”

His reply was fast. “You wey dey the Champions league, you go win am?” Ohi joined in.

“No mind Buchi. Na heartbreak man. Arsenal fan. Mr Lost Causes. Even the writing wey dey give am joy, I hear say na musicians dey win their best awards now. In short, just drink your beer.”

I took my L in peace and asked Jimoh, “But dude, why are you so happy?”

“I’m getting married in two weeks man. Isn’t that enough?”

I was flummoxed to say the least. Why would someone be pleased at committing himself into an institution from which the only exit was a jail break?

So I scoffed. “And so? Are you the first? My friend, reflect soberly on the impending loss of your freedom.”

My disloyal friends turned on me again. This time it was Manu who responded. “Oga, calm down. Not everyone is cynical like you. Some of us are hopeful and believe in happiness.”

Before I could respond, Jimoh chimed in.

“His problem is that he’s like his coach. He’s a perfectionist. He wants a crossbreed of Angelina Jolie and Michelle Obama. Have you heard his checklist? Left handed Sexy, Book reading, black, Artistic, geeky, beer drinking doctor. Hopeless man. Shey he is a writer? He should create the character.”

I did not respond even though the jibes cut deep. I just drank my loyal, faithful beer. At least beer wouldn’t turn on me.

Today, watching the couple dance to their seats, I couldn’t help but envy the seamlessness with which they moved. Their happiness was evident. Little details began to come back to me. How Imade would complain of hunger to me and Jimoh’s call would come in to say he was at our office bringing her lunch. I’d dismiss it as coincidence and gripe about him not bringing me any.

I also remembered how we’d all stopped watching Saturday football games at mine and moved on to Jimoh’s because the warmth they both exuded made their place a cocoon too attractive to ignore. I recalled Jimoh asking me if I had noticed anything different about him of late. I had. His strides had become surer, his smiles more genuine and immediate, in fact his confidence was infectious. He explained it to me.

“I’m no longer alone, man. I’ve found a partner, ya namsayin‘? I’m whole. I have it all.” The realisation that I was, for all intents and purposes, alone hit me harder than an onrushing linebacker.

Looking at them both, I wondered how one could be so comfortable placing his whole essence of happiness in the hands of another human without fear, recalling when he said to us at the table.

“Unlike you man, I can’t live in fear. I’m taking the plunge. You should try it too before you become senior bachelor. Boya you are Banky W? Who do you call when you’ve had a terrible or awesome day? And don’t say your E-Reader Tablet. Shey that thing you call your girlfriend will hold you in your low periods? Even George Clooney got married. I hear Jolie is available now. Goan find visa and fulfil your fantasies.”

Sitting at the groomsmen table, I smiled remembering that last comment. The elegantly dressed bridesmaid opposite me returned my smile, erroneously thinking it was directed at her. Sneaking a glance at her hand to confirm the absence of a ring, I ignored my meticulously constructed checklist of an ideal partner, shocked everybody on the table by leaning towards her, grabbing both her hands in mine, and said:

“Hi, my name is Buchi and I’ve been wrong for so long. Now, I want to have it all like Jimoh. I don’t know you, but I’m willing to chance it. Are you?”

Responses

  1. isi
    hhaahahahha Buchi nice piece. its been a while o, we should do beer barn this weekend,make sure u bring her. p.s: where’s twisted even. I miss you guys
  2. Jibike
    Lolls. I just love the end. Partly because someone grabbed my hands at the last wedding I attended and honestly because I like the swift change from an attractive Jolie to an available Bridesmaid.
  3. Twisted
    Buchi has come again o! if you like remain in your bachelorhood! we go soon leave you finish. I know you’ll miss me/us.
    But seriously though, nice piece as usual.
    I cant get over the how easy the words seems to flow. May be cos when i read it, i can totally see you saying them with smiling eyes and a mug of beer.
    Nice work!

    we’re still waiting for you to invite us to the house o! we should totally do beer barn again though. [email protected]

  4. CeeCee
    Hmm…This got me thinking, happiness is infectious and you my friend has been infected. I can count how many times I’ve seen a friend get married and I am like, maybe I am too choosy, or maybe I should just settle. I want this love.

    …Your ideal, dream woman with all dem attributes you’ve listed might be out there, you never know. You just have to look hard, sometimes you don’t eve have to look far. Don’t settle, marriage is too big a deal to just do that. I’ve watched some of my friends that haven’t been married for too long have issues, that’s why I say so. What if you settle and run into your Michelle Obama/Angelina Jolie a week after your wedding, what happens? #evilsmile

  5. DJ Shabazz
    see if you let that girl slip through your hands na me go dey on your case big time, which one is Angelina Jolie and Michelle Obama in one package. That said bro marriage is a very great step to take, get it right and you’re in heaven, one wrong move and you become a philosopher. Nice read this made my day.
          1. twisted
            Nooooooooooo! Don’t let him introduce you to that awful flavored piss!😂

            Posted from TNC Mobile

  6. E
    Roflmao 🙆🙆😀😀… you haff changed wishlist???
    Is not bad, not bad at all, though dat list looks too gud but what can one do???

    About d jeans and T-shirt stuff, forget it bro!! One of my oga been shouting 3/4 and T-shirt since inception, his wedding is next week saturday and we all going on suit… Is us dat will fullfil dat wish for u people ooo, u guys are just talking 😀😀

    Congrats though, let us know when its happening

    1. Buchi Post author
      See the Problem with my head though is that I’d think up scenarios like that and it’ll feel real. Nothing there happened sha. The list still reigns.
      But I’m serious about the jeans and tee shirt for wedding. Someone’s gotta buck the trend. Just putting it out there so ladies can help us make it happen.

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