She was the first of four children born into a dysfunctional family and unlike any child of her age she had great burdens thrust upon her. As a child, instead of dreaming about the games she would play with her friends at school, she dreamed about a family with love. With each day, came the possibility that she would have to be mediator between her parents if they had another fight that included a pestle and flying ceramics. At first, with the innocence of a child, all she did was cry and beg her parents to stop fighting and they did but as she grew older her parents became immune to her tears or maybe she decided it wasn’t worth crying for. She ignored their fights, locked herself in her room and blocked her ears but it wasn’t enough.
As if her parents missed her mediation, they started to blame her for whatever went wrong between them. If her mother did not return early from wherever she went, her father would blame her for her mother’s crime and regardless of the distance her mother went, she was asked to go call her and God help her if she didn’t return with her mother (as she learnt on her return from one of such errands where her finger got broken for having the guts to not return with her mother). If her father were to start a fight with her mother, her mother blamed her for being the cause of the fight. She particularly remembered when her father slapped her so hard she hit her head on the wall for not greeting him. Sadly,she had greeted him thrice, each time louder than the last making her mother outraged on her behalf and causing her to call her father out but when a fight started, her mother looked at her and said ‘You see what you have caused’.
So she learned the easiest way was to totally avoid them by locking her room door and if she happened to be caught unawares by any of their questions, her safest bet was to reply with a sincere ‘I don’t know’ since she truly didn’t know. She became her youngest sibling’s solace and learned not to share anything with her parents. She worked hard at all she did so she won’t have to bear the blame of another fight. However, she found that leaving them alone wasn’t enough. She was blamed for even the things she had no control over.
If she fell sick, it was her fault.
If the tap began to leak, it was her fault.
If something went wrong in the house it was her fault and though she tried to distance herself from the blame and the memories, nothing could ever fully blot it out.
She found solace in people she met outside her house but she gave herself too freely and each time she was disappointed because the people she met were only after what they could get, yet she didn’t stop looking. She found love in the most abusive places, yet she never gave it up.
One day she finally decided she had had enough, and she died a nomad never finding a home to call hers.
Her name was Cassie and her death was chalked as her fault as well. Her parents and the people around her, never realizing that each blame laid at her feet led to her depression and finally her death.
She accepted love anywhere she could find it and anyhow she got it even if it included violence. She was a victim of circumstance and birth. No thanks to the mother who never had the courage to leave her abusive husband but took out her frustrations on her children. With Equal blame to a father who was not ready for the responsibility of a family and therefore became abusive and the blame of the world and all that was wrong in it.
Her name was Cassie and any of us could have been her, so do not take for granted anyone who loves freely because you might be the only one giving them a reason to go on.