Is It Not Possible For Us To Compliment Without Slandering Others?

I intended for this piece to be a step-by-step narrative of a not-so pleasant date that I recently went on. However, when I sat down and actually started evaluating all of the many things that went wrong with said date, I realized that there was something more pressing that I wanted to address. So while…

Share

Share
Text size
+

I intended for this piece to be a step-by-step narrative of a not-so pleasant date that I recently went on. However, when I sat down and actually started evaluating all of the many things that went wrong with said date, I realized that there was something more pressing that I wanted to address. So while you guys won’t have the privilege of hearing this story in its entirety, I will share with you one of the many things that irritates me not only with men that are trying to date me, but with people in general. Let’s start with a backstory:

So while my older sister and her bff (both single by the way) were at a local Nigerian bar, they happened to run into a young lad and struck up a conversation with him. Now my sister’s bff (matchmaker extraordinaire), with her bubbly personality saw this 26 year old, 6’5, IT engineer, somewhat-normal (or so she though) dude, and was kind enough (insert straight face) to think of me. Long story short, he looked good enough on paper, and she went ahead and gave him my number. Mr. Man texted me, and so it began.

He complimented me on my beauty as well as made mention of the fact that (from what he was able to gather on my IG) he perceived me to be intelligent, which according to him, made me even more attractive. I thanked him and jokingly asked if I would have been any less attractive had I been unintelligent. Now as a self proclaimed sapiosexual, I understood exactly what he meant and at the time was only (kinda) teasing. However, the compliments didn’t stop there. In fact, he was the type of guy to shower a woman with compliments, and at a point I became uncomfortable. My apprehension to his compliments wasn’t only because it seemed to be a lot for someone who didn’t know anything about me, but because his tone rendered it insincere.

He was the type to compliment your diction, but not without pointing out that other “girls” did not speak like that, or that he appreciated the way you carried yourself without making mention of the fact that other girls were “unserious” about their lives. Needless to say, it was the disingenuous nature of his compliments that inspired this post.

Now I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with comparison, (we all have our preferences) but to be frank, I find individuals who are ONLY capable of complimenting others by either showing contempt, or slandering other people, to be annoying. And if you are one of those people, let me once again go on record to say that you are annoying… AS FUCK.

For me, aside from cheapening the compliment, when you’re especially a guy trying to date me, but you’re indirectly giving me backhanded compliments that dictate how women should “carry” themselves, I’ll find you even more annoying.

In my self-righteous trip, I soon realized that my skepticism towards compliments didn’t exactly end there. It actually irritates me when anyone tries buttering me up, especially when its only because they need something. And no, I’m not referring to the playful type that you share with your friends/family members. I’m speaking on the exaggerated (and sometimes false) praises, that are often indicative of what other people want you to be. Keep your compliment…I’m straight.

Oh and for you guys that try to form “I know your type” (you people actually need a post dedicated to just you) just because you caught me in my mellow, intellectual mood, (and want to use your perception of me to shame other women) keep in mind that I can just as easily switch from that girl to the no-fucks-given ratchet American, at the intersection of the razz Ibadan babe.

Time to read your thoughts. Please use the comment box to express you.

Responses

  1. Redhot
    Temi, take it easy abeg. You’re sounding like you know tons of them.

    I think that these days, this type of guy you’re describing are thankfully very very rare.
    so chill.

    Am i first? Coffee please, laced with a slug of Jameson…

    1+
  2. Larz
    Hahaha.

    I really hate it when ppl say stuff like you look intelligent (based on photos/ social media). My thought usually are that you cant be very smart if you base your analysis of me on something as flimsy as that.

    2+
  3. Abk
    Well ! Inasmuch as I don’t encourage slandering others in the course of compliment a person, sometimes its one of the requirements to get to certain people or to get certain things from certain people
    #MynameisAbkandijustwanttomake……idk
    0
  4. Toby
    Dude was negging you. Such a turnoff.

    What I couldn’t get over, was that your friend gave a total stranger your number without asking you if it was cool. Completely unacceptable. If he was so good (on paper), why didn’t she try for him herself?

    0
    1. Miss James
      Cus he’s prolly younger the ‘friend’ considering this friend is her elder sister’s friend which means she’s prolly in her elder sister’s age group?? |My guess though.
      1+
  5. anita
    i can actually TOTALLY…relate to the post!
    Your physical description of the guy + profession sounds so much like my bae that i started wondering if he was one and the same oooo….lol!!!
    0
  6. Funk
    “Sapiosexual” is one of the many pretentious, rubbish terms and descriptions millenials have come up with to make themselves feel some kind of special.
    2+
    1. K. Rukia
      I think that millennials have simply put a name to something that existed before us and will exist after us. Being attracted to someone primarily because of their intelligence is a real phenomenon. Just because you might not have experienced it, does not mean it is made up.
      0
      1. Funk
        Intelligence (or displays of it) is one of the major factors in general attraction for everybody. It ain’t nothing special. It ain’t news either.
        In sexual attraction? Foh.
        0

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

+