Cunnilingus and My Roommates

Opinion

The night was a rather uninteresting one, noises everywhere, rain pouring with a vengeance; I was a 400 level engineering at a prestigious Nigerian University and I had a test the next day. Then I heard some shouting from the next room. The boys there, were preventing me from reading for my test, and what…

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The night was a rather uninteresting one, noises everywhere, rain pouring with a vengeance; I was a 400 level engineering at a prestigious Nigerian University and I had a test the next day. Then I heard some shouting from the next room. The boys there, were preventing me from reading for my test, and what is worse they were my course mates – in essence they had the same test, I was trying to read for.

Dudes will always be dudes I guess. I got extremely angry and went to confront them, only to be dumb founded when I got to the room. These boys had forgotten about the Fourier and Runge-Kutta test they had the next day, and where discussing ‘lady parts’. One of my favorite topics. I had to get in on this. One would be amazed at the kind of shit boy’s talk about when they are alone. I once said, if my parents where to hear the kind of crap that comes out from my mouth in the gathering of my social friends they would not believe I was their son. Yeah! Yeah! I am a BNEP – A Black Nigerian Evangelical Protestant (pronounced Bee-neep); in layman terms a Church boy. Or at least that is what I am supposed to be in their mind.

So talking about lady parts, in the most lascivious manner, is something I should never do. But without a doubt I talk about that kind of shit a lot. But only within certain social contexts. I mean, in a culture where sex is this misunderstood, ill-contorted taboo one can never be too careful; Abeg I have no intention of becoming a pariah.

But that day, in that situation, on the issue of lady parts, and in retrospect, on other days, I should have fled; because I have been commanded by the tenets the credence system I profess, to flee from all appearances of evil, but I did not.

The argument started on the smell of a lady’s genitals. Trust me, on this boys have a lot of shit to say. These dudes began to say all sorts of crap about lady parts that would make the light hearted puke. I remained silent on this matter. The discussion moved at a normal pace, until one dude, Karim, said “I can never put my mouth on that shit because of the sticky liquid and the horrible smell”, and surprisingly many of the other boys shouted in objection.

One said “guy forget, all that one na wash. You no go smell anything once your thing done jack, and you no go even mind swallow all that liquid stuff”. Then Karim say “what! God forbid”. Another guy said “Guy girls these day no go give you ‘head’ unless you give them ‘head’”. Karim “said na lie! You know how many head I done get? And I never give anybody head”.

Sukanmi then said “guy  na lie, if you no give babe head she no go give you head back”, then someone said it depends; it is most of the time 60% to 40%. That is, the percentage of boys giving cunnilingus and girls, fellatio is 40% to 60%. On the average more girls give head than boys do. This became the consensus of the group. Then we all left that room, to our respective rooms, to prepare for the engineering math test we had.

Now I am in grad school, and I have been the labor market for a bit, but that argument still hunts me. Truth be told at the time of that argument, apart from watching cunnilinguses and fellatios on “MOJO-JOJOs” I had never given one or received one. But a lot has changed since that time.

But what got me thinking was the inherent patriarchal and misogynoiristic* tone in the words of Karim that night. We were all speaking from emotions and not empirical data; I agree, but the way in which Karim said his “lie! Lie! I can never go down on a girl” has bugged me in recent times. It is a man’s world! But this is only true because of the evolutionary upper hand men have. This is, as a result of evolutionary psychology, social evolution and Darwinism in all it nuances, the male sex became more dominant (physically) than the female sex. But for the fact that you know what fellatio and cunnilingus is, I like to think you would be civil enough not to fall victim of oppression dynamics. It is of no doubt that even in civil societies, people propagate misogyny without even knowing it. In the future I would discuss more on feminist critical theory, womanism, intersectionality, minority oppression, able-bodied domination and so on; but for now let’s stick to cunnilingus.

Cunnilingus is the act of sexually pleasuring a woman by the continuous stimulation of her genitals with one’s mouth – mostly the tongue. So is it true that most boys would not give it to their partners, but would expect to receive fellatio from their partners? Would a girl who gives fellatio want cunnilingus in return? Would a dude willingly give cunnilingus and not expect fellatio in return? Some girls would never give fellatio and never collect cunnilingus. Why?

First most boys claim to be afraid of putting the big orifices on their head in front of a woman’s v jay jay because of the fluids it produces. They believe somehow that this fluids will be very harmful to them if ingested. The female genitalia is no stranger to discharges. It is natural and normal. These discharges carry away dead cells and bad bacteria out of their bodies regularly. It can vary in color, odor and texture. For example discharge increase when a woman is sexually aroused – this helps prevent friction during intercourse. When a woman is ovulating, she also secretes fluids, and the normal one at the end 0f the menstrual cycle – which we all know about.

Ingesting any of these fluids during sex – that is the fluids secreted to aid penetration and the one secreted during an orgasm – is not dangerous to the health and does nothing than taste funny if you are not used to it; the same way black coffee might taste to a sweet tooth trying it for the first time.

Second many dudes claim that the smell of vaginal discharges are abhorrent. This is not true. If the odor from the genitalia of a woman is bad, it might be because she does not pay serious attention to hygiene, or has in infection, or – which is most likely – has been sweating all day so her nether regions smell as a result of the perspiration, and she has not had the opportunity to take a bath at the time she gives access to her partner. This is also common with the dick regions of many guys. After a day of sweat the “holy-spot” down there begins to smell funny, for both dudes and ladies.

According to a recent survey by researchers at Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute, 75% of Adult women have received cunnilingus once. So who is giving them the blowjobs? Many dudes would willingly go under their partner without a second thought when horny. But the cultural and religious taboos surrounding sex and most especially the inherent and institutionalized patriarchal Kleptocracy in Nigeria make many guys deny it; like Karim belligerently did. Somehow admitting to it make them look less manly – complete bullshit in my opinion. Oral sex is an intense way of being intimate with someone, and is on par with intercourse, so why the hell do we develop goose bumps when it is mentioned.

*Note: Misogynoiristic was not a typo, it comes from the word misogynoir coined by Moya Bailey. Google the word for more info.

Please feel free to destroy the comment boxes with your opinions or contributions on this topic.

Image via Dr. Shelly

Responses

  1. spacyzuma
    I started watching porn early. Before puberty.
    During puberty in secondary school, I was disgusted by several sexual things: masturbation, fellatio, homosexuality, cunnilingus, anal sex. I’m sure I must have sworn to never do any of them. Lol.

    Regarding cunnilingus, I dunno how, but I actually started to crave it years later. My first gf didn’t allow me to do it to her. When I eventually did it to another lover, she didn’t even ask me to. I surprised her by going down on her. Looking back now, I’m grateful she was clean and shaved and nice-scented there. Cos if she had been dirty, smelly, unshaved (as I’ve experienced in later years), it might have put me off cunnilingus for life.

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    1. Onyinyechi
      Hahaha…. I think most of us felt that way as kid. We felt Masturbation, Anal and blowjobs were disgusting and we would never take part in them. We get Older and western culture propagated through the media (all those websitexxxss) make us feel differently.

      You where fortunate to have a first exhilarating experience. But I doubt if it was bad you would have completely given up on it though.

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      1. S
        Well,i’ve kind of always been fascinated in masturbation and oral sex but anal…. Lord have mercy. I don’t know if i’ll ever get there.
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        1. Onyinye
          You never know these things. We do not plan them they just happen. I mean the right dude and lube could create wonders.
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          1. Olayinka
            It’s never happening! Anal ke. One time, Uncle and I were so into our business that he almost slipped his junior into my anus. It was so painful I didn’t know when I pushed him off me screaming. And it was not even in yet. Omo that business is shitty abeg.
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        2. BlackPearl
          AMEN!!! As sexually adventurous as I would like to claim to be, anal is one thing I don’t ever want to try, not even once!
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    2. thetoolsman
      lol.. there’s a method to this madness though. It’s just that alot of African men are not particularly sensual.. Your kisses go from lips to neck, below the boobies and then dwell enough in the navel area or if on the flip side, small of the back, a good whiff should give you an idea of what lies beneath.
      7+
      1. Tunde
        Dude, the BESTEST way to confirm is to use your fingers first, then bring your hand back close to your face when you are kissing and necking. You will know.
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  2. Maxpayne
    The odour part of the female body part is what scares me the most… Like really how do some smell like fish and others like peaches or lavender… That said, I love oral sex… I would give my partner head without hoping she reciprocates, after all, we are both enjoying it.
    5+
  3. S
    Let me just say that I cannot agree more about the fact that we live in a society where sex cannot be spoken about openly, where sex is seen as immoral, for the love of Zeus, sex is supposed to be a beautiful thing! It’s just a pity.
    Some ladies do have smelly vajay-jay’s and it’ss definitely a hygiene issue because i’m of the strong opinion that as a lady if you plan of having any kind of sexy time you need to have a good gynaecologist, it’s only responsible.

    right from whenI was a teenager i was fascinated by the idea of oral sex. When i eventually experienced a wet warm tongue having a field trip on my lady parts, i was more than taken with the idea. I’m such a big fan that i’m always tidy down there and smelling good of course 🙂

    Nigeria still has a long long way to go yo. People are still trying to deal wit inter-tribal and inter-racial marriage, not to talk of freedom of sexual speech.

    6+
    1. thetoolsman
      Sigh.. Not again. But your avatar shows here though? The comment system is back to the basic form now so you really dont even need to sign in. Once you comment with your regular email, you’ll be fine.
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  4. Nwa mmadu_Nwa mmuo
    OKk, I’ve been viewing this site for sometime & this is going to be my first comment. Firstly, i’ve noticed that most of the posts ( at least the recent ones i’ve seen) have sexual related topics, wetin dey do una???, everytime “segz, segz,segz”,una no get any oda thing to discuss.

    Concerning the topic at hand, when I think about sex what I mainly envision is “coitus” ( penis enter vagina),simple, end of story!!!!!!!!!, and although I’ve never done certain things, so I can’t know how they feel ,I am simply repulsed when I imagine such things like “Cunnilingus”, “ass eating”, anal sex( eewww!!!!!),and if i was a girl i probably wouldn’t be very comfortable with the thought of “licking lolipops”.

    Ahhhh, Konji, may you be cursed for conjuring such heinous thoughts in the mind of man!!!

    1+
    1. thetoolsman
      Thanks for commenting and welcome aboard. On your main comment itself, good to know people with your views are on here as well, creates a good balance. As for your comment on “most” of the posts being on sexual related topics, thats an unfair assumption wouldnt you say. One look at the homepage and you’ll notice only 2 of the last 15 posts has a sex related theme. Besides, the site is an open platform now, anyone can some on to write on any topic they choose and we try as much as possible not to interfere unless we absolutely have to.
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    2. Onyinye
      The point of discussing something many times is to create desensitization around it. If we want people to practice safe sex, enjoy sex and understand it, as a society, we need to discuss it more often, and not take it as an abhorrent plague. Because lets face it we all came to this world by the same process. And saying most of the posts – especially recent ones – on TNC are sexed themed, is not true. Common Dude…
      2+
  5. mimsy
    Nwa madu, segz as you aptly described it is not just about penetration, and we sometimes wonder why some homes break up, we don’t discuss it freely, women are afraid to be seen as loose when they try to express what kinda engine fits their boat, any hoohaas, to the topic hand, I do enjoy cunninglingus as I enjoy deepthroating” my man,and it’s important to be clean “down there”. My 2cents.
    5+
  6. Nosa
    So i skipped the reading when you started talking about secreting body fluids. It felt like you were trying to discourage me, you failed though.

    I cannot imagine not going down on a lady during sexytime. The whole point for me is to pleasure her. That moment when she is grabbing the sheets with one hand and trying to shove your head down her hole with the other, suffocating but who am i to complain? As far as i am concerned oral sex is the greatest thing ever to be discovered after football manager, no kidding. I’m not for that quickie business. How do you people even do that sef?

    The cunniligus is the main course for me, fine dining.

    10+
  7. Gbolahan
    Well, this is a big one. I haven’t ‘been around the block’ that much but, when it comes to oral, I say “bring it on!” I have never gone down on a woman (she never let me, though she did me) but, in general, if you want it, be prepared to give it. And to the guys who complain about ‘smells’, let’s be honest with ourselves. We’ve all had days when the funk around the balls had us grateful there wasn’t any girl around. If you have had an off day, so could she. Try and work a shower into your foreplay, if you must. 🙂
    1+
  8. BOMA
    Hahahahahahahha Nosa, I see you bruh. Good thing you put Football Manager first. For me sex is enjoyable when she’s out of her mind with pleasure.
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  9. Fiddler
    There is no right way not wrong way… just the way you both agree on.
    That said, I think another major issue in “the bedroom” is the lack of effective communication before, during and after “the bedroom”.
    Some can’t stand oral, I can… and do. Some think it’s their entitlement, I say “show me the contract!”.
    To me, great sex should be all about giving. Try to “outgive” each other, but first, for the love of common sense, know for sure that your “gift” will be pleasing and acceptable.
    Talk about it as adults and do unto others as you would have done unto you!
    3+
  10. king push
    All I can think of softly playing the weeknd soundtrack to all this post and comment……that said.

    Try giving her head with frozen chocolate in your mouth.

    Kindly note not the frozen chocolate but your cold lips and tongue does the trick

    Ps: I didn’t teach you that.

    Do I still have to say I enjoy it???

    1+
  11. Andy
    The key here is hygiene and intimacy.
    Dialogue helps at times. You will be amazed to find out that she craves to have oral sex but can’t voice it out because of the public opinion she’s heard over the years.

    Anal is another different topic…

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  12. Allow me
    I think the whole point of giving head is that it’s pleasurable to you. As much as receiving head is pleasurable, I think that the giver also derives a lot of pleasure from pleasuring his/her lover.
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  13. Allow me
    And of course, everybody keep it clean. You want your partner eating you up, be sure you’re serving up something good.
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  14. Argonaut
    What is it with you people and the “give it to get it” mentality?! Haba! Come, make I give you word: I do not like my babe giving me head. Oya, iyen naa tun nko? 😐 …BUT! I can die for the chance to go down and taste that woman down there! In fact, that is the litmus test! I like to think I am pretty proficient at it, so if I attack your love button, and you don’t grad the sheets, grab my head and push it I’m you like you want me to enter ya belle so you can reborn me again, then I know sontin Heez ameez! Seriously tho…I love giving head. That’s my favourite quicker sef. Experience has taught me that penetrative sex is really just for me (or maybe I am not so proficient at using my dick like I am with my tongue 🙁 …pot of beans life) and the only time I can guarantee she isn’t faking that earth shattering orgasm she just had is when it came from my tongue…so all you bruvs just going in with the dick, pray i dont meet your girl o! OK, I don preach finish…
    2+
  15. Lipglossmaffia
    I probably would have broken up with Karim in the middle of a session if he said he couldn’t go down on me. I can’t compromise on that. I like to give and love to receive. I’ll be patient to teach but the the dude says, lai lai, then I’ll just pack my bra and tell him, “adios amigo”
    0
  16. Melek
    dayngr – yes, that was my original thguhot, but a) would’ve been way too raunchy to illustrate, even for Manola and b) imagine the logistics of that while twittering, LOL!geno – I’ll never tell whose name I scratched out!pau – hey neighbor! thanks.
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  17. Ehi
    I have only ever gone down on a girl twice…& it was everything I never thought it would be. The first time I went down on her, I really didn’t want to do it as the fear of the smell & the nastiness of the act were top on my mind, but as I got to it…bruh, she made a believer out of me. Babe smelled quite fresh & clean & the more I ate her out, the more I felt her body response & moans and when she came, I couldn’t believe I hadn’t done that before. So the next time I got her alone in a room, guess where I headed for first? Sadly though, I have not been chanced to do it again as it was just an holiday fling and I’m not so good with women. But I am now a firm believer in cunnilingus & I will not hesitate to perform the act…as long as there’s no bad smell down there
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  18. tonie
    I was just privileged to see this link on twittter n I have read about 3 topics already. I want 2 say ‘great articles’ so far.
    Sincerely..
    On the isssue of oral sex,would say a lot has changed cos most people enjoy it now.. It entail a sorta chemistry btw both parties b4 it is given. Even a first timer is simply blow away. Regarding the odour or liquid produced,its only harmful if she’s got veneral disease lyk STD.. Its bin a fascinating 20years experience so far in this issh*.. All in all, great article
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