Dating Woes: You Never Know What To Expect


You meet a charming young man and it feels like the place to be. You are both crazy about each other and looking forward to your journey together hoping for the best. You go out of your way to make your partner feel comfortable and welcome. You stay positive in bad and good times. You…


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You meet a charming young man and it feels like the place to be. You are both crazy about each other and looking forward to your journey together hoping for the best. You go out of your way to make your partner feel comfortable and welcome. You stay positive in bad and good times. You heart tells you to jump in without taking time to know him like you were advised by the elders. You called it “love at first sight.”

I was talking with one of my girls and she pointed out that we use our hearts more than we use our heads. We follow our hearts without thinking things through properly before we decide. When it comes to love I must admit that I love with all I have. I love too deep and dig even deeper to please or show my partner love. I think that is how we ladies were created – to show love.

However, this comes with high expectations. We don’t do things for nothing. This is the hurting point for most women. Whenever I love and do extraordinary things for you, obviously, I am expecting returns. I know you might think that this is not true love. You cannot buy love or happiness. Yes, I agree that love cannot be bought but anything you do in this life goes both ways – give and receive. Even the Bible acknowledges that.

You never know what to expect three months down the line. I thought I was hard to please. I seriously thought I was the problem, getting bored easily and if you survived three months with me you were something special. I loved too much and would do a lot of things for my partner and felt I was being taken for a ride.

At the beginning, I would not care about his visits to my place and bringing groceries. I would cook what I had since I worked and stocked my house. Three months down the line, I started noticing that he was just too comfortable not bringing anything – not even juice or a snack. Yet, he would open the fridge and say “You ran out of juice” or “I am hungry, what are we having.” Funny, right?

Then you start going through your dialled numbers. You start noticing that you call him a lot more than he calls you. You are now the pursuer, calling him every 2 hours to find out how he was doing. You never noticed this before but now you are using your head and thinking to yourself. You decide to reduce the number of calls hoping he would notice and call you more often but he does not.

Little things like these matter to me. Maybe I am harsh to the potential bae, but I am simply a well-mannered person who is expecting any other human being to behave well and have manners. I like simple courtesy. Return my calls. Respect my efforts to make you comfortable. Do not talk to me while chewing on food and be clean. Yes, any tiny detail puts me off and by the time we reach the three-month mark, I grow tired of pretending it does not bother me. I know it sounds silly but there are things that really make us lose interest sooner than we think.

Should I loosen up or am I right to hold on to my standards? What “little things” are deal-breakers for you guys and how early in a relationship do you look out for them? Looking forward to reading your comments.


  1. Pingback: Dating Woes: You Never Know What To Expect | ForNaija

  2. tellanslem
    An ex once told me that she never had a lasting relationship more than 5months! Her exes were in their numbers like folks on standby in a football match. I decided to stick with her, were made it happened from June 14- June 16, yeah but the deal breakers were so much to bear. Sleeping with 3 exes’ , I forgave, slept with 2 married men ngwa nu , I still forgave not because I was a fool but I wanted to see her broken and turn with a contrite heart. She took me for a fool. I call 8 times a day ,yet the bae won’t event send a full stop as sms. You stay under my roof and u don’t cook nor wash plates! really? Nagging always and never showing respect when due. I made it a point of resolution and on 28th of June, we dissolved amicably. Sept. 8th when I’ve lost memory of who she is , an sms read “I’m willing to try again” …My no! is No! , as a man, I can treasure rubbish but the day I say no! I’m done
    1. Larz
      What? There’s forgiving and there is enabling. Dude you were enabling her period.

      Of course it took her three months to realise that when will never find another guy to make mungun of like you

  3. Chidinma Orajiaku
    Lol.. Your standards are not high biko. Give and be given; that’s a rule. I think my deal breaker is being dirty. No effort to keep clean. Mouth odor, unwashed clothes, smelling armpit!! D kind of guy that will embarrass you outside. Chewing like a goat, loud as a lion, dragging feet while walking, dressing like a tout!! Phew..
  4. Chidinma otutu
    I feel your standards are cool. I mean we are humans, even as we give offering and sow seeds in church we expect returns from God, not to talk of showing care to human and not get anything in return? i mean its heart breaking jare… deal breakers mehn…mouth odour is no go area, a man with no plans and focus is almost like a dead person to me the difference between them is just that he is not yet buried, a dirty person who doesn’t even have a clue that he is…..phewwwww!!!! For now!
  5. Solo
    Hi, Guys! I don’t think it’s about the “deal-breakers. ” Relationships is about love, compromise and reciprocity. We expect a lot from our significant other, and if we don’t get that. Mehn! I don’t know.
    The truth is I wish I could meet a woman who is honest, willing to compromise (change) and is reciprocal, and I’ll be willing to do the same. “Don’t know if I said something that makes sense.”
  6. LincayaD Post author
    i hear you guys loud and clear. the problem with men is that they want to change ud and they are not willing to bend. my standards are not bad at all. you come to me focus and we are happy. we cannot change each other but we can bend to accomodate each other, that is the way to do it.
  7. Solo
    LincayaD, that’s him, and any other men, but I’m different. At least I can speak for myself. I love the way you put it “We can bend to accommodate each other.” I know it’s hard at first, but it’s doable. That’s why communication is key.
  8. Omali
    I observe interations with others, especially with waiter, security personnel, etc. I can’t stand someone that short temper, can’t greet others, or express gratitude. I dont like overmushy guys when we first meet. also I look at shoes that a story for another day
  9. Morris
    Lol, well, You didn’t tell us if you spoke with, if you compromised and all that. I mean three months, it definately wasn’t meant to go anywhere.

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