Dear Efe, What Is Wrong With Calling My Boyfriend Daddy?

  Hello Efe, The babe I was in love with suddenly broke up with me, quite unceremoniously, days after we shared I-love-you’s and “can’t wait to see you again.” I’m stunned. I’m a 27-year-old guy and I was thinking I had found my soulmate. She broke up with her previous boyfriend to start dating me,…

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Hello Efe,

The babe I was in love with suddenly broke up with me, quite unceremoniously, days after we shared I-love-you’s and “can’t wait to see you again.”

I’m stunned.

I’m a 27-year-old guy and I was thinking I had found my soulmate. She broke up with her previous boyfriend to start dating me, We dated for 3 months and I loved her for who she was. When she uttered the first “I love you,” she said she was truly in love with me. .

I asked her, did I say something wrong that to hurt you? Has this been on your mind for a while? I wasn’t asking out of anger, just trying to make sense of it all. I begged her to please explain what has happened so my brain can sign, seal and file it.

She responded saying she has so much going on in her life being with me was like another pressure. She cares for me, she said. I was like a drug to her, but she wants to be left alone.

Efe, please help me make sense of this. I’m not looking to repair this, nor am I crying anymore, but how do I spot this in the future?

Bernand

 

Hello Bernand,

Some people use sex as a currency. It’s their medium of exchange. They don’t care about another’s feelings any more than they care about the feelings of the stray dog down the street.

People in love don’t say to their partners “I have too much going on in my life to have time for you”. People in love think, “I would drop everything for you”. In my opinion, you have fulfilled any need she had of you and has moved on.

Sometimes, for our own well-being, we have to be able to judge people harshly without giving them the benefit of any doubt. You were simply a sex partner to this lady and nothing more. She has probably found a more exciting sex partner hence the need to move on.

After three months she backed out, praising you enough in her departure that you feel flattered. This method may allow her to have a “friends with benefits” relationship with you later.

Fill up your life so you are busy and happy with the life you are living. What you need is a loving relationship built on sincerity.

How do you avoid this in the future? By becoming involved with someone who isn’t already in a relationship. You don’t need to break up an existing relationship to start one of you own.

Efe

 

Efe,

One of my very good male friends says he loves me. I am confused and do not know what to do. I hate it when guy friends do this because I have lost a male friend like this in the past.

 For me, we are just friends nothing more, when I think of dating, I don’t even think of any of the guys in my circle of friends but so I don’t understand why it is not like this with guys.

 What do I do? Please advice.

 Ure

 

Hello Ure,

Unless you are leading people on, having people like you or fall in love with you is not your fault.

Also, remember, a “friend” who asks you out is by definition no longer just “friend.” He is a person who wants to date you, be with you and be romantically connected to you. That is not a friend anymore. So you can’t just go back just like that so indeed you did lose a friend the moment he expressed his feelings towards you.

To manage the situation, you should talk to him, tell him you are not interested in a romantic relationship and that is the way things are going to be. That you would like to remain friends with him only that and he should please respect your decision and boundaries.

Ultimately, what happens from this point is his choice. He could say, if he is smart, that he would like to take a break from being friends and away from you so he can figure his feelings out. Perhaps the friendship could continue at a later time.

Or, he could say “cool” and pretend nothing happened. Generally this is the dumb choice as most people cannot handle being friends with someone they love romantically and could turn into a ticking bomb waiting to happen. Most likely he will come on to you or ask you out again at some point and thus destroying the friendship.

Or he could terminate the friendship. It may seem unfair to you but that is his right. There is really not much you can do at that point.

Efe

 

Hello Efe,

I am a very submissive girlfriend, I am 24 and I call my boyfriend daddy. We have been dating for 2 years now and he is my first boyfriend.  He doesn’t have any problem with it but some of my friend think it is just wrong. I don’t see anything wrong in calling him daddy because I even asked him if he is okay with it and he said he didn’t have any problem with it. I have no actual ‘fatherly’ feelings towards him it is just a way I express my totally commitment to him. In fact I feel free and can share everything with him this way. The sex is completely amazing when I am calling him this name. Really I don’t understand why my friends don’t get it.

No offense, but you are a guy so I am not looking for your advice, I want you to post my letter so that other girls can tell me what they think, am I weird?

Uche

Responses

  1. Great Lady
    Uche you’re very funny. How can you be calling your bf daddy? Like seriously? The way I see this your relationship, it may progress to a master-servant relationship very soon. Lol at very “submissive girlfriend”, hahahahhaha.
  2. Larz
    @bernard– some people will love you and some won’t for whatever reason. I think 3 months is enough to decide if someone wants to be with you forever. Unfortunately, for reasons best known to her, she doesn’t want a long term exclusive relationship with you. Forget the other BS she told you, hold on each to one main fact, she is just into you like that. It is what it is, these things happen, please move on. A clean break will be great. It will hurt for a while but eventually you will be thankful she did not string you along much longer.

    sometimes we develop a crush on our friends, other times they do towards us. It is not the end of the world. It does happen. The key is to be honest with them and don’t string them along. Like Efe said, it isn’t necessarily as a result of something you did / did not do.

    @uche– nothing do you. As long as you are not being forced into it.

  3. Funmi Ogunlusi
    It’s hard to get the nuts and bolts of a relationship just from these short notes but it seems more likely that Bernard’s ex has issues, rather than her just using for sex or whatever.

    It might sound like a cliche but people really do break up with people they actually love because they don’t have the space to deal with a relationship for whatever reason – unresolved issues from the past, self esteem problems etc.

    Sometimes we ask for closure when relationships end and, when we don’t get the answer we want, we assume the person is lying. Maybe she said she loves you but feels the relationship is a source of pressure because she loves you but feels the relationship is a source of pressure. These are emotions we’re talking about and they’re hardly ever rational.

    As for Uche, lol you might want to read “Who’s Your Daddy?” by our very own S. You might find a kindred spirit there.

    1. Taiwo
      I agree with Funmi.

      Maybe not the sex, the friction and/or pressure is real. She might feel it’s too ‘serious’ or intense but she should not have claimed “lovely lovey” too.

  4. Navymii
    @Bernand-There’s nothing more shocking or disorienting that when someone breaks up with you out of the blue.
    You feel a gnawing, all consuming need to make sense of it.
    You know what, you WANT to make sense of it; you don’t need to.
    There’ll be as many theories as the people you ask. Even your ex may not truly understand why she’s done it.
    You NEED closure and only you can give yourself that. Fuck all that has happened and just focus on you, on being strong and happy for you. Its that simple.
    Sorry, I just lied. Its not simple at all but who cares. Its your only choice.

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