The babe I was in love with suddenly broke up with me, quite unceremoniously, days after we shared I-love-you’s and “can’t wait to see you again.”
I’m a 27-year-old guy and I was thinking I had found my soulmate. She broke up with her previous boyfriend to start dating me, We dated for 3 months and I loved her for who she was. When she uttered the first “I love you,” she said she was truly in love with me. .
I asked her, did I say something wrong that to hurt you? Has this been on your mind for a while? I wasn’t asking out of anger, just trying to make sense of it all. I begged her to please explain what has happened so my brain can sign, seal and file it.
She responded saying she has so much going on in her life being with me was like another pressure. She cares for me, she said. I was like a drug to her, but she wants to be left alone.
Efe, please help me make sense of this. I’m not looking to repair this, nor am I crying anymore, but how do I spot this in the future?
Some people use sex as a currency. It’s their medium of exchange. They don’t care about another’s feelings any more than they care about the feelings of the stray dog down the street.
People in love don’t say to their partners “I have too much going on in my life to have time for you”. People in love think, “I would drop everything for you”. In my opinion, you have fulfilled any need she had of you and has moved on.
Sometimes, for our own well-being, we have to be able to judge people harshly without giving them the benefit of any doubt. You were simply a sex partner to this lady and nothing more. She has probably found a more exciting sex partner hence the need to move on.
After three months she backed out, praising you enough in her departure that you feel flattered. This method may allow her to have a “friends with benefits” relationship with you later.
Fill up your life so you are busy and happy with the life you are living. What you need is a loving relationship built on sincerity.
How do you avoid this in the future? By becoming involved with someone who isn’t already in a relationship. You don’t need to break up an existing relationship to start one of you own.
One of my very good male friends says he loves me. I am confused and do not know what to do. I hate it when guy friends do this because I have lost a male friend like this in the past.
For me, we are just friends nothing more, when I think of dating, I don’t even think of any of the guys in my circle of friends but so I don’t understand why it is not like this with guys.
What do I do? Please advice.
Unless you are leading people on, having people like you or fall in love with you is not your fault.
Also, remember, a “friend” who asks you out is by definition no longer just “friend.” He is a person who wants to date you, be with you and be romantically connected to you. That is not a friend anymore. So you can’t just go back just like that so indeed you did lose a friend the moment he expressed his feelings towards you.
To manage the situation, you should talk to him, tell him you are not interested in a romantic relationship and that is the way things are going to be. That you would like to remain friends with him only that and he should please respect your decision and boundaries.
Ultimately, what happens from this point is his choice. He could say, if he is smart, that he would like to take a break from being friends and away from you so he can figure his feelings out. Perhaps the friendship could continue at a later time.
Or, he could say “cool” and pretend nothing happened. Generally this is the dumb choice as most people cannot handle being friends with someone they love romantically and could turn into a ticking bomb waiting to happen. Most likely he will come on to you or ask you out again at some point and thus destroying the friendship.
Or he could terminate the friendship. It may seem unfair to you but that is his right. There is really not much you can do at that point.
I am a very submissive girlfriend, I am 24 and I call my boyfriend daddy. We have been dating for 2 years now and he is my first boyfriend. He doesn’t have any problem with it but some of my friend think it is just wrong. I don’t see anything wrong in calling him daddy because I even asked him if he is okay with it and he said he didn’t have any problem with it. I have no actual ‘fatherly’ feelings towards him it is just a way I express my totally commitment to him. In fact I feel free and can share everything with him this way. The sex is completely amazing when I am calling him this name. Really I don’t understand why my friends don’t get it.
No offense, but you are a guy so I am not looking for your advice, I want you to post my letter so that other girls can tell me what they think, am I weird?