Let’s be clear I’m not looking to marry you. The reason I am with you is because YOU HAVE A BEARD I obviously liked you enough to come out of my dating hiatus, so please don’t make me regret it.
Being your girlfriend doesn’t mean you should slack. It’s not time for you to rest because you’ve got me on your arm. You are required to bring your A-game every damn day, okay?! Accept that I’m going to screw up (unintentionally) because I’m not perfect and we’ll be fine. Don’t attempt to give me silent treatment or attitude. You can’t win, so just gather your balls, tell me whatever it is and we’ll work through it… Or not.
I’m not always going to want to call you or see you; I need time to miss you. If I say I don’t want to talk about something, don’t bug me. When I’m ready, I’ll tell you or not. If I’m not enough for you, let me know. Don’t go hooking up with other girls.
Don’t treat me like I’m irrelevant because I am not. Keep in mind that I have the ability to break you too. Don’t ever ask me to pick between you and my friends, okay? The moment you utter it, I’m gone. Don’t go through my IMs, call logs and mails. They are mine. Mind your business. Whatever you are looking for on my phone, you’ll probably find it so save yourself the high blood pressure.
I really don’t mind if you don’t drink alcohol, however it’s no fun drinking alone. Accept that I’m going to TRY and turn you into an alcoholic so we can have drunken sex every Wednesday and Thursday. If you smoke cigarettes, you have my heart. The sight of a man exhaling smoke turns me on in ways you cannot begin to imagine and the taste of tobacco and mint while kissing is divine!
Dating me means you will hear Beyoncé’s name more than you hear yours and you’re just going to have to be okay with that. I might just fall in love with you if you stan for her half as much as I do. Also, I’m going to want to drive your car. You can’t always drive me, deal with it.
When I tell you that you’ve got me, believe me. I don’t need to spend my days convincing you; my actions would speak it all. Know now that my love for Ribena, shoes and nail polish knows no bounds. Don’t ever question it; you can never understand. I love to eat good food, cooked by you, myself or take out. Take note: when we go out and the bill comes, sometimes I will offer to pay or we’ll split it, so be okay with that.
You need to fully understand the concept of PMS. If not, I hope you are a fast learner. Drop whatever shy tendencies you may have because I’m all for PDA. I really don’t care about your past or body count. I feel like it’s important that I put this out there. Don’t be worrying about my tweets, I’m not subbing you. I’m too grown for that. If anything is wrong, I’ll tell you straight. I don’t have an issue with you going out without me especially to strip clubs, as long as it doesn’t harm what we have, so never feel guilty. Whenever we go out and there is dancing involved, you’re all mine!
Hi, my name is S and you will need to make an effort to look nice because I like to dress up and look pretty. Not every time jeans and sweatpants. Many of your shirts are probably going to end up in my wardrobe so better be ready to stock up. I’m a noise maker with a hysterical laugh, a borderline alcoholic and a cuddle hog who tends to scratch and scream during sexy time so if you’re looking for calm and sane days with a girlfriend, you’ve come to the wrong place.
I’m the kind of girl who can make heinous Lagos traffic disappear for you if I really like you so don’t you fucking dare take me for granted. Please lets be civil and behave. I’m not mushy a lot so when it comes, treasure it. I’m more than ready to make it work if you are.