Dear Nigerian Women,
There’s no gainsaying you are up there with the most beautiful creatures in the world. I mean, the excellent craftsmanship put into your features – the curves and trenches, mounds and troughs, beautifully sculpted to meet the demands of this hard universe. Your eyes are windows to the world and if anyone looks deep into them, they get a picture of their future. The way you ‘carry your body’ – swaying exquisitely as you graciously strut around, capturing the stares of all those blessed to be in the same vicinity as you are.
We are not worthy.
You see ehn, you are beautiful beyond description.
Too marvelous for words
Too wonderful for comprehension
Like nothing ever seen or heard
GOD!!!
You are ‘bae’ in more ways than one.
But then, like everything that’s too good, there has to be something wrong with it.
DNW, you are all created with super powers and this is why you can stare at your kids and those eyes will speak longer than a boring sermon. It’s pretty much amazing how your eyes can communicate such threats like “will you leave that place?” “If I catch you!” or the one that every child growing up feared the most “Let your father come back”.
Even as we have grown, we still encounter these silent words. Just look at these”
- The look that says “It’s like this lying, son-of-a-bitch is a bastard, is it me he’s deceiving?”
- The look that says “It’s like this one thinks I’m dodo”
- The look that says “It’s like you don’t know you’re mad”
My woman, my everything. How about you parraps speak to me instead of killing me softly with your looks?
The key word here is ‘Speak!’
My purpose of writing this letter is not to extol your wonderful virtues, quite the contrary actually. I’m honestly trying to understand something; when you were at your wedding service (for those of you who got married in church), did the pastor pronounce you “Husband and Wife” or “Wizard and Wife?” Are you certain what you want in this life is a companion to share all your joys and sorrows with? Are you certain your desire is a being with a spirit, soul and body or are you really just looking for a spirit?
Because I don’t understand how you beautiful women expect us to just magically know when you’re upset, angry, pissed off, on your period and all those random moods that you get into. Whenever these emotions creep up on you, can you maybe tell us? I mean, the last time I checked, I’m really not the Holy Spirit who knows all things. I am but a man with no genetically engineered ability to read your mind. It’s already so much work ensuring that I don’t misconstrue your replies, you now throw in some silent moodism and I’m expected to automatically understand? Olorun gba’ mi ke.
DNW, let’s leave the mind reading to those well versed in the art. I believe all human beings were blessed with a mouth that speaks to ensure these thoughts are communicated. I’m not saying you don’t communicate o, I’m just saying I (and other Nigerian men) would really appreciate if we use actual words laced with letters from A – Z. As I write this, I can already picture your face scrunched up in that disgusted look that says “what rubbish is this one writing?” I’m intrigued; is it that you lot had a secret course in communicating via facial expressions?
In my attempt to get to the root of this matter, the foundation of this anomaly. I picked up the word of God which is my bedrock and solid foundation and my eyes were opened to this revelation:
In the beginning, or somewhere after the beginning, after man was created and was horny, his rib was removed and from it popped Eve
And Eve came out from Adam, all sexy, dripping with nude hotness and gave him this look:
Homie Adam probably dumbfounded beholding all that booty and boobs must have been like:
One of the animals (who he named dog) was on the corner staring like:
Then Eve gets into the nearby river and is like “you coming for all this or nah?”
Adam still bamboozled, tried to curb his thirst like:
Eventually, they got into some serious earth shaking sex and then hunger set in.
So she went to the tree
And…
Genesis 3:6
“When the Woman saw that the tree looked like good eating and realized what she would get out of it—she’d know everything! (WITHOUT SPEAKING OR ASKING)
—she took and ate the fruit and then gave some to her husband, and he ate…”
So basically, this nonverbal communication ability might not be your fault DNW, it was passed on in genes from Eve. But Adam just started eating the apple when he was called…
And thus Adam didn’t eat enough of the apple.
With this revelation of mine DNW, I (on behalf of all Nigerian men) plead that you speak to us. The apple got stuck in our throat, it didn’t digest. We don’t have the same ability so edakun epp us.
Talk to us. Husband not Wizard.
Thanks.
Your body, soul and spirit husband,
Sirkastiq
Sirkastiq
Latest posts by Sirkastiq (see all)
- Poll: What Do You Really Think You’ll Do On Your Wedding Night? - November 27, 2015
- 3 Ways To Determine If Your Long Distance Relationship Is Real Or Not - November 17, 2015
- Dear Nigerian Women: Husband Not Wizard - October 13, 2015
KV
Numero uno?
babe
Women are in trouble it’s either they are speaking too much or not speaking enough..or maybe men are just confused. Let’s see how this goes.
Anonymous Aboki
Ah, touché
KVNX
Moderation is key BABE, moderation.
Sirkastiq
LOL…Indeed we shall see
Adayda
But those looks en.very classic something.. lol
Dear sirkastic, on behalf of the Nigerian women, just because you have asked nicely o. We will try to communicate ( sorry speak) more.
🙂
Sirkastiq
And the Church says … Amen
debloww
Ahn Ahn Ma, when did we come to this conclusion??? we have not agreed please.
Bunmi
Lmaoooooooo, sooooo funny. Yesterday, you guys were complaining about women talking too much, Now they don’t talk enough? Egba mi ke..
Dear Nigerian men, please tell us what you want biko? Should we email our feelings to you then? Or write them on paper? Lmao because I don’t know what to say or how to say it and I don’t even know how my facial expression is right now..
Dear Nigerian men, please choose one, should we talk or not talk? Moreover when a lady talks to you with her facial expression, it’s because she doesn’t want to blow up or say things she might regret later, she probably just want to calm down first, when a woman communicates with you with facial expressions, she might have talked and talked and you probably still didn’t get it and we all know how powerful these expressions are.
When a woman tries to allay her worries , concerns, thoughts with words, she talks too much. When she decides to keep quiet , she’s not talking enough .
Dear Nigerian men, please the pastor didn’t say Husband and witches as well . Wife not witches, Thanks .
Chinweike
Nobody said don’t talk, just don’t overdo it. Moderation is the key.
Sirkastiq
*rme* LOOL
Toni Osai
Not all women talk too much, and not all of them talk too little. There a rare few though who know the right words and the right amount to dish out to the menfolk.
Both posts just show both sides of the same coin: women and their use (or misuse) of words.
Meenah
As said by thousands before me, there’s a huge difference between “speaking” and “speaking too much” and it goes beyond the “too much” attached to “speaking”.
Bottomline, tell the man how you feel so he doesn’t get lost trying to figure you out but please by all means don’t become a chatterbox so you don’t push him into the area of another.
Meh
Saka has keed me!!!!! Took us to church and back ????. Since you have been so nice about it, I personally swear to be more reasonable and speak my mind. My fellow Nigerian women, it is only fair.
butterflymind
You wait for it. Tomorrow you’ll be called a nag for speaking your mind 🙂
Sirkastiq
Thank you o! Fellow Nigerian women, have we heard?
debloww
Who are you people pls???
NOOOO
Omotawler
Yesterday it was talking too much, today it is not talking enough. You know, u lots are just confused and apparently not satisfied with what you have.
ButterflyMind
We should give them more apples to eat… problem is Abacha tried and information overload killed him.
KELS
THIS!!!!! Lmao
i just got a warning at the office cos of my reaction to this comment.
Buchi
Lol. Just Lol.
Sirkastiq
But what if we have nothing ehn? What if?
VFFM
Lmaoooooo! This post is totally hilarous.
Baes please speak to us, you hear?
ButterflyMind
Dear Nigerian Men, WIVES NOT CHAMELEONS. How can you people be expecting us to do all these things you keep listing on a daily basis eh?
Don’t talk too much. Oh no, pls talk.
You want to be vacillating between personalities ba?! Odiegwu.
Sirkastiq
If you change your mind at least once a day, you’re already a chameleon. sorry
S
Look, guys, Sirkastiq is a problem. He is a huge problem
Sirkastiq
But you have the solution. Thanks in advance
KELS
Hahahahahahah… This took me back in time. The dreaded “let your father come back” look. Haaa! I’d get that look from mum and be on my best behaviour for the rest of the day. Of course it meant running to bed early to avoid the “sermon” when he returned. Those were the days.
“its already so much work ensuring i don’t misconstrue your replies”
Guy: Babe whats wrong?
Babe: nothing.
Guy: Sure you’re okay?
Babe: Just leave me alone (read: pls stay with me)
Guy: okay *makes to leave*
Babe: so you’re leaving?
Guy: #!@#&%
Life isn’t supposed to be that hard abeg, this isn’t what Jesus died for.
Sirkastiq
LIKE!!! it’s worse than differential equations
Vivian
SMH….
You talk, talkative, you don’t talk, speak out!!! Which one do you guys want???? Maybe you guys need to start by telling the lady what you want too, to avoid all the wahala but you’re too busy looking at ass and boobs and fine face to notice the other non physical features.
Sirkastiq
Alright, we’ll add lips to the list.
seryxme
Dear ladies,
Simple concepts, really. Hypertension and Hypotension are both health problems. So are Diabetes and Hypoglycemia. Go figure.
Thanks.
Ibiela
This comment is the highlight of this article
Terdoh
Sir, you are depth itself…
Sirkastiq
How dare you just give us assignment like that? No class, no tutorial, no “bring money for expo”
seryxme
Lol! Olodo rabata! Is this how you left school? We should call for all your satifikates for screening.
Segun
This is why we are here.
Pearl
Omg! Can’t stop laughing, now it’s got me not only stares but shares too. Gat to share this with my colleagues here. Sirkastiq and his humorous post. Brb to comment.
Sirkastiq
Ayeee! Thanks for sharing
Sheri
Loooool these comments. Oh come on girls! Nobody is asking you to be an aggravating chatterbox and nobody is asking you to turn yourself to a mute either…just in between, somewhere down the middle. You have to know where to draw the line. Like don’t do things like calling your Mother in Law fat, don’t call your neighbours child ugly in front of them but on the other side if your Boo manages to crawl under your skin, the silent treatment won’t help either. Dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnn!
I am very guilty of treating my boyfriends like Wizards…I just expect you to know. I’m pissed off, so think back to why I am pissed off and get back to me, because I won’t tell you! <This is why I am single and the last guy I was dating got fed up with me.
I should probably take my own advice 🙂
Sirkastiq
LMAOOOO Sheri…let’s know if taking your advice brings change to your relationship status.
Sheri
HA! I sure will!
Pinky
But what is she’s truly fat or the child is really ugly ? Y can’t I say it? In the spirit of honesty!
Segun
Honesty with wisdom helps preserve world peace.
KVNX
This was intended as a reply for Bunmi but seeing as several other comments mirror hers(?) I’ll just make it a general comment.
Yesterday was about women that talk too much, today is about the ones that don’t talk at all, or rather ones that don’t verbally communicate effectively. It’s rather naive implying that both articles are referring to the same woman, or to all women in general. The issues raised here today aren’t viable with all women, so were the ones yesterday, and so will subsequent ones.
It’s really not that hard, learn to take criticism sometimes, you’re not perfect, don’t be so defensive all the time, you’re not perfect. Cheers
Sirkastiq
*fistbump*
Bunmi
LOOOOL please chill Mr KVNX, ofcourse I know that. Sirkastiq was speaking in general, hence my reply. This is just an avenue for us to get into the minds of the opposite gender while explaining some funny misconceptions. Personally, I dont talk much but I can’t keep any issue in my mind for long because it worsens the issue so if you do anything I find offensive, we are both going to sit down and talk about it, communication is key and there are several ways to communicate. I have heard stories of women who tried talking but weren’t given audience, tried the silent treatment, saw how effective it was and decided to stick with it. So please calm down sir, ofcourse I know both letters aren’t referring to the same woman but you can’t say there is no relation between the two letters.
Nelo
Lol. Totally enjoying myself. Most times when we talk, you find it hard to understand. Abi make we open school? We have been wired to combine talk with looks. Somethings cannot be put into words. You won’t make sense of it jaare.
Keep studying us – one day God will hear your prayers my darling Nigerian men.
Bunmi
Lmaoooooo abi
Afuye Oluwaseun
Lol. All na balance. Know when water don pass garri. Know when the beans don nearly burn. Talk but do not ‘over talk’.
Sirkastiq
I’m crying
Dumo
Sirkastiq lovely article, those pics just potrayed the whole article but on a serious note women should not assume we are mind readers. On another note tho if they talk we will complain they talk too much if they don’t talk @ all its another problem. I think d old school method of letter writing should be introduced.
Sirkastiq
That’s a reasonable angle…lol
Afuye Oluwaseun
Mummy Daddy I don’t want to be an adult anymore. http://wp.me/p2vEVB-aD
Pearl
OK, the story of Adam and Eve just became more interesting and eye opening.
Now for the women who says these men ar confused, I disagree with you, like I said yesterday , I quoted Ecclesiastes 3:1 .there is time for everything, time to speak and time to be quite, we just need to study our Boo/ husband . I mean it as simple as:
Husband know thy wife
Wife know thy husband
Both should know when to speak and when to shutdafuck up
Communication is very vital
occasional space too will be cherished by me tho, don’t know about others.
Sirkastiq
The bible is full of differing revelations. It just depends on what hour of the day you get it, LOL
The411
I love TNC. It’s my favorite market/salon/beer parlour. We say it as it is, as e dey do us.
Talking too much or not enough are valid reason for major issues in relationships. Most women hold themselves back when they’re angry/upset because our tongues are quite lethal. I’m painfully quiet when I’m upset but make sure my partner (who is almost annoyingly observant) knows what’s wrong BEFORE bed. Going to bed after talking helps prevent feelings of resentment from taking root.
I believe my relationship enjoys flawless communication mostly because I’m not judged for speaking my mind.
Err… Bae better agree with me oh, lol.
DEE
you speak the truth 411. When I am upset, really upset, I just shut my mouth with super glue, cos if I open it ehn, even my ancestors will call me home. So it’s siddon look when I am really mad. it’s best for everyone.
Sirkastiq
The fruit. The Garden, The distance…you need to bless us with this piece. oya oya!!!
sagachristos
Loool. Are you ladies totally serious right now? Talking about how we’re confused for neither wanting you to talk too much or not too at all?? Please there’s something known as a middle ground aka moderation aka normalcy. We don’t want you on either extreme,is that too much to ask? It’s bad enough that y’all can have the same facial expression for different moods so we don’t even know whether you’re hungry,angry or just plain horny. Even Sherlock Holmes can’t read most of you.
See ehn,there’s a reason God put the apple tree in middle of the garden and not at the extreme ends. Follow the scriptures and be blessed. Amen?
Nosa
I believe there is a difference between talking about some issue that bothers/concerns you and talking about every fucking issue on this earth. BIG DIFFERENCE!!!!!!
Know the difference.
Terdoh
Hallelujah.
Lipglossmaffia
Lol! Moderation. Got it…
Smh,
*Waiting for next post*
Terdoh
The whole point of the post is really simple, see.
As far as today’s post is concerned, actions do not speak better than words.
If you have something on your mind, say it. Use your words. They were invented for a purpose.
See how guys will know a woman is feeling them but won’t do shit about it until she opens her mouth to say “You gonna ask me out or nah?”
Yeah.
That…
Talk.
Just don’t…talk too much.
We hope this is clear.
Blaqlotus
Lol.. This is so funny…
MsUnderstood
DNM, did you ever consider that some women find it difficult to say what’s on their minds. A lot of times its cos they are worried they might say the wrong things or the subject may be a bit too awkward for example having to DTR. We know you are not wizards but we would love a little patience from your end…
Em
What’s DTR please?
Me i’m just gon say i personally don’t see the need to always speak because i expect (and rightly so) my better half to use his God-given senses and figure out stuff sometimes. It’s really not that hard. Men are too lazy. Like i cant.
If you know i’m in the middle of major craziness at work/school and then when we’re together i’m a bit off, is it too much for you to ask how the school/work project is going?
If we’ve had a spat about something/someone and a similar situation happens again, biko it’s not rocket science to figure that its the reason for my moodiness.
Sometimes there really isn’t much to say sef. Like when you feel like you’re just not getting enough attention from bae and after failed attempts of tryna get him to give you some you’re just tired and then start giving him attitude. He now wakes up and is like ‘ah ahn why is this one moody’.
Instead of telling us to speak out, you people too should pay attention and ask questions with sense! (not the vague ‘What’s wrong?’ ‘Are you okay’ bs)
Omotawler
Exactly! Lazy men everywhere. Thats how the man in yesterday’s article couldn’t endure his talkative wife for more than two years. Yet a lot of women endure worse from them.
NJ
Wait….so I see you are in a tense mood because of one or two things and I should ask you? Okay……
*writes this down
Sirkastiq
yeah, what exactly is DTR?
Please don’t hit me with a look, my fragile heart can’t take it!
Meh
Define the relationship.
Slim
Loool…so much for communication!
Meanwhile pls dear nigerian men, this all you got? Whining about a woman’s mouth? Don’t be boring please.
Segun
We’re not whining about your mouths, at least not when its put to good use. This is more about when it isn’t.
JADE
*sigh*
Funk
Lol. Communicate your emotions/mind state/issues/pleasures to your partner ≠ Be a chatterbox about everything and anything. The early commenters took the article all wrong.
Funk
Lol. Communicate your emotions/mind state/issues/pleasures to your partner ≠ Be a chatterbox about everything and anything.
The early commenters took the article all wrong.
Sirkastiq
sigh…then imagine what my neighbours think of me 🙁
isys
Sirkastiq is a humorous piece of work! I’m sure my neighbours think I’m cray cos I always burst into laughter when reading TNC.
Abeg! Women speak! I used to bottle up my annoyance in my last relationship but one day I unleashed it and realised just how much anguish i’d put myself through by being silent.
Needless to say I shattered him from the inside out. He wasn’t a bad person, just clueless and slightly oblivious to his surroundings *smh*
We didn’t survive it to be honest, men can’t bear the things we women take in silence.
It’s best to speak and move on than to wake up one day with a knife(tongue) in your hands…
Nkonyeasua
As a satirical piece: Brilliant.
Objectivity: A little bit off. Firstly, being on one’s period is not a mood. Would probably have been more sensible to term it ‘pmsing’ or ‘hormonal’… Still not moods but would probably flow more with the satire that this is. Secondly, I noticed (correct me if I’m wrong) that the author was lavish with laughter/praises for comments agreeing with his piece and silence/’jokey’ derisions for those that didn’t. Not a very sporting way to accept comments, no? People won’t always agree with what you write. Either thank all equally or ignore all equally. If the comments are abusive, then delete or politely tell off.
Just my opinion, anyway. I’m merely a silly observer. 🙂
Sirkastiq
Oh thank you.
I must say, I really don’t even seek acceptance as this is a piece and i wrote on a topic given. It may or may not represent my personal feelings but does the angle I wrote.
Most times, I take comments as feedback on my ‘story’ without really looking deep at the subject matter. Mostly cos I’m lazy.
I appreciate your comment and will pay more attention to how my responses come across.
Tansabunch 🙂
Sirkastiq
Oh…and for the ‘period mood’ my bad. words must have failed me at the point…
lastly, I’m really just silly in my post responses. Just bantering with the readers majorly
seryxme
Hi Nkonyeasua, meet Saka, one of the many crazy clowns on TNC. Perhaps you don’t know him before. Others to watch for are Terdoh and Debloww. Probably you saw Saka and Terdoh on Channels the other day and thought, “what serious-minded young representatives of our generation.” Pay them no mind, that was the exception. The rule is, they have some screws loose somewhere. Maybe you should read some ‘Rounds’ here to get properly acquainted.
Point is, eez nor dah serioz pliz. Thank you! 🙂
Oh, and Saka, what Gidimallam said. 😀
Gidi Mallam
Saka you’re an idiot!
A very intelligent idiot who has spoken the truth. But still, an idiot.
???
Klaire
I get this a lot. Mom just gave me that ‘Is she going crazy?’ look cuz I was laughing a lot while reading this.
I guess the most important question should be ‘To speak or not to speak’.
Its not about speaking too much or too little. You can’t expect me to say stuff when one look explains what i feel better. Do you know the amount of calories that can be lost while talking? If i want to burn fat, I’ll head to the gym.
Miss Thang
Is it weird that I love this article? I’m guilty of expecting my man tto read my mind. You’re my soul mate after all.
Anonymous Aboki
Abi..
debloww
Lmaooo the Adam and Eve story killed me.
You people should come and be going please. Ahn ahnnn this minute don’t talk, next minute you don’t talk enough. Are we characters in your play station???
O ye Nigerian men, can you please allow us breathe?
Ordinary side eye and small mood, you can’t decode.But you can decode sexy time body language. Hian
Zara
EM has said it all. I totally agree with her.Too many lazy men. I get that we should try to communicate more in words particularly cuz we communicate just not the way you like I guess…abeg me sha I don’t have strength to keep telling you everything you should kukuma use small of your God given sense now.Nice post Sirkastiq!
Sparks and Tingles
Not reading ladies’ minds is now laziness abi?
Ray
Lol comments are hilarious.
I don’t wanna come across like a ‘woman-hater’ being a woman myself but I think ladies need to chill, read, assimilate and not always try to be defensive.
Yesterday, ‘the man was too lazy to fight for his marriage’ cos he chose to be happy and move on from his wife who had mouth diarrhoea and was ruining his life with it.
Today, ‘the men are confused’ cos they want us to express ourselves better. We call them lazy for not working to understand us, how about they call us lazy for finding it too stressful to open our mouths and say what is wrong and succumbing instead to silence and one-word answers?
This series was created to make us realise our flaws(in cases which we are guilty of that being portrayed in the post) and correct them, but it feels like women are bent on creating excuses why they shouldn’t change and why the men should accept them like that.
We were all happy pointing out the men’s flaws when DNM series came up, now it’s our time to be in the hot seat and we can’t even stand the pressure. That in itself should speak to us. Not everytime, apportion blame; sometimes, reflect, accept blame, make changes if you will and move on.
Personally, I’m guilty of what saka wrote about. I assume Beau should know everything he does wrong or why I’m down. But reading this post, I’ve concluded that men are not engineered to keep memories of trivial wrongdoings. Which is why they appear clueless to us a lot of times, as we women dwell on detail. I’ve also found that keeping mum about things I hold against him only causes more stress on me emotionally. Eventually, nobody even teaches me to let it go before I do.
If we women can just remember and respect that men don’t like drama or complicated issues, maybe our own lives would be less stressful too.
seryxme
One million likes!!!!
thetoolsman
Bravo!
N
Nods as well…
Andy
GBAM!
Cavey
“The apple got stuck in our throats, it didn’t digest”
I agree totally with this…100%…the best we can do is try to interpret what your looks say but please don’t get upset when we totally miss the point. Unspoken words aren’t exactly our forté. That’s why we also suck at taking care of babies. We can’t tell the difference when the baby is hungry or has pooped or wants attention. We need words to guide us else we’d just keep shooting and hope we get lucky.
Ore
First…..Sirkastiq, I love the way you write I am very guilty of this and as much as I want to say I would stop this…I know I wont.
Asides some basic communication….these keep quiet let the man inquire routine is one of the little things that makes the man- woman relationship interesting.
It has to do with the way a woman is wired and a man is…Can you guys even imagine what it would be like not having to get the facial expressions and all….Too much of it aint good but a healthy amount is needed.
But its noted though…..Husbandnotwizard
BOMA
Ahem
BOMA
Ahem again
Cee
I totally agree! Women we do this a lot, I do it…But sometimes speaking your mind can get you in a whole lot of shit, I don’t know about you all, but mine has gotten me into more troubles than I cared to handle, but I ve learnt that keeping mute and answering, “everything is fine” when you know that everything is all wrong doesn’t help anybody. But dude, if you wanna know what I think or what is wrong, be sure you are able to handle it. @Terdoh………………….
Pinky
If Saka can read these expressions, why can’t all guys do same? What if bae is deaf and dumb and has no hands for sign language, won’t you communicate?
Sirkastiq
Na to learn braille be that o…LOL
Julie
This is really enlightening. But, DNM, you should give attention to your women.
Jaiye
Lol! See your life!!!
seun
Men do not ask for the impissible, I am one articulate woman who knows how to express herself when the need arises and if my man gives me BS chances are that I will curse him the fuck out whilst telling him that he is giving me BS but as much as I know how to express myself and what I am feeling there are certain times that I would just expect you to know. Some might think it’s a character flaw but it’s just the way women are wired, men tend to be logical whilst women can be emotional which might manifest itself in us talking/nagging too much or talking too little.
BTW if according to this article men understand or can sort of guess what those facial expressions mean why do they need to be told what it means? Like for example which would you prefer me looking at you like you are crazy or just coming out to say that you are crazy?