Dear Nigerian Women,
“Daddy’s contract in Abuja will blow us up mehn, imagine N2bn profit at least, he’ll pay his “boys” in government but our family will never suffer again! I want a new Range Rover I’ve kuku told him”
That is what you told everyone last month and when the robbers came that is what they repeated to your dad. Poor man didn’t understand how they had so much information on his business with the government. He had told only his immediate family of his dealings, he didn’t even give full details.
I didn’t realize how destructive your talking was until their leader said “Shebi you are buying your daughter range rover” Before shooting him for not cooperating.
Your dad had warned me about the women in your family especially you about your “gift of speech”. I now realize even he had reservations about our relationship based on your ways. You are not an angry woman, you just talk too damn much. It is that mouth that has now brought death and destruction. No more contract no more Range rover, no more daddy.
Before we got married you had this long list of what you wanted from me, I changed for you, rather than remain that guy who was a constant feature at every hip spot. That was my undoing, I changed for you. It is now that I regret conforming. I should have nipped your constant “need for speech” and made you change for me but I let you flourish.
“I think Mama Taiwo is pregnant again, the woman is always one kind, I don’t understand how you can be pregnant again while breast feeding. Can you even imagine sleeping with that her husband?”
The ambulance came to take Mama Taiwo overnight. Complications from the birth of the twins and the death of one of them in the womb had caused her health issues. Her stomach had swollen, her womb was infected. She was not pregnant, she was ill. Once again you’ve managed to put your foot in your mouth. As we drove out of the building, Chike who we gave a lift had to practically tongue lash you for all you were saying about her. It’s not amazing she told everyone else she had complications but you. Your talkative nature was legendary and that legend now meant we were outcasts.
I realized after that, the best thing to do was leave the mini estate we lived in. Your legend would not allow us to live in peace with the neighbors. I needed peace and quiet, I needed to be able to walk to the car comfortably with no one looking at me with daggers in their eyes because of you. I needed to think, I needed silence. Staying home with you granted me none of these. Not even a child could keep your lips together, you made sure I listened to everything, you made new friends and they spoke too. Lord they spoke! Your cartel gave new meaning to gossip
The cook ran away I don’t blame him, Tinuke your new friend brought him raw food daily to cook for her husband while she gossiped with you, this meant he had no time to cook for me. The maid left, she could not deal with what she called a woman who said everything but did nothing. You accused her of sleeping with everyone, even me. The driver has gone too. I suspected he and the maid had a thing but in reality I could not afford to lose either of them. I had a mouthy, negligent wife and a toddler. This was not the time for any defections in the ranks. But guess what, even I had to defect.
The messages coming in on my phone now show you’ve passed the third stage of anger. Denial was always your strong suite, nothing could ever be your fault. Anger at me was expected. How dare I even fathom leaving you a whole Omo Balogun. The bargaining part, I didn’t expect. You ruined reconciliation sadly when you started apportioning blame. With every subsequent message you killed the chance of us ever reconciling. Right now we are at the same stage, Depression. However after being forced to take your call via Henrys phone I reached acceptance.
“I know you ran away to go and meet that girl in your office, they had warned me about her. You kuku know her mother is from that place where they do medicine to get husbands”
I hung up the phone and that was that. I couldn’t take it anymore. Just 2 years of matrimony and I knew I was ready for alimony. Your constant need to speak and assuming nature has killed me inside.
Courage is what it takes to stand up to you, considering you turn it to someone “speaking at you” and launch into victim mode. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen, I’ve been courageous. Listening is such a simple act. It requires presence and that takes practice, I don’t have to do anything else. I don’t have to advise, or coach, or sound wise. I just have to be willing to sit there and listen…… and in cases that involve you, it requires me to shut up.
Everyone has called, I answered only one call. Her call was the only one I looked forward to. When I left home she was the first person I sent a message to. If you can’t comprehend this by now, let me spell it out to you. You have pushed me into the arms of someone else.
She listens, she never assumes, she has no rigid opinions, her views are debatable and come to think of it, I’m happy.
Know how to listen, and you will profit even from those who talk badly is what my grandma told me, there are times I wish she was your grandma too.
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