Dear Nigerian Women: Talk Less, Listen More And Stop Assuming Things

Dear Nigerian Women,

“Daddy’s contract in Abuja will blow us up mehn, imagine N2bn profit at least, he’ll pay his “boys” in government but our family will never suffer again! I want a new Range Rover I’ve kuku told him”

That is what you told everyone last month and when the robbers came that is what they repeated to your dad. Poor man didn’t understand how they had so much information on his business with the government. He had told only his immediate family of his dealings, he didn’t even give full details.

I didn’t realize how destructive your talking was until their leader said “Shebi you are buying your daughter range rover” Before shooting him for not cooperating.

Your dad had warned me about the women in your family especially you about your “gift of speech”. I now realize even he had reservations about our relationship based on your ways. You are not an angry woman, you just talk too damn much. It is that mouth that has now brought death and destruction. No more contract no more Range rover, no more daddy.

Before we got married you had this long list of what you wanted from me, I changed for you, rather than remain that guy who was a constant feature at every hip spot. That was my undoing, I changed for you. It is now that I regret conforming. I should have nipped your constant “need for speech” and made you change for me but I let you flourish.

“I think Mama Taiwo is pregnant again, the woman is always one kind, I don’t understand how you can be pregnant again while breast feeding. Can you even imagine sleeping with that her husband?”

The ambulance came to take Mama Taiwo overnight. Complications from the birth of the twins and the death of one of them in the womb had caused her health issues. Her stomach had swollen, her womb was infected. She was not pregnant, she was ill. Once again you’ve managed to put your foot in your mouth. As we drove out of the building, Chike who we gave a lift had to practically tongue lash you for all you were saying about her. It’s not amazing she told everyone else she had complications but you. Your talkative nature was legendary and that legend now meant we were outcasts.

I realized after that, the best thing to do was leave the mini estate we lived in. Your legend would not allow us to live in peace with the neighbors. I needed peace and quiet, I needed to be able to walk to the car comfortably with no one looking at me with daggers in their eyes because of you. I needed to think, I needed silence. Staying home with you granted me none of these. Not even a child could keep your lips together, you made sure I listened to everything, you made new friends and they spoke too. Lord they spoke! Your cartel gave new meaning to gossip

The cook ran away I don’t blame him, Tinuke your new friend brought him raw food daily to cook for her husband while she gossiped with you, this meant he had no time to cook for me. The maid left, she could not deal with what she called a woman who said everything but did nothing. You accused her of sleeping with everyone, even me. The driver has gone too. I suspected he and the maid had a thing but in reality I could not afford to lose either of them. I had a mouthy, negligent wife and a toddler. This was not the time for any defections in the ranks. But guess what, even I had to defect.

The messages coming in on my phone now show you’ve passed the third stage of anger. Denial was always your strong suite, nothing could ever be your fault. Anger at me was expected. How dare I even fathom leaving you a whole Omo Balogun. The bargaining part, I didn’t expect. You ruined reconciliation sadly when you started apportioning blame. With every subsequent message you killed the chance of us ever reconciling. Right now we are at the same stage, Depression. However after being forced to take your call via Henrys phone I reached acceptance.

“I know you ran away to go and meet that girl in your office, they had warned me about her. You kuku know her mother is from that place where they do medicine to get husbands”

I hung up the phone and that was that. I couldn’t take it anymore. Just 2 years of matrimony and I knew I was ready for alimony. Your constant need to speak and assuming nature has killed me inside.

Courage is what it takes to stand up to you, considering you turn it to someone “speaking at you” and launch into victim mode. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen, I’ve been courageous. Listening is such a simple act. It requires presence and that takes practice, I don’t have to do anything else. I don’t have to advise, or coach, or sound wise. I just have to be willing to sit there and listen…… and in cases that involve you, it requires me to shut up.

Everyone has called, I answered only one call. Her call was the only one I looked forward to. When I left home she was the first person I sent a message to. If you can’t comprehend this by now, let me spell it out to you. You have pushed me into the arms of someone else.

She listens, she never assumes, she has no rigid opinions, her views are debatable and come to think of it, I’m happy.

Know how to listen, and you will profit even from those who talk badly is what my grandma told me, there are times I wish she was your grandma too.

Yours,

Hayes

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Hayes

Comments
  • Avatar
    11

    Real chatterbox. assumption they say is the mother of all fuckups…first am i?

    October 12, 2015
  • Avatar

    Lol. I’m waiting for the women to speak. This should be quite interesting!

    Read about ABORTION, BIRTH CONTROL, SIN OF THE HOLY SPIRIT – THE CATHOLIC CHURCH ANOMALIES

    http://alocovivavoce.com/2015/10/12/abortion-birth-control-sin-of-the-holy-spirit-the-catholic-church-anomalies/

    October 12, 2015
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    mma

    My aunty needs to read this, she can talk for Olympics. Thank you, Hayes

    October 12, 2015
  • Avatar

    “Shebi you are buying your daughter range rover”

    GIft of Speech indeed.

    October 12, 2015
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    Meh

    So you are trying to say that in the entire time ya’ll dated you knew she was a box of knives and you still married her? I’m sure she’s pretty… I’m not sorry for you, I’m sorry for the kid you’re going to have to explain this to when he/ she gets old enough to understand. Sheesh!

    October 12, 2015
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    Ray

    My mum always says ‘a woman who talks too much will be the end of her husband’.
    She also tells us that if there’s one thing we can’t stand in a person and think it might stand in the way of our happiness, then we should break it off for that one thing.
    If a woman talks too much and you can’t stand it as a man, please don’t marry her. You can talk about how much you love her but honestly, that shit ain’t enough. You can talk about how you can/will change her, but hommie, a leopard can’t change its spots.
    This post is so engaging and beautifully written.
    I found myself hoping, while reading, that I never become that woman.

    October 12, 2015
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      Ayaba

      Me too.

      October 12, 2015
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    Bunmi

    Quite an interesting read. You saw the signs while you were dating but still went ahead with the marriage,she even ‘changed’ you but you did nothing about her character (what could you have done sef?), her father even warned you!!!. Jeez Bro you had it coming, what were you expecting please? That she’d wake up one morning and and forsake her sins? I don’t even see how her habit sent you into another’s arms, am sorry but I don’t. I can’t ever cope with a human radio/typewriter, I just can’t biko. Please Nigerian people, look very well before flying into marriage, please give your children a stable home not broken homes.

    October 12, 2015
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    Vivian

    Hmmm… HER DAD WARNED YOU!!!

    You obviously went in with your eyes open, you knew how and who she was before you decided to ask her to marry you. You have a share of the blame in all this, you could have told her about the things she does that you don’t like, you didn’t!

    This “changing for her” thing always brings problems. You could have made her change for you too though, just saying.

    Anyways, good luck with the new one, hope you don’t close your eyes to the bad sides with this one too ✌

    October 12, 2015
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      Tola O.

      Hi Vivian. Loooool

      October 12, 2015
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    yettie

    This post!!!!….I enjoyed reading it till I got to the point of the someone else
    first of all…you knew the kind of woman she was before you married her…you weren’t forced into it..
    Marriage doesn’t change people…If they are not who you can live with during courtship/dating….Please continue your search with someone else
    Secondly,I find that you found happiness with someone else almost immediately too convenient …don’t you think?
    Lastly, I pray to never be this kind of woman….proverbs 31

    October 12, 2015
  • Avatar
    Julibravo

    You are running into the arms of someone else? I’m sorry that’s just too cheesy. You knew she was a chatter box before you both jumped the broom, so what were you thinking then? you were too in love? you hoped she would change? or you thought well it wasn’t such a biggie since she was good company?

    if it was love, what happened?
    if it was hope, why would you want to stop trying?

    I bet she knows she has the flaw of talking too much, just like everyone has one or two of something. You too.

    The truth is this just a good reason to runaway. It is the other woman, it is.

    For the love of God, it is just two years. lazy you.

    October 12, 2015
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      “Just” two years? O_O

      October 12, 2015
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        Julibravo

        I am trying to emphasis the point that he just newly got married.
        women endure so much insensible chauvinism and sometimes battery/mistreat from men for many years before they even consider it an issue. Why do they wait for so long? I guess when they love him, they love his flaws too… they hope he gets better, they pray, they get people to talk to him.. do all what is necessary without even thinking of jumping into softer arms. But in this case, the man is ALREADY in the hands of another woman because ..what? his wife talks too much? Shame. and more shame.

        October 12, 2015
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          Seriously...

          This also shows what happens when you choose to focus on a flaw (although this woman’s gossiping was something else).

          Surely, this woman had more to her besides being excessively talkative and bitchy? Was she a good cook? A good mother? Did she use her “gift for speech” to defend those she loved, including her husband? Was she a hard worker? Was she loyal? Great in bed?

          If you choose to focus on the flaw, then it becomes all you see. And soon the person becomes just that.

          Dude should have tried harder. 🙂 It was just two years.

          October 12, 2015
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            11

            ”The maid left, she could not deal with what she called a woman who said everything but did nothing”
            She had more issues than talking too much.

            October 12, 2015
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          Olayinka

          So because women have decided to become complacent to the injustices that chauvinism and patriarchy, men too should legitimize abuse and emotional torture in the name of marriage? Sister, individual sense of accepting certain excesses from other people should not be taken for granted o. It’s not laziness. It’s wisdom. Plus how long do you think it takes to find comfort with another person where the one you chose decides to be obnoxious?

          October 12, 2015
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    JADE

    LOL, Human beings are never satisfied, im sure after two years you will still complain that the new lady is too dull, she never has an opinion on things, she just sits there and smiles. You knew she talked too much, her father told you she talks too much so why the fuck did you marry her? I’m also sure you leave track pads every time you take a shit and she cleans it up without complaining because nobody is without flaws!!!

    October 12, 2015
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    Frankices

    *sigh* At least, she got it right the last time, no? Lol.

    Wait. We can post pics here now? U guys shudnt get me started! :’)

    October 12, 2015
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    MAG

    Nigga just spoilt it with the he has someone else part…. means it’s the someone esle that made you leave her? really you knew how she was why did you marry her? I really don’t get why people think they can change people after they start dating! pls if you know you can’t cope with their attitude, don’t marry them!!!!! Sorry eh next time look before you leap -____-

    October 12, 2015
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    Pearl

    The post is so on point, the traits of most women was vividly pointed. You see, some women have this problem with “the free gift of speech” unfortunately you met one , though you were warned, you didn’t listen, I know the signs were there when you were still dating, if your wife could come with a list of what she wants from you, I wonder what stopped you from doing same at that time. I strongly believe that one should know what s/he can tolerate from a partner to avoid break ups or divorce. Now you have a kid whose gonna be raised by a single parent or in a broken home.

    For the women, this is another opportunity for change, assumptions has led many into insanity and depression, why trail such path…and for talking, we really need to watch it to avoid learning to be quite the hard way. Ecclesiastes said it all ” there is time for everything”

    October 12, 2015
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    Mr Brightside

    I particularly like how the ladies have run away with the assumption that this post is a (the writer’s) life story.
    The irony.

    October 12, 2015
    • Avatar
      Toni Osai

      I thought I was the only one who noticed…

      October 12, 2015
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      thetoolsman

      hahaha.. Thank you so very much for this, I was waiting to see if anyone would catch it. It’s so ironic!!!

      October 12, 2015
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        JADE

        Please please please, we all know it’s fiction but we are using the writer as a point of contact for others out there like the character, remember how we also bashed Femihubs from Mia’s story like he was a real person? yeah, thats how we are bashing this guy too. Thank you

        October 12, 2015
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          Wait!!! you are bashing the guy?? only the guy?

          October 12, 2015
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          Ojuolape

          Thank you Jade!!!

          October 12, 2015
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          thetoolsman

          And I said the same thing about that post too.. It was beyond Femihubs..

          October 13, 2015
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      Ray

      Lol. I’m a woman. I thought and still think it’s fiction.
      What I really find ironic is the choice to ignore the woman’s flaws and how it speaks to us and focus on how the dude moved on with someone else.
      He would likely still have left if he didn’t find anyone else cos the fact is ‘HE WAS TIRED’, her talkative nature drove him to the edge of the cliff. He couldn’t take it anymore. If he wasn’t tired, he could have chosen to keep an affair outside the home and mentally ignore the chirping cricket in the house.
      I’ve seen women make the same mistake in real life. Even if the man has no one new, the woman readily assumes ‘it’s another woman’, refuses to face her flaws or ask him questions about why exactly he’s leaving and if they can work it out. Years after mandem has moved on from her, she’s still praying that ‘his eyes will open from those women and he’ll come back home’ cos after all, ‘Prayer answers all’. And through all of that, she’ll never take time to sit, think and admit it was her attitude.

      October 12, 2015
      • Avatar
        Seriously...

        I agree with your point about the woman needing to check herself. Your husband is pulling away from you and you cannot be bothered to find out why or make an effort to fix things. Mtchew…

        However, our fictional character has to take some share of the blame. Leaving your marriage for what you hope is happiness with someone else without trying to resolve the issues is weak. Especially over a flaw you knew about before you put yourself inside. Unless she was too damn fine for him to have walked away from.

        In the story, our guy has never really made any effort to remedy the situation. He quietly allowed his wife run riot without setting clear boundaries. Then when he felt he had enough, he bailed. No matter how talkative or stubborn, there would have been a way to get through to her.

        It is the child I pity in this scenario. In this story, all I see is two people not mature enough to be married in the first place, talk less of having children.

        October 12, 2015
        • Avatar
          Ray

          I’m actually not absolving him of his faults. Like I said in my first comment, I don’t think he should have married her at all.
          Yes, he should have tried to make it work between them. Yes, he should have told her about her flaws.
          But if dude felt he deserved to be happy and thought walking away was the only way to be it, we are in no place to fault him for wanting to be happy.
          Whether or not he found new arms, he would have walked away.
          Yea, I feel for the kid too. But sad as it seems, na so life be.

          October 12, 2015
    • Avatar
      Seriously...

      Oh, we know it is fiction… but the fictitious character is still going to get our response…

      October 12, 2015
      • Avatar
        JADE

        thank you jare, you sojee jare

        October 12, 2015
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    Toni Osai

    The problem with trying to change someone who talks too much is that they see nothing wrong with what they’re doing; the frustration of trying to get through to them can make you pull your hair out!
    Anyway, I don’t think this is a general issue with women, because I’ve met far more women who aren’t talkative, but for the few who have this gift of speech? I have no advice for you… Because you won’t listen to it

    October 12, 2015
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      Pearl

      Lol, I feel your pain bro. Your wisdom must have been your saving grace.

      October 12, 2015
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      11

      lmao, that last line is gold. Her voice will probably drown out yours.

      October 12, 2015
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    Seriously...

    No one is flawless, but any woman (or man for that matter) that fits the description of this woman really requires a lot of love and patience! I really pray to be nothing like this babe.

    That said, I am not so sure about the “chased into another woman’s arms” bit though. After all, you knew about her gift of the gab before you married her. You must have known each other a while before you married… Even in marriage, you could have still worked this out if you really wanted to fight for your marriage and get your wife to put in the work needed to change. What’s the point of marriage if you just bail when things get difficult?

    In all this, I feel sorry for the child who will have to grow up in a split home. Women put up with abusive and cheating husbands for the sake of their kids. I think he could have tried a bit harder.

    Just goes to show that for those of us who are still single, there is real need to take off the love blinds when considering marriage.

    October 12, 2015
  • Avatar

    But while i get what the post is telling us, the way in which the fictional dod is fried is too salty.

    I’m gonna take a guess and say she was there when they shot her dad, so she heard the “range rover” line from the robbers, if she did and was smart enough to realize that it was her who caused it and she didnt change then hope was lost for her in life.

    That said, i’m of the school of thought that any type of lady can be handled, you just gotta figure out a way to deal with her and teach her a lesson. Maybe when she loses a finger or tooth. You gotta set her up greatly.

    Harsh, but sometimes a leaser evil is necessary to save someone you love from a greater evil

    October 12, 2015
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      Pearl

      Haba Nosa, I refuse to believe you are the nollywood Jim Iyke, I mean this … ” maybe when she loses a finger or tooth ish “should not be encouraged naa,

      October 12, 2015
      • Avatar

        please, I didn’t mean that literally. Neither am I saying he should physically harm her, I do not condone violence.
        But I believe someone can be “shown” the consequences of their actions in a way that greatly affects them but does not physically harm them.
        If the robbers shooting her dad didn’t get through to her, then extreme measures have to be taken, the guy leaving doesn’t solve anything, she remains the same, you can say that’s not his business anymore but in her bid to lash out, she could create more havoc than before. He married her for better or worse, this is the worse we are talking about and he ran.

        You don’t need to touch someone to teach them a lesson

        October 12, 2015
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          Pearl

          Alright Nosa, I get you, but let me place you on the spot, if you were to find yourself with this lady as a wife, what extreme measures will you take to teach/ help her.

          October 12, 2015
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            errrm, Wife is a bit extreme, don’t you think?

            But let’s place me on the spot, The thing with talkatives is that they keep talking as long as they have people to talk to. just cut her off from the world, friends, colleagues, open everyone’s eyes to her serious flaw, she makes new friends, turn them against her, someone who talks this much can’t be that smart to keep any part of her life hidden for a long time. it’s a scenario though and a lot could go wrong.
            I bet even doing this won’t immediately change much, but the guy has to be mentally tough to put her through this.
            I’m just saying

            October 12, 2015
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      11

      finger or tooth?, just go for the tongue, shikena

      October 12, 2015
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      Olayinka

      Handle? Please elaborate o. How do you ‘handle’ your women?

      October 12, 2015
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        everybody has a flaw, some more serious than others, it doesn’t mean we all run away.
        For the lady, her serious misuse of her tongue is hers, when i say “handle”, i mean find a way to curb that “gift of speech”, or if you can’t, figure out how to make it work in your favour, every flaw can be turned into a fine feature. you just have to find out the flaw and turn it around into something positive.

        October 12, 2015
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          Olayinka

          Ok.. It’s good you explained. You know how some losers will take that to mean that women are tools now that can be handled.. I get your gist jare.

          October 12, 2015
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      Funk

      “Handle” brought up thoughts I’ve had recently. Related to one way people often use this term, especially when women want to talk about how “strong” they are… “He don’t deserve you, he can’t handle you”. Lol such bullshit. Men (at least millennial males) don’t want to “handle” a grown woman ffs. Kids are handled. Grown women (and men) should handle themselves. We want to enjoy the companionship of females, not handle them.

      October 13, 2015
  • Avatar

    Fictional pieces always get a response open to emotion. Don’t get your knickers in a twist people.
    The end part was to leave the human nature in us all open. We deny the story ending but fail to realize that misery loves/needs company…

    October 12, 2015
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    Terdoh

    I blame the man.

    You wanna know why? Well…
    This is what happens when you don’t keep the woman’s mouth busy at all times.

    Plug all holes.
    Selah.

    October 12, 2015
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      Damn, Wawu!!!! E say plug all holes!!!!!

      October 12, 2015
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      11

      Plug her mouth with a pacifier or ”whatever that dirty mind is thinking”? lol

      October 12, 2015
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      Pearl

      Hmmm, damn right! But wif what please

      October 12, 2015
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      All holes.
      Do you know how many holes there are? even just on the face?

      October 12, 2015
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      S

      lmaooooooooo!

      i love Terdoh. i really do.

      best comment tbh

      October 12, 2015
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      Sheri

      Ahahahhahahahaahhaaa! I can’t stop laughing

      October 13, 2015
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    Lade

    Please kindly explain what you mean by- “…….Maybe when she loses a finger or a tooth. You gotta set her up greatly.”

    October 12, 2015
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      Lade

      Meant for Nosa.

      October 12, 2015
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      Terdoh

      Aww snap.

      October 12, 2015
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    I just can’t help but wonder what the ladies’ responses would have been had the story been the opposite where the man was an alcoholic and the woman had chosen to move on to another man after 2 years cos his drinking was ruining their marriage.

    October 12, 2015
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      JADE

      Are those two vices on the same level? I don’t think being an alcoholic is a behavioral flaw like not knowing when to shut up, and truly, it all depends.

      October 12, 2015
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        Terdoh

        Yeah. I think not knowing when to shut up is like 5 levels worse.

        October 12, 2015
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          JADE

          LOL, being an alcoholic is now better than a talkative? I pray o

          October 12, 2015
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        Olayinka

        Jade but drinking is a behavioural pattern nah.. It’s not like it’s a physiological defect to be an alcoholic. It’s a habit that becomes a sickness. Being talkative surely can be helped. If the talkative is ready to admit needing help. You don’t even need any medicine for it. I don’t blame the man at all. Even during the reconciliation period, she was still talking! After telling her she was losing hr marriage to her mouth. She still kept at it.

        October 12, 2015
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        Olayinka

        Jade but drinking is a behavioural pattern nah.. It’s not like it’s a physiological defect to be an alcoholic. It’s a habit that becomes a sickness. Being talkative surely can be helped. If the talkative is ready to admit needing help. You don’t even need any medicine for it. I don’t blame the man at all. Even during the reconciliation period, she was still talking! After telling her she was losing her marriage to her mouth. She still kept at it.

        October 12, 2015
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    Chinweike

    I just love how some people ignored the flaws of the woman and went on attacking the man, it’s almost as though there’s nothing wrong with someone that talks too much. Hate to draw parallels but it sort of reminds me of victim blaming, you know, the one where we ignore the aggressor and blame the victim or something.
    I mean, it’s not like some women act a certain way prior to marriage and another afterwards, never heard of that happening. Or say people changing during the course of a marriage, or overtime really.

    I’m curious though, what the responses would be like say if the genders were switched. I mean, people telling a woman she’s silly to have married an abusive partner isn’t something you hear everyday or is it? But then again, abuse isn’t the same thing as merely being talkative right? Unless maybe it brings about emotional trauma, what do I know.

    Anyway, my opinion, I feel the point of this series (male version inclusive) was simply to point out certain flaws peculiar (but not exclusive, e.g some guys can talk for days) with each gender. Not about the man or woman’s reaction or whatever, but simply about the flaw, the flaw people, let’s focus on that. In this case it’s talking too damn much, everything else is extra.

    I think what ticked most people off is the implication (or threat) that the said vice could drive off your man into the arms of another, the way I see it, that’s just one of the many possible outcomes, dude doesn’t necessarily have to find someone new to leave you, but that’s irrelevant.

    Another interesting observation is that of all the implications listed, like daddy getting shot, or the thing with Mama Taiwo, it’s the bit about the man leaving the woman that set people off the most. Lol..are you really that scared about someone leaving you?

    October 12, 2015
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      Olayinka

      It’s even more annoying that even though the man is the victim here, he is also the one getting bashed. I just can’t wrap my head around that. He is losing everything he cherishes and especially his happiness. Hoe much should he be expected to take? 20 more years of that turmoil?

      October 12, 2015
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    Pearl

    How come no one is talking about the assumption part

    October 12, 2015
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    Nice! Odd thing is I do know a family like this…. Husband didn’t leave but he hardly spends any time at home…it’s the sad reality some people live.

    October 12, 2015
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    I don’t understand why it is so hard to comprehend that he eventually had someone to run to. What do you think happens when someone’s fed up of the same old ish? We all have our limits. For some it’s 2 days, others 2 months or 2 years and others still 20 or 50 years. Point is, when one gets fed up with an inconvenient situation, they move (on).

    It’s so easy to blame the guy for jumping in despite all he’s seen or been told but we all know how love does us. Sometimes it takes something extraordinary to open our eyes, other times it could be as simple as having an alternative to compare with. The truth is, many times we feel we can handle the negatives of our partners (because no one’s perfect anyways) but most times we hope we can both work towards meeting each other halfway. He changed for her. That has to count for something. Despite the fact that ‘leopards don’t change their spots’ and all that, people do change. And that’s the hope that get some people going. But when there’s no willingness to even work towards changing, I wonder how the guy is blamed for finding someone else.

    All said, I think the point of this post is just to help talkative ladies realize just how powerful the power of the tongue is. It can kill. And it sure as hell can break your home. This is what the focus is. Help these ladies know they HAVE to change because it doesn’t make sense having a man who’d stick with you forever and both your lives are ruined just because you talk too much and never listen!

    October 12, 2015
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    june

    i really wish i could send this to my aunty, she talks so much, nags, assumes everything gosh i practically lock myself in the room after work then she assumes am talking to a boy on the phone while i am actually sleeping from fatigue of the day.

    October 12, 2015
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    Olayinka

    As if to emphasize the point of this post, the women here decided to talk some more. And what were they saying? That the man brought the woman’s talkativeness upon himself. Have you guys even paused to ruminate over these comments? It’s like telling a woman in an abusive relationship that she can’t complain because she must have known that her partner was tending towards violence before marrying him! Really? That’s what we’ll be doing now? Playing the exact role we have been fighting patriarchy for promoting? Victim blame? Did you guys even stop to read all the part where he said his family have become outcast thanks to the wife’s unbridled tongue? For goodness sake, a friend almost tongue lashed her for making insensitive statements about their sick neighbour! So she didn’t get the message at that point? Everyone was deserting them because of her.
    The man did the right thing abeg. Say no to all forms of abuse. Men please walk away from an abusive and toxic partner. What is good for the goose is also good for the gander.

    October 12, 2015
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    deedee

    The traits listed here are not good at all. Does this mean that the wife doesn’t have redeeming qualities?
    Please what did the Mr. Fall in love with in the first instance? What made him marry her?

    October 12, 2015
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    lauren

    This man is a joker. Your job as a husband is to be strong where your wife is weak. The entire post sounds like it’s coming from a teenager who has no business dating say nothing of marriage. Very judgemental and narrow minded. And the nerve of including the existence of another woman! Ok o. Soon her own flaws will become a deal breaker.

    October 12, 2015
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      Really? Really? Really? Really? Really?
      The dad was shot and killed because of her “weakness”. They now get the stink eye from the estate neighbors because of her “weakness”, cook ran away, maid ran, driver ran away because of her “weakness”.

      Please Lauren, tell me when the view stops being judgmental and narrow minded. Tell me when to draw the line

      October 12, 2015
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      Loooool!!! His “job”?! He has a “job” in this union and she doesn’t?! If she does, what is her job description, biko? Very judgmental and narrow-minded? Tbf, this is the guy’s side of the story and he might have (conveniently) missed mentioning his own flaws and any positives she has but that is not why we’re here. Nothing excuses the fact that her running mouth is a major problem! I mean, come on, you guys! Where is her own ‘being strong when he’s weak’? Or that one is just for the husband? Abeg, you ladies accusing the guy should park well o.

      And the fact that he ran into someone else’s hands doesn’t mean he’ll complain again (unless she has the same problem, obviously). Not every time people break up that they always want something extraordinary. Sometimes it’s just the simple things and we’re happy with the rest. The only problem I see here is that she will have a problem settling with anyone else if her mouth isn’t sewn up by then.

      That said, I do have a problem with breaking up a marriage setup to jump into another woman’s arms (especially with a kid involved) but that’s just a personal thing and not a rule to enforce. Then again, that’s not why we’re here.

      October 12, 2015
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      Ademola

      Quite impress with your personified glorification. Please let stay on d real issue, next time.
      1. For men, there will always be another woman. You can call it mother , friend , colleague, ex……
      2. Six people will describe an elephant from their point of view
      3. Its you who sound really judgemental, let me guess, d write-up hit you on d spot,
      4. Relax and make amends, d world could still be a wonderful place after all
      5. All men appreciates the women in their life

      AdeAde

      October 12, 2015
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      Seeder

      @Lauren, your post just made me wish there was a dislike or thumbs down button. Did you even read it before posting it? Are you really that narrow minded? Smh.

      October 15, 2015
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    Great post Hunter Hayes 🙂

    But the irony of comments here eh

    1. People start assuming the story is real.

    2. Then they apportion blame like typical Nigerians in a gender war.

    3. And completely miss (or deliberately choose to) the point of this post.

    Please women stop talking too damn much. The danger of being a talkative is you don’t know when you start divulging personal information. The woman has a chronic case of mouth diarrhea if causing her father’s death wasn’t enough reason to zip it. But mba she also had to cause the fine young man who loved her to unlove her… And even then she couldn’t stop.

    I agree that silence is golden. Listening is even better. I read somewhere that if you have issues with keeping quiet when someone’s talking, keep a glass of water at hand. When your partner starts to talk, drink. In fact don’t stop drinking… Or you could try and get the water in the wrong pipe.

    It’s easy to say that the hypothetical marriage shouldn’t have happened in the first place because Mr Hayes can’t stand a talkative. Sorry o, what sane human will stand a person who never ever ever stops and alienates you from other humans (who are supposed to keep you sane btw)? Now a young man decides to give you a chance maka love to make something out of a nasty habit, and you that is supposed to love him too continues to make his life miserable. Haba she wasn’t even trying to change!

    I suggest madam books an appointment with a shrink or a surgeon. If your tongue causes you to sin please cut it off. It is better to lose a tongue than miss heaven and earthly happiness because of a weakness that can be managed.

    October 12, 2015
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    Maybe fiction is over rated…. Out of facts come fiction….

    October 12, 2015
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      Olayinka

      Deoye is that you?

      October 13, 2015
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    BOMA

    Chics and double standards . Baba was busy suffering, escorting his staff to the gate and telling em bye bye. they had to move because she made them public enemy numero uno but baba is still at fault abi.

    October 12, 2015
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    Maranatha

    Some men talk too much…granted it’s more common among women but if a woman had married a talkative man, the response would have been different. Secondly, fiction or not, the guy didn’t even try to fix things at all. Lastly the new babe sha…if you end a relationship and jump into a new one, chances are you’ll fall for anyone that doesn’t appear to have the same flaws as your pprevious partner. Problem is, you’d be blind to the flaws of the new person.what I’m trying to say is, that new babe might be karishika ?

    October 12, 2015
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      Segun

      New Babe is not why we are here.

      October 21, 2015
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    Chinedov

    [to the beat of Cell Block Tango]

    You had it coming
    you had it coming

    You only have yourself to blame…

    October 13, 2015
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    nelo

    Alcoholism. Geez! I had a neighbour who would get drunk, come home late and wake up the entire neighbourhood with noise and shouts on the wife. For ma mind, I used to hail that lady. Everyone has their limits. But the character here too talk. Chai!

    October 13, 2015
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    Bravo!
    I like this piece. Women do assume a lot, lol.

    #SideNote you men need to know who you’re getting married to. Take your damn time, it’s not a do or die affair.

    October 13, 2015
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    isys

    Chei!
    I don’t get this. ‘Love is blind’ was he wrong to love her? True/False story ain’t the issue here but the fact that you can not see that this woman was a menace regardless of how he felt about her.

    Urgh! Talk less, listen more, biko read twice and understand the problem here abeg.

    In other news though, marriage isn’t dating. There’s more to it than love, fine house, fine car, fine boy, fine girl. Understand the person you’re with, ask yourself if they’re worth the hustle before you tie the knot so that you don’t raise dysfunctional children.

    And ladies in this context hold ya tongue nne! Attempt to be the Proverbs 31 woman if you’re into that kinda thing, lol…

    October 13, 2015
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    debloww

    LOOOL love this!!!

    Oya Uncle Hayes, come and plaster our mouth with evo-stik na. The funny thing is men talk a lot too. It is a woman that will travel and let you know a week after she is settled and you will be wondering when she went to the immigration service to obtain a passport to start with. It is this same woman that will get pregnant and you won’t know until baby is born. Men on the other hand have to show the world they have arrived and therefore feel the need to brag and what not.

    So yeah women talk but men talk too please.

    October 13, 2015
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      You can like to call person out sha…….I keep coming back to read these comments like maybe this “fictional work” was too close to home for some….
      Life isn’t this serious mehn!

      October 19, 2015
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    ADEE

    I really loved this… So much to learn from this. #operationknowwhentoshutup. Thank you uncle Hayes

    October 13, 2015
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    Cee

    Oh yeah…”she drove u into d arms of another woman, one that listens”. Before u married d so called gist box, u didn’t know you preferred a woman that listens more than one that spoke.You all forget marriage is a life time thingy, if u can’t stand her chatter, do not marry her, or u thought she was gonna change once u guys were married?? Naa dude. I can’t believe she was all mute when you guys were dating? So u in the arms of another woman, one that listens,is something that was bound to happen from the start, you don’t need a soothsayer to tell you that. @Terdoh..still waiting

    October 15, 2015
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    Hayes, is this a real life story? Was she like that when you were dating? You thought she’ll change? Hope this new one is not a refuge? You might be blind to her faults just bcos torku torku has asphyxiated you? Bcareful not to rebound. Takia of you!!

    October 18, 2015
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      Spell this word…F-I-C-T-I-O-N…..
      🙁
      You people can make someone sad….

      October 19, 2015
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