Defining The 21st Century Virgin


Will a typical Nigerian man accept a woman who probably has more sexual exposure than him but has never had ‘sexual intercourse’ as a virgin? Join this contributor as he examines the modern day definition of the word ‘virgin’.


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I hate doing this but to help us form a really good base for the discussion, I’m going to start out with a short lecture using the dictionary as reference material.

Who is a virgin?

A person, typically a woman, who has never had sexual intercourse.

A naive, innocent, or inexperienced person, esp. in a particular context: a political virgin.

Ok, the first definition is more inline with this discussion so I’ll elaborate on the definition. But please NOTE that from this point onwards, just like the dictionary definition associated the term ‘virgin’ with females, I pretty much did the same. Sorry 0Toxic.

Since we now know a virgin is a person who hasn’t had ‘sexual intercourse’ my next question is:

What is sexual intercourse?

Sexual contact between individuals involving penetration, esp. the insertion of a man’s erect penis into a woman’s vagina, typically culminating in orgasm and the ejaculation of semen.

Perfect. So according to the two definitions above, we know exactly who a virgin is. Yes, I know some of you might have thought you knew the definition, I also thought I did but we are all clear on that now so, moving on.

Over the weekend I was asked a simple question. Well, it came across as simple until I tried to answer it.

Do you think it is possible for a sexually active guy to get into a relationship with a virgin in this modern day world, stay in a relationship with her for as long as two years and then leave her still as a virgin?

I immediately blurted out the obvious answer – YES and I was ready to defend it all the way until I was asked some other questions.

In such a relationship, do you think it’s possible emotions won’t go wild in some instances to the point where you’ll have a  close call?

Again, I gave the obvious answer – NO.

I mean, when people say they aren’t having sex in relationships, well, it is almost expected that they’re ‘doing’ other things to ‘calm the nerves’. I know I’ve spoken to quite a few ‘virgins’ in relationships and the really open ones have come out to tell me just how difficult it is to bottle up all those emotions. One of them once categorically told me how her and her partner discovered “the backdoor” in her bid to keep the Mister happy.

When asked the same question – (How do you get by?), another “virgin” answered and I quote: “boob sex, thigh sex, oral… anything except actual penetration goes.

I’m not so much of a bible scholar but I’m pretty sure that ‘the word’ is one place where ‘almost doesn’t count’. There is just no half and half, you are either in or out, either a saint or a sinner. Taking this into context, I asked two ‘virgins’ currently in relationships another question:

Why exactly are you doing this? Keeping it?

Virgin 1:

Because it’s the right thing to do according to my religion.

Virgin 2:

For me, it’s partly personal and also because of my future husband. I’m saving it all for him.

Things were definitely getting more interesting. So my next question went to some male friends.

When a typical Nigerian man refers to a virgin, who’s he talking about?

I got all kinds of answers but in summary, we can say he’s talking about a naïve, wide-eyed girl who has little or no knowledge about all things sexual.

Now, here are two other questions:

Does the bible accept partial penetration, penetration of every hole except the actual hole?

Will a typical Nigerian man accept a woman who probably has more sexual exposure than him but has never had ‘sexual intercourse’ as a virgin?

If the answer to those two questions is NO. Then isn’t something fundamentally wrong? Not once or twice have we put up posts targeting virgins here and quite a lot of people in the comments section condemned the writers for assuming ‘virgins’ were wide-eyed and naïve. With the answers to all the questions above, it’s easy to conclude that the modern day virgin is by far different from that which is defined in the dictionary.

A friend of mine came up with a term that captures the ‘modern day virgin’:

‘Violated virgins’

I’m not quite sure how I feel about that but that’s why we are here. I want to hear from you guys. Do you agree that the ‘modern day’ definition of the term ‘virgin’ is quite different from what it used to be? If yes, what is your definition of a virgin? All the virgins in the house (erm.. by dictionary definition), please tell us why you’re keeping it and if any of the answers to the questions I asked above changes anything for you. You know the drill, use the comment box to express you. Cheers.


  1. DeeRosyCheeks
    Hmmm, orishirishi! Why will you be doing boob sex, thigh sex( this just reeks of desperation) and oral sex and be calling yourself a virgin just because your petty ass self doesn't want to get rid of her hymen?
    Like the dictionary said, naïve and wide eyed!Not too scared to go all the way Hoe!
    1. cr8tivphenom
      People be deceiving themselves all in the name of 'virginity' and ironically they are all keeping the 'v' for the wrong reasons. if you've violated every hole in your body except the actual hole, you are a hypocrite. It still doesn't make you a virgin, just an 'Intact' Hoe.
  2. Dazzle
    The only difference is that the 21st century virgin is not naïve. I mean we see and hear things these days, ranging from movies to the internet to books, its not easy to close your eyes and ears.
    1. Oluwaseun Ogunkayode Babaneh
      True… And the society of now doesn’t support the idea of keeping it intact with words like condom words like sex education… People tend to break the rules… It’s just like a kid with a present they tell him wait its going to be yours but he’s anxious to tear it open every one can be that kid not everyone is willing to listen to the voice saying wait
  3. @ebonyoma
    Personally my term for these ‘virgins’ is ‘technical virgin’.

    Let’s stop deceiving ourselves abeg, he puts his penis in your mouth, anus, between your breasts, thighs and virtually every orifice except your vagina so why not go all the way and have vaginal intercourse? Wetin remain?

    Well, like I heard over the weekend, some of these girls are under pressure to remain virgins till marriage, some are taken by their parents for routine virginity tests sef, so they want to experiment but can’t ‘afford’ to lose their hymen.

    Lol. Crazy shit.

    1. charming
      as in ehnn…u’ve don every tin aready nah…..hiz penis has entered virtually very hole nd tight corner in ur body…y r u still preserving dat one dere nd later u will say ur still a vagine….hmmmmm
    2. Mirabel
      what about a virgin that has never seen a guys penis and hasn’t done any form of sex except kissing and letting him touch her boobs, is she violated too?
      1. Unikyrain
        virgins in the house…if u say no to sex,let your no be no..don’t indulge in oral sex nd all those stuffs,remember the bible says your body is the temple of the lord…I repeat your body, d bible didn’t exclude any of the body part,so when u indulge in any of those stuffs u’re no longer a virgin.if your boyfriend really loves you he would respect your decision nd even help you to stay free from sex.if he doesn’t let him be cos one day dat hymen hehehehe will be broken by him.
      2. Daniel
        If you ask me, she falls into the same category of technical virgins, whatever made him touch ur boobs will make him want to touch ur ass and whatever made him touch ur ass will make him want to finger you, gradually your emotions become too hungry to satisfy, and all you want is more. As for kisses, personally I have no p with it, but not every woman has the balance to control the emotional surge that comes with a kiss, especially wen its deep, in some cases it leaves the girl pretty wet, so my advice wud be stay clear and if you must get married.
  4. t3ni
    I find it ridiculous though that a woman will do everything but. I think if you want sex that bad, do it, because if religion is your crutch, God aint down for that 'enter every hole except the vagina' nonsense. So you've sinned anyway, might as well enjoy it.

    Similarly, if you've committed to hold on till marriage or man you love, then man up and endure the consequences of your decision. Which may include losing a man because you refuse to do much else past making out.

    I dont think its possible for a virgin to be that naive today, we as consumers are surrounded by too much sex. Nothing wrong with knowing how though.

    1. Some Sense
      Your response is ignorant and ridiculous. Whether he has touched this hole or that hole or fingered whatever hole, if no penetration has happened, the woman is a virgin. Encouraging a woman to “just do it” is ridiculous and ignorant. It’s natural for human rings to to explore each other’s bodies but self discipline and control is something that we humans make the choice to excercise. Only uneducated people don’t understand that self discipline and control guides our very existence.
  5. niyoola
    There are definitely various definitions of virgin o.

    1. : the virgin that has never had sex, feels embarrased at the sex word and will definitely need grapphic coaching on what sex is all about before her wedding. ( E.g. A very sheltered unadventurous ‘deeper-lifer’)

    2. The virgin that knows about sex, but doesn’t engage in heavy making out. Just the occasional kissing and touching (with or without clothes on)

    3. Virgin that has done everything except vaginal penetration. Boob sex, blowjob, tummy sex -_-

    4. Virgin that has engaged in 3 above and has had anal sex (I wouldn’t classify this person as a virgin, but she’d pass a virginity test so …..)

    So while virgins haven’t had penetrative (vjj n penis) sex; most definitely have engaged in all sorts…… And are definitely not wide eyed

    1. Dylan
      I think the first two can qualify as virgins…I dunno what to call the third one but the fourth one is definitely not a Virgin. Anal sex is even kinda worse than regular sex.
  6. eddyzyl
    Well technically, if the vagina hasn't been penetrated…u can lay claim to being a virgin! Err…but you cee, boob sex, thigh sex, oral and anal sex all qualify as well:
    Pastor : Are you a virgin?
    Girl in counselling: *scratching head and looking sideways* eermm…yes sir
    Pastor: why the hesitation?
    Girl in counselling: well my fiance has done my ass, thighs, boobs, and mouth…except my vagina…
    Pastor: *faints*
  7. ladetawak
    technically, if you've done everything but actual peneration, you are a virgin. but there's another definition of intercourse that does not include penetration.

    I say if you have personally decided to stay a virgin till you get married, you should not do anything that will make it harder for you.

    For me, it isn't even about my religion. Deciding to be a virgin till marriage is a personal choice and it's something I hope I'll be able to do.

    As for a guy(who isn't a virgin) that's dating a virgin, and vice versa, it can't be easy but I've heard of people who are sexually active who decide to not have sex till their wedding night(once the guy has proposed.).

    Bottom line: to each his own.

  8. intelcentral
    There's no such thing as a 21st century virgin. Once a girl begins to experiment and graduates into the heavy petting zone, then the naivety is gone. A naive virgin would have to be living under a rock or maybe a place remoter than Koma hills and I am sure there would be some kind of experimenting in those places as well. The media and the society at large portrays sex as a norm and if u aint getting any then U r seen as a looser but the fact is; if you wanna remain a virgin for whatever reason you choose, GUARD YOUR MIND!!!
    My 2 kobo offering.
  9. Addey
    In my own opinion, my definition of Virgin is someone who has never had sex. Oral sex, anal sex, boob and thigh sex (never heard of this! Guess i am too sheltered :/) all have "SEX" at the end so all y'all claiming virginity due to the fact that loverman hasn't put his PeePee in your VeeVee think again.

    Now as for me, I'm keeping mine partly because of my religion and also cause I'm scared shitless of it, all the sweating and humping and grunting and the nakedness…eeeeeeek

      1. Some Sense
        You are not a woman so you wouldn’t understand. But if you were to put yourself in a woman’s shoes, you would realize that it is scary for most women.
    1. my opinion!
      Exactly! M keeping it cos of my religion, my ego and cos m scared. Am a christain, its my own way of keeping on track with God. My ego cos I think if I gve myself to some guy n he leaves me, I would go mad feeling like filt. I mean how many guys would do that to me n u xpect me to remain sane.
      And yes! M scared of sex! Kill me! I still see it as something dirty (am over 20 and should be getting married in a year or 2) its gonna take a lot to purge me of that mentality… The moans, groans, aches, sweat, spit…. Ewwwwwwww! How would u allow someone invade ur body and you claim to like it :s I just don’t gerrit
      1. exquisite
        opinion you are not alone on this, the very thought of someone evading my body just sends both terror and excitement through my heart.. plus my religion is against it, but when I think of my wedding night I can’t help but imagine if I would be able to follow it through or I would have to be forced… so many thoughts..
      2. SHE
        Smile…that’s more like me, imean staying a virgin till marriage is a personal decision i hope i’ll be able to come thru with and its partly coz of my ego as well as i dunno what i’d feel like if after giving my body to someone he leaves me.
        Also, i think sex is sacred, and has a lot to do with one’s course of life, so i wouldn’t wanna av sex wit sm1 i myt end up not marrying…
    2. Marieca
      we’re twins dats too scary to think of and personally i wouldn’t want to have sex with just anyone, I’m a bit stingy with my body *smiles*
    3. Stranger
      Scared as hell. Finally someone shares my view. Like I think I may faint from the penetration. I don’t even mind doing a surgery to have the hymen removed before sex.
  10. Tiki
    Some things just make me laugh. Maybe it is necessary to differentiate an anal virgin from an oral virgin and a vaginal one…you get my drift? Sex is about SEXUAL CONTACT, not just penetration. There's no point offering the 'back door' and still calling yourself a virgin – your experience is waaaaaaay more advanced than most of the non-virgins around!

    I think the definition of virgin is the same today as it was 50 years ago – people just lie to themselves so that they can feel better. Doesn't change what you are though. Try telling your parents that you haven't had vaginal sex, just oral and anal, and see if they jump for joy!

  11. Tiki
    Btw I can't remember if it was an actual question, but I think it is possible for a non-virgin (or two non-virgins) to decide to be in a relationship and take a break from sex, until such a time as they are ready or until marriage. It is very possible, and I think pentecostals even recognise it, call it 'secondary virginity' or so…
  12. Ro33ah
    Virginity is tied to chastity, purity, innocence… So long as your knowledge of other forms of sexual activities(minus vaginal penetration) isn't just head knowledge but experiential, you're not a virgin in my book. I mean, "boob sex", "thigh sex", "back door"?! -__-
  13. thisboyperforms
    The way life is changing, so is language, culture, norms and any other thing worth mentioning.

    Truth is, it's not possible to have wide-eyed virgins anymore. You mean there's no TV, no internet, no talkative girlfriend, nothing?

    Come on!

    Nowadays, virgin or not, girls know what it means to have sex. Even at a tender age of 8. Have you taken a close look at Elementary Science texts recently?

    All that said, there is no f**king fence. Either you are or you aren't.

    IMHO, anyone that has gone beyond the occasional kiss under the mango tree before Mom starts calling is no longer a virgin. As long as you've started getting naked in front of each other or partially naked, the virginity is gone.

    An undamaged hymen does not a virgin make.

      1. Some Sense
        Actually, it does whether you like it or not. I feel a woman has not been deflowered, she I swear a virgin, saying otherwise is ignorant.
        1. Some Sense
          Actually it does whether you like it or not. If a woman has not been deflowered, she is still a virgin, saying otherwise is ignorant.
  14. mee169
    See, at the end of day, as long as people have picked sides, I really doubt that we can ever get entirely unbiased opinions and definitions. The sexually active will say "gats test the goods before commiting to buy" and virgins will say "as long as his toto never enter the pum, I'm still intact".
    The first dictionary definition has stated it all but as usual, everybody chooses what they want the definition to mean. And what is all this about "you've done such and such so you might as well do it all." Agreed, there is no big sin or little sin ehn, but that's like saying, "you took a pen from that table, you might as well take a gun and rob people."

    People decide not to allow a guy penetrate their vaginas for different reasons and for some it is the 'self control' factor; some sort of self pride and satisfaction that 'yes! I was able to do it.' To each his own. A girl that shoves her tongue in every mouth that asks and wanks of every penis that bulges but engages in no other sexual activity is a virgin. So can we just accept the dictionary's definition?

    1. Adam
      This is by far the most logical comment I’ve seen on TNC in a very long time.

      Thank you.

      Virginity is virginity regardless of reason or method by which it was achieved. It has been defined by the dictionary. If someoeone steals, he is a theif. Whether he stole to save starving children or make himseelf rich – those are details to be debated later and what he is entitled to are where opinion come in. But he is still a ‘theif’. Just as a virgin is a virgin. What he/shes is entitled to can be debated separately.

      If the definition has actually changed, the dictionary would reflect it. Words are updated all the time. It has not. Let us move on.

      1. Tiki
        Wait, am I wrong or does the dictionary define intercourse as sexual contact, ESPECIALLY penetration. Taken literally, this means that despite the fact that penetration is the clearest indication of sexual contact or intercourse, other activities also qualify.

        Consequently, a person who has had anal sex but no vaginal is not a virgin, as anal sex would qualify as sexual contact.

        For the definition of sexual contact, see above. It doesn't say penetration of the vagina, or the anus, or the mouth, or even an o formed by two hands wrapped around a penis. It just says penetration.

        Case closed. According to the dictionary.

        1. mee169
          The definition in the post says, "…esp. the insertion of a man’s erect penis into a woman’s vagina, typically culminating in orgasm and the ejaculation of semen."
        2. mee169
          Dodgypedia defines sexual intercourse as "Sexual intercourse, or copulation or coitus, is the insertion and thrusting of a male's penis into a female's vagina for the purposes of sexual pleasure or reproduction"

 "genital contact, especially the insertion of the penis into the vagina followed by orgasm."

        3. Some Sense
          You are very incorrect and wrong. The definition of virgin I see anyone who has not engaged directly in sexual intercourse. Sexual intercourse refers specifically to penetration so have several seats and don’t try to justify those whores who open their legs up for anybody in the name of “testing”
      2. Dewalade Ade-onojobi
        Dictionary definitions change but religious texts like the bible remain constant and have probably existed long before the dictionary was even thought of. So I believe if a girl/woman has so much as had anal sex,boob sex etc, then she is no longer a VIRGIN.

        All that talk of having to taste the goods before u buy them is just to satisfy your conscience.
        Can you walk into a shop decide to buy an apple but then taste it before u buy it? Or go to shop rite to buy a ps4 and plug it there to test if it is working before u pay for it? I don’t think so. So also it is with sex, u can’t say in the name of “wanting to test the package” have sex in any form and still call urself a virgin. Once a man has carnal knowledge of u, u are no longer a virgin. It’s like saying someone who takes a pen that’s not his without permission isn’t a thief. In my high school it was called secret borrowing but that was just a way of covering up sin . Sin is sin ,either stealing a pen or stealing 1 million dollars from a bank , u are still a thief. So also it is with sex, be it anal or oral or vaginal sex, sex is sex and once this act is done, u are no longer a virgin. Capishee.

  15. Bimbo
    If I've done stuff u wld not let ur mum see, ur virginity is in question. Hence to o ba to koja kissin u have crossed a line. However saying there isn't a diff btwn penetrative and non penetrative sex is not correct in my opinion. So I guess I'll say there are levels of virginity. As for those who say there's no grey area, Biko tell me wat in this life dsnt have grey areas. Heck even the color grey has diff shades
  16. Kay
    Loool!! I think our culture (traditional and pentecostal) very clearly decided what virginity is all about. It is about the vagina and its control of what goes in and out. Either husband or intruder or new member of the family. If the vagina is thrown out of the equation, there is no sex actually, no prospective reproduction. On the extreme, no rape.

    For our culture, Sex and Reproduction are natural twins, thus giving so much attention to the vagina. As long as a lady isn't allowing any Tom, Dick and Gary into her vagina, she is fine. Regardless of her exploration of a man's body.

  17. spacyzuma
    Times have changed. With the rapid flow of information ad today's secular times, I personally think the dictionary definition has to be modified to something like:

    "A virgin is a person that is relatively ignorant of sexual knowledge and/or lacks practical experience of sexual activities."


    For me, if a woman/man has had any kind of penetrative sex (oral, vaginal, anal) then she/he is no longer a virgin. I don't consider kissing or 'shmooching' as bursting the virgin bubble, though fingering sure does.

    1. afedziba
      i don't see why a virgin has to be ignorant of sexual knowledge. What's wrong with having sexual knowledge if you're sticking with your personal conviction not to have sex?
  18. Bee!
    When I tell people I've never had penetrative sex, they automatically say, 'oh!, you're a virgin', and I say, 'No, I'm not'. My definition of a virgin is someone who is pure and innocent, and definitely less the 8 years old (Yes, I said it, sue me!).
    Anyway, I personally don't know what the brouhaha over who is a virgin or not, or what defines who is a virgin or not is. I'm in a relationship with a sexually active guy, and I told him, I'm not willing to have sex until my wedding night. He was honest with me, he says he can't guarantee not pushing, but he'll try. I guess the fact that it's a long distance relationship helps reduce the pressure, on me anyway. He did suggest anal, and I'm like, If I'm going to have sex, I will have sex, why the double standard.
    My not having sex is not even religious, I don't even go to church regularly, I just feel like it's more than a physical act, and I want to be able to connect and give a part of myself to just 1 person. Funny thing, my boyfriend feels the same (after experimenting with multiple partners anyway). He says he feels like he has given away so much of himself, and he just had to stop having so much sex, cos he wanted to have something to give to his wife.
    Don't know if I made any sense, sorry for the epistle……I tend to ramble.
    But, that's my opinion on the 2 questions, and like I always say, it's all in the head.
  19. on Virginity
    IMO virginity is a personal thing. U can’t be forced to b it. What u judge as right based on ur believes and religion which make up individual conscience. Does the bible accept partial penetration, penetration of every hole except the actual hole? No it doesn’t Because even the bible says he a guy lusts after a woman in his heart he has already committed fornication. The actual hole issue is what I term as technical virgin Its crap U might as well b done with it M not saying m a saint or something But if u doing something y don’t u try to make it as proper as possible U ve climaxed before n u say u a virgin Taaaa! It that not the uttermost feeling? There r some things I see as more intimate than the actual penetration E.g Blow job Like!!! U actually putting someone else’s genitals in your mouth n u tell me that not the height of intimacy?
    Like someone said, to each man, his own. Sex goes beyond satisfying an urge. U r actually shedding a part of yourself to someone. When u ve had over 10 partners, pls what’s remaing for whoever u marry that’s if u plan to marry
  20. D to the azzzuuuuu
    I'm keeping mine cause its the right thing to do really based on religion i.e and like someone said I won't be able to live with myself if I end up giving it to some guy and then some months or more down the line he dumps my ass. Another reason is the fact that it helps me control myself, when you've had sex there's a 70% chance that you'll keep doing it even if you try to say "oh I don't wanna do this anymore" cause really its no biggie anymore.
  21. iStalkWriters
    i've been fiddling with my 2 kobo all day, wondering whether to drop it in the offering basket. Here goes.

    Being a virgin is a state of mind, not a state of the hymen. I wouldn't consider a girl who has had anal sex a virgin but I would consider one who was raped and has never voluntarily engaged in sexual activity one. The problem is those are two discernible extremes, there's a lot in between.

    I guess my approach would be to define it subjectively. Not every girl with a hymen is a virgin and not every girl who has lost hers isn't. whether or not you are depends on you, your thoughts, your actions. I don't expect 100% purity from the virgins, just an appreciable amount of it. Where do I draw the line? Anything that crosses from emotional to purely sexual activity. I don't even know what thigh sex is but if you have had it, you are not a virgin.

    I hope I didn't ramble too much.

    1. OLD-TIMER
      yeah, well said. Besides, these days, there’s only but a thin line (or hymen) between virginity and sexual intercourse anyway #punintended. So really… the matter is very subjective.
  22. Tee
    MY 50kobo offering:
    At the time the above definition was given, boob, thigh, anal, oral (and any other form of sex) was not inexisistence, so i'd say a Virgin is one who Hymen is intact!
    But Boob, Thighs???? Hian!!!
    1. iStalkWriters
      Have you read the kama sutra? I assure you it was written long before webster's and there's all sorts of snake in the monkey shadow styles in there. Sex (including non penetrative sexual activity) has always been in place. On this topic there's almost nothing new under the sun.
      1. thatshygirl
        there are male virgins.. i even have a very close friend of mine that is still a virgin.. its not only girls that decides to stay pure, even some guys too make that choice.
  23. new girl
    I think the most interesting thing is, since time immemorial all that mattered was blood on the sheets on the night of your wedding, so apart from religious beliefs and your personal business with God a virgin is anyone who has not had penetrative sex via her veejayjay
  24. chuka
    Enonyoma, Niyoola, Ladetawak; many thankis for your views, it is the sense in them that thrills me…

    Not beong puritanical, yet when a “virgin” begins to do things not just near actual penetration but considerably more intense, wherein lies the purity, dignity she wants to hold unto and protect.

    Technically she is; morally and otherwise she has failed…

  25. Star
    Look, how can anyone have anal sex and still think he/she is still a virgin? How? That's the height of double standards. And if u are not having sex cos you want to go to heaven, so you really think God will let you in with you ass, boobs and thigh soiled with cum? C'mon.
    1. Rezza

      "Sorry, Peter, yes, something seems to have stained my garment, but for the life of me i cant figure out what it is".
      "Sexual sin? That's not possible, I am a virgin!"

      I just hope there are no cinema sized screens at the Pearly Gates.

  26. Elyamus
    So if i get to be the one to break my wife's hymen first, but i noticed that she knows freaky things in bed. I might aswell assume that she didnt read them off the internet or books but through boobs nd anal sex etc…keeping the hymen alone wont make me think you are innoccent and shit, thanks to your post lol!
    So after reading this post and the comments, how many virgins got popped last night or are planning to get popped in the nearest future?

    Y’all make a real nun wanna go full renegade on their life-long principle.

  28. Uzo Agu
    First of all i am a virgin and a Guy and i believe that all matters sex related should be between me and my wife……….i am not married, i am in no relationship and i am not in a hurry to enter one because odds are the girl due to exposure might want to base our relationship on sexual stuff……i want my firdt form of sex to be on my wedding night, Besides The officiating minister gives permission to the Man to kiss hence..: you may Kiss the Bride"
  29. @LadeJinadu
    My 1st Post..
    Love The Site.. But All I Ever Did Was Read.. Today However I Want To Comment..

    First Of All.. I Wanna Define Something..

    Hymenorrhaphy Or Hymen Reconstruction Surgery – A Gynaecological/Plastic Surgery Used To Restore The Vaginal Hymen.. The Normal Aim Is To Cause Bleeding During Post-nuptial Intercourse, Which In Some Cultures Is Considered Proof Of Virginity.. (wikipedia)

    If U Wanna Know More About Hymenorraphy. Google Is Your Friend.

    Now To My Comment..

    Though Hymenorraphy Is Mostly Employed By Females Who Wanna Fool Their Husbands/Lovers, It Has Been Tried As Part Of A Regimen For Treatin' Depression In Females Who Were Disvirgined By Rape. The Failure Rate Was High And Sometimes Even Backfired. It Didnt Work Out.

    My Point?? I Dont Agree With The Dude/Female (iStalkWriters) That Said ''I wouldn't consider a girl who has had anal sex a virgin but I would consider one who was raped and has never voluntarily engaged in sexual activity one'' ..
    When Your Vagina/Ass Has Been Penetrated.. You Have Lost Your Virginity Irrespective Of The Circumstances – Mutual Or Not.. Why?? Because No Matter How Many Surgeries U Do.. How Many Times U Pray For Forgiveness Or Which Church U Go.. Whether Or Not U Have Sex After The First 'Sad' Experience, The Fact Remains That The Next Time U Do Engage In Intercourse, It Will Be The Second Time.. Nothin' Will Change That.. The Virginity Is Gone.. Odabo.. ByeBye.. The Females That Do Hymenorraphy To Fool Their Husband/Lover Know Deep Down It Isnt Their 1st Time.. So Who Is Foolin' Who??

    Also 'On Virginity' Said 'U ve climaxed before n u say u a virgin Taaaa! It that not the uttermost feeling???' .. Can We Relate Having Orgasms To Virginity?? What About Females That Masturbate And Orgasm On Their Own.. Without Penetration Of Any Hole.. Just Clit Stimulation By Themselves In Their Room Maybe While Watching Porn.. Are They Virgins Or Not??

    To Me That Is The Real Grey Area..


  30. Shadow
    I'm a virgin because its my personal decision and partly because of my religion and I kept my last relationship for 3yrs, it wasn't easy and I didn't do anal, boobs, thighs or oral
  31. Anonymous
    I have a virgin GF and we do thigh and oral sex but I think its just stupid…this babe has done d same thing with like 7 other guys and hear heads are still up as a virgin. Love her tho but its just stupid rili.
  32. ijebuPrincess
    Na wa! Don’t even know wot to say. Everyone has put their opinion forward nicely and have had me swinging from side to side. At the end of the day its between the individual and her conscience!
  33. Carmen
    I think the 21st Century virgin (the TRUE virgin, not the technical one because, let's face it: if he's been in every hole there really is nothing else left and you might as well have him drill the most precious one) is one who is very er…informed about sex and sexually related practices. Our world is so information-oriented now that there's almost no way someone above thirteen, even, can not know about the whole act of coitus. She's probably broken the rules a bit by making out or light touching, but not actually gone as far as sex and/or its other forms.
  34. dnddyon
    Virginity = sexual chastity and purity of words, thoughts and actions!!!
    And yes, there are a lot of male and female in this category.
    Benefit: a peaceful way of waiting for the right person(which is usually the husband/the wife).
  35. Iceprincess
    Its really not as easy as it sounds to stay a virgin by choice. Its even harder to meet someone who is willing to be in a relationship and help you through that journey. I’d just like to get married in a hall that is filled with people I’ve had sex with.
  36. ahrdonais adinoyi
    a virgin is a virgin ie someone who acquiesce not to compare you to someone else because there is simply none. so it does not matter even to the extent they are faking it and love you so much to be doin so- agreeing not to compare you to someone else
  37. Anonymous
    Urhhhhmmmm. It’s a tough one here. I’ll not call myself a virgin but I’ll say I’ve not had penetrative sex.
    Though I regret my past sexual escapades, I’m happy I have never felt the thrust of a man. At least, I won’t have sth to compare the experience with when I get married.
    My first bf was sexually active. He promised not to disvirgin me but lured me into helping him reach orgasm. He would finger me, press my boobs and do all sorts. I would end up giving him a hand job. I felt so dirty. I hated it but loved him. I was stupid. At some points, he pressured me into allowing him in. I’m grateful I didn’t. That was my only hope. I knew if I had allowed him break me, I’ll forever be lost in the sin. There’ll be no turning back and I won’t have the confidence to leave the relationship. After several prayers and determination, I called the relationship quit. I couldn’t continue that way. I knew if I didn’t leave, we would some day have sex and I’ll be lost in it till I get married. I had offended God enough.
    6 months after I broke up, I met someone who professed to be a Christian and was in support of purity till marriage. Alas, it was a lie. We didn’t have sex but we went all the way.

    I left that relationship too.

    Now, I’m in a new relationship devoid of those experiences. I feel bad that I had those experiences. I’m however happy that I never had penetrative sex. My man knows about my status. Besides, I’m not sure if my hymen is still intact. What I know is that I’ve never felt a man inside of me. That alone gives me hope. I jst hope my past experiences won’t haunt me and affect my sexual relations with my husband.

    Most virgins do the things they do to safe their relationship. Girl, the truth it is, such relationships are not worth saving. If you or suitor isn’t ready for marriage, don’t bother dating. And when you do, keep yourself. Avoid double standards. You can’t be kissing and still be saying that you don’t want sex. Don’t start what you can finish.

    Purity is God’s standard not virginity!

    My two cents.

    1. Jay
      Dear Anonymous,
      yours is the only definition I agree with.
      Let’s be honest, as soon as you allow a man get within 2 feet of your extremities, I don’t care if its with clothes on or off YOU ARE NOT A VIRGIN ANYMORE!

      If you got carried away and allowed yourself to even go an inch of the way (since they say not going all the way qualifies as still being a virgin!), broken hymen or not, you’re not a virgin anymore. On the other hand, a sincere heart of sorrow for the sin and allowing the spirit of God to fill and forgive gives you a sense of purity I feel is even better than the “technical virgin” who has almost gone all the way.

      So yes I agree with your last statement, Purity is God’s standard, not virgnity!

  38. Anonymous
    Urhhhhmmmm. It’s a tough one here. I’ll not call myself a virgin but I’ll say I’ve not had penetrative sex.
    Though I regret my past sexual escapades, I’m happy I have never felt the thrust of a man. At least, I won’t have sth to compare the experience with when I get married.
    My first bf was sexually active. He promised not to disvirgin me but lured me into helping him reach orgasm. He would finger me, press my boobs and do all sorts. I would end up giving him a hand job. I felt so dirty. I hated it but loved him. I was stupid. At some points, he pressured me into allowing him in. I’m grateful I didn’t. That was my only hope. I knew if I had allowed him break me, I’ll forever be lost in the sin. There’ll be no turning back and I won’t have the confidence to leave the relationship. After several prayers and determination, I called the relationship quit. I couldn’t continue that way. I knew if I didn’t leave, we would some day have sex and I’ll be lost in it till I get married. I had offended God enough.
    6 months after I broke up, I met someone who professed to be a Christian and was in support of purity till marriage. Alas, it was a lie. We didn’t have sex but we went all the way.
    I left that relationship too.

    Now, I’m in a new relationship devoid of those experiences. I feel bad that I had those experiences. I’m however happy that I never had penetrative sex. My man knows about my status. Besides, I’m not sure if my hymen is still intact. What I know is that I’ve never felt a man inside of me. That alone gives me hope. I jst hope my past experiences won’t haunt me and affect my sexual relations with my husband.

    Most virgins do the things they do to save their relationships. Girl, the truth is, such relationships are not worth saving. If you or your suitor isn’t ready for marriage, don’t bother dating. And when you do, keep yourself. Avoid double standards. You can’t be kissing and still be saying that you don’t want sex. Don’t start what you can’t finish.

    Purity is God’s standard not virginity!

    My two cents

  39. Ogo
    I read this article and I was surprised in an extent but I will point out that in this century there are real virgins that haven’t come close to a man as in even hugging nor touching and this Virgin is not a teenager but in her thirties and haven’t even had a kiss in her life lest alone all the acts mentioned above committed by the confused Virgins.
    A virgin I will say, in the content of both spiritual and physical perfection is staying away from sexual intimacy with any man that will bring about orgasm. Yes Virgins now are not ignorant about what sex is or what it entails because some movies and some story books puts the picture in the eye of these one in this current century of technology advancement where information is passed whether you want to know or see it or not.
    The other different between Virgins is God recognition and Man recognition. The above girls in this articles are not recognised by God I believe as Virgin though they may be recognised by Man as Virgin.
    The mistake of their wrong believe in keeping the main hole for their husband, how about your body and mind. The mind is also important in keeping for your husband because it helps you too because you won’t compare your husband in every instance with any man, in situation, moment and actions you have committed with these men you have used to wrongly address Virginal important.
  40. Ogo
    left out saying this. I am 32 years old, still a Virgin, have never had any relationship because I believe it will lead to sexual immorality that I vowed to avoid until after marriage if it God’s to be married and yes I kept me on three reasons: because of love of God, what to offer my husband; I want to offer him complete me, lastly keeping it for myself too because am this kind that believes in avoiding shame situation, I can’t stand the situation of passing an area and someone they or some people have seen my nakedness nor touch, will be gross to me and I don’t want when I get married and want to do some silly intimate stuff with my husband and then be seeing other faces I have done it with even in the smallest act like feeding him nor kissing him. I want my mind free of any protruding image that may affect my marital mental live.
    But don’t be mistaken to think am ignorant of things that happens during sex because I believe not being in America doesn’t mean I shouldn’t know what happens in America and I have had of cases where ladies that married a Virgin later have their husband cheating on them so in the aspect of things that happens during sex, unconsciously during my teen age of reading romance novels like mill & boon, I read lots of intimate stuff until I had to stop because it was creating images on my brain that was disturbing for my peace of mind. but thank God for those age of fearless freedom to read those because now I will say am not naive.
    I have never hug a guy in my life, nor seen a real life male organ and I have never kiss a guy in my life and I have not watch pornography film because yes I know mentally through those romance novel about sexual acts, I don’t want to see them until I get married because of my mental health and the Innocent I want to keep in that area.
    So I know in this century there are Virgins that have not had sexual intimacy with any man in any way although they are not ignorant of the knowledge of sexual relation.
  41. Ibelongtothecloud

    Reading through the comments, i saw the struggles and pain that accompany relationships in our generation. I just clocked 32years of age couple of weeks ago and am still a novice to the same game. I know sex is deep and mysterious. I know it holds the key to my destiny, i know beyond the common knowledge, how sex can influence the trajectory of your life. These i know. But more importantly, i am offering my body as a living sacrifice to God. My choice to be celebate until is purely based on my desire to honour God. Every other thing pales into insignificant. Yes, i have pressure within and without, yet staying off sex is non negotiable. And yes, its not only woman that should be sexually pure. Man too should. I am.
  42. Muslimgirl
    I got married 9months ago. Before that, I had never hugged or kissed a man. My friends are like that too so, i was a wide-eyed, naive virgin. Initially, it was just a personal decision cos I hated the way my seniors in sch took their bfs like gods and I couldnt imagine getting naked with some kiss and tell dude. Later, it became a religious thing.
  43. Amaka
    Why so much hate for the ‘modern day virgins’? You guys, don’t fillyour heart with darkness. They all believe they’re doing it for the right reasons. This particular age we’re in isn’t helping. With pornography everywhere. We just need to educate and support each other (virgins). I am 18 years old and a virgin. I don’t even know if I’m an original virgin or … all i know is I’ve never willfully consented to anyone using me for their sexual gratification. But they have. Because of this which happened in my pre adolescent years, I get horny quite easily. And it’s been extremely hard and by the special Grace of God that I still haven’t let anyone willfully gain entrance. I still slip now and then. But I know why I’m saving myself. Sex is sacred and shouldn’t be desecrated the way it is. Our bodies are temples. They should be respected, most especially by us.
  44. nymeria
    I’m keeping my virginity first and foremost because it’s what the Lord commands. I’ld also like to keep that specially for my future husband. I also think that abstaining from premarital sex will prevent serious heartbreaks and a whole lot of other things
  45. ola
    The topic is very sensisitive and bound to generate different views but GODs standard can not be redefined. Again, it goes beyond just being a virgin cos I figure out that once I marry and have sex for the first time hopefully with my future wife am no longer a virgin … then what next?
    As a guy of 33years its mad & torrentious difficult to keep but the fear of GOD, self decision and resolve. More so there are no alternatives like ponorgraphy/masturbation. But again, it a standard for me to subject other pressure and limitations under control with GOD’s grace.
  46. adetayo
    Hmmm….I think we have to be careful with the way we use the word ‘virgin’.I for one believes it goes past this physical realm of ours. I also believe until a lady is laid,her hymen broken then she’s physically and spiritually still a virgin.the hymen was there there for a certain purpose.the haymen isn’t everywhere in the body holes which means that place is especially am not encouraging the things going on in these century but you have to be careful of the way we condemn things we don’t fully understand.if I see a lady that claims she’s a virgin after all the other things, so far her hymen is still intact then I have no cause not to believe and accept her….All in my own humble opinion.
  47. ETTY
  48. MuNaYtE
    I really don’t like sex and I guess it wud take a patient and understanding husband to get off that notion from my mind. Like the idea of Sweating, thrusting, the pains and the pleasure for the guy is just so annoying. Well for me Chastity is just the best either for religious reasons or for the respect you earn from your husband.
  49. Joan
    I feel like i wrote this…im 18 too,sexually molested at a young age. I don’t really consider myself a virgin because im not quite sure the hymen is intàct…on my own ive done a couple of regrettable things buh thankfully no willing penetration whatsoever. I cannot even begin to say how hard it is,esp as i have never spoken to another soul on the subject. I go to church twice a week yet im not as religious as i want to be(if that makes any sense),buh i hope God gives the strength to hold on. Nice to know someone else(unfortunately) can relate to my issues. 🙂
  50. Chidinma
    There is an adage that says if u want to eat a frog you eat a big one so when you are Called a frog eater you answer… Am saying this cos I have also met and heard about the modern day virgins…. I mean why would you Have boob sex and thigh sex just with the excuse that “it’s not the main thing ” … Virginity is a thing of the heart…. For my lovelies that were sexually violated, God will give you the strength to pull through… I may also add that in recent times its not just easy to be a virgin, due to peer pressure, people looking at you like u are a weirdo and stuffs like that…. That is why if keeping your virginity is not for the right reasons you will definitely fall off sooner than expected…. #justsaying
  51. Jay
    There’s a difference between “knowing about sex” and experiencing it firsthand. No matter what you hear, or how much you know about sexual intercourse, nothing truly prepares you for the actual experience. So yes, there are still some “wide-eyed” virgins who are and will be clueless when the time does come. Hell, some are even frightened of what the actual experience would really be like, irrespective of how pleasurable it all seems when one reads, hears or sees something related or about it(as d case may be). I speak from firsthand knowledge to reiterate that knowing about sex does not totally demystify it nor does it clear out all possibilties of naivete. There are still modern day virgins who are “innocent” “wide eyed” and naive.
  52. JJJ
    I would define virginity in two regards, medically and socially
    Medically( physical) – A virgin is one who still has her hymen untampered or intact.
    Socially (mental) – one who has never had sex (oral, anal, boobs, etc)
    Though there are some ladies who lose their hymen through vigorous activities like sports . medically they are no longer virgins but mentally they still see them selves as Virgins.
    In conclusion, one has to conform 100% to the both definition to be called a virgin.
  53. Ezinna
    …basically, we have tried to provide varying words for our seemingly never-ending different activities. Virgins do not brood lust! The Hebrew word for this controversial term is deeper than what the dictionary summarized
  54. thatshygirl
    honestly, its preferable to do vaginal sex than anal sex.. most girls claim that having anal sex doesnt make them “non-virgins” but all these is fallacy.. u either stay a virgin or u dont. simple.
  55. Dokpe Akele
    I have just been very amused by this write up and comments. It was also quite educational as i never knew virgins did all of these stuff. In the early days when we got born again and some of us found this waiting for the wedding day a very hard saying to swallow, i recall the question boundaries came up. What and what you may or may not do in a Christian Courtship? The answer I was given then was “you can do anything that if Jesus was standing beside you or came in and caught you in the act, you will be able to say, ‘hello my savior’ without feeling you will be banished to hell fire immediately”. I recall leaving that meeting saying “na wa, na only kissing and holding hands be that now…” So this this ‘modern day virgin’ is keeping herself on the basis of her faith, and she’s allowing all other penetrations.. she’s in fools paradise o..

    Be not deceived, God is not mocked. A God that says ordinary looking at a woman lustfully in the heart is sin? No need for self deception.

    In a current world of sexual permissiveness and openness, anyone in a long Christian courtship will always likely be in as much sin as those in actual fornication. That is the very likely truth.

  56. thelady
    Hmmmmm… Virgin Virgin Virgin. Why would a guy who is not a virgin want to end up with a lady who is? She kept herself for you and you did not for her.
    Anyone who says she is one but still indulges in all the ‘putting “it” in every other hole” concept is not because one day she will eventually allow that “precious” hole be violated so what is left? These are feelings, our emotions, they are not easy to combat, fight at all.
    Please if you ask again, only believe the girl who tells you she doesn’t know what sex means and that means she was born 5 mins before you asked.
  57. Kevin
    For me if the vagina remains undefiled or intact, I am happy. I don’t mind her engaging in other forms of petting. It’s not easy to reign in those emotions. And for those of you who say the act of penetration does not matter, then you don’t know sacred. FYI if you are a virgin and you are are smart and have liberal views, please oblige me a meet. 08036637262
  58. oge
    Yo fam, WTF is thigh and tummy sex??
    Well, my decision to stay a virgin started off on a religious term but now, it has become a personal decision (Plus I’m low key scared of the pain)
  59. Mekz Ife
    First, Let me tell you all, Jesus loves you very much! Including you Mr Toolz

    I’m a bloodwashed child of God, who is battling renewing of the mind everyday.

    I think God honours Virginity . I’ve known and interacted with people who just couldn’t ‘do it’ no matter how they wanted it to happen. Some have just been shielded against the rotting world systems like they have some moral force-field . I think God in his wisdom knows why he separates people unto himself like that. Seriously, Many people sneer at 20-30ish claiming that they are virgins but there are. Just like Prophet Elijah thought he was in the only one serving God in the whole land. God educated him that 7,000 souls have not bowed to the god of their time (1 Kings 19). So let porn be blazing the skies and sex sells even garri, those that will preserve themselves will preserve themselves. But above virginity, I know God values PURITY, in heart, in mind, in body. He is pleased by it.

    I think ‘the modern day virgin’ syndrome stems from ‘covering up’ ‘Self-Deceit’ name it. Photoshop, heavy makeup, borrow-pose etc. The technical virgin who has had every other part violated reminds me of those times when as a boy I used to go and gnaw away at the big pieces of meat in the pot of stew and replacing them back, hoping that it still looks pretty much the same. (In almost learnt the art of sculpture without hammer and chisel) To my siblings, Nothing would be amiss. But Mum actually checked her pot of stew, I always looked like a fool. I. So also God considers people who fold their clothes clean and roll in the mud of immorality. May God change our mindset.

    I for like type my story kwa. But o dikwa very long

    + the term ‘wide-eyed’ virgin tho. In Yoruba, it means the exact opposite o. ‘Wide-eyed’ means ‘laju’ o. Meaning, you don open eye. You don see finish, that kyn thing.

  60. Adams
    Write a response… Virgin doesn’t necessarily naive. The reason u cannot be naive is that, you are educated, you read, you write, you watch, you may even be trained as scientist, medical doctor etc. So long u are enlighten and never had sex, u are a virgin. Once you have touched penis not on a ground of medical but emotional, you are not a virgin. if you want to keep virginity, why must you touch penis? The meat u don’t eat, u do not need the soup. Once you are emotional towards penis, you are not a virgin.
  61. Qeez
    U sure re funny, rhetorical speaking I kept that special hole untouched for a reason I had a near rape experience for that reason I am waiting for who I will fell that special connection with.
    I kind of don’t date much but I got dirty once felt guilty about it and never went back to it.
    But Oga I bet my knowledge and Imagination about sex will rival that of a person that has sex ever now and then.
    I remember when I told my fiancée I was a Virgin, he was coaxing me with the fact that he won’t hurt, if I remember clearly I told him I am a Virgin but O boy I am not innocent Ooooo, afterall have got Cute Tatoos,watch porn,anime,manga hentai, name it I am a pro.
  62. douglas
    wow, a very, very good post bro but do you know the very dictionary you quoted from is explained based on individual understanding and how it’s able to influence a few minds into publishing it as a generalised point of view. It is very true the world we live in today has gone haywire, one thing you shouldn’t forget is that mindsets are different(when I say mindset, your total self: from the abstral to physical and any other thing in between) so is its views and abilities. I’m not saying I’m not cool on this subject base on what we see in todays world but it shouldn’t be generalised. I have a girl who is still a Virgin, surely we kiss but that’s just the end of it because love speaks. it’s just based on mindset like I said and what you guyz have in-between. Thanks, your post is cool, its an eye opener to many including myself.
  63. Anonymous
    Simple answer to the question, “why are you keeping it?”….
    Because the Bible said so. If that answer doesn’t do it for you,I’ll give you another one..Because I love Jesus and I don’t ever want to hurt Him,you might ask,”so other christians that commit fornication don’t love God? “..I tell you,”it’s not just you loving Him,it’s HOW MUCH you love Him…it’s all about priority, who’s No.1 in your life,who’s in the driver’s seat?..all you gotta do is let Him love you..and it becomes so easy,why?..cause there comes a point in your life when you find you don’t have to MAKE yourself do anything… you just do it with supernatural ease….(I hope you understand ).
  64. pamela
    well a girl who is keeping her virginity in de name of religion nd still has a bf will one day loss it becos the modern day love has alot to do wit sex(paritically all about sex) a virgin is some1 who is happy being one nd not becos her religion says so or becos she’s keeping it for her husband to be but its for her happiness well i’m one becos it gives me a sense of reponsibility nd pride, dat even wit how i dress or talk people might think otherwise but deep down i knw how i feel. so the 21st century virgin is how u describe urself nd how it makes u feel but not for the happiness of some1 else
  65. Frances
    Write a response… I dnt think penetrating every except the virginal keeps you a virgin xo just do damn thing. it’s either you are in or yo not like you said you bcos the Bible made us to understand that thinking about it alone is the Same sin as doing it beside nobody is forcing any one am not being judgemental here but because I know what it feels like am not keeping it for anyone am doing it for me cos I didn’t come dis far to just dash it away like that we are far from being naive and not and all “modern Virgins” hump on anything to get satisfaction…..
  66. Eddie
    Wow so much info. I think as many people have said, having head knowledge of sex as most of us do precludes naivety, but is not mutually exclusive with being a virgin.
    An important question to ask oneself is why you are a virgin? Why is that title important to you? If it bcos of religion but you’ve engaged in other forms of sex, you have missed the mark. That’s not to say there’s no forgiveness or that you can’t break away from those acts. The truth is that even when you’ve been forgiven by God and you’ve forgiven yourself, it’s still a part of you, of your past. Sometimes ppl think ‘oh I’ll just do it and ask for forgiveness. God is merciful’ God is not a fool so don’t take him for granted.
    If your reasons are because you want to keep it for your husband, fair enough. As someone pointed out in an earlier comment, what about all the other sexual memories that have been formed in your mind? Do you really want to be subconsciously remembering them or comparing your husband to them?
    If you’re keeping it bcos of your parents but you’ve done other forms of sex, most parents will still be disappointed if they find out. So what’s the point?

    That said, I’m technically a virgin. I think I’m really a virgin too but when I was younger, in my early teens, I used to engage in some lesbians sex acts at least that’s what I think they were. So I don’t know if that qualifies me as a virgin or not. I’ve never kissed a guy and by God’s grace I want my first kiss to be on my wedding day. It’s not been easy, especially with my last relationship. My ex didn’t pressure me at all but the desire to kiss was just sooooooo intense. So if there’s any girls or guys out there like me, you’re not alone. Hang in there. You can do it! One last thing:

    ‘Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.’

    Sorry for such a long comment ????

  67. vee
    Well on the note of virginity, I think it’s a personal decision. Being a virgin or not being a virgin doesn’t make anyone less or more of a human being. I’m a technical virgin because I still want to be but I don’t want to marry being a virgin and that’s my choice. So whoever is keeping their virginity should lose it when she is certain to avoid any regrets. Chao!!!
  68. Rotshak M.N Spartan
    Virginity is determine by God. Virginity is pure heart away from immoral sexual activities, reasoning, imagination(lust) and experiance. Bt heaven is not made for virgins who are also sinners nt through sexual immoralities alone. Heaven race dn’t care about virginity bt pure of the heart.
  69. Mojisola Olamide
    Virginity encompasses chastity in ” all” no anal sex nor thigh sex.If u really want to keep urself then u should try as much as possible to keep it all.
  70. 1stbee
    Someone said one and ama type it aint gonna let it slide…… A lady whose very 1st encounter was with a fellow lady… Kissin…boobs touchin and all but has never had any of these with a guy.,, is she she still a virgin?
  71. Gabs
    Read the whole article,also took time to read most people’s comment.I’ll start by stating that as far as I know,there are two definitions of virginity,put differently, the different definitions of virginity falls into two categories.
    The first category include the biological definition. .Biologically, a virgin is someone who has never had penis in the vagina sex.The dictionary definition also recognises a virgin as one who has never had penis in the Vagina sex.
    The second category includes the religious definition and the biblical definition.A virgin in this category is an individual that has never engaged in any form of sexual activity.
    Before I talk more on the fist category, I’ll like to initially deliberate on the second.Growing up as a Catholic,i learnt that merely thinking about sex or looking at anything that potrays sexual activity is also fornication.With this Catholic orientation,how does one totally avoid fornication,when the media is flooded with lots of indecency?A lot of people who have commented talked about anal sex,boobs sex etc. Were do we place individuals who have never engaged in any sexual activity with the opposite sex but are very good in masturbating, or individuals who have never engaged in any sexual activities but are porn lovers?Sometimes we try to do things because of our religious conviction,but if we really look deeply into these things, we find out that we still do not meet up with our religious demands even though we try.
    Deliberating on the first category, I’ll say that most individuals who eng aged in all other forms of sexual activity but has not done the penis in the penis in the Vagina sex,recognise that they are partial virgins.A lot of them do this because of the own personal conviction not because if their religion.Most of them engage in other form of sexual activities because they want to know how well that can control their minds and rule their bodies.some other people engage in other forms of sexual activities because they do not want to be totally ignorant of how sex feels.
    I think we should understand these categories of virginity and understand were we fall.If you are virgin because of your religious convictions, how 100% have you been keeping it?I don’t think there’s any point saying that people who engage in other forms of sexual activities and have not done the penis in the vagina sex are deceiving themselves, because they already know were they stand.They are also not wrong if they lay claims to virginity as long as the biological and dictionary definition is concerned.
  72. Dolly
    So what will you call a girl that has only given a guy blow job, never had the ass sex, the vagina sex as well… But Has engaged in smooching and touching. I think that’s the “21st century virgin” right?
  73. ope
    so im a pretty and endowed virgin girl… Initially it was about doing the right thing. I was wide eyed innocent until I dated a guy that seemed cool with it until he gradually started teaching me things like kissing and touching etc, after my guilty moments I ended the relationship cause I became uncomfortable and felt I was living a lie.
    I’m currently dating a guy who is also a virgin and we have never kissed or touched each other “errotically”. To all the ladies and guys that sincerely want to keep themselves like I am doing, you need to be honest with yourself and find someone who believes in what youre doing and y’all need to agree before the relationship starts, because there will be moments when the two of you will feel “horny” its in those moments that one person checkmates the other, probably with a laugh or distracting your partner with something that will ease the moment (PLEASE AVOID BEING ALONE IN LIKE A HOUSE OR HOTEL ETC, DOESNT MAKE SENSE, JUST SELF PUNISHMENT). more hangouts and out door dates will help. (not saying you should never be alone but don’t make a habit out of it, you may get too comfortable). I’m getting married soon and I have no regrets for keeping myself.
    Oh my!! (totally forgot to answer the why am I keeping my virginity question?!
    well….. first my personal faith in Jesus Christ, secondly; I have dated different guys (not many tho) and cause theres no sex involved; I have a clear head when making decisions and there were no complications when i ended any of those past relationships. im friends with all my ex boyfriends and we have no weird feelings towards eachother cause there was no sex involved.
    Did i forget to mention that there’s a pride that comes with it and an awesome level of self worth embedded!!
    finally; i love the respect my fiancée and i have towards eachother, we are both very cool people that are comfortable and love to dress up and look classy but we decided that no sex till marriage and that’s what were sticking to. Its not easy though but we laugh about it and we are both looking forward to the day when we have the licence to un-leash a lottttt.
  74. Mercyblack
    Write a response…virginity has to do with what goes in and out of d virgina …..its a medical term becos even after doing oral sex and d rest u will still be termed vigin by ur doctors….now dat aside, wen u decide to help ur self with other sexual activity dat dat is between u and ur God its ur choice ….someone said how will u have orgasm and still call ur self a virgin hmm my brother yes o cos my doctor will still say I am “medically”
  75. Amazing
    The dictorany definition of the word ‘virgin’ needs to be revised in the light of the contemporary age. It’s all about information now. The media sells sex and armed with a
    device a little more than a torchlight phone and data, you are seconds away from having a PhD in all things sexual. Right now, no one is naive (a fallacy but ironically true). So, except for the ‘real virgins’, the 21st century virgin is a hypocrite.
  76. Amazing
    The dictorany definition of the word ‘virgin’ needs to be revised in the light of the contemporary age. It’s all about information now. The media sells sex and armed with a
    device a little more than a torchlight phone and data, you are seconds away from having a PhD in all things sexual. Right now, no one is naive (a fallacy but ironically true). So, except for the “Real virgin”, the “21st century virgin” is a hypocrite.
  77. CeeCee
    Funny, I was just having this argument with a friend and I ask, ” So what if on your wedding night you realize he’s horrible in bed or he’s the two-second man all because you didn’t want to sample the good?” And she replies, “that won’t happen”. I’m like hmmm. It’s not like I have anything against virgin, I believe everyone is entitled to their values and beliefs. But then again, what if this happens? Yeah yeah, people will say it’s not about sex, big lie… it’s as much about sex as it is about love, trust. and understanding.

    @thetoolsman …Apologies if I diverted a bit.

  78. kiki
    Wow. This post is Amazing…see all the commentaries..????..well lemme start by saying before now I didn’t know certain things existed & I’m married (fresh off the oven..2months now????) things like lap, tummy & ear sex..i mean who does that ????..chai Nigerians sha like to experiment all areas????. Okay so my 2 kobe goes like I’m #TeamVirgin yea. Hadn’t done oral & whatever they do these days..I chose to remain a true virgin for personal reasons, such as peace of mind, safe (free 4m other oral related me it’s not just hiv & Aids that kills), religion is last on my list. Before I met my hubby..I dated 2 guys. One when I was doing my nysc cos he was 4m my area Delta Igbo & 2nd reason being he was in another it was easy..We rearly saw sef. I broke up with him when I felt bored????2nd guy was equally cool. But he respected me too much to even ask..he was hoping to marry me..but i said no cos i was really feeling him. I guess I was lucky with guys sha????..moving on then I met my handsome hubby in Oct at an event..He was everything I wanted..very religious, very unlike me..brains & he’s reserved. We dated briefly..3months & he proposed on Xmas day..In d most romantic manner u can ever imagine..then our trad in April, white in July ????. Needless to say he’s so proud of me & loves me unconditionally (with or without my hymen intact..cos he told me so & I bliv him) Anyway fastfwd..We have an issue now. I’m still a Virgin. Can u bliv that ????????. We planning to see a good Gynaecologist. I seem to be unpenetrainable despite so many attempts..???? I heard it’s called “virginisimus” a rare condition in real virgins. Simply put- ur vjj hole is limited hence a d*** can’t go in. For d time being we enjoy experimenting on our bodies. Pls anyone who knows a good gyna should pls drop a contact or email. Also for virgins out there. Just so u know not all guys fancy virgins trust me..just be a real good wife, with a good attitude. Cos trust me I’ve seen some virgins who haven’t had any form of oral & d likes..but are snobbish & rude. That’s just nasty. No guy wants that. And I’ve seen exp ladies who have had sex & abortions, behave very well, are motherly & make good wives at home. Not here to encourage sexual stuff or not. But just pick one & be real. If u want to remain a virgin.. fine. If u don’t then go all out. U can’t be warm. Ur either hot or cold. Pick one & stop confusing us & urself.????thank u
  79. P.A. Andrew
    Why is nobody questioning the writer’s definition of a virgin. I have looked up two dictionaries, and nowhere does it ” associate the term ‘virgin’ with females” (line 8). I guess it’s just convenient to leave it to girls to be maintain chastity, which I take exception to.
  80. Miss Cynical
    Really interesting read but I would like to say a thing or two despite the fact the post was made in far back 2013, just stumbled on it actually.
    First thing is a lot of people don’t really understand the concept behind being a virgin. It’s supposed to be a self mission, not for anyone else but yourself. You being a virgin does not mean you will make the best wife, doesn’t mean your hubby won’t cheat on you, it’s not even an assurance he will cherish it. 6 out of every 10 men wants a woman who is well vast in the sex department these days. So do it because you want to have that extra special gift to give your husband or who ever you are saving it for, for whatever reason.
    Secondly, if you are do it in all the holes except the vagina does that still make you a virgin? I think not. I mean I can break my hymen and might have never partaken in oral,anal or even boob sex.. doesn’t that technically make me a virgin in those area? I mean who are we kidding?
  81. SemiFeminist
    Y’all are just out here judging. Do you know how unfair it is that a man can’t ever be judged by the state of their virginity?
    So as a male if your pastor asks you if you’re sexually active, you can say no. No proof. If you’re showing off to your boys, you can be sexually active again. It’s not about whether the girl is a virgin or a technical virgin. It’s about the unfair double standard when it comes to gender dynamics. Don’t expect something from a female unless you expect it from a male.
  82. Akingbade saih
    I had to read a lot of comments before getting a chance to make my comment and most of the things I read made me laugh,you guys really entertained me today . I am going to analyze myself to explain my own definition of being a virgin. Have I been penetrated by a guy through any of my holes “no” meaning that I haven’t participated in Analsex,vagina sex and I definitely haven’t given a boy a blow job thank God because I have been pressured and influenced to give blow jobs but I am an overcomer *claps for herself * the fact that I just read this article proves that I am not a naive virgin from the moment I entered secondary school I lost the ability of being a naive virgin Infact I am well informed about a lot of sexual things from both school and social media going through my TL someone can post a very sexual video. I also began to read erotic books PS I have never kissed a guy before but all the information I know about sex makes me all mushy and stuff so I started masturbating not proud of myself but I do it and there is no going back. Some of you might not See me as a virgin but I consider myself one Ooh and I forgot my boob’s and ass have been grooped before by both girls and boys when playing truth or dare .ps girls tend to grip each others body part nothing sexual though. Now am I going to keep my virginity for my husband.
    The answer is yes the following are the reasons why.
    I am like a dog who barks but can’t bite I can make a fuss about having sex with a guy but once he brings out his dick I would probably panic,run out or faint. It’s just scary forcing something big and hard into a tiny hole and I hate pain so for me to go through pain because of someone then I must really love you.
    My morals I probably would start hearing my mother’s voice telling me I would get pregnant if a guy should off my pant.
    Religion. I am not a strong in the religion aspect because if you loose your virginity to anybody that is not your husband you might end up in hell ,well so do liars,thieves and cheaters so if that’s what’s preventing you then you might as well do it because we all lie and Shit.

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