I hate doing this but to help us form a really good base for the discussion, I’m going to start out with a short lecture using the dictionary as reference material.
Who is a virgin?
A person, typically a woman, who has never had sexual intercourse.
A naive, innocent, or inexperienced person, esp. in a particular context: a political virgin.
Ok, the first definition is more inline with this discussion so I’ll elaborate on the definition. But please NOTE that from this point onwards, just like the dictionary definition associated the term ‘virgin’ with females, I pretty much did the same.
Since we now know a virgin is a person who hasn’t had ‘sexual intercourse’ my next question is:
What is sexual intercourse?
Sexual contact between individuals involving penetration, esp. the insertion of a man’s erect penis into a woman’s vagina, typically culminating in orgasm and the ejaculation of semen.
Perfect. So according to the two definitions above, we know exactly who a virgin is. Yes, I know some of you might have thought you knew the definition, I also thought I did but we are all clear on that now so, moving on.
Over the weekend I was asked a simple question. Well, it came across as simple until I tried to answer it.
Do you think it is possible for a sexually active guy to get into a relationship with a virgin in this modern day world, stay in a relationship with her for as long as two years and then leave her still as a virgin?
I immediately blurted out the obvious answer – YES and I was ready to defend it all the way until I was asked some other questions.
In such a relationship, do you think it’s possible emotions won’t go wild in some instances to the point where you’ll have a close call?
Again, I gave the obvious answer – NO.
I mean, when people say they aren’t having sex in relationships, well, it is almost expected that they’re ‘doing’ other things to ‘calm the nerves’. I know I’ve spoken to quite a few ‘virgins’ in relationships and the really open ones have come out to tell me just how difficult it is to bottle up all those emotions. One of them once categorically told me how her and her partner discovered “the backdoor” in her bid to keep the Mister happy.
When asked the same question – (How do you get by?), another “virgin” answered and I quote: “boob sex, thigh sex, oral… anything except actual penetration goes.”
I’m not so much of a bible scholar but I’m pretty sure that ‘the word’ is one place where ‘almost doesn’t count’. There is just no half and half, you are either in or out, either a saint or a sinner. Taking this into context, I asked two ‘virgins’ currently in relationships another question:
Why exactly are you doing this? Keeping it?
Because it’s the right thing to do according to my religion.
For me, it’s partly personal and also because of my future husband. I’m saving it all for him.
Things were definitely getting more interesting. So my next question went to some male friends.
When a typical Nigerian man refers to a virgin, who’s he talking about?
I got all kinds of answers but in summary, we can say he’s talking about a naïve, wide-eyed girl who has little or no knowledge about all things sexual.
Now, here are two other questions:
Does the bible accept partial penetration, penetration of every hole except the actual hole?
Will a typical Nigerian man accept a woman who probably has more sexual exposure than him but has never had ‘sexual intercourse’ as a virgin?
If the answer to those two questions is NO. Then isn’t something fundamentally wrong? Not once or twice have we put up posts targeting virgins here and quite a lot of people in the comments section condemned the writers for assuming ‘virgins’ were wide-eyed and naïve. With the answers to all the questions above, it’s easy to conclude that the modern day virgin is by far different from that which is defined in the dictionary.
A friend of mine came up with a term that captures the ‘modern day virgin’:
I’m not quite sure how I feel about that but that’s why we are here. I want to hear from you guys. Do you agree that the ‘modern day’ definition of the term ‘virgin’ is quite different from what it used to be? If yes, what is your definition of a virgin? All the virgins in the house (erm.. by dictionary definition), please tell us why you’re keeping it and if any of the answers to the questions I asked above changes anything for you. You know the drill, use the comment box to express you. Cheers.