Do The Honors Please?

There was a certain man who was ready to get married, he was in a relationship with a successful young woman, they were both Christians and naturally they were praying for their relationship; trying to get confirmation from God on His will concerning them. it so happened that the man became convinced that his intended…


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There was a certain man who was ready to get married, he was in a relationship with a successful young woman, they were both Christians and naturally they were praying for their relationship; trying to get confirmation from God on His will concerning them. it so happened that the man became convinced that his intended was the will of God and he decided to propose to her, but he thought to speak to his pastor before going ahead, his pastor requested a prayer session with him and afterwards told him that his intended had spiritual issues which isn’t restricted to her life alone but is really a family problem, he was advised to end the relationship immediately and wait on God for someone better.

A young man decided to propose a business partnership to someone he knew from high school, however he went for prayers in church and was told that the partnership would be a mistake because the intended partner has some spiritual issues from his village that will make the business unsuccessful, the fact that the high school friend was an economics major and had years of valuable experience in the business world wasn’t considered important, the spiritual issues overshadowed everything.

This spiritual issue situation which people have that makes them unsuitable to be married or engaged with for any gainful partnership or endeavor is a situation that has bugged and puzzled me for the longest time. I once heard someone say that whenever a child gets to a point of incompetence that child is on the verge of learning something new, but I’ll go further to say that whenever an individual, both young and old, gets to a point of incompetence she/he has two choices, to turn back and stay at that place of ignorance/incompetence or move forward and acquire that knowledge or skill to become better and empowered. Relating this to spiritual issues, I believe that every spiritual problem or otherwise is an opportunity for God to show up and manifest Himself because there is nothing beyond the power of God to make right, there is nothing beyond His power to redeem and restore so when we put the spiritual label on people and set them aside what this does is put God and His power in a box and limit Him to our human understanding and abilities which makes me wonder; will their time ever come? Where and when will it be?

Someone once told me that one thing God would never choose for us is our life partner, according to him the ability we have to discover who we are, what matters to us, what our purpose on earth is and our life path is God giving us the blueprint on what the makeup of our life partner is. So I believe that the highest evidence of love and conviction that one truly belongs with her/his partner is when such situations come up and instead of the initial acceptance to end the relationship and start over with someone else, the person asks: “is it a problem God cannot deal with? Is it something she/he would suffer for a lifetime? Will prayer solve it? How can God meet us at this obstacle so my intended and/or her family can truly be free?”… I believe that some people’s salvation and deliverance depends on others, it could be through a friend who one followed to church, it could be through a cousin, an uncle, a sibling, a boss, etc. and it could come as a result of the grace and light one carries which could rub off on another’s life that would set in motion the process of deliverance and redemption for the afflicted but ultimately God’s desire is that no one stays shackled to anything negative forever.

I once had a friend who always invited me over to his family house for a visit and for a very long time my answer was no, not because I didn’t want to visit him or suspected he would harm me in any way but because I have this general fear about going to people’s houses, we were talking one day and I said that apart from work the only other place I often go to is church because that is the only place I feel safe if I’m not at home, he didn’t understand it at the time and I didn’t elaborate but I know that for everyone who goes to the house of God, it means different things to each one of us. From what I understand about fellowshipping with the brethren in the bible, it should be a gathering of people who encourage, support, learn from, edify, and share with one another; love and grace should be at the center, not only the grace from God that justifies but grace for one another that edifies, encourages and empowers, and should there ever be a time that there’s a problem that defies human understanding or ability, it should be a welcomed opportunity to invite Jesus to deliver, heal, comfort, raise and save just like He said He came to do so that we can all move forward, together. It’s not even about the people who talk of another’s spiritual issues, it’s about the undertone of finality such talk carry, like there’s no hope for the spiritually afflicted and nothing can be done for them.

I don’t have all the answers and yes my spirituality is not the same as everyone else’s but I’m truly grateful that it doesn’t have to be, I’m grateful that I get to retain my sense of humanity in my walk with God. So this is for the afflicted, God will surely meet you right where you are, it’s not a cliché, it’s a fact; but in the meantime you’ll learn to be strong, you’ll learn to be resilient, you’ll learn to have faith, you’ll learn to pray, you’ll learn to be confident in your abilities and do what you can because truly God is on your side too, and perhaps if you’re self-aware you’ll discover that your heart has grown a few inches larger than it used to be, that way when you hear about someone else’s problems you’ll be kind to them and maybe say a little prayer for them but ultimately if you stick with God you’ll find that you’ll end well.

What do you think, should we continue with “the good and perfect sticking with the good and perfect” culture we currently have or could there be another way?


  1. Tafari Jane
    I wish more people would reason this way. Nigerians tend to act as if God only speaks to and listens Pastors, all other people are both deaf and dumb when it comes to Him. Some mindsets… smh.
  2. Larz
    I have this theory about how Nigerians deal with religion.
    Back in the days, we used to go to traditionalist who prescribe rituals or give us medicines, predict futures etc. Those traditionalists (dibia, priest, priestess etc) are the go between us on the gods they represents. We are doing the same with Christianity/ Islam. Instead of embracing these ways of approaching God directly, we are still relying on these men/ women of God to serve as a go between between us and God. So if you rely on your pastors to tell you the will of God (instead of confirming Gods will) or on an item of clothing from them (eg handkerchief) or their annointing oil, prayer water as a solution to your prayer. As yourself, how is that so different from traditionalists.
    1. Priscilla Joy
      Hey Larz, your theory isn’t so far from the truth. I think we haven’t evolved that far from our traditional roots especially where our parents are concerned, and the way we react to these issues makes me wonder how long it’ll take us to understand and truly believe that such issues and every other thing that happens to us during the course of our lives should be subject to our identity in Christ and the power of God at work within us and not the other way around.
  3. Joko
    One of my oldest friends way back in the university was going out with another close friend of ours. Both are christains in the real sense of the word. I looked up to them for the kind of relationship they both have with God and themselves. Both of them are funny and goofy and we all know they are so into each other.
    The relationship blossomed and got a stage where they had to introduce eachother to their respective parents. And that was where everything changed. My friend’s mum had to go consult her pastor/church if this girl was right for her son and the answer he got broke him. You see, his mum went through a lot bringing him up so I understood why he did not want to go against his mum’s wish. He owed her everything. But my question is, what should be the limit?
    He cried his heart out as he explained to the girl why they couldn’t be together. She couldn’t believe it herself. They had to let go of eachother eventually.
    Fast forward a few years and we got in touch with eachother again (we had lost touch for a while). While catching up on the years we lost touch, he told me he got married and was divorced. I was shocked. “What’s happen?”, I asked. “It’s a long story”, he said.
    The question I then asked myself was this – where was his mum (and the pastor) in this second relationship?
    God speaks to everyone. Sometimes, you might just need to stick to your own plan and like the writer said, robbing off on eachother could just be the process of healing for whatever anyone could have seen in the other family.

    Sorry its a long post.

    1. Priscilla Joy
      Wow! how sad for your friend but the truth is that it’s so easy to blame pastors and see them as the bad guys here, but when do we get to take responsibility for the choices we make. The way I see it, there’s the case of the genuine pastor who warns you about something and there’s the other one with a wrong motive (whatever motive that may be), but at the end it’s still the duty of the recipient of such messages to react and use what she/he heard in the right or wrong way. I don’t know your friend but I will assume that he has a good load of regret concerning his choice, some people don’t even tell their intended the real reason they want out; so it’s really on us.
  4. Nelo
    God bless you Priscillia. God bless you real good. My mum initially kicked against my marriage to hubby cos a man of God told her a lot of his family members are into Juju. I ignored them and stuck to my guns. My happiness was topmost on my priorities. True to the revelations, juju exists in the compound (where doesn’t it?) despite all professing to be christians but am not perturbed. Nothing can harm me not when i have cooked myself in Jesus who is superior. Those who tried failed woefully.
  5. Joko
    I agree with you totally @priscilla-joy. The responsibility falls solely on the individual to take due action based on whichever information he/she receives.
    The irony is that we’re all still friends with each other – each with our different families (she’s married, he re-married) and they both still have the occasional “what if…”
    He’s a better man today because he took full responsibility for those decisions at the time.
  6. abi sanni
    “yes my spirituality is not the same as everyone else’s but I’m truly grateful that it doesn’t have to be, I’m grateful that I get to retain my sense of humanity in my walk with God ”

    I just want to say I love that you put it up in there. I struggled / ( still struggling – but less) with my faith just cos of the way other Christians made me feel just because I am honestly being myself

    and how the Nigerian community mixes “spirituality ” and culture? wow! no words. I usually just sit and look when people go ham! lol May God give us his wisdom and may we use it too. amen.


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