Don’t You Dare Touch Me

Opinion

Over the years I have come to realise that some men are disgusting and have this stupid notion that women’s bodies are for their entertainment and owning a penis grants them some form of entitlement to our bodies. The reason why a lot of women are molested or sexually assaulted or groped, especially in public…

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Over the years I have come to realise that some men are disgusting and have this stupid notion that women’s bodies are for their entertainment and owning a penis grants them some form of entitlement to our bodies.

The reason why a lot of women are molested or sexually assaulted or groped, especially in public is because of this damn notion by some men and it makes me mad beyond explanation.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has witnessed being randomly touched by a male in the street or even groped. Why do men do this? Not enough toys when you were a kid perhaps?

My name is S and I absolutely hate it when random men touch me, I do not want to be touched by you. It’s repulsive. I am a princess, I should be worshipped and have my feet bathed in lavender oil, not disrespectfully touched and then mocked for being irritated by it.

On one too many occasions when I am touched in an attempt to get my attention by a man in the streets, my first impulse is to wipe the spot of contact because my skin is royal and doesn’t need to be stained. This act infuriates them, not just because I’m wearing an expression that explains my total disdain but because it make them feel dirty and that’s exactly what they are to me, dirty and unworthy. Their anger usually results in insults being hurled at me, well not insults but pathetic attempts to deflate my ego and you know men, they believe that telling a woman that she isn’t beautiful ruins her pride, but LOL.

I’m a princess and a pretty damn cute one, so when I hear things like “you’re not even fine” after I have expressed my disgust for being touched by a random man, I want to say “Awww, your fragile ego was hurt wasn’t it, here’s a cookie to fix it”. It’s pretty simple. Don’t f*cking touch me. Just because you see a woman on the streets doesn’t mean you have to touch her. I am fire, if you touch me, you will burn. Women aren’t decorative pieces that you have to touch. Admire? Yes, touch? HELL NO. Just no. In many instances when a man or group of filthy ass men stand around and touch a woman who walks past and she calls them out, they do the typical male thing, make the women look crazy. Make her look crazy because she is protesting against being touched against her will. Well, women aren’t crazy, we have every right to call out any filthy man who thinks our bodies are their entitlement, they are the ones who are crazy.

This unwanted ‘touching’ also happens a lot of times in the workplace and it’s just as disgusting. I’ve had to call almost every male colleague to order. I get that I’m cute but don’t f*cking touch me. I don’t even want to hug you or hold your hand. Just because we have good laughs together doesn’t translate to “it’s okay to touch me on the waist”. I can’t even contain how much I hate it. There are all these sly moves that are tried in an attempt to touch ladies in the office, men think they are smooth but in actual fact is that most of them are not. On one occasion I was talking to someone and this guy from the rear touched my waist in an attempt to embrace me, the way I flipped, I told him, in your life, don’t you EVER. I’ve had to set a total of 6 male colleagues straight.

It’s not okay for you to touch any part of me, not even my hair. This one time, when I warned this guy, he really had the guts to ask me why. I was too baffled. I have to explain to you why I don’t want you rubbing my back without my permission? You need to check yourself. Don’t touch me and don’t question me, just do as I say. Two Fridays ago, this guy at work walked up behind me and touched me very close to my waist, with both hands. I really had to count to 10 before I looked back because myself and my ancestors were about to rain down a hail storm on this filthy undeserving man’s ass. Before I had the chance to set his mind and life straight, some guys who had tried it and been bitten said to him “you f*ck up”, good thing that they had learnt because I wont school you twice, get burned once, you learn. Three guys plus my immediate boss came over to my seat and told him to apologise and never to touch me again. Now that’s what I call being your brother’s keeper, warn all your other filthy-ass disrespectfully-making-physical-contact-ass brothers to keep their hands to themselves. He was really lucky that I didn’t have a chance to speak, but unlucky at the same time because I was about to fill his life with much needed knowledge on why you cannot just touch a woman because you want to, I believe the speech would have been a major key.

You can eat with me, work with me, laugh with me but you absolutely cannot touch me. I have a man who I’ve bestowed the sole right to access my body, so keep your hands to your damn self before my ancestors strike you with a an antibiotic resistant infection.

Women do not exist for the pleasure of men, admire from afar, don’t touch us when we CLEARLY don’t want you to. Are we clear? Thank you.

Responses

    1. Hephie Brown
      I remember one time I scratched one guy with artificial nails in yaba after he touched me repeatedly..thats how they gathered and started shouting “winsh” on my head..i laugh every time i remember it..and i cringe cos the scratch was so hard I lost a nail and almost sprained my fnger..but it felt good..i have this friend who carries a pin with her..she pricks them just a teeny weeny bit and they flee..and of course insult her..she stopped during ebola scare tho..
      It’s just so annoying..Must they touch? I hat being touched by anyone except the man I give the express permission to, and that’s bae! It disgusts me.. i feel the hands in my brain..But unlike you S, i cant flip, i just move their hands.. I can be dramatic, but nah, ill fling ur hand so gently and ull get the point..

      BUT MUST YOU TOUCH!!!

      1+
  1. Fissy
    Thank you S. Guys need to be schooled. It’s so irritating when random guys touch you and when you complain they look at you like Ur supposed to be grateful Ur being touched. Conductors are the most horrible of the lot. Yama Yama smelly fingers and all.
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    1. Samuel
      , don’t just say all men are like that. It’s only the fuck boys who disrespect themselves like that. Just understand that every guy isn’t a fuck boy.
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  2. Lipglossmaffia
    Oh honey! I can not even begin to tell you how disgusting this is. I have too many experiences that i’d rather forget about but i’m very happy one got fired. Why would you even touch a girl that you’re not in an intimate relationship with? Why? Later, they would say, i’m just a hugging person or i connect better with touch. Nigga FOH with your perverted swiny disgusting ways. Urghhh…
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  3. The411
    It’s disgusting, rude, will always be unwelcome and truly, has to stop. Tejuosho market, Yaba is definitely the “Unwanted touching HQ” in Lagos state.
    I’ve had to slap, scratch, knock off, pursue to pinch guys. I “HAD TO” because my business takes me there weekly and I refuse to cower under such despicable acts.
    We need stronger & more effective laws to check this menace.
    2+
  4. Chris
    Didn’t even wait to finish reading cos the act is very disgusting. while i was reading I had to think back if I had touched a lady I just met or don’t even know without any express permission. Can’t remember any of such incidence.

    Guys, lets begin to hold ourselves to higher standards. Lets begin to act more gentlemanly.

    7+
  5. Redhot
    Seriously though, why do some guys do this?? It’s bad enough that you’re trying to grab a woman you do not remotely know….why do they have to grope? eish.

    But….the venom in this article sha….hmmm ,i bow o.

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    1. S
      A necessary venom if i might add. As a female, we already have to worry about several thing, if being groped or inappropriately touched can be strikes off the list, it would help a lot.
      It has happened so many times to me and i hate it, no woman deserves it, even if she is walking along a street naked.
      1+
  6. King_blacq.majik
    Someone (S) has had it to the neck. The piece has anger, distaste, and reproach written all over it. Which in all honesty it really should.
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  7. dafididafidi
    Am totally against any form of sexual or supposedly sexual or looking down on females as sex object touching oh! But this babes anger e get as e bi. Please are there no innocent touchings? The guy u said came to touch u from your back at work! How come u had even without looking bak confirmed say na guy?? Can women touch u or is it just guys. . Seems to me that you were just lumping everything up and painting every touch with the same brush ah ah .
    4+
    1. S
      You lost me at ‘but’. When people say they are against something and a but comes after, it cannot be good.
      I would have further explained to you but nope!
      1+
      1. dafididafidi
        “”” Sexual harassment is being discussed and women’s right to protest being groped by men and other forms of inappropriate body contact and your response is “what if the man is mentally challenged”? You need to check yourself. Your response just interpreted that women being touched against their will is not a problem at all and that is NOT OKAY.””””
        When I said am against touching but? The but is for the exception. It is only in the above response that u have used the word “” INAPPROPRIATE””” all the time u were just being angry about touching and therefore lumping everybody Man together? That was why I said But.
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    2. D.K
      Nope, there is nothing like an innocent touch. Don’t touch AT ALL.
      People should learn to keep their hands to themselves, even during conversations, after all we speak with our mouths. I don’t welcome touches from people (men & women). It is very annoying and rude. I call it trespassing. Whether the relationship is cordial or not, you shouldn’t touch unless it is welcomed by the other party.

      The other thing i cannot stand is when random people ‘dear’, ‘darling’, or ‘baby’ me. That is another very annoying habit.

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      1. dafididafidi
        Off course there are innocent touches and i say that with all sense of responsibility. As for anyone calling one dear it is an endearment mostly likely to be used by an elderly person to address a younger person wether known . If n elderly person calls u dear will u tell the person off. As per darling well that is not for just anyone . As for baby well that is for people who obviously have a relationship of sorts . I do not think one should throw away the baby with the bath water .
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    3. A.
      Her anger is a 100% justified. I understand the anger. I feel this anger everytime some random ass dude touches me. It is infuriating. DON’T TOUCH ME (or any woman) unless you guys are intimate.
      1+
    4. A.
      Anytime someone touches someone like that, it’s 99% a guy. Girls wouldn’t touch you that way except both of you are close which brings it back to my first comment.
      1+
  8. Soph
    Thank you. Thank you!!!
    I was standing on a queue one morning at a park waiting to get a bus ticket and suddenly I felt hands on my ass. He’d smack it and quickly withdraw. I was irritated,almost crying but I waited till I felt his hand again. I caught his hand and landed a hot slap on his face,the idiot wanted to slap me back. Thankfully another guy who has seen him touch my ass stopped him.
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  9. Drizzle
    The heat on this post *Phewww!*

    But i totally get it. It’s mind boggling that some men still engage in such filth in present dispensation of time…Out there giving the rest of us a bad name. Sigh!

    Posted from TNC Mobile

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  10. zelda
    many men are guilty of this, actively or passively they give unsolicited touch. the most irritating in at markets and motor parks.it can be pretty annoying and its good to always find a way to tell them off.it shouldn’t be tolerated.
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  11. dr LOtE
    This is so true… Recently i had to politely caution someone… He got the gist tho, nd ever since has been avoiding me like a plague… Telling whoever cares to listen that he joked with me and it was turned into insult…. Well thats your business bro… I’m not passing through you to go anywhere…. When i see him, i greet, if you like, grumble a response or better still keep quite… Don’t care… So long as that stupid habit has been curbed….
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  12. Orlaarmy
    Well well well! This has been begging to be discussed. Can someone please beg those yaba boys to keep their hands to themselves. That being said, haba S, the anger and aggression that reeks through this piece ehn. Men are not your enemies biko. U sound like they are all filth not worthy of your royal majesty. Am sure most of them mean no harm. Mbok chilax
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    1. S
      I will not chilax because a lot of these men are filthy perverts and mean we women no good. Women have every right to be mad, it’s our body and we should have very right to dictate what happens to it or how we react. Men are a lot of times THE ENEMY and though some decent ones exist, there are flithy ones too, the same goes for women.
      2+
  13. Santie
    THIS! I don’t understand the “men” who think it’s their right. I’ve actually had someone try to stick their hand up my dress to touch my vagina. Like WTF?! And when I swiped his hand and swore at the mofo fool he acted insulted. Just because I’m in a club doesn’t give anyone the right to touch me any how. No, it is not an invitation! The club you can say maybe the idiot was drunk, but those who feel the need to cop a feel on public transport?! I can’t even.
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  14. Topaz
    I absolutely love this post. Every anger expressed is justified. Men need to be schooled on the dignity of women and the exclusive rights of women to dictate who has access to her body. A woman’s body is hers and hers alone and only she determines who she shares it with and to the degree she is comfortable with. If she offers a hand for handshake it should not extend beyond that. No undue touching allowed
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  15. A
    Was alone with him in the elevator and he kissed my upper bare back once I was turned to exit. An ex-colleague! (left me wondering if the low-back was a little too much) . I couldn’t even slap him or scream , just quickly recovered from the shock and reminded myself never to stay too close to him. Dude is always groping women, it’s irritating, fought it while working as colleagues, still stunned he did it as acquaintances. I still cringe when I remember it!
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    1. S
      WHATTTTT????
      OMG. i’m so sorry, so so sorry.
      The key is to never let this men get to close and always be on guard, they have all sorts of tricks up their sleeve. I really wish i was in the elevator or something to help you drag this man’s ass across a pile of nails. Please dont give him the chance to ever touch you again.
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  16. Jeanne
    Lmao! S, it seems someone did it again to you just before you put down this piece.

    I can relate. Well, what lady can’t?
    It’s not just the touches that I find distasteful, but the accompanying insults when you make your disapproval obvious. Some even go as far as slut shaming. Not like I care. You don’t even know me bruv.

    That doesn’t mean that I’m averse to friends or colleagues touching me when saying hi. Just don’t let your hands stray close to certain places and we good.

    I had a friend who got too familiar and tried to grope me. A slap across the face stopped him in his tracks and also ended our ‘friendship.’ Good riddance…

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  17. C
    Enough said. S is officially my favourite writer on here. I totally agree w her; crazy, no-nonsense as it may come across to others.
    Just. Don’t. Touch. Me.
    The End.
    2+
  18. Tobi.M
    I wonder how Bill Clinton and Schwarzenegger would feel reading this…
    On another note, i have to ask what if the groper/toucher is “mentally challenged-autistic-like” or (God forgive this word) “genuinely retarded”, will he as a toucher be forgiven or will you ladies still reign unholy fire or the 10 Finger Slash of fury on him?
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    1. S
      First, i’d like you to shed more light not the rather vague Clinton and Schwarzenegger reference.
      Also, you’re so wrong for your response about mentally challenged individuals. Sexual harassment is being discussed and women’s right to protest being groped by men and other forms of inappropriate body contact and your response is “what if the man is mentally challenged”? You need to check yourself. Your response just interpreted that women being touched against their will is not a problem at all and that is NOT OKAY.
      Well guess what, the chances that a woman is groped by a mentally challenged individual is rather low compared to a man who is completely aware of of himself and does it intentionally.
      0
      1. Tobi.M
        You got me all wrong friend- I’m not pro groping unless of course it’s between consenting parties (which do exist).
        As for Mr Arnold and Mr Clinton, these are celebrity gropers who made world news, so I’m just wondering if they’d scoff at this piece or shiver in fear of you (Bill Cosby will definitely shit his pants)
        And for the mentally challenged, trust me they are living beings who feel hunger, pain, love and “konji” as much as anyone else but but when they grope, most just brush it off thinking it an inconsequential grab. I guess the keyword here is “intent”, can we compare the intent of a mentally sound male groper to that of an unsound one? I think a psychologist’s more qualified to answer.
        And why would you say my response paints women a target?lol. I understand the topic upsets you and it should, but don’t paint every male with hands the enemy.
        Getting groped is not exclusive to females(believe that!) Although they do get it worse (I admit) and Jesus! the commentor above who got ghostkissed in the elevator (super creepy)
        Have a great day S and get yourself a tazer or mace(so them gropers will know this girl don’t play that game)
        1+
  19. Dharmie
    S I am so in love with this write up as you actually poured out what have been going through anytime I have to go out in Lagos. I don’t just get “why on earth men like to touch? ???” They are definitely crazy for doing this! Times without number I tell myself that I await the day I’d give a guy a “very hot slap” for this touching thing they’ve turned to an habit… it’s very disgusting and irritating!!! Thanks S for sharing this…Lots of love here…*no homo*
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    1. Tobi.M
      Why do we touch? Because we have us 10 big sticky rude fingers and an urge for instant gratification.
      Are we wrong to do it? yes
      Do we do it nonetheless? yesss
      Can you stop us? yessssss.(with your kind and or rude words mixed with the occasional ifoti for emphasis)
      Groping actually kinda justifies why Islam prescribes wearing a Burquah. But jeez! are we such animals we can’t control our urges to touch?
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  20. Zee
    I hate this stuff so much… Yesterday, one of the guys in my office kissed my cheek while my head was on my desk and I didn’t even see him coming. I warned him sternly but he took it as a joke. This thing is so annoying. And it’s not the first time a guy Is doing this in my office. The first time… I literally gave the guy a beating. Thanks to my little knowledge of taekwondo. I also rub off hands that randomly touch me on the street.
    Do not touch me .
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  21. V3r0
    What about those that try to feel u up inside taxi or keke, I always just tell the driver to stop and I get off. Funny thing is these same men get very jealous when some other man touches their significant other …i have been called crazy and mean because of how I react to these random touching but I really don’t care, call me germophobic or whatever just don’t touch me!
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  22. ME
    Wow, thanks for this @S. There is nothing that gets me ‘madder’ than this “touchocracy” of a thing. It’s even more disgusting when it comes from pple u are familiar with like colleagues, neighbours and ‘friends’ who should know better. I have had countless terrible experiences in this regard…from fully suited ‘responsible looking’ men in public vehicles who keep brushing their filthy hands against my boobs or resting their hands on my laps like it’s their office able, to yaba boys and the electronics-selling igbo boys at Lawanson, it’s jst very disgusting. When I was in SS 3, a guy grabbed my arse on the road and when I insulted him he gave me a dirty slap across the face while his friends cheered him from one of the shops . I was so hurt and felt violated that I jst couldn’t get d incident out of my mind. After like after an hour, I hid a kitchen knife under my skirt and went back to dt same shop, found him and stabbed him in d shoulder. I felt terrible afterwards bt after dt day, d guys would avoid me like a plague whenever I passed to or from school.
    1+
  23. Mofesola
    I honestly feel there’s a lump up here. I won’t have to walk on eggshells around all the females in my life, would I? There are people who have politely told me they don’t hug, or shake etc for reasons best know to them, and I respect that. But if I don’t touch you inappropriately, and you yell at me, I’ll apologise and move on. But that ends whatever friendship or relationship we will have.

    I’m not a girl, so I don’t know what you feel. But this article started to make me think, okay, so what of guys that flirt? How will you know what girl will yell at you for some mindless flirting.

    I think it’s okay to warn colleagues before you yell at them. The culture of seeing flirting as harassment is not common place in Nigerian workplaces just yet. You just might spoil cordial relationships by yelling at people who mean no harm.

    There are things I personally do not like, also, but I’m careful in passing my information across. But you’ve lumped us all up. More like touching guys…can rape you.

    And there was another who says she hates people using dear for her. Oh dear…

    1+
  24. Seun
    In moments like this, I feel proud that I don’t touch and grope ladies, both those I’m close to and unfamiliar with. I hardly hug or even shake, no matter how close we are (except on their request). I remember on asking just yesterday if was a guy. Men’s environment and nature matters in this. You have to be a gentleman not to play with ladies’ bodies , or would you want to grope or touch a lady randomly in Kano or Sokoto?
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  25. Abi Sanni
    thank you!!!!!!! Thank you for this!!! ugghh!

    I absolutely hate it when random men try to touch me arrrgghh! I have a reflex dirty look I give and I don’t even know where it comes from lol. This is one of the reasons I am SOOOOO terrified to go to a SOCA party, you won’t even be able to see who is touching you or grabbing you O_O

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