Sometimes, it feels great to be a Nigerian and this feeling stems from our lifestyle, unrivaled sense of humour and resilient spirit. Unlike other western countries where people aspire to be, Nigeria is one of the very few places where you can take a leak anywhere and no one bats an eyelid; the only place where you can own a ladder and climb a power pole to do whatever you want, anytime you feel like. The only place where you see spiritual buffet, made up of calabash platters, at different crossroads. In spite of all these, some people still gotta go! The list below is made up of 8 categories of people Daddy Bu needs to sell along with our assets.
1. The person that reduced Indomie noodle spice.
This was me the very first time I noticed the reduction.
I literally gasped. The interesting thing is that the quantity reduction has nothing to do with the recession. This act of wickedness started way before this foreign exchange saga. Seeing as the person has chosen to remain childish in life, she gotta go! Yes, she is a woman because we are mainly the ones that manage everything and save for the rainy day.
2. The bus conductors that combine the entire population of a country together because of 10 Naira change
These ones are a menace, even to themselves. You board a bus and before you sit, you would be asked to drop your fare. You do that and if it is above the exact amount, you ask for ‘change’ and the conductor lets out a grunt. 20 minutes later, you ask again and he goes…
30 minutes later, you and other passengers are crying for change and he goes…
3. The Yaba sellers/hypers that grope and harass you to come and buy curtains or change your dollars
4. People that borrow pens in Banks and run away with it
Walahi, these ones are animals. They come at you like…
Almost as if they need your kidney and then they disappear faster than the speed of light. With your pen!!!! I am no longer in primary school so I don’t really get to see pens lying carelessly on the floor waiting to be picked. If I borrow you my hard found pen, the least you can do is return it.
5. Aunties and mummies that hoard small chops at weddings
I mean I could have watched the wedding on snap chat or IG but I took the pain to leave the comfort of my house to attend the wedding and you do this?
6. Some Landlords in Lagos
Those ones that will use the smallest space ever to produce a toilet, kitchen and bedroom and call it a mini flat with a ridiculous amount as rent gotta go!
7. Person (or persons) composing broadcast messages, videos and audios and sending to our parents
These ones can be sold to the human spare parts dealers seeing as they don’t know what to use their fingers for anymore. The ritualists will put their fingers to good use. Either ways, they gotta leave Nigeria.
All the pasture in Nigeria has withered; I need to find a green one.
No, I will not add Bobrisky to this list. That’s my best friend and mentor. He deserves a place on our coat of arms!!!
Feel free to add other things or people we need to sell along with our assets. Knowing TNC, Bu will probably see this post.