Sometimes, it feels great to be a Nigerian and this feeling stems from our lifestyle, unrivaled sense of humour and resilient spirit. Unlike other western countries where people aspire to be, Nigeria is one of the very few places where you can take a leak anywhere and no one bats an eyelid; the only place where you can own a ladder and climb a power pole to do whatever you want, anytime you feel like. The only place where you see spiritual buffet, made up of calabash platters, at different crossroads.  In spite of all these, some people still gotta go! The list below is made up of 8 categories of people Daddy Bu needs to sell along with our assets.

1. The person that reduced Indomie noodle spice.

This was me the very first time I noticed the reduction.

tnc_buhset_001I literally gasped. The interesting thing is that the quantity reduction has nothing to do with the recession. This act of wickedness started way before this foreign exchange saga. Seeing as the person has chosen to remain childish in life, she gotta go! Yes, she is a woman because we are mainly the ones that manage everything and save for the rainy day.

2. The bus conductors that combine the entire population of a country together because of 10 Naira change

These ones are a menace, even to themselves. You board a bus and before you sit, you would be asked to drop your fare. You do that and if it is above the exact amount, you ask for ‘change’ and the conductor lets out a grunt. 20 minutes later, you ask again and he goes…

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30 minutes later, you and other passengers are crying for change and he goes…

tnc_buhset_002bWhen you finally get to your destination, he combines all of you, appoints a leader, gives the leader an amount of money and leaves you to sort yourselves. Which kain life? They all gotta go!!!!

3. The Yaba sellers/hypers that grope and harass you to come and buy curtains or change your dollars

tnc_buhset_003See, if the international markets don’t want them, they can take these people to the middle of a forest in Okija to start vomiting dollars and pounds to end the recession.

4. People that borrow pens in Banks and run away with it

Walahi, these ones are animals. They come at you like…

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Almost as if they need your kidney and then they disappear faster than the speed of light. With your pen!!!! I am no longer in primary school so I don’t really get to see pens lying carelessly on the floor waiting to be picked. If I borrow you my hard found pen, the least you can do is return it.

5. Aunties and mummies that hoard small chops at weddings

I mean I could have watched the wedding on snap chat or IG but I took the pain to leave the comfort of my house to attend the wedding and you do this?

tnc_buhset_005Bye Felicia!

6. Some Landlords in Lagos

Those ones that will use the smallest space ever to produce a toilet, kitchen and bedroom and call it a mini flat with a ridiculous amount as rent gotta go!

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7. Person (or persons) composing broadcast messages, videos and audios and sending to our parents

tnc_buhset_007These ones can be sold to the human spare parts dealers seeing as they don’t know what to use their fingers for anymore. The ritualists will put their fingers to good use. Either ways, they gotta leave Nigeria.

8. Me

All the pasture in Nigeria has withered; I need to find a green one.

tnc_buhset_008Epp me please!

No, I will not add Bobrisky to this list. That’s my best friend and mentor. He deserves a place on our coat of arms!!!

Feel free to add other things or people we need to sell along with our assets. Knowing TNC, Bu will probably see this post.

Responses

  1. Libra
    Hillarious. i hate when bus conductors do that tho and those guys at Yaba hay gawd! like i don’t know where your hand has been and the reduction of indomie spice- the ultimate betrayal
    3+
  2. Olayinka
    How did you miss those small small boys who cat call women on the streets and when she ignores them, they start insulting you and calling you names like slut, ugly, idiot etc? Those ones need to be annihilated abeg.
    1+
  3. Toni
    Indomie spice reducer, wicked landlord, and aunty hoarding small chops… The worst of the lot!
    I laughed so hard at the indomie reducer, and the meme was just… Hilarious!

    Nice one!

    Posted from TNC Mobile

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  4. Kad
    Senders of ncs and videos to parents are the worst because if your parents don’t send it to you, make you read it off their phones and ask your opinion making sure you read it.
    I am like all the bC’s I haven’t read in 4years, my parents make me read them in a matter of days. You nailed it my dear!
    1+
  5. CandidHassey
    Oh my God. The meme for the indomie spice is so funny. And those people sending BCs to parents have got to go. My dad is always sending them to me. I’m tired abeg.
    Lol. I was so shocked at the fact that conductors give the passengers money to share as change. Seriously? thats jusy not funny, but too funny.
    Love your post.
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