Like clockwork, every week, a Nigerian man on twitter will tweet these words; “Cooking is a woman’s job. My wife must cook. I don’t care if she works 5am to 11:59pm, she will come back home and cook. When she is not mad.”  Or something along that line, and twitter Nigeria will go berserk for about 3 hours or till a significantly more stupid tweet floats into our timelines.

While I’ve been told to ignore such attention seeking and arrogant ignorance, I’d like to speak on this issue again while addressing a particular group of people; the people who use religion especially Christianity to defend their misogynistic views and poor treatment of women. Before you tell me God put an order in marriage and the man is superior to the woman (which I believe is false by the way and has no biblical standing) let’s talk about the sons of Isaac for a second.

Isaac had two sons. One was Esau and the other was Jacob. We all know how this story goes. Esau trades his birthright for Gbegiri (bean soup) and Jacob feeds his father one heck of a delicious meal which resulted in one getting blessed and the other, well, he got a forced, half hearted blessing that was like a curse. Before all this went down, note that God chose Jacob over Esau while in the womb even though he was younger. Why would God do such a thing? Well, I think it’s because God didn’t like Esau. He knew immediately the two brothers begun to wrestle in the womb, that one was better than the other. He chose the better one, and rejected the other. Which begs the question, Who is Esau? Why did God dislike him? See God isn’t really bound by time and he already knows all the possible outcomes of everybody’s life. (God is a master at permutations). God took one look at all the permutations and was like… I don’t like this dude. God saw who he would become and instantly disliked all he stood for.

Esau is the epitome of what the stereotypical Nigerian man aspires to be. He was masculine, did ‘Manly stuff’ like hunting instead of staying at home like his “sissy brother”. He was muscular, mean, wicked and without compassion. He was also obsessed with food. He married strange women (who could probably cook a mean bowl of gbegiri), he had no loyalty and didn’t care about how others felt as long as he got his way. He didn’t have any tenderness in his heart so all that “raising sheep” family business was definitely not for him. He was a strong big man, prone to violence. There was no way he would have been able to nurture any living thing. He’d never go looking for that one lost lamb and would probably snap the knee of one or two disobedient goats to teach them a lesson. But his father loved him, the way African fathers love their ‘Strong Sons.’ All he cared about was making conquests and proving that he was a man.

But, in my opinion, God didn’t love him. God isn’t really into all that “I’m the man” nonsense. He isn’t a fan of violent men, and he doesn’t love men who would sell away their future for a bowl of soup.  He also isn’t a fan of people who marry strange women who do not have the capacity to help his sons build the future he has planned for them.

‘Food for the belly, belly for the food, and they shall both perish together”

Who did God love? Jacob. Jacob was a kind, sweet and considerate person. Jacob was a shepherd. He stayed home with his mother, learned to cook, not just cook (please boiling water and cooking indomie do not count) I mean COOK. The aroma of his soup was enough to make Esau sell his birthright. Despite having many servants and a mother, he cooked his own food without waiting for a maid to do it for him. When he would pick a wife? He didn’t pick any of the strange women his brothers kept around in other to make himself feel good. He picked Rachael. An extremely intelligent woman, a beauty, and a hard worker who understood his job and could help him build a future. He earned her. She wasn’t his underling, she was his love. He didn’t need her to cook. He did everything to make her happy. Years after marrying her and having 12 sons, he would still cook and send food to his sons. He didn’t ask his daughter, wives or maids to cook for his sons, he packed the meals himself.

God loved Jacob because Jacob had a good heart. Jacob was fair to his wives (even the one that he was saddled with), his sons, everyone. Jacob was a big softie. He was attached to his sons and showered his favorites with love and attention. Jacob cried a lot and God loved him like that.

This is the type of man God loves. A man who has compassion; not a monster looking to enslave other people. God is interested in men who are fair in their treatment of women. Men who care about other people, men who do not see themselves as superior. There is nowhere in the bible that says it is the woman’s duty to cook. Jesus and his disciples smoked their fish by themselves. They didn’t wait for Martha to come and feed them. The one time he did go to eat in his friend’s house and Martha was cooking to “impress him”, he really wasn’t impressed. He however enjoyed the conversation he was having with Mary and deemed a deep conversation more important than cooking prowess.

God designed the woman to be a helper. Help is voluntary, not out of compulsion. The bible didn’t say God made a slave for Adam. Help is for important things you can’t achieve by yourself. You can definitely clean the house and cook. You are not handicapped. You don’t need Help for that. You need Help for important stuff like achieving your destiny; which is not food, except of course you are Esau and you’ve traded your destiny for food.

The population of Nigerian men is like 98% Esau and 2% Jacob. It is our sad reality. The violence against other humans especially women is something we see everyday, everywhere. We see Esaus even among our elected officials and in our churches. I won’t tell you to change. I am not your mother. And if you are Esau you probably wouldn’t listen anyway. Just don’t come here acting like God loves Esau. He really didn’t care much for him then, and he definitely wouldn’t now. If you want to be Esau, please go right ahead. Marry a woman who is fine with that. But don’t go trying to force Rachaels into accepting your nonsense. Most women cook anyway. We just don’t want to do so for Esaus who don’t understand that it is an expression of love, a sacrifice on our part and not an entitlement. Be Esau, we will be Rachaels in peace and marry Jacobs. By all means, go after your strange women who will help you expand your already over bloated egos and be slaves to you for the rest of your lives together. Live violently ever after and raise Edomites together. We’ll be busy raising children of promise in love with our Jacobs. Thank you.

Signed:

Association of Twitter Rachaels/Feminists.

A uterus is neither a kitchen utensil nor an ingredient You can cook without one.

Responses

  1. 47 Ronin
    Nah.

    “I can afford my things, I just like it when a husband spoils me with gifts. Even though I can get them myself, I like it when he does because it shows love, and thoughtful care. Of course, I would buy things for myself sometimes when I feel like it”.

    “I can cook every variety of soup available. I just would like my wife to cook for me , Even though I can cook for myself, I like it when she cooks because it shows love, and thoughtful care. Of course, I would cook for myself sometimes when I feel like it”.

    You either subscribe to both of these thoughts or you don’t subscribe to any of the two. Anything else is hypocrisy.

    The key is to find someone who subscribes to your thoughts.

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    1. Ufuomaee
      I kind of agree with this too. I don’t think she was saying that women don’t want to cook though, or that men shouldn’t want their wives to cook for them. I think the issue here is compulsion, and inflexibility. We want to do it as an expression of our love, not as a burden. But when you are compelled to do something, even if you used to like it, you begin to hate it. You can think of it as having sex with your husband voluntarily or getting raped every night, because he doesn’t understand that sometimes, you’re not in the mood, and it is okay!
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  2. Gemini
    This is spot on!…
    You just stated the obvious in black and white…and no one could have done it better…
    Yes, the ability of one to nourish oneself is solely in one’s hands..you shouldn’t go about expecting pipo to put food in your tommy…If she does, then you shouldn’t see it as her duty…you shouldn’t feel your are entitled to a plate of rice because you are the man and she’s the woman…It only becomes an act of love…
    I think every woman would at some point derive pleasure from cooking for the man she claims to love. But returning from work 3 hours before her and waiting upon her return to go and cook for you? Hian! that one is somehow^2 abeg…Even if you na sole provider, I no fit…
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  3. Sparks & Tingles
    I am not even going to talk about established gender roles, our culture or the really cool traits we men lack but women have (like maternal instinct) – wives should do whatever they want to do with their husbands and children (including starving them to death). I have an issue with the Esau story. Esau was just a foetus when God hated him, there was nothing he could have done to change it. Esau wasn’t even responsible for his nature, he took the bad traits of his parents and it was never his fault. It isn’t fair!
    3+
    1. Uche
      1. Who established the gender roles.
      2. These kids you speak of. Are they only the woman’s? No paternal instincts to feed your own kids.
      3+
      1. Sparks & Tingles
        I can’t win this argument. I grew up knowing I had to stand up for my sisters, look out for my mum, kill snakes in the compound, climb ladders to fix the antenna, get fuel for the generator, change bulbs, check if the doors are locked at night, lift heavy stuffs around the house and all that. They hardly called me to come placated or feed a crying baby. This is how gender roles are established.

        It would be insensitive to allow a woman as busy as the husband to get back from work and go straight to the kitchen. Every family should work out what works for them, as for me, I would put a TV in the kitchen and provide moral support in the kitchen (if I ever get married). This thing shouldn’t even lead to an argument as far as cooks, househelps and restaurants exist.

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        1. Uche
          I get you, but that it was your experience doesn’t make it ideal or what should be the standard. My sister did all you listed and more and still does them to date.
          You hear people fault the way parents raise their kids and that’s because we are trying to kill the idea of gender roles. You don’t need a penis to look out for your fellow human. Neither do you need a vagina to know how to cook. It’s that simple
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    2. Kambili M.A. Chimalu
      I was thinking exactly this about Esau’s nature (and fate). If God made him, he obviously created Esau in the image he wanted, so Esau never really had a chance. This is how I feel about Ishmael (Abraham, Sarah, Hagar) too. A boy that did nothing wrong had to be sent away with nothing because “the real son” had to inherit it all.

      I can’t deal.

      6+
  4. Joe
    This post is one kind one kind.
    The Jacob-Esau story is also one kind kind.
    God picking one egg over the other is also one kind one kind. It makes me always wonder how many of us this god actually hate but we don’t know .
    Esau is the victim .
    Then your post and bible glorifies a cheat.
    Which dying state can someone be that he can’t differentiate the voice of his boys or how bad can his coordinations be he can’t tell the skin of a sheep from that of a man.
    So you blessed Jacob and the blessings got finish like it is party rice.
    Some Bible stories are just one kind one kind.
    You must not be a sissy brother to learn how to cook, you can learn after the day’s hunting.
    14+
    1. Omolola Post author
      I didn’t claim Jacob was perfect. He made mistakes and paid for them. He too was cheated in return. However he was the better brother so my post and my bible do not glorify cheats. About God picking one egg over the other, I’d assume that time is something that constrains humans, and a God who sees everything in one glance (past present and future) isn’t constrained by time.

      I like Statistics. A lot of prediction is done using probability & permutations. And if you were a God who we assume to be all-knowing, I assume you would know all the possible outcomes and the probabilities of their occurrence before they happen (even we humans have been able to develop that knowledge). Scientists make a lot of assumptions based on this knowledge. Wouldn’t it be logical that a God that is the source of all knowledge would do the same?

      3+
    2. Toby
      Oh Lord, you actually made me crack up. This is so on point.
      “This post is one kind one kind…….blessings finished like party rise….” oh thank you so much. This made my day.
      2+
    3. Loelah
      my dear Joe,
      I agree with you 1000% .
      While I support the spirit of the story, I have to disagree COMPLETELY with the Esau and Jacob comparison.

      In my own Bible, Jacob was an Arsehole. One of the worst in the bible.
      He could cook did not mean Esau could not cook…. Esau was hungry and tired from his gree-die work and came home and begged his twin for small yam porridge. Now if Esau knew that Jacob was serious, do you think he would have eaten the food?
      He would have said….. Thanks bro.. I go drink water sleep.

      Now he STOLE his brothers blessing by LYING, not only did he lie, when Esau has, once again, struggled and made it [in spite of Jacob’s theft], he wanted to meet his bro and make peace……but Jacob planned to fight him.

      Abeg…. is Jacob not just from the pit of hell.

      Apart from that, when he now married 2 wives…. he sowed the seed of enmity amongst his sons by favoring only one…… HABA !! put your self in the position of Leah’s kids… you would not like Joseph tooo.

      Minus that one o. On his death bed… This man began to swear swear for his sons….. so much so that Asher, did not want to enter and receive his own curse [though he was blessed sha].

      Abeg… we do not know why God hated Esau. He did not tell us why. Infact sef…..Jacob is the proper epitome of the typical Nigerian man….entitled, wicked, fight fight , only praying when you are in distress and finally…..even as u dey die….unforgiving.

      The Esaus of the world are now blessed. They are the underdogs. even though the chips were set against them, their thirst pushed them past all adversities [including being hated by God]

      We thank God for Jesus sha. At least now…. no more hating from the womb

      7+
      1. Ndali
        Omg….I have a transparent transparent things to say about this post, but I am not a writer, I don’t express myself this way. But loelah, tha for showing us t angle too. Honestly? ? Don’t think we can understand these t “His ways are not our ways”( neither are His thoughts) .
        Thank God for Jesus.
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    4. naana
      hahahahahaha
      i think about this a lot, but definitely not in the words you put them in
      “which dying state can someone be that he can’t differentiate the voice of his boys or how bad can his coordinates be that he can’t tell the skin of sheep from that of a man? so you blessed Jacob and the blessings got finished like party rice. some bible stories are just one kind one kind”
      so much character in your thoughts, i love it
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  5. Uche
    1. Help is voluntary, not out of compulsion. The bible didn’t say God made a slave for Adam. Help is for important things you can’t achieve by yourself. You can definitely clean the house and cook. You are not handicapped. You don’t need Help for that. You need Help for important stuff like achieving your destiny; (Take home lesson 1)
    2. There is nowhere in the bible that says it is the woman’s duty to cook. Jesus and his disciples smoked their fish by themselves. They didn’t wait for Martha to come and feed them. The one time he did go to eat in his friend’s house and Martha was cooking to “impress him”, he really wasn’t impressed. He however enjoyed the conversation he was having with Mary and deemed a deep conversation more important than cooking prowess.(take home lesson 2)
    3. Most women cook anyway. We just don’t want to do so for Esaus who don’t understand that it is an expression of love, a sacrifice on our part and not an entitlement. (Lesson 3. Please loud this one in case some people have cotton wool in their ears)
    11+
    1. Wisdom
      Firstly, if cooking for your husband and kids is an expression of love for your husband and not a duty, shouldn’t footing the bills be an expression of love and not a duty for the man too.
      On the angle of sex, people say “what if she isn’t in the mood?” who says the man would be in the mood when her urges arises? For sex, sacrifice is key (Bible even said your body is for your partner and not your own). If either of them have to wait for the other to be in the mood, you may wait forever or eat the cake when you are not hungry.
      2+
    2. Wisdom
      Firstly, if cooking for your husband and kids is an expression of love for your husband and not a duty, shouldn’t footing the bills be an expression of love and not a duty for the man too.
      On the angle of sex, people say “what if she isn’t in the mood?” who says the man would be in the mood when her urges arises? For sex, sacrifice is key (Bible even said your body is for your partner and not your own). If either of them have to wait for the other to be in the mood, you may wait forever or eat the cake when you are not hungry.
      Secondly, there is a reason why Jesus preferred his conversation with to Mary to Martha attending to the kitchen (we were not told). Jesus said Martha was focusing on less important stuff (possibly he wasn’t hungry). When he was doing same with the five thousand, he realized that feeding them at that time was more important (they were hungry). Nobody eats conversation as lunch.
      1+
  6. Gloria
    this is such an apt description, I like the thought you put in this, I used to think it was unfair that God didn’t like Esau, I think I get part of it now, and when you think of the males God used in the Bible, from Abraham to Isaac, Jacob,David and Jesus himself, they all respected the women in their lives, even though the Bible is majorly patriarchal, there was a kindness in these men for the women they were connected with, thanks for the insight.
    1+
      1. Omolola Post author
        Yes, Esau couldn’t have decided to be a douche from the womb. However, if you subscribe to the notion that God knows all things and all possible outcomes (permutations) of each person’s life from the beginning, then you should understand how God could have seen who he would become in the future and decided he didn’t like it even though he hadn’t done it yet.
        3+
        1. Kambili M.A. Chimalu
          What I don’t “buy” or like about this “God could have seen what he would become in the future and didn’t like it” argument is that it defies logic at times.
          Let’s take it back to creation: if God could have seen the future actions of Adam and Eve, and the eventual fall of man, why did he create those particular Adam and Eve. Why not another Adam and Eve that will not fall or “seek out knowledge.” Even at the time of the fall, God really didn’t know they had fallen, so he came to fellowship with them and realized they were hiding as a result of their nakedness. Also, if we bring it to the present day, I can ask if God already knows the wicked people (murderers, rapists, etc) that may end up in hell. If so, why create them anyway, knowing their nature, unless it is to condemn them to a life (and afterlife) of suffering? What sort of sadism is that?

          Also, the argument discounts the reality of freewill. God gave that to everyone, so people have not been condemned to a particular fate pre-birth, but can make their own decisions, good or bad.

          7+
          1. Sparks & Tingles
            Thank you

            Following the God-knows-the-end-from-the-beginning-theory, He (God) could have: removed the tree from the garden, restricted the serpent from entering the garden, killed Satan and created man without the ability to sin. It appears we are just acting a script and whatever we do isn’t really our decision. Judas Iscariot was a victim the same way Esau was.

            10+
          2. Itunu
            Hi and I think you can find more answers to your unanswered questions like that here revolving about God. I battled with similar thoughts in the past but I’m glad for where I am right now and God bringing me to a certain understanding and conviction. All your questions might not get answered here on earth, neither do I have all the answers, I doubt anyone has, but I believe those who seek truth will find it. Cheers.

            http://www.gotquestions.org/if-God-knew-Adam-Eve-sin.html

            1+
  7. @Afrovii
    I just don’t agree that”God didn’t love him” but I take your point. Me I don’t want to cook and I don’t want not to cook. I just want to live a life in which such pedestrian issues are not important. No offence but any man that goes on about cooking is intellectually beneath my station. Meh.
    10+
    1. Ufuomaee
      Hi Afro,

      I’m struggling with that one too. I know the Bible says “God hated Esau”, but I’ve always struggled with that, because what I know about my God is that He hates the sin, but loves the sinner. There is a disconnect there, I think it could lie with the prophets and the cultures in which these books were written.

      However, I really liked the message of the post, and how she used Jacob and Esau to distinguish two types of men. It was a great analogy, with lots of lessons. But the God hates Esau part…still trying to resolve that one.

      Cheers, Ufuoma.

      4+
      1. Itunu
        Yes while reading the article, there was just something I didn’t quite agree with concerning the Esau and Jacob thing. There was just like a disagreement in my Spirit that it’s more than meets the eye and beyond human comprehension @ufuomaee and @omolola
        The thing about the bible is we need to keep looking at the context within which that passage was written and how often the hate word was used. In the Old Testament lies a veil that without Jesus cannot be seen and if we are not careful, we will misuse scripture which wasn’t what God had in mind and interpret it with our own human understanding. For flesh begat flesh and spirit begat spirit.

        Even Jesus mentioned that if anyone comes to me and doesn’t hate his father or mother…, even his own life cannot be my disciple. Should we now interpret it as Jesus telling us to hate our parents and siblings and ourselves when His word asks us to love one another? Do you see the analogy here? It is just a term to dictate preference. For we Christians, it’s realizing that our lives and everything else are worth nothing compared to what Jesus has to offer because it’s in losing our life we find it. When God says Jacob I have loved and Esau I have hated, it’s not hate per say. He’s just using it to talk about His chosen one (Malachi 1:3, Romans 9:13) He could have as well have said I hate Ishmael and love Isaac. Does that mean he wants nothing to do with Ishmael and his descendants? Even Esau was blessed and Jacob is way beyond more than what we see aka cooking skills. Its just like choosing to see Noah and the people saved as what it’s literally saying or Jonah in the belly of the whale whereas the story of Jonah signified the death by which Jesus would die and Noah’s story signifies the covering Jesus provides for those who are found in Him towards the end of days when the King returns for God’s wrath was so great people asked the mountains to fall on them instead. That’s terrifying. So yea. Just my cents.

        7+
        1. Ufuomaee
          Thanks for that clarity . With the comparison you made to Jesus’ references for us to hate our parents, spouses and children, it is clear that the word hate as used for Esau was not of a vindictive nature. That makes it much easier to swallow and appreciate. I also felt God was expressing whom He had favoured…and God being God is allowed to have favourites. He favoured the Isrealites…and He favours the Church, but now He calls ALL men to enter in and be saved.

          I also do believe in the co-existence of free will and predestination in determining whether we end up among the chosen or the cursed. I wrote something about this a while back: https://ufuomaee.com/2016/05/30/predestination-and-freewill/ It is a concept that can only be appreciated when we understand that, with God it has all already happened, because Time is His making, and we are the only ones living within it…

          I don’t know if your references to Jonah and Noah mean that you don’t believe that these stories really happened… Even though many would like to discredit these Bible stories as real, I actually believe they did happen, and if the world can’t find the evidence for it, it is the world that is lacking of knowledge not Scripture.

          Cheers, Ufuoma.

          0
          1. Itunu
            @ufuomaee Hi😬
            About my references, of course they happened. I don’t think I stated anywhere that they didn’t happen. What I was trying to clarify that as kids, all I saw was Jonah and the whale, and as for Noah and his family, a flood where 8 people were saved. That’s all a natural man can see hence they even making a movie from the story but we Christians know there’s more to the story than just people and the ark.

            As for choice, free will and predestination, of course I also agree that God knows who and who is going to be His but when I preach to an unbelieving world, I can’t go telling them that. The natural man can’t accept that fact till He comes into God and He begins to see through God’s eyes. Outside, he can’t see anything and chooses to blame God for everything. The message is that God loves you, sent Jesus to die for you and rose again, accept Him. Opari. The Spirit then does the main work not us and if our hearts are open, we give him more access.

            Do you know that some people don’t actually want to believe in God even when everything is right in front of them to see? God doesn’t force people either so herein lies our choice. The difference between those who say Yes and No are those who choose to say ‘God, thy will be done and those to whom God says ‘your will be done’

            So while the story of Jacob and Esau makes us to see that you don’t become Christian by heritage or because you can do good by yourself, good works or by your accumulated knowledge, the election of Jacob over Esau was to make us see that Yes, all these things have been predestined, and it’s God who shows mercy so as to knock down any form of pride that could make us think otherwise. Even today, I was still thanking God for choosing me but He makes sure everyone is without excuse. He is just, faithful and merciful altogether.

            Even Paul said, it’s not in the wisdom of our words but in the power of God. If it was by wisdom, then we would seek out the best and eloquent speakers and professors of our time to preach the gospel. But he has used the foolish things of the world to shame the wise. And in Romans, as Paul further concludes, He says ‘Does not the potter have power over the clay?’ So like I said earlier, I don’t have all the answers. We don’t all do otherwise we would be our own gods. However God wills to show Himself and how much He wills to show, we are thankful and God forbid we boast except in the death and resurrection of our savior Jesus Christ. I think we are both saying the same things sef. Lol. Oh well. cheers dear. xo!

            1+
      2. Victoria
        I want to try to respond to the idea about being a victim. And we just acting out a script. Does God know the end from the beginning? Yeah, definitely. Did he already know that someone would betray Jesus? Yeah definitely but it wasn’t prophesied that the name of the disciple would be Judas Iscariot. Judas didn’t have to be the one to betray Jesus. He wasn’t born so he would betray Jesus. But by his activities and personal disposition he made himself a willing candidate. And then the devil seized the opportunity. Could God have stopped him from making that mistake? Yes but part of the being created in the image of God is that we have free will. And he allows us to a large extent to make our own decisions.
        Again let’s look at another story in the Bible the story of Jabez. The way it appeared Jabez’s destiny was already written out for him. Because of his name. He was to bear a life of pain. But guess what happened? His life was turned around after he cried out to God. He ceased being the victim of circumstances or whatever and prospered… . Things to think about
        5+
        1. Itunu
          I love this! Like CS Lewis said something. All of us will carry out God’s plan for our lives. It’s now left to us either we would serve as Judas or John. Thing is yes it’s been written, it’s been foreseen, God isn’t a sad God, we only see him as such because of what our mind can fathom and how the human mind can understand Him, but truth is we are still given a choice. If we were not given a choice, then Jesus should have returned long time ago. He’s still ever patient, waiting, and in his kindness reaching out, pleading with us to accept the sacrifice through Jesus. How many of us can do that if we look down inside of us? So Yes, love chose to create man even when He saw what we were capable of, chose to give us free will because what good would robots do? Besides that’s not love. And yes, love came down to rescue us when we chose a path of eternal damnation. If that’s not love, I don’t know what else it is. We can’t choose the route we came through, but we can choose our destination if we so will. If not, why do people spread the gospel? It’s good news that man has a chance and can live forever with our savior. So yes, God searches the hearts and his word says its not his will for all to perish but that all would come to know him.
          4+
      3. Bkd
        That’s Justin what it is. The Bible categorically states that God hated Esau(black and white). Don’t even bother trying to dispute that
        0
  8. THE Akin
    Spot on.

    The idea of God seeing time as one entity and not as gradually progressive is indeed mind-boggling. It is difficult to comprehend what the Bible sums up as ‘seeing the end from the beginning’. God exists outside time. He has to. He created it. So as at Genesis, to Him, this has occurred. That is why He can show people in the past future occurrences, because they have happened from His viewpoint. That is the only way Him preferring Jacob in the womb makes sense. Because all the permutations have played out and this was the best one.

    That said, this is interesting as it challenges a deeply ingrained, now cultural aspect of our society. But then we are in the era of change, right?

    2+
    1. Bkd
      Totally false. How then do you explain, for example,him dissolving the universal tongue at the Tower of Babel without know that it would be a barrier to having a conclusive interpretation of his scriptures in the future?
      0
  9. Kambili M.A. Chimalu
    I get tired of having to have this argument time and time again. I was not born knowing how to cook; I had to learn. I tell that to every man that luxuriates in his inability to cook. To avoid unnecessary fights, everyone should make his/her stand as clear as daylight from the beginning.
    4+
  10. Makachuks
    Using the Bible as a cultural reference material defeates any cogent argument you can make.

    The native Nigerian tribes had their varied cultures before the Bible. And as many people have already pointed out, the God argument is bound to have many plot holes, so I am not going to make it.

    The claim should be on humanitarian grounds. The health and well-being of the mother and wife of the family trump’s any rule from rural dwellers in early Jerusalem.

    We as a country and mostly people who make this argument are not taking this into account. That.is why our country has a poor life expectancy all round; male and female.

    We do not look after ourselves. Men who cooked for themselves through out their bachelor days, all of a sudden loose the ability to feed themselves without help?
    Even some men who are.professional chefs in restaurants and hotels think it taboo to cook at home.
    This is a cultural handicap we should address without looking to the Bible for guidance.

    5+
  11. sara
    I haven’t even read d comments and I don’t care about the cooking. But shedding light on the fact that Jacob was choosen over esau from d day of conception made me feel some typa way.
    What if we weren’t chosen to b Jacobs. God knows, He created us that way, and den we go on having wrong attributes etc and still He punishes us eternally in Hell.
    Now this makes me shudder
    2+
  12. Olayinka
    As much as i like the moral of this story, the analogies are simply unfair. Esau was not a brutish man. Pls give us the reference for his aggression and brutality. He felt cheated after Jacob stole his blessings and rightly so. Wouldn’t you? He married strange women (whatever that meant) because he had to make do without the blessings of a father or the love of a mother. Rebeccah liked Jacob better apparently. He stood no chance from conception! He’s a broken man not all the evil you described. Despite all the odds stacked against him including God’s unfounded hatred for him, he still did well for himself. He even forgave Jacob years later. He’s a great man if you ask me.
    How does God hate (that’s a really potent emotion) a foetus? God is the one we should question sometimes. I mean, he asked Abraham to sacrifice his son like a ram; tie him up and slit his throat, a human being o, just to test his faith. I cannot deal biko. Nobody I know has ever agreed that they will do that when I asked them o. But we somehow see faith in that twisted and mad story? Something we would lynch anyone who does that to his son for.
    Please leave poor Esau. He didn’t do anything wrong.
    6+
    1. Loelah
      I do not even know what “strange woman” connotes in our world today.
      In what context can a woman be said to be “strange”
      who defines “strange” and “not strange”
      It is wa o
      1+
  13. Toby
    Okay, i’m sorry. This is getting confused now.
    First before i divert from the topic at hand. I don’t care what you have between your legs.
    If you are an adult, then you should know how to cook a meal. It does not have to be the best meal, but it should be edible. Feminism or Gender stereotypes be damned.
    Now Unto the issue in the comments.
    On the one hand, we have free-will. On the other, we have destiny.
    These two things run parallel, actually saying they run parallel is an understatement, they cannot be further apart.
    So we have Esau that was hated from before conception and other stories of individuals in the bible that essentially broke away from their written script.
    So my question is that in this instance *considering we cannot truly know what it is God knows* what do we think from all the information we have found. Does God know all?
    Does God know some?
    Does God know all?

    Or does He not just care……….actually this sounds like something a philosopher said at some point.

    how sure are we that we are makers of our own destiny and not just puppets on some cosmic string waiting for our personal curtain t fall on our acts!

    *Sorry if this may be disruptive*

    2+
  14. Oluwiz
    Whew! Some article! I think you made so many sweeping statements that almost make your argument not so easy to accept. Not withstanding, I think you’ve got a real imaginative mind. Not in a thousand reads would I have thought of that story the way you did. *thumbs up*.

    As for the cook-n0 cook fiasco, I think ladies should just keep raising the awareness. I grew up thinking ladies “must”do the cooking, thanks to my workaholic mum and the society at large. But my stance on it has changed seeing how irrational it is and how it defeats the very purpose of marriage.
    It’s marriage, not slavery. If the woman works as much as the man, then cooking should be at her discretion. If not, I think it would be best if she can contribute in that department to avoid unnecessary wahala.
    Sometimes though I wonder, women love to throw the “be a man” in our faces and I wonder what does it mean to “be a woman”. Those were the exact words a friend’s working-class wife kept saying when she refused to cook on accounts of “I work as much as you do” and yet refused to contribute her quota financially as the husband demanded.
    Anyways, it takes two to tango.

    5+
  15. Dickson
    I commend the perspective you took the bible story.
    I also admire the salient points you are trying to raise with regards to gender roles as defined by society.
    However; I disagree that God used permutations and combinations to make a choice on whom he will hate and whom he will love.
    In Psa 115:3…David said “but out God is in the heavens, he has done whatsoever he pleases…
    I don’t think God owes any of us an explanation for his decision and none of us is in a position to explain the rational behind his decision.
    In exodus 9:16; God said he raised pharoah up just to demonstrate his power through
    him. He repeated it in Romans 9:17….
    My point? God hated Esau because he chose to. Don’t try to explain why.
    Esau was whom he was because he was created that way. according to Jeremiah 18:2-6, God can do ABSOLUTELY anything he wants with our lives….
    You are a gifted writer regardless
    3+
  16. @Sxodus
    …”instead of sitting at home like his sissy brother he went out hunting”..wow. You don’t sound like rachel sha bt a man should not insist on “you must cook always” like a rope tied round her neck, from a woman he claims to truly love.
    0
  17. precious efogwo
    My dear, I suggest you step down from this nonsense and be a woman. It is as a matter of fact the compulsory duty of a woman to cook. And stop saying it’s not biblical that a man is head of a woman because it is…(1Cor 11:3)
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    1. Loelah
      Dear Mr Precious,

      While I did not agree with the comparisons drawn between Esau and Jacob and the manner it was imputed into the story….. You are the reason this beautiful lady felt the need to write a story like this.

      Not only have you ignored the whole story, you have failed to see the spirit behind the writing.

      No one is saying that a woman should not cook or what ever, you should read the illustrations she gave and also read the comments that your fellow men wrote.

      She never said that the man is not the head, this is an undisputed point that needs no further elaboration; all she did was try to point out that our culture and the environment in which we exist has thought us [women and men] that being a woman makes you inferior to being a man.

      She is not even campaigning for equality amongst the sexes neither did she mention the dreaded word, feminist; but irrespective of these, you still felt the need to brush away her thoughts with a few words that shows the magnitude of the superiority you feel all because you have a penis.

      Now if we even want to make this more of a debate … we would ask “Does penis make a man?”

      2+
      1. Lexy
        @loelah, the writer is a certified FEMINIST! She mentioned at the end of the post, “Association of Twitter rachaels/feminists”!
        I respect women a lot, especially the intelligent and hardworking ones. I believe a man helping out the wife in the kitchen is romantic But my argument is trying to place a woman and a man in the same scale is out of place. I’m not saying women are inferior to men… Nay!
        But there must be gender roles! This makes things easier. Why do u think men run 5000 meters marathon and women run 3000? Why do u think mostly men go to war and women mind the homes? Why do people say, ‘Be a man’ and not ‘be a woman’? “Gender roles”!
        Yes, anyone can cook, its not compulsory for d woman 2 cook but its her obligation.
        1+
  18. Mofesola
    I’m a feminist, but when people read the bible and the quran and tell me both books are feminist in their outlook, then that’s a no-no for me. We shouldn’t lie about these things. Both books were written by those who didn’t know any better.

    With this new wave, people will come out to say the bible isn’t against gay people, against fornicators and abortionists. This is a killer any day anytime.

    There’s more than a hundred scriptures that point to misogyny in the bible. Paul’s instructions were not mild on that fact. The head of man is Christ, the head of the woman is the man. I wonder where “Christian” women now find the way to say there’s no hierarchy in marriage.

    This is what got me sick of Christianity altogether. I can’t keep up with the hypocrisy.

    2+
  19. Toni
    Now I remember what I’ve been missing on TNC; haven’t been here in a while and this is probably as good a post as any other I could have chosen for the return.

    That said, I’ve heard more than a few people say “men are the best cooks in the world” and wonder why those same people believe the woman should do ALL the cooking. Despite my wonder at this duplicity, I do actually think a NIGERIAN woman should do most of the cooking. Why? Because our society is wired for a woman generlly performing better in this role despite skill/capability, willingness etc. I know, this is beside the author’s point of most men generally being “Esaus” about women and cooking; I’m merely just riding this wave to put my own 2 kobo out there. In Nigeria, it’s the BETTER option for a woman to cook (though men shouldn’t be d*cks about it, they shouldn’t be d*cks about anything, really. But why is being a “d*ck” a bad thing? Isn’t that biased gender stereotyping? I digress).

    Whether we like or accept it, gender roles help society run faster, and in some cases smoother too, by pre-assigning certain responsibilities to certain individuals to avoid debating who’s in charge of what and having certain tasks left undone because they were no one’s responsibilities. Imagine if EVERY family had to define each role (bread-winner, home-maker, counsellor, spiritual head etc.) and assign responsibilities after a proper debate; have you finished imagining? Good. Does it appear practical? I guess not. If Emeke and Buchi have to wait for mommy and daddy to do permutations on who is in the best position to cook before either of them actually begins the cooking… Exaggeration, yes, but you get my point.

    In Nigeria, ladies please help us cook. It’s just the easier way, for now.

    1+
  20. BlackSwan
    I can’t pretend to understand the Esau-Jacob issue.
    But as for the gender roles,to say it’s a woman’s place to cook I quite disagree (this isn’t from a feminist view or otherwise).
    I agree with the person that said you do it for love.(I,for one don’t enjoy cooking,but the only person I’d cook for is my dad..I hope for the life partner that I love you so much to want to cook)
    I have a question(for a friend of course) .let’s assume the said”must cook wife” is a very busy surgeon,would you still insist on your 3 squared meals?
    0
  21. Wisdom
    Your description of Esau and Jacob is a long way faulty. There is no explanation for why God loved Jacob and didn’t love Esau. Just accept it that God loved one and hated the other. Don’t be too analytical. The analysis didn’t work. God is unscripted.
    Secondly, I don’t understand why people see cooking as slavery. Ordinary cooking. In life, everybody has his/her roles to play; 21st century or society not withstanding. The Bible you quoted doesn’t have one example of gender equality. Submission isn’t to men, it’s to your husband.
    Interpretation is just the problem. Men don’t love and women are not submissive. Yet everyone wants to be happy.
    Academic argument for happiness in marriage is tiring. For every happily married person, congrats. For those unhappy, Kpele!
    1+
  22. Drift
    Having read the post and the comments that followed, i noticed that there was a thread that ran through all of them and its the fact that as humans, we equate intelligence to the ability to rationalize things. I’m not even going to try to tackle this from a biblical point of view but maybe, just maybe we should leave the bible out of this. Maybe we could just leave God out of this and leave Esau and Jacob out of this. Maybe we should not assume that God liked Jacob better. Maybe we should not try to think we know what God was thinking. Maybe we should just be realistic about the issue for which the example was made for in the first place. I am a man. I cook. I’m not married but i work. I get home tired sometimes but still cook for myself and it would be inhumane of me to get married and ENSURE that my wife goes through the rigour of entering the kitchen even when i know she probably had a long day too. This shouldn’t be about feminism or meninism. This should be about compassion and empathy.
    2+
  23. Pabjulem
    It all goes down the drain for me when the post tilted towards sexism. God is a balanced God and has expectation for us all. God is not sexist. Where is the place of responsibility???? The bible says a man who cannot provide for his family is worse than an infidel, so also does the bible paints a picture of a responsible woman in the virtuous woman. (Responsibility). When an article is written, especially for the purpose of edifying God’s people, it must be balanced else it does more damage. Pls I need to know, what are the practical helps as woman is to provide the man to help achieve his “destiny” (a journey that she is not supposed to be a part of, but a destination that she is to help him reach and leave thereafter?)…
    0
  24. Faith Esene
    You make really valid points. I wish more people saw things this way. They are so quick to define gender roles so strictly and then tout the bible as a convenient defense, knowing that most people won’t want to dispute something if they believe God ordained it. It’s really our aunties that need to chill out.lol. All this, “you must learn to cook o. So you can be good wife material” business. Guys are hardly ever pressed about this cooking thing that is a skill needed for human survival, not just relegated to females alone.
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