A few days back, I met someone awesome for the first time and we had drinks at a Café in Abuja. It’s known for having really good cocktails and coffee mixes on menu. She ordered a ‘dirty white boy’, a coffee, milk and cream mix, (I know, who the hell names these drinks right?), and I, a beer. Without being asked, I hastened to convey my love for beer but couldn’t quite explain properly what draws me to it and makes me choose it over probably every other alcoholic beverage, even over my beloved Cap’n Jack and Skyy (that’s really good vodka).

At home today, nursing a bottle of Star, the words came to me. I’d just come in from the shopping complex close to my house, where I’d walked to buy tomatoes. I was thirsty, so before cooking, I opened this bottle, and sans glass, stood in front of the fridge and chugged down almost a quarter of the contents in one swallow.

I belched loudly, smiling. The ice-cold goodness had travelled straight down my gullet, cooling my parched tongue along the way and hitting my stomach with authority and command, generating that spine tingling feeling from that often glossed over spot, you know that part, back of the head, a few metres from your neck, just under the sharp point we called ‘Ogor’. Only three things give that feeling – the hum from a barber’s clipper on your head, a Beer, and very good, sloppy, …. Err… ‘brain’?

How do I extol beer further? Tough, but I’ll try.

Ever walked into a bar on a hot afternoon during a heat wave and a visibly sweating, from-the-freezer, cooling-the-air-round-you cold bottle of lager is placed before you? I’m sure your thirst gets sated even before you drink.

Or perhaps I can tell you about beer’s worth as a conversation enabler? Smoother of pathways, leveler of class, first of its name? I kid you not. See below:

  • Want to ask a legal but unofficial favour from a colleague and don’t know how to approach him? Take him to a bar and buy him beer. Thank me later.
  • Going to a party and don’t know most of the guys you will meet there? Go with a case or two and carry it into the party late. You’re the MVP from then on. Or at least until some other guy, probably named Buchi, buys an even bigger case and brings it in, but there you go.
  • Offended me, and don’t know how to say sorry? Just take me to a good bar and buy me cold beer. Sometimes ‘brain’ works, too, but only from a specific gender, and in specific dynamics. You’re safer and surer with beer.
  • Worried about meeting your Significant other’s brother, favourite male cousin, close male friend(s)? Venue is inconsequential here. Just buy beer.
  • Got enough balls to attempt to meet the proposed father in-law? Err…. Maybe not always a beer here, just in case he’s that guy for whom no one is good enough for his baby-girl. He’ll turn the beer to prosecutorial evidence.

All the above is on assumption that they all drink beer. I do, in case you’re wondering, even though I’m sure you aren’t. If they don’t, don’t bother, they aren’t worth the trouble. Wait, I jest.

Seriously though, beer is healthy. Surprised? Beer has less calories per serving than alcoholic wine or sugary soft drinks. In fact, moderate and responsible beer consumption has been proven to have nutritional value and is actually good for you on the long run.

Can I take a minute to say hello to the ladies who drink beer? Especially in our gender defined society? I like it a lot. I’ve always opined that my life partner must be a left handed, artistic, geeky yet sexy, smart, freaky doctor, preferably not from my tribe, but above all, one who enjoys beer. Tall order, I know. Maybe that’s why I sometimes feel I’m probably doomed to die single. But there’s something uniquely appealing for me about a woman that drinks beer, and writes, and draws, and is a nerd, a freak, a…. Buchi Shut up.

I do need to point something out though. This post isn’t for those who use alcohol in general as a means of escape, or as a tool for working themselves up to abuse either themselves or others, especially domestically. That’s despicable and we the association of beer drinkers disassociate ourselves from those ‘arrants’. Nor is this for those who, despite their medical condition, refuse to stay away from alcohol. If you belong to these groups, please desist and get help.

This isn’t also for those without self-discipline who expend all their money on alcohol, or for those who, every Saturday or Sunday evening, head for their favourite spots, with shirts often unbuttoned, flabby, pregnant bellies open for the public’s unsolicited viewing displeasure, and sit down to quaff cartons of beer, enough to run a bottling plant for a day. You people make us look bad. Stop already.

Nope. This is for the blue and white (even brown) collar workers, artisan, entrepreneur, writer, geek, teacher, and of course, the doctor. I write this for the bar owners, who are pillars of the community much like Moe in The Simpsons. I mean, where else would Homer and Apu go? This is also for those watching football in bars (and trolling, just doing ‘bants’, not griping like @Sirkastiq on twitter about Arsene), the average Emeka, Musa and Funke, who, after a hard day’s job, enjoy relaxing to a beer or two, who are creating value, unwinding, socializing and forming bonds with like-minded lovers of beer.

So, tell me, what’s your poison? Are you a wine connoisseur, Hennessey enthusiast? You like Jack the Captain? Or are you like me, do we all love that cold, rich, smooth, sometimes brown, sometimes green bottle of soothing awesomeness, which contains just the right amount of bitterness to keep us going?

Are we united in our love for beer?

Responses

  1. Coker Yinka
    Tough one. I really do not know where my loyalty lies. I love Jack Daniels but I am also partial to Hennessy VSOP (tastes great with just ice!). Beer is magical though. Always a unifying factor among the male folk.
    1+
    1. Buchi Post author

      Love your choice of poison. Don’t know if i’d A list Hennesey, as i think its not as awesome as it is popular. But you did describe Beer as Magical, so you get a beer.
      0
  2. Andronicus
    Oh yes. My city has a vibrant pub culture and I once tried to visit every pub. Gave up ‘cos they were just too much. I love the famous ‘The Prospect of Whitby’ open is 1520.

    My favorite watering hole is the Dickens Inn at St Katherine’s docks, London near Tower bridge. Beautiful place by the water, where you can watch rich folk park their boats and tourists snap pics.

    Everyone there is nice and the publicans/waitresses are friendly.
    My favorite beer is the ‘Ole Speckled Hen’ but I’ll drink a Guinness or whatever beer is offered to me. You can always find me there on Sunday evenings having a few cold pints with my shirt unbuttoned and belly hanging…oh yikes!

    3+
    1. Buchi Post author

      No prizes for second place, but for your efforts at drinking at every pub in London, and your Oyibo packaged experience, I’ll forgive the hanging Belly and package your own drink ‘foreignly’
      3+
  3. Nnanyielugo
    Notice how after a few glasses, table becomes interesting? Tales become more colorful, gestures more fluid.
    Power of beer.

    But Buchi, your descriptions were too realistic, I almost imagined cold, golden liquid gliding down my oesophagus.

    Well, last last, there’s this really nice bar, with really nice music and really shapely bambinos and really…….. Stop it nnanyielugo, you’ll give the location away.

    In all, awesome post.

    Posted from TNC Mobile

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  4. Nelo
    OYO is your case. Am not on your list of beer drinkers biko but I will help by praying you find that 20-in-1 wife who drinks like you.
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  5. Subliminal
    Buchi that beer chugging description though….. Choi! Memories👌 This was quite a piece man- na to branch that watering hole as I dey comot office naim sure pass bruh…..l’chaim!🍻
    1+
  6. CandidHassey
    My poison is hot green tea, lime, honey and ginger. Bitter, sour, sweet and spicy. Ahhh. The taste of perfection. Lol.

    You had me laughing when I read about your dream girl. You might be lucky sha.

    And nice write up.

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  7. Fille
    I might just have lost my liking for any drink aside cocktails. I had 4 bottles of beer at once during the weekend and I seriously threw up.
    0
  8. Sapphire
    Hello Buchi,

    Although I do not drink beer I must say you write well. About your future Mrs, God will help you oh……

    Biko, when you eventually find the “one” tell us about it in writing. That is something I will like to read

    0
    1. Buchi Post author
      Thanks for the compliment. I try to try.

      That Bae Search, its on serious hold now o. seems too tall an order. God will help though. I’m sure.

      0
  9. A
    Loooool…me that i don’t drink beer sef was thirsting for one…thanks for the visual stimulation. *winks
    Goodluck with the beer loving bae search
    0
  10. Toni
    I grew up in house where my dad would dip a pinky in his glass of Remy Martin (he swears by that drink till date, even made a reference to him being an oracle and being worshipped with it!!!) and put in the mouth of any baby fortunate enough to be on his lap. So, I always looked down on beer as ‘local’ and ‘razz’ until after a loooooooong day during Uni days and no Coke at the junction. I bought the only cold drink, Shine Shine Bobo, and it’s been happily ever after since. Star cures more aches and pains than Panadol; tired? Beer. Bored? Beer? Happy? Beer. In pain? Beer. Got malaria? Beer. Having a meat pie? Beer. Baking? Beer. Going down under? Beer. Just drink beer, please.

    I love the way you tried to describe the feeling just under your ogo that beer gives; it just takes all the mess of the world away even it’s only for the time you’re sipping. The only downside of beer for me is I can’t go past two bottles, no matter what I do. After the second bottle, it’s more tipsy and less of that under-the-ogo feeling… sigh!

    So I fill the gap with vodka (Cruz, Smirnoff, Grey Goose, Jelzin, Bullet… As long as it’s vodka I’ll drink, no matter the name or quality), I heard vodka leaves no smell after drinking unlike other ‘hot drinks’, true?

    4+
    1. Buchi Post author
      Ah, Another Connoisseur. Welcome. Two Bottles is actually very fine. Responsible consumption is very good for you. Vodka is also Awesome. Aside Cap’n Jack, Skyy Vodka is really good stuff and my preferred choice of Spirit.

      And Vodka leaves no smell too. or at least less than all other spirits.
      Cheers

      1+
    1. Buchi Post author
      To be honest, this day and age, Beer Quality has pretty much plateued. Beer brands are now just about equal with one another in quality, with just a few distinctions in taste , packaging and brand placement.

      Every serious beer drinker have their favourites, I suppose. My brand is ACB – Any Cold Beer.

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  11. E
    Lolx… Where have been?? this is lit 🔥…
    “For the Love of Beer” (that Guinness’s abi?? ) lol
    Am dad is (was) a beer seller so beer has always been a close companion of mine, i don’t abuse it though, NO!! Hell No, drinking to me is not a mechanical action like fixing a flat tyre, drinking is an ART, like painting a picture,like taking d woman u love to bed. U Don’t excute it wth automatic crudility, but with a subtle elegant style, with grace and certain inner touch akin to a painters inner flourish.
    Lemme stop here, wat am saying self!?

    But this one u’re writting for BEER, are u sure ….
    Well its good though, u said its for d ‘Love of Beer’ Alhamdumilah 🙌👏… Where is uncle .Ba’ruu, atleast he is one beer lover on/in TNC i know

    1+
    1. Buchi Post author
      You sir, are a lover as well as a drinker. Weldone.
      Am I sure…? I’m just a connoiseur o. Perhaps I should meet the good doctor. We Beer drinkers should stick together in these tense times.
      1+
  12. Baruu Sneh
    Lmao, see my fellow beer lover o…
    Baba, we suppose jam for one joint on a very good day, with chilled beer and peppered gizzard, while Fela Kuti’s Gentleman plays on the background.
    Oshey!
    1+
  13. Joko
    “I’ve always opined that my life partner must be a left handed, artistic, geeky yet sexy, smart, freaky doctor, preferably not from my tribe, but above all, one who enjoys beer.”

    😂😂😂 Very tall order…but good luck.

    Visually stimulating write -up.

    Guinness enthusiast. 2 bottles…and I’m good to go home. Occasional Henry and JD.

    Your description of cold beer reminds me of ones my friends kept telling me about – at Ikoyi Club. I can’t wait to check it out.
    Come to think of it…it’s Friday!

    0
  14. jigan
    PR tendencies or not, this is a very well put together writeup…on the ‘addictiveness’ of beer, I must confess; I SO LOVE BEER! Saisfying, relaxing, fulfilling, and the one thing necessary for a hillarious convo with friends.Thanks for the write-up Sir. PS-I’m done after two bottles.
    0
    1. Buchi Post author
      No PR my brother. I have no leanings or inclinations towards any Brewing companies, and post wasn’t sponsored.
      Thanks for appreciating the post. Beer really is awesome. And two bottles is fine.
      0
  15. Nnanna
    Nice.
    Remember describing beer as a beverage to one of my friends the other day, the look on her face was priceless. As a beer merchant and enthusiast, I’m always happy to see a lover of beer.
    Nice post btw.
    0
  16. Rani
    Lol! Loved the article! My Dad, growing up, would drink a bottle of Harp a day. Once he got home for work we would go and buy him a chilled bottle. He said he figured it was better than hitting the bars after work . So he would drink his Harp while we all watched tv. As we got older he would ask us to pour us a quarter of a glass to try. That soon became a glass, then the whole bottle (by this time one must’ve reached the age of 18).
    So for a long time beer was my choice of alcohol. However now, I lean towards cocktails and “Orijin Like” drinks….
    0
  17. Gracie
    Aahh! This post made me reach for a bottle, now I’m on the second. I love beer, a lot and I drink straight from the bottle no matter where I am, in spite of the stares and comments about how unladylike it is to drink beer and worse still straight from the bottle *rme* na them sabi . Thank you for the post, Buchi
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