I’m glad all the fuss about Yoruba demons is finally dying down (at least I think it is). I’ve watched from the sidelines as this term continued to gain popularity over the last couple of years and wondered who to thank for this unprecedented mastery and display of the art of misdirection. I’m sure you’re wondering what on earth I’m talking about.
For all the talk about Yoruba demons and the evil they perpetrate, I have strong grounds to believe that a greater, more dastardly, group exists among men.
Enter the Friend Zone Bandits.
To fully understand the power members of this group possess; their characteristics and capabilities, let us begin by defining the term ‘friend zone’ as it relates to men. The friend zone is that dreaded place of no return for most guys. It’s that title a woman (you have feelings for) confers on you when she concludes that she can and will never have a sustained relationship (especially of the physical kind) with you. I highlighted some words because as you can imagine, there are variations to this term.
I used the term ‘physical kind’ because it is very possible for a woman to friend zone you after making out with you. Heck, y’all can even go as far as having sex before she decides to lock you up in this dreaded zone. This brings us to the second term ‘sustained’. It is important to highlight the fact that even though you’ve had something physical with this person whose friend zone you’re in, it’s never ever for long – in most instances, it’s always that one time thing. They make this ‘mistake’ once, realize you’re only good to keep as a friend and BOOM, bye-bye boobies. But as we also know, one of the obvious signs of being in a friend zone is the fact that you can look but you can’t touch except maybe with a shaving stick. And so, with this, I’m sure you can confidently tell who is and who isn’t currently in your friend zone. Good.
How does one defy every single thing I said above while still remaining in the friend zone? Well, that’s exactly what a friend zone bandit does and that is why I consider them to be the greatest of all demons sent to plague women on earth. To all the women reading, remember all of those guys you confirmed were in your friend zone when you started reading? Now take a mental note of how many of them you’ve had physical dealings with more than once; even after you made up your mind to friend zone them. Got it? Those are your friend zone bandits.
Some of the greatest con artists ever have admitted to using a trick, which sees them telling you how they’ll con you upon your first encounter with them. But because of the way the human mind is built, often times we dismiss this unsolicited warning until the con is executed and we are left to reflect on mistakes made. It is this ‘glitch’, if you will, that the friend zone bandits ride on to con their mark. What I’m saying to you is this: not everyone in your friend zone got there because you put them there, some of them got there because they wanted to be there.
The next question is why? Why would anyone want to risk losing everything? Well, with greater risks come greater rewards. When you’re in your friend zone, your defenses are down, you let go of your guard and exist in possibly your most vulnerable state. How many times have you cried around this person? How many times have you told them things you’ve never told anyone? How many times have you gotten wasted around them? How many times have they ‘seen’ private parts of your body? And finally, how many times have you gone on to make out or have sex with them… just because.
Of course things always go back to ‘normal’ right after the deed is done. In fact, sometimes, you’ll notice just how vocal Mr. Friend Zone Bandit is about how what y’all did/are doing isn’t quite right. He’ll blame himself saying he should learn to exercise more control but is he really being honest? Does he not know you get extremely horny when your period is approaching? Did he not know you’ve been feeling extra emotional lately because you just found out your ex got in a new relationship? Did he not suggest you come over to his place to watch some new movies just to get your ex off your mind? Did he not cook for you like he knows you like your men to? Did he not have that bottle of sweet Moscato you love already waiting on ice before you got there? How thoughtful, right?
In university, I took a course on Game Theory. Here’s a short definition of what it is:
The branch of mathematics concerned with the analysis of strategies for dealing with competitive situations where the outcome of a participant’s choice of action depends critically on the actions of other participants
Ladies and gentlemen, friend zone bandits have gamefied this thing called (physical) relationships and they’ve managed to completely destroy the rule books. Hold on a second. Before you run off to arrest your bandit, you might want to read my last post on regret here. Personally, I think if anyone would go through this length to get with you and you didn’t know – sure, it can be very unsettling – but just imagine having someone this cunning in your corner. They’re already your friend and they’ve probably seen you at your lowest points (heck, they might now be responsible for it too), so it won’t be hard recruiting them as your personal bullshit detector when it comes to other guys.
This is my theory and though I can’t provide evidence as I don’t know the facts behind every relationship, I’ve tested it out and many have come to tell me they’ve encountered a few friend zone bandits. If you’re one of such people, please share your experience below in the comment section and if not, let me get your thoughts on the post. Express you.