DISCLAIMER: I didn’t write this post because I’m going through a breakup of any sort.

Break ups are hard and leave people emotionally paralyzed but they are only part of the experiences we humans must go through. It hurts at first and a grieving period is allowed for a while – sad music, tubs of ice cream and booze and what not – but at some point it, the wallowing has to stop.

Hi, my name is S and I have had my fair share of unfortunate break-ups, whether it was an actual relationship or a situationship, cutting people you once cared about out of your life is not an easy thing to do. The worst break up I ever had was in 2013, I was distraught beyond human comprehension, my goodness. I wasn’t sleeping, I drowned myself in alcohol, I was cussing more than ever before, I picked up smoking, it was horrible and the worst part is I couldn’t cry.

Let me tell you something, don’t ever let anyone tell you to stop crying, or that you have cried about something too long. F*ck that! If crying helps, please cry. Personally I’m not completely over something until I cry about it. I wanted to cry so badly but the bloody tears wouldn’t just fall… He was such a great lover, such a great great lover and I couldn’t come to terms with the fact that things had ended so abruptly. It was a mess and there was nothing I could do to fix it except fly to the other side of the world… but that didn’t happen.

Eventually one day at work like 7 months after, I finally had the nervous breakdown I deserved and I cried and cried and cried and cried until I was completely dehydrated and asked the office manager to let me go home. He believed someone in my family had passed on and without hesitation gave me two days off, hugging me and saying “sorry for your loss S”. It was indeed a loss. I still miss him from time to time, but not in that ‘I can’t breathe’ way anymore, I’m over it now. That’s the thing about mourning, when you’re done, you’ve gotta pick yourself up and let that next hottie find you or vice versa.

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So how can you get over this sad time of your life? That’s why I’m here today. Let’s see:

Cry: CRY CRY CRY CRY! Don’t even come at me with that crying will not change anything. Crying helps release suppressed emotions. Cry it out. Don’t let anyone dictate to you how you choose to grieve.

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Alcohol: If you are one of those “I don’t drink types” you’re going to need to jump on board, and fast! Pick which one works for you, wine has the least alcohol content for starters but if you’re looking to be completely f*cked up, there’s tequila! Alcohol helps you deal with life, simple.

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Avoid your ex like a plague: After a break up, change your routine, don’t go to places where you know your ex will most likely be. Not seeing your ex is part of the detoxification process. It will be difficult, definitely, but it’s necessary so that old feelings don’t start creeping up. If you can move to another country please do that.

Get them off your social media: Facebook, Skype, BBM, Twitter, Instagram,Whatsapp, SnapChat, iMessage, delete them all. Keeping them active on your social media usually leads to stalking them. This only drags you back, making you wish you were still with them. It’s unhealthy; no need to keep tabs on them. They are not your business anymore.

Change your lingerie closet! : For ladies, all that sexy lingerie you had when you and the former lover were together… You’ve got to let it all go. Toss all the La Senza, Agent Provocateur, La Perla, Victoria’s Secret in a bin, pour some vodka on them, then light a match while you dance around the burning pile sipping some hard liquor, preferably scotch while chanting something from Rihanna’s new album, preferably ‘WOO’.

F*ck it out: It’s imperative to do this. Let someone in to let someone out (all pun intended). This isn’t really the time to go on a fast; you need to find an ‘avenue’ by which your sexual desires are met. Notice I didn’t say find a new lover, your heart needs to recover from the emotional trauma but your lady and man bits don’t need to. You need to f*ck your ex out of your system! fuck

Life is too short to dwell on a break up; there is a whole world out there. What coping mechanisms have you guys employed while trying to get over a break up?

Image Credit: Tumblr, The Gloss, Twitter, Instagram, E! Online

Responses

  1. Od
    My word! I absolutely have to go sing a couple hymns and read a couple passages in the Bible to clear a lot of that from my system. Wow!

    Regardless, I agree that when it ends, you need to allow yourself to recognize the fact that it has ended. Hope will make you neurotic. I’ve been there. Better to face the fact that it’s done and that’s that.

    Women may and should cry if they feel that way. Men can cry too but it’s not any kind of requirement for them. It’s part of the masculine dna that we simply grit our teeth and get on our way.

    No, please, don’t have indiscriminate sex. It’s very nasty to dump your pain all over somebody else like they’re some kind of garbage truck. It’s wicked. You can deal with your trouble without using other people so wickedly. In my own experience it didn’t even help to sleep with someone else. What it did was complicate my life unnecessarily.

    Drinking will do very little to help. You’re high and light and happy when you’re drunk then you crash when anything however small forces sobriety on you. It’s a terrible way to live. You’d have to stay drunk ALL the time for that to be any good at all. And that is most definitely NOT recovery. It’s postponement of the day of recovery.

    I totally agree with avoiding the person until you’ve moved on. I think that what they call maturity that makes you keep interacting with someone who broke your heart before you have recovered is actually phony. It’s an ego trip, a way to prove that it didn’t really hurt you that much. But it leaves you with a lot of unresolved emotions and thoughts. That means that moving on will complicate your next lover’s life. You will very likely be using them to prove that you’re alright and not really investing yourself in the new relationship. I believe that it is better to start a new relationship and stabilize in it before letting any ex back into your life to avoid rancor and confusion.

    You can throw out mementos. I would. Normally I delete numbers: not that that does much good since they’re stamped on my memory anyway. I delete pictures, conversations and stuff. If I don’t, they become grips I cling to emotionally. As long as you stay stuck in the memories, you’ll be looking at life through the lens of what you lost.

    Definitely move on. Understand that we were built to love. Until you love someone new, your heart will ache and you will miss being loved by someone (which we will always interpret as missing the ex or “kind-of” ex).

    I admit that moving on, closing the door on the past is annoyingly difficult especially when they don’t really want to let you go either. I admit that it can take years to get there. I admit that I envy those people who can just “man up” and find a better person to be happy with. I admit that I have a very difficult sense of loyalty that makes me fight for something well past every reasonable point of hope. But the truth remains that if you will move on, you will have to de-link yourself, let the pain hit you and then pick yourself up and let someone new love you back to happiness. Whether it takes you a day, a month or three years.

    37+
    1. Adee
      The sex part helps sometimes, yes it might seem wicked, but if it helps someone to heal, i dont find anything bad in it. Besides the human that you are having sex with might not necessarily know. So what you dont know might not hurt you. Its just a therapy.
      0
      1. Od
        It’s not wicked if they don’t know you’re using them. When people pick your pocket, do you experience loss? Of course you do. It is wicked, ma’am. Don’t do it.
        5+
    2. woyi_oc
      So, now do you see my point on why it’s not always a good idea to date within your circle of peeps? How is one supposed to move on when the other persons happiness is there staring right at you? No time to process things on your own without cutting out ALL YOUR HOMMIES because she and them are tight?
      6+
      1. Od
        Long-memoried somebody. Kai, smh. Lol.

        I didn’t use to roll in a clique really. Except in the polytechnic during my pseudo-player days. My friendships are normally separated from each other. So, I wouldn’t bump into an ex because she’s tight with my other friends.

        But, I’m sure that people who roll in cliques will figure themselves out somehow.

        1+
  2. Adee
    I avoided mine not physically but on social networks, i was still very active after the break up n we still communicated but i stalked the living day light of the human’s social media. I evetually blocked the human and moved on, four years down, the human just found out i blocked the human.

    As for lilingerie closet, it was the other way around. I ended up buying more, not because of the human, but because i loved it very much. But for the ones the human bought, sent them on exile.

    The best theraphy for me still is CRYING. It helps. I cried, cursed, noted my mistakes, picked my self up n moved on.

    6+
  3. Exclusive
    S is definitely a member of Bey’s hive.

    Now, I feel really lazy to type out all the super stories in my head regarding this write-up. Luckily for me, already dealt with most of it. Alcohol so doesn’t help you deal with life, it helps you postpone life which then comes right back later to bite you in the ass. So, after the smeared mascara, terrible hangover, the pain still doesn’t go away. What then is the point of it?

    Indiscriminate sex with some random guy after a break-up is therapy, Adee? I disagree with the length and breadth of that statement. It’s using someone because you miss another and that is just stone cold.

    4+
  4. Alexie
    I cannot and will not change my lingerie closet because of a guy, ehn burn kini? Victoria Secret? Noooooo pls in my break up blues those sexy, lacy, little things get me going and ready to leave the house…… Burn what? Yes he may have loved the crotchless panties and said as much when we had table sex but maybe the new boo will appreciate it too…. Burn kini? OK there may be those really special ones…. The ones you bought specially cus u wanted to surprise him by wearing absolutely nothing but ur sexy lingerie when he came back from work, yes those ones might hurt but instead of burning them hide them at the bottom of ur underwear drawer until you are over him. It usually works for me😊😊😊😊😊.
    4+
  5. Zaynab
    First, as a movie nerd I appreciate the ‘My Crazy ex-girlfriend’ feature image. Second, I’ve gone through a break up but i’m starting to question whether I’ve ever loved anyone because all this just sounds so darn dramatic. Did i feel bad? Yes. Did i cry. Yup. But even while i was crying it felt removed, like something you do because you’re supposed to. I went through the whole, anger, depression, over thinking phases and then one day eight months later, i was just healed and i knew it. Never once felt like i couldn’t breathe though.

    Also, never stopped talking to my ex. In many ways and at many moments he was a douche, but we still spoke every other day or so. Not saying that’s wise. Not saying it’s not going to be awkward as hell when I pick up with someone else, but it’s just the way it is. Not an ego thing, I just don’t know how to let go of stuff.

    1+
    1. woyi_oc
      Sometimes all the activity is just to numb the initial pain. You know, 5 stages of grief. So yeah, healing process isn’t always so fats but as long as she’s healing, it’s okay. Besides, some people can move on but still manage to conjour up the old feelings when writing.
      2+
      1. Husband Material
        S isn’t healing. The piece is nicely written, so one gets the impression that S is doing fine. But she isn’t…
        1+
    2. S Post author
      Husband Material,

      okay i’m still pained, sorry i didn’t admit it to you, seeing that you know more about me than i know about myself. i’m sorry, dont be upset okay.

      1+
  6. anonymous aboki
    Man, that was all very intense. I certainly hope I have never made anyone go through all that, neither do I intend to. Seems all pyrrhic..

    Most I do is suffer from these bouts of regrets, like self flagellation, at the damage I’ve possibly doled out & received. To make up for it, I absolutely try to maintain friendships with all the people I’ve been with, make sure they’re doing better than when we were together..

    On my end, I’ve been forced into retirement from this ‘relationship’ life, lol. All that sunk cost would make anyone resign. Was sha a phucking fantastic run, if I do say so myself..

    1+
  7. CeeCee
    I hate break ups, the main reason I do is cos getting into new relationships are hard. You have to worry about starting all over again, getting to know someone all over again, worrying about how to dress for that first date, will he try to kiss me or not? how do I react? Will I like him? Will he like me? That question, “tell me about yourself?” who ever invented that annoying question. All these just make me cry harder when I have to go through a breakup. Alcohol, yes, that’s your best friend in time like this, Ice Cream, my bestest comfort food, then tears, lots of tears…..Then, remember that really hot guy that’s been all over you and you have been avoiding, yes, that really gorgeous one, start a fling with him…lol, just saying.
    5+
    1. nO2_EFX
      “remember that really hot guy that’s been all over you and you have been avoiding, yes, that really gorgeous one, start a fling with him…lol, just saying.”

      If he actually really likes the babe….that’ll be kinda unfair. If all he wanted was sex, I get. But if he actually liked the babe…Haba, iz not fair.

      0
  8. Butterflymind
    The most effective part of healing I’ve discovered is praying for the other person. It’s also the most difficult to do, too. But praying that they find all the goodness in the world speaks of forgiveness and it opens your heart to finding the love and healing you deserve.

    I can create a whole post around healing from heartbreak lol, because I think we have one too many not-so-great ways that leave you with temporary relief and more pain in the long run 🙂
    But these things happen best when you do not arbor negative feelings along the road; do not look for quick fixes and give yourself patience and all the kindness you’ve extended to the world.

    12+
    1. Od
      I forgot that part. You’re absolutely right that it’s the most important part.

      I’m not sure about “deserve” though. When we consider what everyone deserves, we may not find much to look forward to. My interest in that is that the idea that you deserve something always stems from the root that you did all the right things and are only the victim of someone else’s, well, cruelty or carelessness. But that is hardly ever true.

      I think it is enough to go with “need”. We don’t need to deserve it to have it. With God, after all, it’s all about grace.

      Forgiveness too has a difficulty involved. It’s really hard to forgive someone who insists that they never wronged you. You should still pray for them and hope for all of God’s best for them but it is really unfair to expect yourself to be emotionally alright with them. It is why we are told to follow peace with all men AS MUCH AS IT LIETH ON US.

      I think that the best you can do to be at peace with people like that for whom you have prayed (and should continue to pray, whenever the pain hits you, now that I think about it) is stay away from them and give no cause for new injury that you will find yourself pressed to forgive again.

      0
      1. Butterflymind
        I’m not going to play with words here Irrespective of what one has or hasn’t done, I still believe we should all be at peace with ourselves, our God and our fellow man. I also believe we should live in joy… whether or not we believe it has been earned.

        So when I say ‘deserving’ I am in essence pointing to those things I believe in.

        3+
        1. Od
          God made us joyful beings, beings of harmony, that is true. I completely agree with you about that.

          I am only concerned that talking about what one deserves has the effect of making people really selfish and unsympathetic. It focuses your attention on how you should be treated and what you should have rather than on what you can contribute or give to a relationship to make someone else’s life better.

          I believe that giving is key to happiness, that when one is pouring themselves out to benefit someone else it makes them happy. It is true that love is often abused but to live that way is the only way to make a relationship work and survive and thrive. Two givers and forgivers make an excellent relationship.

          And, like I said, giving and forgiving are not concerned with merit. They are more concerned with need and opportunity.

          I’m sorry if you feel I’m stretching the matter. I just thought to make that clear.

          3+
    2. woyi_oc
      “The most effective part of healing I’ve discovered is praying for the other person.”

      Something to think about…thanks

      0
  9. The guy you call after breakups
    I’m just here to say I don’t mind being used for sex after a break up. I’m just saying that they’re people out there that absolutely don’t mind, in fact, they’re people that actively seek out such people, yeah, I’m just saying.

    But seriously if there’s anyone that wants to get over a breakup in that way, maybe hit me up, please? Okay thanks in advance.
    But seriously please? Pretty please? I’ll go now.

    But seriously though, remember I was the first one that offered. I’m sorry, I go now.

    1+
  10. Snow
    I’ve come to realize that the only thing that actually works is time. You can do all these things and one year down the road, a seemingly mundane stuff will bring those memories back stronger (for me, it was jollof rice that wasn’t properly cooked *don’t ask*)

    Soak yourself in booze, fuck who you want, delete pictures or numbers, cry a river; none of this will make the pain any less or make it seem bearable. Time is the only stuff that works.

    you can breakup and cut off the ex or you can breakup and still talk to them almost everyday (done both), it’s not gonna mean much, only with the passage of time will things become easier, so deal with it how you will, sleep in bed all day or go out and workout till death, but be sane enough to realize that you can’t force time

    14+
    1. MizzD
      I’m sorry, but I gotta ask…
      I agree though. Time truly heals all. I cried till my eyes hurt, went out and got myself a rebound, ended up hurting rebound and myself harder, and just made a general mess of things until I sat myself down a gave myself a good scolding.
      Only then did I realize that i’d just have to learn to live it out and live it up. Give it time.
      1+
  11. Kikiotolu
    I can’t do dat…they re still useful….u know at times I need to run some shii andy present gf ain’t nearby so I just get my ex….she been really good at that

    For awesome Nigerian poems, stories, drama, romance, comedy and awesome editorials click below. Promises to be fun THE AMAZING KIKIOTOLU BLOG Enjoy and share the fun

    Posted from TNC Mobile

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  12. Buchi
    These things you people say eh,
    It’s rare to experience such though. My level of emotional detachment eh, it scares even me.
    It’s probably because I always view myself in the 3rd person POV, hence I’m always analysing and and examining reactions and feelings to the point I’m already prescribing solutions for myself even before the psychological/emotional symptoms appear.
    A friend once said I was so Jaded, I’m probably jade itself, I refuse to agree with her though.
    I’m undecided about whether it’s a good/healthy thing for me, but, *shrugs* it’s what it is.
    7+
  13. Kolawole
    I have a kweshun, people. Can a person be heartbroken twice in a lifetime? I mean serious, emotional, booze-drinking, random-fucking heartbreak. Can it happen twice to a person in one lifetime?
    1+
    1. Butterflymind
      Of course, why not?
      If you can fall in love twice in a lifetime, then you can be heartbroken just as much– especially if the first did not diminish your ability to ‘give it all’
      0
        1. Butterflymind
          Because you’re still scared it could go bad and you hate the way you felt the last time.

          I think about that sometimes. It’ll be easy to say that these things eventually become easier– moving on, I mean. But I don’t know that it is… at least not yet.
          I haven’t attempted to give it all a second time right now. I know that eventually I will, but it will be with someone whose love I trust as much as possible. And if it all goes bad again (God forbid o), like the first time I’ll turn back to the One true love that never leaves me hurting: God.

          So Hun, just keep keeping on as always. That’s the best I can say and keep being hopeful 😏

          1+
    2. Od
      Happened at least three times to me in my lifetime. Each time was worse than the last. I’ve been alive three decades. I’m hoping I don’t have another one. Lol. I hope I marry the next one abeg.
      1+
      1. Just a girl
        I feel the same way. I really don’t know if I could face another heartbreak in this lifetime.

        Posted from TNC Mobile

        0
  14. Uche
    My ex broke up with me last May/June. Not so sure now. I was working as a CS Agent in one of the online retailers. If you had called me the day I found out the guy had been lying to me for a while, I’m sorry. I was rude to ALL the customers that called. Because no sick leave without doctors report and the salary was small enough and didn’t deserve leave without pay. Then I moved on. Gave him back our pictures. Out of courtesy. Said he wanted them when I asked. Deleted the others from where I backed them up, but his sister. She said I was her mentor. I couldn’t but talk to her. I thought I had moved on. We started talking again. I and his friend were the ones who made him stay in Lagos when he didn’t have much. I felt obliged to help. NEVER ASKED HIM BACK, NEVER ASKED FOR ANYTHING. supported his business even when I had better alternatives, just doing my own part. Same thing I would have done for a friend. Yet the ingratitude and insults I got from the girlfriend eh… I would have screen grabbed the whole summary and uploaded all here. But I’ve learned the hard way mehn. I’m friends with a lot of guys from the past, but not anymore. Even though my intentions are pure, I’ll just stay away.
    1+
  15. nO2_EFX
    I totally get where she’s coming from with the drinks and the sex. But, I chose a different path. I embraced the pain, dwelt on it, swam in it. I had it for breakfast. I listened to roads untraveled by Linkin Park. I started working out super seriously. I read a lot of books on human psychology….
    4+
    1. Butterflymind
      Amazing how heart break can make you more interested in ‘life’ and the workings of the human psyche 😅
      Mehn I visited a dozen websites in search of whatever worked– some were just impossible and some were downright ridiculous mehn I can’t even shout.
      In the end, you just begin to believe that time we’ll spent eventually heals all wounds.
      1+
      1. nO2_EFX
        Well, I actually found something that worked and still works for me. Okay, I didn’t FIND it. It was introduced to me by a friend.
        0
  16. Ngamsi
    Tried indiscriminate sex in my own case and it backfired. My heart just wasn’t in it (a necessary requirement before i can even get down with anyone) and i just ended up feeling used. A few romps later and i called myself for emergency meeting.

    Od’s right, alcohol will fuck you up. It’s no way to live, not to mention the embarrassing behavior your future self will curse you for in 2 years e.g drunk texting and making a general nuisance of yourself. The first step is deleting and blocking them on all platforms cos believe me, that strong jolt that hits you hard every 2 seconds their username/number or tweets pop up is a distant cousin to high BP.

    Find someone sensible to talk to/listen to you talk (emphasis on sensible). It’s cathartic and depending on how horribly it ended, someone needs to remind you of some things that may have been lost by the wayside – what you’re worth and why it’s for the best.

    I’ve never been very religious but oh my days! i found myself in deep heartfelt conversations with a tunic clad Jesus on a different plane everyday (logically it’s probably madness but what the hell, it was working). Anything to reduce the heaviness in my chest and the urge to open several stalker accounts. Reading bible and memorizing verses -I howl with laughter anytime i remember.

    Heartbreak na beta bastard sha. Embrace the pain, drown in it, roll in it, cry your eyes out, take it one day at a time and whatever you do, remember to keep breathing. It will pass, that’s the beauty of time.

    9+
  17. Tee boy
    Been heart broken before. I do feel pain but I can totally detach myself from it.
    I just immerse myself in activities that i like until they wear me out.
    I either cook, work out, go for a long ride on my motorbike, or go hiking.
    I just exert myself basically while listening to loud “weird” music.
    0
      1. Tee boy
        More like my “go” songs.
        Usually rock with a mix of classical and whatever gets my adrenaline pumping.
        When it’s loud i totally get immersed in it and I am not distracted.
        0
        1. nO2_EFX
          another who loves rock n roll. Nice. Classic is dope too. Lacrimosa by Mozart is my fav thing to listen to when reading a horror-ish story.
          1+
  18. G B
    I’ve never been much of a drinker but the wine definitely helped. I’d drink, listen to Ed Sheeran and The Script on repeat and ‘recover’ slowly. It seems to help when other people are “telling your story” in a song. The Script’s ‘Six Degrees of Separation’ was spot on! Lana Del Rey was the icing on that particular cake….
    The rebound sex thing didn’t work for me. I just kept comparing the poor girl to my ex (and, of course, she fell short). I couldn’t look her in the eye when she was asking me why I wasn’t attracted to her; my flaccid penis was all the truth she needed (sorry, TMI).
    It’s very important to give yourself some distance from them. Seeing them again just takes you back. Stay busy and use your frustrations constructively. One can use that restlessness to great effect. Hell, I learnt a new programming language!

    But, I doubt I have another breakup left in me. One is enough for one lifetime, Abeg.

    2+
  19. Adventure
    hmmm this thing called heart break i have never felt it and i dont pray to feel it..i have had relationships end but i moved on like next day..maybe i have never loved, maybe i am wired differently..but i choose the second because i would wanna believe i loved my ex, but we broke up i didnt cry, i didnt fuse, i was good, not that i didnt miss the person but no pain anywhere..where is the pain meant to come from chest, head or where?? Friends say they dont know how i do it,or is it that the pain is stored somewhere? well in all may we all be happy happy
    2+
  20. !nk
    Wow intense post. ok which of these do I do.
    Cry: I cant do this. I wish I could. I know it helps release suppressed emotions and all that but Im more like to cry over a stubbed toe than something that counts.

    Alcohol: Oh I have fallen into this trap. It doesn’t help deal though, it just temporarily dulls the pain. I dont like not being in control and the thought of losing inhibitions and f*ing it out with a stranger/friend/etc. keeps me from indulging in this one. It’s not worth the fall out. I want to say if you are having alcohol stay home but even that seems problematic. Maybe don’t do alcohol when emotional.

    Avoid your ex like a plague: I agree! I get them off my social media. I dont delete pictures though, just avoid them. I always think that maybe with time when Im ok Id want to look back and I wont have the pictures. Maybe Im nostalgic or maybe Im a pack rat.

    Change your lingerie closet! : Uh uh No way. Why? Maybe just buy more 🙂

    F*ck it out: Cant do it

    1+
  21. Zee
    Fucking it out and taking alcohol doesn’t work. Really. I tried it and I still regret it.

    My advice is simple, don’t ruin yourself because of another person.

    Make yourself a better person, work on yourself, love will always come around.

    Just let go, and forgive.

    1+
  22. MIA
    I really like this article since I can genuinely relate with the whole heartbreak and all but I don’t agree with fuck it out. I don’t think it works for everyone, at least, it didn’t work for me. I have gotten over him (Well, after almost 3 years) and I’m glad I have. We thank God.
    2+
  23. woyi_oc
    From what i see, a lot of the comments say that screwing your ex out of your system is….well… not a good idea. Honestly, I know I wouldn’t do that but a random thought just hit me.

    Here’s a very weird confession. One I feel a but weird saying….but…

    Okay, sometimes when I’m in a VERY DEPRESSING state of mind or/and grieving, I’m also more social. I tell way more jokes when I hang out with people, I travel, I’m more active on chat groups and social media….I’m more open to new experiences and sometimes….. x_x my desire for someone to share my bed with goes WAAAY up. So,…. I guess what I’m trying to say is grief sex is a thing. And since love lost can feel very very painful…wanting to grieve by having sex…might actually be a thing. especially since good sex can make one feel less sad/happier since orgasms usually happen along with the release of “happy” hormones.
    Just sayin’.

    Okay, bye.

    2+
  24. Emma Marie
    I did some of the above. No sex or booze but ice cream and plenny food. Deleted pictures. Moved on. My girlfriends were awesome during that period… 2 Years later. We meet again and fall again. He helped me through some crisis I had.
    Now I’m sprung 🙁
    0
  25. Seriously...
    Chai, can’t believe that nobori has mentioned sleep and music.

    Although I have long since retired from break-up things, I remember how sleep used to epp me oh. You need to be awake to feel pain abi? Or to talk to anybody, or go out and bump into your ex. We had friends in common, so this helped with the not running into him, or talking about him at all.

    This is also the time I would have my earphones on, listening to my absolutely best playlist. Back in 2004, when break-up almost had me committing suicide, this helped no end oh. My playlist then was packed full of the songs that made me feel deep things (anger, hope, joy). In enjoying music, my soul could go on an emotional road trip of sorts.

    Think I took up running this period too. Really helped to have that one thing in my life I felt like I could control. always felt good after. When I was running (with my headphones on), it was just me, myself and I, the music and the road.

    Got my groove back like four months after and was really fit to boot!

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    1. nO2_EFX
      Totally feel you on working out to keep yourself sain. The music thing too. I’m sure a number of us mentioned that we listened to something or the other to keep the mind from dwelling on the loss of the love.
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  26. Funk
    Time does it for me. I don’t run from the pain, I embrace it. I overthink. I analyse.
    I’ve found that it takes roughly a year for me to cleanse out someone I have deep feelings for from my system.
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  27. Tosbabe
    that “fuck it out” part killed me, it actually worked for me even if my church mind kept giving me the “you are fornicating” feeling but what if ur ex designs custom made trads for your dad and you can’t tell ur dad, “please u can’t look good again”,your daughter doesn’t want to see this guy cos i mean what’s the old man’s business. *sigh* i am currently dealing with this.

    Posted from TNC Mobile

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  28. Chioma
    I cried and cried. I prayed and tried to start a new relationship but I kept talking about him even in new relationships. I stalked like you said. At a point, I thought was going mad. I had never had such a heartbreak. It was really the first time my heart was truly broken. I mourned the loss for almost two years. After that time, told myself it’s time to move on.I was also stronger by then. Well, he left me a harder, less vulnerable wowan. I have learnt to be friends without much emotions attached.
    1+
  29. 2 shots & that ego
    I have a friend who went through a very painful breakup. And this affected her badly. From what I know about her, due to this breakup, she adopted a couple of drastic measures to curb the pain and hurt. Now these acts have become her habit. And sometimes I fear she’ll fall off the wagon. It’s been close to 5 years and someway somehow I’m sure she’s not over the guy. I mean if the guy should come back to her today, she’ll gladly jump unto that bus.
    Some break ups can be very painful. I wish there was something I could do to help.
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  30. hmm
    I prefer music, sleep,movies,friends and lots of work! Unfortunately I haven’t had much to do recently so I’m back to to sth definitely not step 1 tho. We have the same circle of friends so I have to suck it up and smile. Still waiting for my full recovery
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