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Today, I want us to look at a scenario. It’s not exactly real but I put it together based on a story I heard from a friend. Let’s get into it and I’ll see you on the flip side.
Ayo and Ngozi grew up together. From the moment Ayo’s family moved to the apartment opposite Ngozi’s when she was four and he was six, they instantly became friends. Despite their age difference, they seemed to just connect perfectly. They had the same friends, went to the same school and shared similar interests. People often teased them about liking each other and possibly growing up to get married but they both thought that was ridiculous because they were just too close and really couldn’t picture themselves being more than friends. They even helped each other through different rounds of relationship heartbreaks while in secondary school and when it was time to start University, it wasn’t strange that they both ended up in the same school albeit different faculties.
It was only in Uni that Ayo noticed how much of a beautiful woman Ngozi had grown into. After another series of failed attempts at relationships, he eventually gave into his fears and approached Ngozi about trying out a relationship with her. She was skeptical at first but she later gave in and within a year they became one of the most popular couples not just on campus but in their town. Ayo was 20 and Ngozi was 18 when they started dating and their chemistry was simply spectacular. She could complete his sentences and he could do same, they had so much fun around each other and everyone including their parents began to accept the fact that they were bound for the altar.
Eight years down the line, Ayo is now a 28 year old entry level banker while Ngozi is working as a trainee at a consulting firm. They had been together for 8 years and gone through all kinds of ups and downs including the passing of Ngozi’s mom and Ayo’s dad. They were still happy together but it was obvious that life had taken its toll on their relationship and the sparks weren’t as obvious as they used to be. Even though they had talked about marriage, they had never made concrete plans. During Christmas of 2012, Ngozi met a guy named Daniel through another friend of hers. Daniel works with an insurance company and earns just as much as Ayo. He is 29 and also from the south western part of Nigeria. After a few exchanges between Ngozi and Daniel, she sensed a connection that got her scared. She tried to shake him off but it didn’t work, he just seemed to have a way with words and saying all the right things. Daniel came out to tell Ngozi he wanted to marry her and he even went as far as buying a ring.
Ngozi became confused and Ayo noticed. She opened up to him and even though he felt hurt, he didn’t take it out on her. Ayo knew he wasn’t ready to propose to Ngozi as he hadn’t quite gotten to the point he wanted to financially before popping the question. He couldn’t come out to say this to Ngozi but he made her understand she had a decision to make and he wouldn’t hold her decision against her.
Ngozi is scheduled to get married to Daniel in two months but she didn’t make her decision solely on the prospects of marriage. Her friends and family all condemned her actions but Ngozi knew deep down that even though she had known Ayo all her life, the connection she made with Daniel in just over a year was way stronger than what she had with Ayo.
Not long ago, a story “broke” on Twitter. A couple that had been dating for about 9 years ended up breaking up – the guy ended the relationship because he had fallen out of love with the chic and as you can imagine, the women went HAM attacking every man on sight. The comments went from – “Oh men are just bastards” to “How can you fall out of love after 9 years”. I found it interesting because I wanted to know if they’d feel the same way if things were turned the other way around. Does 9 years of being together really guarantee a lifetime of love or is it just some expectation we’ve all made up as human beings? Because you’re with one person for 9 years doesn’t mean there isn’t someone better and more compatible for you out there yes/no? I know some will argue and say, there’ll always be someone better for you to be with even after marriage but you’re expected to settle with whoever you end up with and suck it up. Yes, but you see the problem in my scenario above is that “they were not married“. Some may find it strange but I believe everyone is fair game until you exchange those vows before God or in a court of law. Some will say even after that you’re still fair game but I’m a very principled person and I take vows seriously.
Anyways, I’ve gone on too long. It’s time to read your thoughts on the scenario above. I’m not a big fan of long relationships that lead to marriage – very very few of them work but I want you to tell me, how long is too long for you to be in a relationship without a reasonable end goal in sight? From my scenario, if you are Ngozi’s friend, how would you react to her decision to leave Ayo for Daniel? Use the comment box to express you.