How Do You Love A Person With No Self Worth?

“Let me love you. Let me take care of you. Let me put your needs before mine. All you have to do is want me in return.” – Anonymous (who the hell says stuff like this, huhn? Are you Jesus?!?)

Remember the Neyo song, “Let Me Love You”? Let me refresh your memory:

“Much as you blame yourself, you can’t be blamed for the way that you feel
Had no example of a love that was even remotely real
How can you understand something that you never had
Ooh baby if you let me, I can help you out with all of that.”

It’s easy to fall in love with people who don’t love themselves. They are vulnerable raw wounds who need saving, which is a job that happens to appeal to a lot of people. We like to feel needed. More importantly, we like to feel like we could be the missing piece of the puzzle for someone. We delight in the possibility that we could be the cure to whatever ails this person.

As it happens, it’s nearly impossible to have a meaningful relationship with someone who has tragically low self-esteem. Rather than it feeling like a relationship between two equals, it will always be two people on different playing fields. You exist to prop them up, to give them purpose. Meanwhile, they suck you dry. They break your heart. Or you resent them. You resent them for being so weak, even though that’s why you got into the relationship in the first place.

That being said, it’s okay to need someone or want to be needed. In an ideal relationship, your strengths are the other person’s weaknesses and vice versa. But when you’re loving someone who doesn’t have any self-worth, you’re cheating yourself out of some extraordinary love. Because, as RuPaul once said, “If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” That’s what it boils down to. How good of a partner can they be? How can they ever fulfill your needs when they have trouble fulfilling their own?

Ask yourself what kind of love you think you deserve. If you keep on finding yourself falling for damaged people, you have to wonder if you yourself are damaged. Otherwise, why would you subject yourself to this torture? It’s like investing in a money pit of a house or a joke of a car. You can devote all your time to fixing this person up, to making them feel better about themselves, but in most cases, it’s just going to end up falling apart on you. And then all of this energy you’ve invested will add up to a person who simply can’t love you the way you need them to.

You deserve the best kind of love. If you don’t believe this, you’re robbing yourself blind. If you don’t believe this, maybe you really are the one who doesn’t love themselves.

Or maybe I’m just rambling as usual, what do you think? Can you honestly be in a relationship with someone who does not even like their reflection in the mirror?

Image via City News

  • *trying to be objective here*

    Can you honestly be in a relationship with someone who does not even like their reflection in the mirror? YES YES YES YES
    (Don’t ask me how)

    But i like to believe it’s a combination of two factors; we already have one (the partner with low self-esteem), the other being the relationship dynamic.
    Dynamics are never natural, you have to create one based on your partner and what you want in a relationship, so if you can figure out a dynamic, good.

    You just dont get into a relationship with anybody (either andromeda or helena or snow white) and except it all to go as you want it to.

    That said; can you love a person with no “self worth”? YES
    Can you be in a relationship with such person? Tricky, but possible

    And i feel this term “self worth” is being used a little too loosely.
    Because there are some days we look in the mirror and we don’t like the person staring back at us. Even i have such days

    November 4, 2015
    • Mrs Lover

      I think maybe the empahsis here is on people who consistently have such days…
      Can I Love them? Yes. I am familiar to what those days are like and the effect they can sometimes have on you. So, I’ll love them out of compassion.
      Can I be in a relationship with them? No. It is exhausting

      November 4, 2015
  • Personally, I think it all boils down to the other person. Some people would actually prefer someone with low self esteem or basically a push over that would make them feel like the boss of the relationship.

    But in that case, the person is suffering from major inferiority complex and it turns out that too much inferiority complex can well be misconstrued for superiority complex.

    So yes, one can be in a relationship with someone with low self esteem but ONLY IF the person suffers from superiority complex as a result of fear of being seen as inferior.

    Read an interesting opinion here

    November 4, 2015
  • Pearl

    You can love anybody as long as you have the patience to work it out. Personally,I can’t, don’t have the patience to babysit a person who has no self worth, its can be soo tiresome .

    November 4, 2015
  • Introduce them to Jesus. He’ll read out the opening line of this post and fix them.

    November 4, 2015
  • chaka khan

    Hmmmm I can love someone who does love himself but it would be tiring.

    November 5, 2015
    • chaka khan


      November 5, 2015
  • Hmmm, that seem difficult

    November 10, 2015
  • *kira_writes*

    I believe the reason y It would be exhausting (obviously) is cause people tend to give them only love n affection, might just as well pamper them, it doesn’t cure or fix their low self worth,

    If u really want to help them, you teach them how to love themselves, why they should love themselves, (if possible) d dangers of not doing so.

    January 31, 2016
  • A.J

    Constant reaffirmation of your love most times does the trick. Key word is “constant” in other words “diligent”. Most people with a lack of self worth don’t see what’s worth loving about them. So, the other party has to be really vocal and expressive: vocal about the feelings and why they fell for the person, expressive because actions always speak louder.

    August 17, 2016
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