I Cheat Because I Have No Moral Compass

I have been married for 9 years and I have always cheated on my wife.  As a girlfriend, my wife f*cked me anytime, anywhere and anyway I wanted.  As a wife, she is still freaky but only within the four walls of our bedroom. I believe we have an above average sex life; we shag…


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I have been married for 9 years and I have always cheated on my wife.  As a girlfriend, my wife f*cked me anytime, anywhere and anyway I wanted.  As a wife, she is still freaky but only within the four walls of our bedroom.

I believe we have an above average sex life; we shag at least 4 times a week sometimes 6. But I am unfaithful to her, and I can tell you for free, infidelity has very little to do with a person’s partner. Do not believe the myth that if you are hot, sexy and give your man great sex, he won’t cheat.

Men marry the most beautiful women, get her pregnant and get themselves a side chick. A wife is for have a beautiful woman to call a wife, have children and keep a home –the 80%. A side chick is for all the other fun stuff in life – the 20%.

Another myth that needs to be demystified is, not all men cheat. Some men are serial cheats, some men will cheat if the opportunity presents itself in a safe environment, they won’t go out of their way to cheat. Some men don’t cheat because it is not worth the stress – scheming the wife, costs, time, etc while that is exactly what thrills some men about it. There is never a shortage of girls willing to have casual sex, and some girls actually only have casual sex with married men.

If married women knew how easy it is for their husbands to meet a girl who will give them the 20% missing in their marriage, they will be less self-absorbed and pay attention.

Cheating is as natural as breathing to me and a lot of guys I know. In a place like Lagos, there is never a shortage of girls willing to sleep with you without becoming your girlfriend. And this is why I don’t understand guys who lie about their marital status to a girl they want to sleep. For every girl that says “you are married, I can’t date you” there are three other girls willing to date you. Worst still is, a lot of girls think they can’t date a married guy until they meet one who makes them fall in love with him. It is easy, once you give him attention, a married will make you fall in love with him. My friend and I call it the ‘addiction curve’ get her addicted to you.

The idea of only being with one woman for the rest of my life just doesn’t make sense, I don’t think about it. Cheating sex is addictive because the sex is insanely incredible especially if it with somebody you had been flirting with.

It’s also something you get better at with time, it becomes easier and easier, the guilt goes away completely. My current side chick has a great job, drives a brand new car, basically sorted on her own. For her being in a relationship with me means no drama, no possessive childish boyfriend. Regular phone calls. When she has problems, I am like daddy, I give her advice or get it fixed. Her time is her own. Yeah, she will like to be in a relationship that will lead to marriage but for the past 3 years, all the guys she’s been meeting are conceited immature jerks.

Another advantage of being married and older is, you are better in bed than the guys in your girlfriend’s age group. Sadly, most wives are too lazy to enjoy the benefit of their husband’s improving sexual prowess because ‘headache’.

When I hear girls talk about how sex is so much better with older guys, I wonder if I was sloppy in bed as a younger guy. How is your girl going to be faithful if you cum in 3 minutes when she needs at least 5 minutes to have an orgasm? How is she going to be faithful to you if your ego will not allow her own a vibrator?

A real side chick does not want to take the position of the wife at home, a man’s side chick is usually the one person he is most intimate and open with. This is because she does not judge him, she doesn’t judge him because she does not share a common destiny with the man unlike his wife. A wife will criticize you for not having enough money to meet the family needs forgetting that it is not easy to make ends meet in this economy. A side chick will listen to you complain and not say a hurtful word back in return. She is the one who gives you a loan when madam is putting you under pressure to buy a new generator.

I actually say, cheating makes me a better husband and father. Because having a side chick forces you to become matured relationship wise. You can’t be dating a chick 10 years younger and having fights over trivial things. She expects you to be more matured and handle conflict differently, this you learn and transfer your improved conflict management skills to your marriage. As a father, you pay more attention to your kids and swear you will always be there for them because by interacting with your side chick, you realise how fucked up most fathers have been and how it has affected the lives of their kids. It is the little things, somebody who checks on you every day, somebody who knows that although you have not done anything to deserve using an expensive phone, buys one for you anyway because it boosts your self-esteem. I learn this and make a decision to teach my kids not to attached self-esteem to other people’s perception of them.

Being a polygamist, I cheat on my side chick with fuck buddies. Sometimes, her friends become my fuck buddy. There is such a huge ooze of sexuality between you and your side chick that her lonely friends just want to tap into. I once dated a girl and had 3 of her friends as fuck buddies at different times. The side chick is the easiest girlfriend to cheat on, simply lie that you are with your wife and she chills. Fuck buddies, don’t care, faithfulness is not why we are here. The irony is, side chicks expect you to be faithful to them.

Being a player is an addiction and a skill. An addiction because you do it without thinking about it, it is natural. It is a skill because you know how to step up and engage a chick with so much ease. Even simple basic things as seating next to a chick at a doctor’s waiting room, you just know how to flip the script and end up with her contact details or giving her your card.

The business card trick is the coolest one, meet a girl, say a few witty words to her, make her laugh and let her be. Use your body language to engage her for the rest of your time together, when either of you is leaving, act like for some reason you can’t take her number and give her your business card instead, if she calls within 48 hours, confirmed, she will bang you eventually.

I cheat because there are girls out there looking for a safe environment within which they can have fun and not end up being giving a ring. Our society puts pressure on our girls, if you are in a relationship in your early twenties, it should lead to marriage. Not every girl wants this, most of the single eligible guys think this is the case and behave like they are doing the girls a favour and treat them like shit while also cheating on them.

I will never leave my wife even if she cheats, as far as I am concerned, marriage is not about fidelity. Actually, I say marriage is a scam. Although I don’t regret getting married, I know that if I have the opportunity to go back in time, I would not get married.

My name is Charles and I cheat because I have no moral compass.


Next week, we will end the conversation about marital infidelity in a Jerry Springer way and publish all outstanding stories.

Drop your comments, send letters to saturdayconvos[at]thenakedconvos[dot]com, sharing your opinion, your own side of the story of dating a married person, tell me about an affair you know about. Your identity, as always, will be anonymous and confidential.

Let’s have a conversation about this.

– Efe.


    1. Teddy
      Honestly, the responses here got me wondering which alternative reality tnc folks live in. The truth is right from the days of the Bible, Married(and unmarried men) cheat. You think your neighbour with her luscious sweet thighs doesn’t want a taste of your man? Abeg, stop dreaming. Women and men always get bored in relationships and Marriage isn’t any different. Most men get tired of having to beg for sex from their SO, and very few women are honestly faithful. Everyone cheats. Stop the judgemental attitude. Oh, just found out a couple of weeks ago that my best friend had a sugar daddy. My thoughts, Good for you. As long as you don’t aim too high and start having “wifey” ideas or start catching feelings. TNC folks, abeg wake up and smell the roses.
  1. DoyinC
    Wow Charles.
    “A girl who will give the 20% missing in marriage” why the hell is something missing in your marriage in the first place? Have you considered fixing it?
    2. What makes you think that the young guys are not so good in bed? Speak for yourself oh.
    3. Your wife criticizes you for not providing enough for the family? Maybe you married a bad woman. Sounds like she’s far from understanding.
    4. Please educate me further on how having a side chic makes you matured. Lmao.
    5. Your fuck buddies. Lol. This made me laugh. Please call them what they are; runs girls. They are glorified runs girls. It’s runs girls that share men in such a manner.

    Kudos to you Charles. To every mallam, his kettle.

    Posted from TNC Mobile

    1. Olayinka
      Ehn ehn.. The Analyst.
      The Great Judge.
      The Excellent Decider.
      The Condemner.
      You have joined faultfinding gang. Issokay.Issokay..
  2. Don
    “some men will cheat if the opportunity presents itself in a safe environment”. This is very true!
    I went for a medical outreach recently in a rural community. Met this sweet young and intelligent girl, 19yrs old with ‘delicious’ feminine features! Few minutes conversation with her and forgot i was wearing a brand new wedding ring!
    The following night i was giving her head! Xak!
    We then fucked! I never thought i would ever cheat on my wife. Atleast not in just 5months of marriage!
    But because the opportunity came and the environment was safe! Far from home.
  3. Banky
    This sounds like me in the next 15 Years,i guess its time to change my ways,Cos the future me sounds like something im not proud of
  4. Olayinka
    Wow. How did we get here? Well, man is a sexual being and I guess there’s no holding us down right. But it’s still decadent sha.
    I would have told the writer to give his life to Christ but seeing as I have friends who are staunch believers and are as promiscuous maybe more sef, I guess the world will be alright.
  5. Od
    Some time ago, a girl practically called me a conceited immature jerk because I loved her and wanted her exclusively. Knowing who I am and what right and wrong are, I believe she was just as wrong as you probably are to say that your girlfriend couldn’t build a relationship with those guys because they were conceited, immature or jerks. She was probably looking for all the benefits of an exclusive relationship with as few of the responsibilities as possible. So, in my judgment, the conceited immature jerks are actually you and her.

    Also, I can relate to your inability to be faithful. In 2005, when I was 19, I asked myself what exactly one needed an exclusive relationship for. I said it made no sense to restrict oneself to one woman for any length of time. You’d just be fighting yourself over whether or not you should screw the next hottie that walked past you. I thought it wasn’t sensible. I thought then that while marriage might be good, it certainly wouldn’t work for me. I’d much rather be able to sleep with anyone I liked without owing any soul an explanation for it.

    I made my decision to be wildly promiscuous then but then God had other ideas so it didn’t quite work out the way I wanted.

    The way I see it, the fact that one CAN do something or WANTS something does not therefore make it inevitable or sensible or desirable or necessary in any way. The fact that you can and/or want to screw willing girls outside your marriage is not good reason to do so any more than being able to and/or wanting to kill someone I find irritating is a good reason to do so.

  6. James Agagzy
    Charlie Pumping, bad man thingz. Add some Respeck to that name. I do have to say it’s in our DNA to take advantage of our situation when we know we have the upper hand (both men and women), and we can do and undo while getting away with it majority of d time, if not all d time. Once a playa, always a playa. The struggle is real mi bredren
  7. Amy
    Dear Charles
    All men can cheat but not all men cheat. The one who doesn’t is not necessarily the better husband, he is just the one who’s woman isn’t just his wife but his friend. I commend you though, seeing as you have no qualms about your wife cheating on you. Banging one woman for 20years definitely has its downside…
  8. Exclusive
    The world just keeps moving in directions that constantly break the heart.

    It shouldn’t be so easy for you to accept this as the person that you are and it is beyond sad that it is.

  9. Reny
    @od happy to say i agree with you. d actor and every other cheat, I think i’m tired of hearing why people cheat. Does anyone want to know why people stay faithful even when they are smart enough to cheat and not get caught or have ample safe places and opportunities or even though they have proof their partner is cheating? It’s a strong belief in doing what’s right with your body and the continued desire to be responsible to your partner or your kids( whichever one is most important to u at the time). This belief is not transferable or sometimes it’s teachable,but you either get it or you don’t.
    When i was single but in a long committed relationship, one pro-cheat gave me the solid argument that it’s not an affair or cheating if you’re single, that the word cheating is only applicable in marriage and i replied, it’s cheating once you’re committed.

    It’s clear Charles is not committed, be it before or after marriage. These days for many people like Charles, Marriage is more of a societal phase or passage of rites, than it is for partnership, commitment and raising responsible offspring.

    1. Olayinka
      Very importantly. Wait, what if the wife sef don jasi her husband’s sneaky ways and is also getting some by the side? Interesting. But be responsible enough to always use protection o. And do regular tests too.
  10. Vivian
    If the writer loves sex as portrayed in the story, then chances are he probably would have unprotected sex at some point or the other…you really cannot be that conscious all of the time, let’s be honest…. afterall, ain’t the best sex the type without membrane barrier? to think, he would head home and stick his shaft into the wife’s…..
  11. Chiebuka
    I don’t really know what to say to this guy, so I won’t say anything.
    As a suggestion to Efe, please can you do a post on men who stay faithful to their wives? You know those who might be considered “in circumstances allowing unfaithfulness” and other guys who have been married a while.
    Just a thought.
    1. Reny
      Give up ke? Beht why? Because Someone with problems with fidelity has explained his condition to the best of his ability. Did you miss the most important statement in this write-up? (“not all men /women cheat”) at least even this writer knows that and you should remember that too. Allow me add, Not all men or women who have cheated will continue that way even with same or better opportunities and not all who are cheated on will cheat back. Stand for something you believe in. Writer dude doesn’t believe in being faithful, he’s standing in his own lane,so choose to stay on your own lane.
      1. Reniy
        Exactly, the man has said his own. His reasons, justifiable to you or not, are his reasons. The only person he owes an explanation is his wife and maybe some other family, and you’re not her.

        Find yourself a man, or woman, that fits your ideals and shares the same principles as you. If you don’t find that person, don’t settle. If you settle, don’t start wondering what went wrong when the consequences of your different ideologies start to manifest.

        Let Charles live his life the way he wants to, it’s his life. Whatever consequences that fall out, will be primarily his, and his family’s.

        The fact that you think something, doesn’t make it right or wrong, and the option of majority doesn’t change it either. Right and wrong will always be subjective.

        If Charles doesn’t want to remain faithful to his wife, well good luck to him.
        I won’t marry or date a man like Charles, if I find out that’s who he is after, then I’d leave because that’s not what I want for my life.

        To each his own.

  12. Olayinka
    Manh men here given the chance and the a safe place will definitely cheat. Stop being so santimonious biko. Just hope you are never in a safe place at the right time. Una go do am wella. Forming disgusted upandan.
    Women honestly it’s that bad. Our men are cheating and forget trust. Now you have to be careful. Charles here just spoke the mind of many many men. Forget his moral compass loss. That’s how I found out almost all my trusted friends that I thought were fire spitting had Christians had cheated one time or the other. Meaning they may still cheat at some point.
    So yeah.. it’s that serious. Let’s just watch out for ourselves at the end.
  13. Dr. Dee
    *As a father, you pay more attention to your kids and swear you will always be there for them because by interacting with your side chick, you realise how fucked up most fathers have been and how it has affected the lives of their kids. It is the little things, somebody who checks on you every day, somebody who knows that although you have not done anything to deserve using an expensive phone, buys one for you anyway because it boosts your self-esteem. I learn this and make a decision to teach my kids not to attached self-esteem to other people’s perception of them.* Using other people’s children as sex tools and expect your kids will not get fucked up, literarily or figuratively. Lol. You enjoy risky behavior with other people and expect you won’t transfer such risks to your kids in some way…. Karma will find you in some way. Please find your moral compass and teach your kids or ur argument that “since you can, you should” will come back to bite you where you don’t expect….. 😂
  14. Dr ACE
    Charles this is about you. Not about your kids or your wife. It’s not even about your side chicks and buddies. You are broken. There is a void inside you that needs to get filled. You are a very lonely man but you don’t just realize it yet. You can’t fill that void with all these things. If you think about it long enough, you will see that all you really want is happiness. And have not found it yet. You won’t find it along that road. I advise you protect yourself while walking that road so that if eventually you find it, you will still be heathy enough to enjoy the happiness.
  15. Em
    Dear Charles,

    You are exactly a sorry excuse for a husband/partner and you have disillusioned yourself to believe that you spew enough swagger to cover up your shortcomings.

    Your story is sickening because you are the typical Lagos middle-class man that earns a sizable salary monthly, may or may not believe in God and has a wife/child that thinks the world of him while he goes about using pseudonyms like Hunter, Bandit, Wolf, etc. Why? Because he thinks he’s exactly those things.

    You have bragged about sleeping with your side-chicks friends and the poor chick is too blinded by her love for you that she makes excuses for your behavior even when she should know better.

    You constantly borrow money from your side-chic when “Madam” expects you to buy a new generator but have you even thought that Madam wouldn’t make such grandiose demands from you if she didn’t think you could afford them? But of course, you can’t afford them because you spend your extra cash indulging in hedonism and the side-chick is too happy to pick up the tab. How else would she feel needed?

    I feel more sorry for your number 1 (side) chick because by getting your 20%, she has accepted the shorter end of the stick you have to offer. But, again, who wouldn’t accept 20% of bullshit when the single men that find her interesting enough to woo her are mostly douchebags and immature? Half bread, after all, is better than going hungry.

    Again, Charles, you are a sorry excuse for a man and sadly, you’ll get away with this behavior because you live in a society that applauds men who cheat and look down on single women because a man who cheats is typical behavior but a woman who doesn’t have a man should be ashamed because she has no coverage.


  16. CandidHassey
    Wow. Just wow. I just recently met a guy who was telling me he has never been faithful. And that he will never be faithful until he gets married. I just laughed. Does he think he can automatically be faithful after marriage? Hmm.
    Dear Efe, pls after this, we need a series focusing on faithful people. So that I can at least have a little hope. When I say I don’t want my husband to cheat, people will be laughing at me, like it’s the fantasy of the year.
    Hmm. This Charles is just something else.
  17. Reny
    Yes , enough titillating news about cheats, tell us faithful stories too. Not everyone is strong enough in deir resolve not to give up n join #bahdgang when it seems like ‘everyone’ is doing it. And even those who think they’re strong would like to know they’re not alone.
  18. sara
    @od thanks. I agree with you.

    This post is really sad, but honestly do not think there is one benefit Charles stated from cheating that he can’t find from fidelity.
    As for the moral compass, read ur bible, u’ll find it somewhere between Genesis and Revelation.
    Honestly it takes d Grace of God not to cheat.
    it’s not about being self righteous, even nature doesn’t agree wit so many sexual partners it’s y there r diseases.

    This was so disgusting to read. I feel really bad for his wife, he actually said cheating makes him a better husband/father.
  20. Namee
    I wonder why everyone is bashing on the original poster. If anything it means he did his job very well just like you would think of an actor that plays such a part. Truth is, I’ve always wanted to know the psychology of such people who cheat like that. That’s the only way I can be sure I won’t do it.

    I know a guy who says he doesn’t think he can stay faithful in marriage. It’s as useless as trying to make straight a gay guy to convince that guy otherwise but guess what, he was molested by older ladies when he was very little. He’s been having sex since he was like 5 years old. That’s when I actually began to feel sorry for him.

    I have spoken with married men who cheat on their wives but claim to love them. They all tell me they too thought they would be faithful, at least they wanted to be. The way I see it, many people who cheat (even women do it a lot too), never planned on it.

    A friend once said he would never hit a woman, until his girlfriend was really impossibly rude one day and he hit her. Of course he was very sorry about it to the point of tears but fact is he did it.

    So if you don’t want to ever cheat as a guy, find out why guys cheat, solve the problem for yourself even before you enter the relationship. It might be the choice of spouse that sorts it for you.

    Finally I think we should all be positive about things rather than normative. There’s always a difference between what is and what should be.

    1. Osasu Elaiho
      “A friend once said he would never hit a woman, until his girlfriend was really impossibly rude one day and he hit her. Of course he was very sorry about it to the point of tears but fact is he did it.”

      I really wish there was a highlight feature on TNC. The above has happened to me and trust me, we can say “A” until we are in the same boat. Then and only then would we know h0w we would really react in such a situation.

  21. Femme
    “She is the one who gives you a loan when madam is putting you under pressure to buy a new generator……”.

    That kinda made me laugh. Truth is, a runs girl will hardly ever claim to have enough money to spare so you can keep pumping in……but if you meet someone else with no moral compass like yours who is sex starved, lonely and knows she means nothing to u besides being a side fuck ….but has enough money to spare or sugar mommy, u lucky.

  22. Osasu Elaiho
    I have gone through most of the comments on here after reading the article and I understand where everyone is coming but I must say that because we sin differently doesn’t make us any better.

    There are a couple things in the write up which are true. One of them being that not all women want to get married and that a lot of men get married feeling they are doing the women a favour and thus go back to their usual lives once all has been said and done.

    This reminds me of a write-up I did a while ago on Medium which talked about why people cheat and maybe i will bring that here to TNC as well to hear our opinions of it.

    Here are my final thoughts: “It is easy to cheat and actually much harder to remain faithful.” Like he rightly said, there are loads of ladies out there (let’s use Lagos) who will shag you whether you are single or not. In fact being in a relationship makes you more attractive to a lot of them cus as far as they are concerned, you’re a prize to be won.

    Charles lacks self discipline that much is clear but the truth is that we know this happens on a daily basis in our world today so who are we to judge him? Let’s instead commit him into the hands of God and pray that just like @od , God will touch him and give him a change of heart else the end might not be something he would find delightful.

    I understand him saying that marriage is a sham though. It has been so bastardized in our society today. It is seen not as a lifelong commitment by a lot of people but instead a way to get out of penury or a way to show off that you are now among the elite who bear “Mrs.” What a shame!

  23. Toby
    Okay, wow.
    Both for the piece and for the comments.
    Charles, there are some things that shouldn’t be be done.
    Breaking an oath or a promise, no matter how little you may believe in it is a huge no-n. Hun seriously though, you said that Fidelity may not be something you believe in ( or thereabout) does not mean your wife and children do not believe in it. Should your wife cheat, you would not take offense; honey child, you are most certainly not your wife and you cannot dictate how she would feel in that kind of heart wrnching state.
    You need to find that thing you want, cuz it sounds like you are still searching.
    And Em, gurl you mean! damn!!!
    I understand (either you are a woman or a feminist) why you would attack him, but at this point, he sounds grown and he is sure to be self assured not be fazed by attacks, but still points for the blows.

    I love that this was the first thing i read on here. YAAYYY

  24. brenda girl
    Woah, I’m just by myself.it took more time to read all the responses here.I can imagine Charles just laughing at the numerous criticism ..bro.you the baddest.but really I need to know,Charles did you sit down and made this all up to get people talking or is this really what you believe and how you live your life.I need an answer please
  25. Toby
    I never liked cheating, but what Charles is saying to some extent is justifiable, though he is a chronic cheater, but at the end you human and you also want to be happy.
  26. Toni
    First of all, I think this story is an allegory; it’s not that people like don’t exist, but I just feel it isn’t an actual or exact account from a real person. That being said, I have a ‘friend’ that gets married and within a month invites me on a night out but with a girl he’s wooing! And the girl definitely knew he was married. I also have female ‘friends’ who despite knowing I’m married still want a relationship with me, not just the sex, but an actual relationship! I’ve been tempted many times, but for God’s grace I’d have given in, so I know how easy it can be cheat. And any sin you commit long enough loses it’s ability to cause guilt; that’s what the bible calls hardening of the heart. You can rationalise any wrong to make it seem right and even start to believe your rationalisation; psychologists have a name for this condition but I can’t remember what it is.

    Cheating sexually just seems a bigger sin than others but honestly ALL of us have one dirty little secret. It may not be as bad as the next person’s, and we’ve probably told ourselves that our sin is not that bad, too. It could drugs, money, porn, hate, malice, jealousy… There are so many ways we CHEAT each other that the issue shouldn’t be about sex alone but about being a good person all round. One may not sleep around but could be the most proud, vindictive person in the room; still as bad a problem as cheating. I know many people who’d rather have a cheating spouse than a violent one.

    So, decide if you want to be a good person (and let your standard for GOOD be the bible, it’s the best reference I know but there may be others, too) and work hard to stay that way, because it’s easier to be bad than good. If you have a conscience that pricks you easily, be thankful and let it guide you. If you don’t, find someone you can trust and confide in and let them advise you (again, Jesus is the best person I know, so…). It’s far from a religious issue, in my opinion. It’s a life-choice issue, choosing how you want to live life, because frankly we’re all sinning one way or the other, so deciding to cut out as much sin as possible is one of the best choices one can make.

  27. Jesse Dirisu
    A good read, but my issue is with the few instances of grammatical errors. I know that, it is rarely the case that you write without errors showing up, and that’s why institutions that are into the writing business have editors. I think that TNC should place a premium on editing the drafts submitted by authors, it will go a long way in boosting your prestige.
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