I Cheated And I Was Caught!

Opinion

Well, the first part of the title should be something some people will be familiar with, however, when anyone decides to cheat, its all about the passion between the legs and what most never consider before indulging is ‘What if my partner finds out’?. The way a man and a woman are likely to react after…

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Well, the first part of the title should be something some people will be familiar with, however, when anyone decides to cheat, its all about the passion between the legs and what most never consider before indulging is ‘What if my partner finds out’?.

The way a man and a woman are likely to react after they find out their significant other is cheating on them differs. You see, I was watching an episode of ‘If loving you is wrong’ recently and an episode stood out for me *spoiler alert*.

Two couples living in a suburban-type estate and pretty much best friends, found out their spouses were cheating on them with each other. They were devastated as expected but while the woman whose husband cheated on her was crying and throwing things at her husband, the man handled it by fighting the man but most importantly, asked his wife questions that were so intimate it made me kind of see the way men are likely to think when they are cheated on.

The man asked:

• Is he bigger than me?

• Did you enjoy it with him more than you did with me?

• How often did you guys engage in it?

I guess he hoped if his wife answered in the negative to these questions, the possibility of forgiving her over time will be high. Unfortunately, the wife answered yes to 1 & 2 and the response to 3 was not comforting either; your guess on how devastated he was is as good as mine.

What I was concerned about was why details of this affair from his wife were needed to enable him get past it. Personally, I will be more worried about the betrayal, how much of himself he gave, if he loves her more than me and of course the fact that he broke the promise of fidelity he made to me. However, I don’t think anything will be more painful than that actually feeling that you have been played and feeling stupid for falling for all those lies he told and you believed when in fact they were just excuses he made up about work just so he could be with the mistress.

Anyway, the movie got me thinking and the fact is that people that cheat never consider the fact that they will be caught. They think they are too smart & do not even think of the possibility that they may be caught and the effect may just go beyond their control. When you birth the idea, it is all about passion between the legs but pause and think of some of these scenarios…

1.

You get caught by one spouse and he raises alarm so some people take it upon themselves to strip you and your lover naked and parade you on the streets LOL!!!!. Very crude and local I know but did you think the people they caught thought it will happen to them?? I think all someone will want to do after going through that is to relocate but your spouse will disagree because s/he is enjoying the humiliation. At this point, it is not ‘our shame’, it YOUR SHAME alone. Not likely to happen in suburb areas but the street is gangster when it comes to this.

2.

The partner has reported to the family and a meeting is called and the whole family is asking why you want to destroy your family because of your Penis or Vagina. Who thought your privates and how they need to be tamed was going to be up for community discussion. The worst is when the church is involved. I know we are not to judge but just as you were a wo/man and fell into sin, the church members are almost certainly going to be wo/men and judge you…you all ask for forgiveness later.

3.

Truth is, you will lose some good friends who will be highly disappointed in you and may no longer want to be associated with you. It sometimes goes as far as you losing out on a good business deal if someone high up there believes a wo/man that cannot hold their privates in check may not be in a position to handle a very important business deal. Your job may be on the line as some people are forced to resign if it was an office affair (remember the staff of a popular telecoms company who met in a foreign country and decided to have an affair since their spouses were in Nigeria and took pictures while at it only to lose the camera?….Yea).

4.

The ultimate is that you could actually lose your family. The partner you cheated on leaves and life as you have known it for several years is no more. You are back to being a bachelor/spinster. Some people are lucky and get their life back on track, some even remarry but some people never do and just remain single or become ‘community penis’ or the ‘mistress’ as you go from one failed relationship to the other!

5.

A baby may result from an affair and this is a different ball game all together. Sometimes when it is a man, the baby is adopted by the wife who has to bring him/her up as her own. Other instances, the wife only finds out about an illegitimate child when such a child is almost a teenager. My aunt only knew she had a step son when he was 10 and brought home from the UK to meet his dad (her husband) for the first time. The part that irked me was that he knew all along and even catered to his welfare but never told his wife!

Now, these two scenarios above are mostly feasible when a man is the one that cheated. If a woman had an affair and the man found out…well, most times men cannot handle it. Except of course she had an affair and got pregnant then raised the baby as her husband’s when in reality, it is her lover’s. Whatever the case, most women deal with the betrayal that comes with infidelity by accepting their fate (different story for the 21st century feminist) by staying with her man. The men on the other hand will most certainly send you packing than raise another man’s child.

So on today’s post;

• What do you think your partner will do if they found out you cheated on them?

• How did you handle the situation when you found out your significant order was/is cheating on you?

• What will you do if you find out your partner has a child as a result of an affair? Lastly, will you want the details of an affair from your partner (like the man above) if you are cheated on?

Responses

  1. Jeanne
    Very salient points up there. And it’s true about the way most men react when they’re cheated on. I did a piece on something like this recently, and the men that responded said that it has to do with their ego. Imagine!
    So, females don’t have egos, abi?

    Well, to the questions ;

    -No partner yet, but I know such a scenario would never play out. I’d rather get out of a relationship, if it’s not working for me anymore, than go around cheating.

    -First relationship. He kissed a girl only, according to him. I walked.

    -Imagining it is giving me a terrible migraine already.

    -Lord, may it never come to that. I wouldn’t even be in the right frame of mind to ask for details. I still refuse to believe that all men cheat. And I know that I’ll get me one that doesn’t.

    Beautiful piece.

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    1. Vanilla Post author
      It is always about men and their ego!
      Funny enough, i would want details too cos my imagination is something else so its better i know than think it.

      Good luck finding your man, the ones that don’t cheat are still out there!

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  2. Feevah
    The one time I told my boyfriend I cheated on him (after he promised me he wouldn’t get mad) was not a very beautiful experience. It didn’t just end that night that I told him and for a while after that night he kept on asking questions and questions.
    And if my husband should have a child out of wedlock and I find out, I believe it’s widowhood calling me
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    1. Vanilla Post author
      It is always about WHY someone cheats which is why the questions never end. Guess most people want to know what their partner saw in someone else or what they did wrong that makes a partner step out….either way, trust drops by 99%.

      Sorry, i hard to laugh at “widowhood calling me”…Pls no one needs to die for cheating. You can always live without someone so it is best to walk away without harming the cheater!

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  3. Nomy
    Sigh! he has cheated loads of times and still cheating. i have caught him,Confronted and separated over it but kids are involved& i can’t comfortably care for them so i stay and endure the emotional pain. but i have decided to cheat also. ‘two wrongs don’t make a right’ yeah… bite me’ the betrayal cuts to the marrow and i would like to know the details but how do i know if he will say the truth. i would also want him to feel the pain of knowing i cheated too. Anyway MyCross,my Shame.
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    1. Jeanne
      I’m sorry about that, hun.

      It’s so sad when the ones supposed to love us, betrays us.
      But by cheating on him too, you’re hurting yourself more, and giving him a lot of power over you; to do something that you won’t ordinarily do. He shouldn’t be the reason you’re sinning.

      He who comes to equity must do so with clean hands.

      Well, your life;staying back and taking it all, but please, if you both still have sex, use protection. For your safety.

      *hugs*

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    2. Vanilla Post author
      Yes, two wrongs don’t make it right.
      I guess it is a personal choice to stay on in a relationship even when it is obvious a partner is cheating. I know some people will not tolerate it and leave to face life as single parents while damning what the world will say. Whatever the case, you may want to use protection just as Jeanne has advised. Like, you REALLY shld consider it.

      My aunt got the HIV virus and didn’t know until she went for ante-natal when she got pregnant. So, protect yourself for you and your kids!

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  4. Chisom
    I cheated on my ex boyfriend sometime in the past and instead of telling him, i broke up with him. He was hurting so much and because i couldn’t bear to watch him think it was his fault,i told him i had cheated. He said he forgave me and wanted us to get back. I didn’t think it was such a wise idea but we did and the rest of the relationship was miserable for me. there was lowkey resentment on his part, we carried on for three months then he called it off. i just figured he wanted to be the one to call it off. LOL

    Another Ex cheated on me. He was drunk and found himself in bed with the girl. I saw the messages. the girl was actually canvassing for a repeat action, and my then ex seemed reluctant at that point.

    I called off the relationship. I called it off. I never cared for the details of what happened.

    If my hubby should have a child out of wedlock and i find out, we will be needing some time apart.
    If he tells me himself…….. i don’t know mehn….

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  5. DOT
    When i found out he was cheating, i had to pretend like i didn’t know cos he kept denying it and anytime i accused him, he’d hit his head on the wall crying or do some funny thing such as collapsing.

    I had to patiently wait till i caught him hand in the cookie jar and i walked away forever. No regrets till date!!

    2+
  6. Tee boy
    I will like to know why it happened.
    If the reason is an issue that can be resolved, then I can consider trying to continue the relationship after a short break of course.
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      1. Tee boy
        Well, as you know there are many reasons people cheat. For example

        1. Dick size….if she feels I am to big or too small, then it’s a pity I can’t grow it or shrink it. That is unresolvable.

        2. If it is a one off incident, i can review and see if there is still a way forward but if it’s something she does repeatedly like a bad habit (unrepentant cheat) then I can’t resolve it.

        I also believes it depends on the kind of relation ship you have, and your kind of personality. Some will forgive and some will not.

        The circumstance also matters. If she opens up to me about it, then it is a plus for her but if she denies or lies then it shows we are not heading anywhere.
        I like it when people come clean.

        Good write up….forgot to mention that on my first comment.

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  7. Jeanne
    I’m sorry about that, hun.

    It’s so sad when the ones supposed to love us, betrays us.
    But by cheating on him too, you’re hurting yourself more, and giving him a lot of power over you; to do something that you won’t ordinarily do. He shouldn’t be the reason you’re sinning.

    He who comes to equity must do so with clean hands.

    Well, your life;staying back and taking it all, but please, if you both still have sex, use protection. For your safety.

    *hugs*

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  8. Game
    I really was expecting a confession.
    Nice read though.
    I think that being cheated on = broken promises of fidelity, trust, deception etc
    Others are merely extras:
    Is he bigger = physical damage to his priced possession. lol.
    Did she enjoy it = how much of herself she gave, emotional connection etc
    How often = was it a mistake? do you crave him? do you love him?
    I think the dude in the story is being practical (typical of men) and less melodramatic. Trying to determine motive and effect / impact.
    I think this is me looking beyond his questions.
    2+
  9. Anonymous Aboki
    *tangent alert*

    I’ve never cheated, lol, & I’ve had an above average couple of ‘ships..the 2 are related ’cause the existing relationship usually ends so we – the potential cheatee & I, can get together..

    Now, if its really doing you to get with this other person, save everyone the mess – (initiate a) split up 1st; if its however looking like stress, longthroat, which is what I suspect is mostly the case, pls stay faithful..

    caveat – last time I tried to pull this move, shii hit the fan, I neva still recover man, lol. So yea, do not try this at home, cars parked at owners’ risk etc..

    1+
  10. Secret
    I have cheated on my boyfriend twice(or almost cheated.. wait, is it cheating if it there was no penetrative sex involved but I orgasmed anyway from every other activities?). Honestly, it had almost nothing to do with feelings except my deep desire stretching over some years for my co-cheater. Is he bigger? No. Did I enjoy making out with him more than my boyfriend? Yes. We never had sex so I wouldn’t know if it would have been better than with my boyfriend who is also awesome (it sometimes gets boring but that’s expected right?).
    So When I saw naked pictures of some ugly ass girl on my bf’s phone and the dirty conversations about thoughts of ‘dealing’ with each other, I was kind of calm. First, the conversation clearly showed it was a plan in the offing. It had not being actualized yet. Secondly, the babe was ugly and to add insult to injury, she was in the same chat telling my boyfriend that she just got back from church and even said a prayer for him and shortly after, she sends him a video of her taking her shower and then telling him how she would ‘show’ him when he eventually comes around to her place.
    I confronted him. He tried to turn it around by claiming I invaded his privacy and had no right to look into his phone. That was what drove me crazy. Note that he doesn’t know about my attempted cheating (or maybe he does? I don’t know but I doubt it. I made sure to leave no trace of evidence). We quarreled over it for a while. We got back together. We talked about it (his episode). He apologised while still insisting I shouldn’t have snooped into his messages. I insisted it was a female thing and I would continue to do so. Funny, we are closer for it now. We are much more closer and the relationship better.
    I guess it was easy to work it out cos there is guilt hanging on my neck (I still haven’t confessed yet and I don’t intend to).
    That’s my story. Thanks for listening.
    1+
    1. Vanilla Post author
      For any one with some kind of conscience, we tolerate some actions when we are guilty of same and that is what you are dealing with. Personally, the worst partners are the serial cheats with no conscience, i even think they can commit murder…lol!

      Move on and sin no more.

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  11. baes
    During my courtship days, I remember having a convo like this with my fiance. His response was that he would accept the baby bla bla bla. My response was an outright nah and he felt bad because of my response. We are married now and I know that my husband would respond in the same way as the guy in the story. What an irony
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  12. tee
    Well, my boyfriend just confessed a few days ago that another girl is expecting his child. I just calmly deleted him and all evidence of our relationship from my phone and life. I dodged a bullet. Good riddance
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  13. Caramel
    I’m a woman but I know I’ll react like the man above, infidelity is a very BIG issue for me, I CANNOT take it. You see to me sex means much more than the act, my love language is physical touch, I tend to translate love into sex. sex is love(I know I sound creepy) I give myself as a sign of love, no matter how hard I try I can never give it up for even money. I have never understood why people say it’s just sex, for me it’s like the height of my love. I tend to take bedroom matters very seriously, every word you say during the act stays with me, your moves, down to as tiny as your gasp, I remember every thing. So you cheating is like giving my love to another, there are Heights no other woman is allowed to take you to, when you cheat I sorry all I’ll ever imagine would be our time together but with her instead, I cannot deal with that. It’s the height of betrayal. I’m one of those women who would shut the door against you forever. IF YOU CHEAT, IT’S OVER. case closed.
    6+
  14. Toni
    Personally, I don’t think cheating (sexual infidelity) is that big of a (an emotional) deal.

    First, if it was just sex, then it’s similar to theft; you wanted something that wasn’t yours to have, but you took it anyway. See my point? And if you stole, say a bag, from a shop (or money from my wallet), I’d be more concerned with finding out if you weren’t satisfied with what I had to give (sex/money), and if you weren’t, we’d discuss ways to improve. If you were just greedy, and were not unsatisfied, we’d be talking about how to get you past that flaw; isn’t that what relationships should be about? Helping each other through difficulty, and also sharing the good times? My honest opinion.

    Second, if he/she has feelings for someone else (whether expressed by sleeping with the person or chatting the person up whenever you’re not around; pretty much the same emotionally) and you’re not married, why cry over that? Move on! The person had a change of heart, you made a mistake, plenty more fish in the river. I’d be more concerned, again, with finding out if I neglected you emotionally, and if I did, that revelation is a plus for me; I’d resolve to do better in my next relationship! If I didn’t do anything wrong, then I probably wasn’t your type, which is the easiest of all scenarios to handle; relationship was a dead end before it even began, glad you ended it early. On to the next one.

    I tend to focus more on improving through a relationship rather than knocking things apart with every hitch we encounter because, if we are all blatantly honest, we have entertained thoughts of seeking, or actually sought, our own pleasure over our partner’s one time or the other. It could be taking the bigger slice of pizza and trying to justify that you’re hungrier, or spending more on yourself and saying “it’s my money anyways”, or drooling over that celeb and thinking “well, everybody does that, too”, right? In my mind, all those things are the same; you thought more about your well-being than you did about mine, when I’ve been thinking more about yours and less of mine. I’d have been cheated there.

    So if it’s really cheating that’s the problem, and you know you’ve done it in other ways, albeit smaller ones, then it should be easier to forgive and keep building. But if it’s your ego that’s bruised (“how could she/he do that to me? After all I did for/to him/her? But I had been faithful all these years EVEN when I was tempted, I did everything right, I don’t deserve this”) THEN it’s not really solely your partner’s fault; you may have a pride issue. That’s the way I see it.

    But as a Christian, infidelity of any kind is wrong, particularly sexual ones. Our bodies are God’s temples so tainting them with fornication or adultery is wrong. Keeping the discussion secular though, I don’t see sexual cheating as a big deal, though, I admit we’re all wired differently so some may see it as so; there many more things that could cause me to break a relationship, sleeping with another person just isn’t one of them.

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    1. Vanilla Post author
      Well said! I like your take on the selfish things we do and do not even know and also ego being the main issue with partners ……

      Personally, i do not think infidelity is the ultimate sin as i MAY tolerate it and even give an opportunity to hear you out and think but violence towards me is the ultimate in a relationship, once u hit me one time, i BOUNCE!

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  15. Toni
    And to answer the questions @Vanilla asked, a girlfriend once told me, amidst tears, she had cheated. I was on my way home and the shock hit me so hard I physically almost lost balance, because I was still pretty naïve then. As hard as it hit me, I forgave her because I loved her and we moved on. Fast forward a while later, the issue comes up, though not in a negative way, and she says she was just testing me and that I passed… what!!?? That was when I got mad, like, “did you have to go that far to know where you stand with me?” *sigh* I forgave, moved on, again. THEN some years later, I’m told by same GF that, for some reasons, she cheated for real this time and now was suspecting she was with child etc. etc. And I’m like “again?” Now, I was no longer naïve at this point so I didn’t freak out. I just asked her what she wanted us to do, she asked if I could tell her parents it was mine because they already knew me and I was close to the family. I said “yes, but go tested first.” I had sworn to never leave her and I just saw this as a way God/fate/the universe was asking me to prove what I had said. She sha found out she wasn’t pregnant. It came as a BIG surprise when we talked about the incident a few years later and she again says she was just testing me then. At this point I’m like “guy, you don finally turn maga.” But one part of me still wanted to believe her, though the facts didn’t really add up.

    Point is, I don’t care what someone does in a relationship (or how many times they do it, if they hide it, if they liked it etc.), marriage or dating, as long as we can fix it and live with it. I’ve done worse things (not in relationships though) and been forgiven, I’m no saint so who am I to cast stones? From my experience, I’d say I have (developed?) a high tolerance for other’s mistakes; my thinking is that that’s what I’d want from you if I was the one with the mistake, understanding, tolerance, and forgiveness.

    2+
  16. Anonymous
    I don’t even understand it. I found it hot that my spouse cheated on me. I asked for details and she told me, and it turned me on the more.

    Some weird stuff, right?

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