I Never Commot Cloth But I Dey Craze!

‘Sister Onome, Help me o! E be like say I dey craze.’

‘Hian! Oghenevwogagan, Which kin talk be dat one na? wetin dey make you craze na.

‘My sister, every time I go just dey vex, dey vex dey vex like say person wound me. But nothing dey do me o!’

Na ya vex dey make you talk say you dey craze?

Yes ooo!

Na wa o! So, where you dey now?

I dey for my Church

You done commot Cloth?

I no understand wetin u dey yan?

I dey ask you say, ’if you commot ya cloth?

No oh! Eh! Ogheneme, unto wetin again?

You talk say you dey craze. I think say e don reach to commot cloth

No, my craze never reach like that.

Eh eh! Thank God. At least you sabi say craze dey get levels.

But I dey vex every time. You sure say I no suppose go see doctor?

Oghenevwogagan, No be only you dey vex o! you don sabi how many people dey vex for this country? You wey no dey commot from ya house? You don see anybody dey shine teeth? Abi you no see as road dey? You see work for anywhere? You no dey see say things hard for everybody. Abeg, leave that your vex for outside enter inside church!

Which Church?

Your church na. No be there you talk say you dey? Go tell ya pastor say you dey craze make you hear wetin he go tell you.

He go talk say God na ya muscle.

God be ya wetin?

God na ya muscle. Na so my pastor dey talk. E get one woman wey get four pikin. She tell my Pastor say im dey fear to get pregnant and she with her husband no get work. To chop dey hard for dem and dem no want another pikin, pastor tell am say God na im muscle instead make Pastor tell am to use family planning. Another member wey tell pastor say im husband dey beat am tire. Pastor begin pray for member wey get black eye and wound all over im body. Pastor talk say God na your Muscle. Just endure, one day go be one day.

Ogheneme, ‘one day go be one day.’ Wetin that one come mean?

Na me you dey ask wetin be one day go be one day? E mean say Pastor craze don reach to commot cloth.

Hehehehehehe! You wicked o! Na ya pastor you dey talk about like this?

Eh eh na! No be you talk say make I go tell am say I dey craze. im no sabi say person fit dey smile outside but im go dey die for inside. or na because im never see me jump on top bridge? I no think say e don read say 21 million Nigerians dey suffer from mental health palaver.

21 Million wetin?

21 million Nigerians o! My sister, craze people dey everywhere o!

Oghenevwogagan, how person no go craze for this country sef! Things cost. Life hard, work no dey. All man dey hungry. 21 million people no be beans o. E mean say even my driver fit get mental problem and im dey drive me and my husband dey go work and anywhere. Ha! im dey even drive my children go school. 21 million Nigerians. Yeepa! You go fear na.

My sister, no be small thing o and to think say we get this kin yanfu-yanfu craze people for Naija come dey treat the matter with kid gloves.

Which kin kid gloves? Na pikin napkin we dey take handle the matter! Hmmmm! Ogheneme, 21 million!

Twenty-one million no be money o! Na the number of people wey get craze problem for Nigeria. If I tell you say I dey craze because I dey vex every time, you go dey ask me if I don commot cloth.  but me myself I no say everything no dey alright. You sabi how many people wey dey wear beta cloth, live for beta house, dey chop better food, dey drive better car even come get beta work on top but inside, dem dey kolo in installments

Kolo in Installments?! Oghenevwogagan! which kin English be kolo in installments

Kolo in installments mean say person wey live for Nigeria come get mental problem and im no treat am professionally because im dey fear wetin person go talk. So, e go just dey pretend like say everything dey okay until one day im mental dam go burst, then im go begin do wetin normal people no dey do. Na den, you go hear say person don jump for bridge or im don kill himself. No be all craze people dey commot cloth 0. The person fit wear better cloth; fit dey smile with you but inside im dey craze, dey die small small.

Hmmmm! This one na deep talk o! We fit call am suffering, smiling and dying.

Correct! suffering, smiling and dying. Na so many Nigerians dey take manage their mental health palaver. Nobody wan make anybody call am craze person.

True talk.

And this thing wey people dey do to cover-up their health issues dey very very dangerous because the day kasala go burst for their head, dem fit wound innocent people.


Ah! Ah! You no hear of that German wings pilot wey hide im craze, come dey fly commercial aero plane.

Abeg! Oghenevwogagan! no come talk that kin thing now. You know say I wan travel go Abuja next week! I go fly aeroplane na.

That pilot just carry one hundred and fifty passengers go crash for mountainside. Na craze person im be but nobody sabi say im dey craze until im kill himself and other innocent passengers.

Abeg! Abeg! Abeg! Abeg! Abeg! Abeg! Abeg! Abeg! Oghenevwogagan! Stop this ya talk before I go begin think say my pilot fit be craze person.

Craze person fit be anybody. You no hear the number of Nigerians wey get mental problems. 21 million. Even you fit get am, e fit be you. Some women wey no wan get belle. Dem no go use family planning o but if dem miss their period for one day, dem go dey kolo-mental because dem dey fear every day to get belle. If you know say you no wan belle make you use contraceptives for family planning to avoid the belle wey you no want.

Tufiakwa! It’s not my portion! God no go fit let that kin belle thing or even craze thing happen to me. I am a daughter of the living God.

See this one, so people wey get craze problem na children of the living devil? My sister na stigmatization you dey do so and na because of this kin behavior dey make people no talk about their mental health challenge. If you wan help, begin with me. Dey show compassion and empathy for people wey get mental health challenge. If they wan visit doctor for psychia, encourage dem and also pray with them. No be everybody wey get mental health palaver dey commot cloth like the craze person for road. Make you try go do something positive for craze people in Nigeria! So abeg, begin with me or anybody wey you notice say e be like say craze things don begin to happen. No dey stigmatize anybody because dem get mental problem. No be only person wey commot cloth be craze person. E fit be you or your father, mother, sister, brother even pastor, kpa kpa! Jus dey show concern for people wey get mental problems and helep them. E fit be you!

Make you go get all the important info wey you need on contraceptives for family planning on honeyandbanana.com and you fit also listen to radio show wey dey teach about these contraceptives on MetroFm every thursday by 11.30am. Catch honeyandbanana  for social media too @honeyandbanana  for Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.  #BeSharp!


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  • Wizzlyn

    Nice read

    October 10, 2017
  • Wallz

    “kolo in installments…”
    This cracked me up hard

    October 10, 2017
  • Mo

    Cool, Knowldge gained

    October 11, 2017
  • This is nice. Straight to the point and educative.

    October 13, 2017
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