The problem with this world is that you do not have to believe everything that you read, see or hear. The Bishop preaches in front of me about fornication. He goes out to do the very same thing he was preaching against. I do not blame him though, he is human. He tries so hard to live a holy life but the enemy keeps flaunting this dish that he vowed not to eat.
I believe in love and marriage but the things that are happening have turned me against all those beliefs. I have been in relationships but I did not see the love at all only I was giving. All he wants is the coochie and nothing more. he calls me in winter and when he needs something, the other days I do not exist. I follow him around like a starved wanderer begging for attention.
I have seen all these things and concluded that I do not want to be part of this game. All I want is a free life where I can express myself and not be judged. I am a recycled virgin not because there is no love but no one believes in celibacy anymore. Any relationship that you get into there are duties that must be done.
Stay with me here and help me count. How many boys have you dated and how many have seen your fruits? I give up. How long does this have to go on until we are satisfied and settle down. You hear men saying “I cannot buy a car I have not test driven? So how many cars are you really going to test before you decide on the make and model you want. You see a Ford Mustang you want to test drive it yet you know very well it is expensive and you can not afford it.
I walk on the streets, to meetings or festivals and I discover out of the thousands that are there ten of the guys I have seen are my exes and some of them are friends with each other. I refuse to do this anymore. Am I missing the point or relationships are based on that one thing to hold you together? Is it the only thing we can really do or to help us decide on our future together?
I am just confused by the words coming out of other people talking about sex even at a young age. What happened to abstinence? Or is that what we preach to children?
I remember this one time I refused to give it to him, a month after we met. I felt it was too soon for us to be engaging and really it would take him some time to convince me otherwise. He started going on about how I did not trust him, how much he loves me and how much he wants to be with me. My answer was “you can be with me without engaging in that activity.” That was the last time I heard from him.
Even the other recycled virgins like me, will tell you “he will taste and go.” It is how things have happened, things took a turn for worse. Not all men are like that, it is a choice or decision. We can date and not engage in sexual activities in fact maybe it is better that way. There will be no baby daddy dramas nor baby mama dramas.
I am a recycled virgin by choice. Or maybe circumstances left me no choice. Do you think I am being paranoid?