I Am A Recycled Virgin

Opinion

The problem with this world is that you do not have to believe everything that you read, see or hear. The Bishop preaches in front of me about fornication. He goes out to do the very same thing he was preaching against. I do not blame him though, he is human. He tries so hard…

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The problem with this world is that you do not have to believe everything that you read, see or hear. The Bishop preaches in front of me about fornication. He goes out to do the very same thing he was preaching against. I do not blame him though, he is human. He tries so hard to live a holy life but the enemy keeps flaunting this dish that he vowed not to eat.

I believe in love and marriage but the things that are happening have turned me against all those beliefs. I have been in relationships but I did not see the love at all only I was giving. All he wants is the coochie and nothing more. he calls me in winter and when he needs something, the other days I do not exist. I follow him around like a starved wanderer begging for attention.

I have seen all these things and concluded that I do not want to be part of this game. All I want is a free life where I can express myself and not be judged. I am a recycled virgin not because there is no love but no one believes in celibacy anymore. Any relationship that you get into there are duties that must be done.

Stay with me here and help me count. How many boys have you dated and how many have seen your fruits? I give up. How long does this have to go on until we are satisfied and settle down. You hear men saying “I cannot buy a car I have not test driven? So how many cars are you really going to test before you decide on the make and model you want. You see a Ford Mustang you want to test drive it yet you know very well it is expensive and you can not afford it.

I walk on the streets, to meetings or festivals and I discover out of the thousands that are there ten of the guys I have seen are my exes and some of them are friends with each other. I refuse to do this anymore. Am I missing the point or relationships are based on that one thing to hold you together? Is it the only thing we can really do or to help us decide on our future together?

I am just confused by the words coming out of other people talking about sex even at a young age. What happened to abstinence? Or is that what we preach to children?

I remember this one time I refused to give it to him, a month after we met. I felt it was too soon for us to be engaging and really it would take him some time to convince me otherwise. He started going on about how I did not trust him, how much he loves me and how much he wants to be with me. My answer was “you can be with me without engaging in that activity.” That was the last time I heard from him.

Even the other recycled virgins like me, will tell you “he will taste and go.” It is how things have happened, things took a turn for worse. Not all men are like that, it is a choice or decision. We can date and not engage in sexual activities in fact maybe it is better that way. There will be no baby daddy dramas nor baby mama dramas.

I am a recycled virgin by choice. Or maybe circumstances left me no choice. Do you think I am being paranoid?

Responses

  1. Butterflymind
    No, I think you’re being sensible.
    Yesterday, I asked on a group chat why people give in to sex. Some say it’s for instant gratifications; others, self-justification; and yet many others hadn’t even thought about it before.

    Why did you have sex the first time? I think if you have the answer to that, you’ll realise the answer to why you’ve decided to stop.

    Sex is not a legal tender, and I do not subscribe to its use as ‘duties that must be done’ in a relationship.

    8+
  2. Optimus Prime
    You are not being paranoid. You just need to learn that no matter which side of the fence you find yourself, criticisms abound.

    If a woman drops the coochie, she’s a slut, immoral, cheap, etc. If a woman refuses to give in, she’s priggish, frigid, or even be called a prude. You can never please everyone.

    Make a decision and stick to your guns. Defend your decision to death if need be and don’t ever do regret. Remember – you are having sex because you want to…not because it’s a duty or some sacrifice you must pay.

    11+
  3. Woyi_Oc
    This life and irony sha. Ladies who want to be celibate can’t find a man willing to wait. Guys who are content being celibate can’t get a girl to like them, relationship-wise.
    8+
    1. Mofesola Babalola
      Because when you’re hot like that, girls will like you and want to touch you. If you have started having sex, if you were hot enough to get sex without working too hard for it, celibacy will not be your thing.

      One pastor once said, criticise the non-virgins all you want. Maybe the reason you’re still a virgin is because you don’t yet have the opportunity.

      Of course, some guys are celibate by choice, however, we know that if all celibate guys are offered sex today by very hot girls and they don’t have to work for it, the number of celibate guys will go down even further.

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  4. Iluna
    A lot has been said about whether or not to have sex in a relationship but in the end it all comes down to your reason for choosing to stay celibate. I used to be a little more traditional or old school if you like and the principle was no sex before marriage. There was a lot of religious influence in making this decision too. Overtime, I’ve learnt a lot being in and out of relationships and my decision as to whether or not to stay celibate has also evolved such that I have made the choice for other practical reasons including religion. You need to understand your choice so that you can to stick with your standards. It won’t be easy so all the best!
    1+
  5. NO2_EFX

    “You see a Ford Mustang you want to test drive it yet you know very well it is expensive and you can not afford it.”

    Well, considering the fact that you don’t come across Mustangs often in Nigeria, let alone get the chance to drive one…..I’d bite. Seriously that car is monstrously awesome. But to own it…ta!! Cost of maintenance is too high. Unless my monthly income enters billions, that car will be for test drive only.

    Also, i’m just joking around. I would not drive it. The fear of scratching or denting it will be too much. I’ll just sit in it and on the AC.

    14+
  6. Buchi
    In my opinion, whatever you decide to do, make sure you’re doing it on your own terms. If you like and value sex, then have it for the sake of it. If you don’t, abstain. If you see it as something that isn’t necessary in a relationship, don’t go out with someone who sees it as a key factor, and expect him to change his own values. Celibacy is an admirable decision to take, but do not lose sight of the fact that even the guys who want long term relationships also want, enjoy and desire sex. Be with someone who shares the same ideals with you about the things that matter to you. Do you, but be with someone who will enjoy you as you’d prefer.
    8+
  7. A girl has no name
    I actually thought about this yesterday. How many guys would i have to date before marriage?? Knowing fully well that I’m giving up the cookie in these relationships or situation-ships. I made a decision just like u that I’m going to restrategise my relationships from now. If the guy doesn’t want to wait till we are sure of what we are doing or where we are headed, its definitely Bye Felicia!!
    7+
    1. Osasu Elaiho
      Over the years, I have realized that a lot of people go through this internal conflict of whether they should give it up or not.

      A lot of people give in to pressure and “give up the cookie” not because they want to but because they feel if they don’t, they will be tagged some such thing.

      Just like and @optimus-prime have stated, whatever you choose to do, do it for you and not for anyone else. If you choose to abstain, abstain because it is what makes you happy. If you choose to indulge, do it for you and not for anyone else.

      We live in a crazy world and the morality of our generation is warped.

      Just do whatever gives you peace. That’s enough.

      5+
    1. NO2_EFX
      While I agree that it is painted that way a lot, I understand where some people, including the author (maybe) are coming from.

      From a sex/gender standpoint, women, especially in more religious/conservative societies get the short end of the stick when it comes to sexual stuff. Basically, women have “more to loose” from having sex. It’s women who get pregnant when unprotected sex occurs. They the ones who have to carry the child, give birth and breast feed. Guys just donate the key piece to the puzzle. And that’s just analyzing it from a biological point of view.

      So for the average woman, sex needs to be well thought out, for lack of a better word at this point in time. A man can want sex but if the woman says no, short of him committing a crime, he’s not getting any. So when sex happens, she is giving in to his advances.

      Am I making sense….?

      7+
  8. Mr. Black
    One Question have you guys actually analyzed this from a guy’s angle?

    I understand we re not fully-emotionally attached to Sex because “its just sex” but there is alot to sex to guys than just attaching emotions…

    We re “cookie” eaters we eat cookie wen we see/ask for/ or even pay for it… It can easily be controlled if all the ladies control cookies being prepared… as for the “Ford Mustang” it is a beautiful/rare/limited vehicle we handle with care, not every guy can purchase it, so dont get it wrong if we go for more affordable rides and test drive it

    0
  9. Nelo
    In my final year at the University, this issue of sex by unmarried couples came up. I told my room mates that I abstained cos I couldn’t possibly live with seeing someone I had slept with (after we had broken up of course) walk past me on the road and then inform his pals ‘hmm…I don do that girl’. Looking back , it’s a decision I will always cherish. I did it for me. And for my strong belief in God. Yes, it made guys approach me with caution. Made some call me frigid. Fortunately, my late father taught me about self esteem and so my head was held high. I hope my children will wait and enjoy sex in the secure loving arms of their faithful spouses. Like I do now.
    11+
  10. LincayaD Post author
    wow..its amazung how we think differently about this topic, whether to abstain or enjoy it. it is a hard choice that I’m hoping to stick too. growing up in christian community we are taught that sex before marriage is sin and is to be enjoyed by married folks. As for us singles who are mingling, it is a choice and unfortunately some give in to pressure and end up not feeling the way they thought or wanted. some do not even know what an orgasm feels like they just do it to please somebody and forget about themselves.
    2+
    1. Woyi_Oc
      “some do not even know what an orgasm feels like they just do it to please somebody and forget about themselves.”

      I guess I can understand that…

      funny thing is I now a guy whose lady friend broke up with him because he wanted to be celibate. And this dude liked the babe to pieces and back. The thing did a number on him.

      0
  11. Zelda
    well, i grew up telling myself that i wouldn’t do anything that everyone did. besides for my religious belief i actually am doing it for myself.it has ended relationships and even stopped some from happening but that is what keeps me going even stronger because i don’t see that they married those girls they left me for anyway…
    1+
  12. Abzlim
    Can i ask? First why does everyone make it look like sex for boys is the ultimate reason for entering a relationship. The truth is that women want sex as much as men do, let’s stop making it look like all men are sex addicts. What happens when a boy wants to abstain and the girl wants to be sexually active. We have to change this notion about boys, that sex is always what we want in a relationship.

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