Just like most viewers, I was left awestruck after watching what was supposed to be a passionate attempt at driving attention towards a worthy cause. Sure I got the message loud and clear – Omaze, donate, We Can Lead, empower and educate girls through out Africa blah blah blah but as I hit the replay button the first time, that wasn’t what was on my mind.

Look at him. He’s 44. FORTY FOUR. Grey hair everywhere, not particularly “beautiful” in that Jared Leto kind of way but even without the British accent you can’t but admit that there is something undoubtedly attractive about this man. Ok ok, when I say attractive, I don’t mean in that sense … to me … as a guy. I was merely thinking from a woman’s perspective.

Now that we have gotten the mandatory no-homo declaration out of the way, we can get back to the crux of the matter. For minutes after I watched that video, one thought lingered in my mind. What exactly is it about the older man that sometimes makes them so appealing to the point that many women look past whatever physical and sometimes, non-physical flaws they may have? From pot bellies to tribal marks, crassness to extreme vanity, I’ve seen several young women come up with some unimaginable excuses for whatever flaws these older men may have.

As I was stroking the lonely strand of grey hair that recently showed up on my face, the realization hit me. The one thing common to these men is actually that intangible thing which promotes them to that coveted ‘sexy grey’ status. No it’s not age or time, it’s EXPERIENCE.

Right before I turned 30, I remember becoming extremely conscious of my age. It was as if I walked about with some kind of trigger just waiting for someone to make reference to my age and I would quickly put them in their place by declaring that my baby-boy-ness wasn’t leaving with my twenties. I remember putting in extra hours at the gym and even eating healthier all so I could maintain my “baby boy look”. If only I knew…

Time is common to every single person alive on earth – nothing special about it. What is important is what you do with that time. Which is why the thing common to grey men considered sexy isn’t time, it’s experience. Two fifty-year old men can stand side by side and one would be considered a sexy grey while the other would just be somebody’s father. Factors like money and grooming also come to play here but probably not as much as experience.

I hit replay again and tried to look into Idris’ eyes as he said those words “… I’ll let you pound my yams” and it wasn’t the words loaded with innuendo, it still wasn’t the British accent, it was that knowing look in his eyes that screamed “ I KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT BECAUSE I’VE DONE IT A MILLION TIMES” that made it so believable and obviously attractive (to his millions of female fans).

I’m still in my early thirties but that ship of defending my baby-boy-ness has definitely sailed. I still hit the gym and even try harder now to eat healthier (because let’s be real – organs are three decades old) but every time I encounter a younger person, particularly females – at work, with family or friends, however so briefly, there’s that uncontrollable knowing-ness that takes over me. Sort of like having a deja vu but a really pleasant one and I’ve been told this feeling manifests not only on my face but also in my conversations.

I’m still quite far from earning that seemingly coveted ‘sexy grey’ title but I’d like to believe that understanding the impact a person with such a title has on others is the first step towards positioning yourself to achieve it. I tell a lot of my younger friends that the twenties are for experiments and experiences. I’ve said here several times that I do not believe in regret because it limits your ability to experiment and gain experience. If you dwell for so long on getting your heart broken by one person, you’ll probably never experience another heartbreak and as sad as that might sound, no two heartbreaks are the same. Getting rejected twice teaches you two ways not to approach someone – a lesson that could be vital to a 20-something year old when you’re well in your forties. But if you don’t experience it, how will you be able to pay it forward?

And so I guess I don’t really have anything to ask of the women reading this – some might deny that experience isn’t the main thing that attracts them to sexy grey’s but we can agree to disagree on that. For the guys reading, are you actively investing some vital experience in your potential ‘sexy grey’ account? Is this theory on sexy grey’s something that has crossed your mind? Please use the comment box to express you.


  1. Ufuomaee
    I started writing a comment and the screen froze. I’ve had to refresh this screen severally… I hope the site’s okay.

    Well, thanks for the invitation to comment. I read and watched the video. Idris is not my cup of tea, and I don’t find him sexier older. I think you’re right about experience being the factor for attraction, but I don’t think that’s limited to sexual experience nor age! I think there are young people that are quite experienced and wise for their ages. I find guys who are wise and intellectual attractive in every way.

    No, I’m no fan of the older guys. Except Sean Connery!


    1. Olukayode
      Ufuomaee, you’re a funny person. After bashing S on her post here you are talking about your interest or lack of interest in older men. You only like ‘intelligent’ men too ba??
      1. Ufuomaee
        Is it because I am Christian that I am not allowed to express my opinion on a post that I find completely pointless? Or because I am Christian, I am not allowed to express my view on sexuality, or what I find attractive?

        What about me do you find hard to understand? That I would have an opinion, or that I would voice it and CALL myself a Christian?

        Just because I stand against sexual immorality does not mean that I can’t appreciate a discussion on sexual attraction. Or that I do not have such feelings… I am still very much human, and I can have a laugh too.

        And yes, men who stimulate my mind and my spirit soon win my heart 🙂


  2. CeeCee
    Idris Elba and his innuendos, he always finds a way to make you think twice about a very innocent sentence. Before I read this write-up, I came across this video on Facebook and knows I watched it till the video was screaming my name, not because of the cause though….The guy is not particularly handsome like you said but there is just something about him, I’ve been trying to figure it out till you stated it here.

    … I’ll let you pound my yams” and it wasn’t the words loaded with innuendo, it still wasn’t the British accent, it was that knowing look in his eyes that screamed “ I KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT BECAUSE I’VE DONE IT A MILLION TIMES” that made it so believable and obviously attractive (to his millions of female fans).” I actually agree with you. I’ll probably have to do a practical. #winks.

  3. Priscilla Joy
    I also don’t find older Idris sexy, he looks a lil pale in that video. I actually think my days of drooling over hawt older men are behind me, I only have eyes for young men these days.

    Btw, they should have made it about cassava instead of yam though, Tecno already spoilt us

  4. Lipglossmaffia
    Yes. Yes. Yesss!
    That is all. It’s the experience.My friends know all about my older man fetish. I love it. I’m glad that I have experienced it, it’s awesome. Older men(the sensible ones o!) make you feel invincible. When you’re dating an older guy, you never hear, “so what would you like to do today?” Baba already has plans. You just relax and enjoy.
  5. Amayanabo
    As a guy, investing into my “sexy grey” years has been something on my mind mainly because of my dad. My dad will be turning 56 in March and he actually looks about Idris Elba’s age. When he wears his jeans or shorts, he even looks younger LOL.
    However, the most important thing here is to feel young at heart and do things at 50 that made you happy at 30. I think that from there, which is on the inside, achieving the “sexy grey” will most likely fall into place.
    I’m almost 19 so, “sexy grey” is still a million galaxies away (I like to think).
    Nice post.
  6. Larz
    I really don’t get the Idris Elba pull. I am more of a Will Smith and Denzel fan.
    I have never really fancied older men. The closest I got to that was fancying a mid thirty something when I was in my early 20s
      1. Larz
        I mean in real life, with real ppl I see.

        Will Smith doesn’t start, my crush started with Fresh Prince… I still see him as that guy

  7. Temi Niran
    Idris can go somewhere honestly. I’m still not here for his ass. Talmbout “pound my yam”. huh? Woz the meaning of dat? I’ll never get the Idris thing.

    I think you’re kinda right though- but If I see an older guy that I genuinely think looks attractive, idk if experience is the first thing on my mind; I might just think he’s fine. But if i look back on my relationship with a slightly older someone, I can see what both @lipglossmaffia and @s are talking about.

  8. Abike
    It’s the experience, the knowing look and every other thing. Lol Having to tell your guy what and how to do defiles the purpose. Sexy grey rocks

    Posted from TNC Mobile

  9. Aggie
    Why did everyone go out of our country to look for a sexy grey when there is one in our backyard. RMD is sexy grey every day. I don’t fancy older guys though, I find myself hoping every time that whomever I get married to ages like fine wine
  10. Needle and thread
    Was about time someone mentioned RMD. I think it really is the grey hair. People be like, if you want to know what a woman will look like many years after marrying her, look at her mum. I’m like, if you want to know how much grey hair a man’s going to have down the line, look at his dad. It’s all about the hair.
  11. Hephie Brown
    My grey haired friends all think I’m being young and immature because I refuse to have anything to do with older men..married or no.. I have a thing for young firm body..no packs or nothing..just slim, not too lanky and tall. And cute. Yes Will Smith a Denzel I like but it doesn’t mean I’ll do them..bleh!! Physically, I can’t even get my eyes to pop if they stood there naked. With regards experience, no..I would not either. Maybe there’s something endearing about younger guys and their clumsiness. Frustrating yes. Annoying yes. Exasperating yes. But super cute. I like to see the wisdom befall them.

    I can’t do anyone 7 years older..yes..judge me..but older men fantasies I have not. I just wish people will stop preaching to me about how sexy grey hair is..they will take care of you..care for you..stress you less etc..I don’t get it.

    Posted from TNC Mobile


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