I’m 22 And I Suck At Giving Head

Let me tell you about the first time I gave head. I was 18 and in my very first relationship. This guy would never directly ask me for anything sexual but he would make different gestures that would make me feel pressured, like kissing me too fast, too deep and putting me in that position where…


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Let me tell you about the first time I gave head. I was 18 and in my very first relationship. This guy would never directly ask me for anything sexual but he would make different gestures that would make me feel pressured, like kissing me too fast, too deep and putting me in that position where I would ask myself if it was time to remove his hands from down there. The worst one was the way he would grab my breasts like he was trying to press out gold from it. Argh!

He wasn’t that good with his fingers or maybe he was but I was too inexperienced to notice. Then again, if he was good I would have noticed and would definitely remember, right? I mean, you don’t forget these things. If there was anything Mac was good at, it was being horny. The kind of horny that makes you feel unsafe. I found it hard to recognize him when he got extremely horny. Little virgin me would sometimes have to leave the room to give him space and time to calm down and you guys know how you “calm” yourselves down.

Even though I felt pressured to get physical with him, I didn’t want to stop being called a virgin just yet so, one day, I decided to learn a new trick to boost my make-out CV. I consulted Google in an attempt to learn how to give good head. I saw all kinds of instructions: Use your tongue. Play with your fingers. Nibble slowly. It went on and on. I crammed everything and was ready to get down. Literally.

One evening he came over and we sat behind my house as usual. We started kissing and somewhere along the line, I stood up and went on my knees. Seconds later, I heard screaming.

“Just keep doing every other thing, but without the teeth!!!”

Okay. So I was biting him. It wasn’t going well. I started to give myself an inner pep talk.

Okay. Okay. I can do this. Focus. No more teeth. Use your tongue. Play with your fingers. No teeth! Okay, I’m good!

I thought I was getting the hang of it, then this dude stopped me. He held up my head and had yet another thing to say.

“Why do you keep pausing every 10 seconds?”

Huh??? Am I not supposed to pause? SO what exactly do I do with the spit flowing like a river in my mouth?

I said nothing but smiled and told him I was trying to get used to it. I asked him to let me continue and he did after asking yet another question.

“Who taught you this exactly?”

I was too embarrassed to admit I learned on the internet so I blamed it on a female friend of mine, whom he knew.

“Mercy”, I mumbled with my full mouth.

“She is either bad at this, or you didn’t learn well!”

Okay, dude. Okay. I have spent my data, effort, time, strength and energy in trying to learn this. A little thank you would do, rather than complaining with your thing in my mouth which by the way smells like feet! Shut up and enjoy or just let me stop. My mouth hurts!!!

Of course, I didn’t say that out loud. I mean, would you?

Anyway, none of that mattered because what happened in the seconds that followed is, hands down, the most embarrassing thing that I have ever experienced. Mac grabbed my hair with one hand and held my head with the other then he started doing this up and down movement. The tip of his thing almost went down my throat every time he moved downward. With him holding my head, I couldn’t stop to spit. I can’t even explain the panic attack I almost had. I felt like my head was locked up!

At this point, I have to stress two things. Firstly, I had just had my hair done and it was hurting. Secondly, each time his thing touched the back of my throat, I would feel like I was one second away from throwing up but he would moan silently and it felt good to hear him moan because of me. I had heard him moan before, those times when I left him to “calm” himself down but I had never been able to make him cum with just kissing and dry humping. This was a huge improvement and I reminded myself to keep going.

Hang in there, baby girl. Hang in there. Make him cum. Hang in there. No… No… Noooo….

My saliva and the banga soup I ate with rice earlier all came rushing out of my mouth unto his thing, my hands, his laps… Everywhere. I still remember it until this day.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is why I suck at giving head. Any similar horror stories out there? Or are you all forming “sexpert”? Let’s hear from you in the comments!


  1. Cavey
    Dear lawd!
    First off @amarion-o, thank you for legit making my day!!!!

    Secondly, I loved this article from the title (I hope the pun was intentional. If it wasn’t, pretend it was!)

    Thirdly, don’t worry, you’ve come to the right place, we’ve got you
    @lipglossmaffia, this one needs your help ????

  2. Aggie
    This was just so damn hilarious. I feel your pain, I tried it once and nearly threw up, I never tried again. I’m almost 22 and I suck at giving head too. I don’t think can help though we need a video tutorial
  3. vanilla
    LMAO! I laughed hard at this because everyone has either come close or thrown up while at this business.

    For me, sorry no horror story here…..growing up with girls all around makes you hear stuff like ‘put ur fingers at the base to control the length you comfortable with’ to help with the gag reflex.

    1. MoV
      .Haaa, late starters keh? At 18?? I was even gon say she grew up too fast . Mine was mid 20s fa.
      Babes, your boyfriend was truly a jerk. He knew you were actually green. The least he could have done was to teach/talk you through it and show you exactly how to get it done.
      Let him not spoil your shine. I will advise you wait though for the right and correct dude to come along. The satisfaction you get in knowing that you satisfy your husband/boo in bed is incomparable.
  4. Yinx_Sphinx
    This has to be the most hilarious article i have read. My goodness! i am still trying to stop laughing. Gosh, If i were you i would never go near a penis again in my life. can help save you though
  5. Yo
    Lmaooooo. This is the funniest and one of the best posts I’ve read on here. Somehow reminds me of when I first gave head. Made the mistake of using my teeth as well. I’m better now tho
  6. Rach
    lol sorry it ended that way but actually, if you have a gag reflex, you are kinda doing a good job. Cos that’s means you are likely deep-throating. You just have to restrain from vomiting.
  7. Jude
    Reading this article just gives me smile, for whatever reason I feel you really didn’t do bad. As a guy my first experience of giving head (eating pussy I mean) wasn’t really good but the girl. Helped. So I think you’ll do just fine as you progress

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