Can You Really Handle The Truth?

Opinion

I’m someone who prides herself on being straightforward, sometimes even a bit too straightforward, and require others to do the same with me. I realize that for me, it is very simple. You either take me as I am, or don’t take me at all. It is how all of my relationships (friendships included) work.…

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I’m someone who prides herself on being straightforward, sometimes even a bit too straightforward, and require others to do the same with me. I realize that for me, it is very simple. You either take me as I am, or don’t take me at all. It is how all of my relationships (friendships included) work.

I’ve however come to realize that everyone isn’t like me. Some people find comfort in waddling the waters; some are just not confrontational. And despite this difference in behavior, I’ve also come to realize that this doesn’t make those people bad people. It just means that they handle things differently.

But then I realize that sometimes I do mind when people aren’t straightforward. I mind most importantly when their refusal to be straightforward is their way of being deceptive. I don’t like deception, and I take insult with being lied to. I would like to think that most people can relate to this, or at least to some degree understand it.

However, I keep noticing that a lot of our conversations with regards to relationships revolve around that very word; deception. Men and women are constantly lying to themselves about their intentions, almost forgetting that someone will get hurt eventually. The most popular question now though, is this question of why some men lie to women/lead them on with hopes of an exclusive relationship, when all they wanted to begin with was sex?

We have established (at least I think) that there are women out there who just want sex as well. Shit, there are apps like tinder that support my claim. So why then, do men lie about what they want?  According to some men, they lie because they believe that more often that not, women won’t want anything to do with them when they are upfront with their desires to just smash.

And while many women (myself included) have countered that, how honest are we? I know the one time that someone was upfront with me about what he wanted, I appreciated it. However, there was a part of me that felt slightly uncomfortable, although I’d always linked my discomfort with the fact that it was my first ever time meeting him. But if we are going to sit here and claim that we want honesty up front, then are we allowed to feel any type of way about the time they decided to be honest? More importantly, is it the time (or how well we know the person) or just that initial feeling of “damn, that’s really all you want?” or “That’s all the value you see in me”?

I mean while I will forever appreciate the fact that this guy presented me with the choice, I also can’t lie and say that I initially didn’t feel insulted. Perhaps this is the bigger lesson here; that we need to somehow not take insult to it. That not everyone will want you for what you can offer, or what’s “on the inside”, and that more importantly, that is ok.

What are your thoughts?

Image via Geek Club Books

Responses

  1. Morris
    Now to the post, I would also rather be straightforward, but most times, i am considered, offensive, rude, harsh, I don’t know why. I think when you start deodorizing your words, it won’t be received as intended anymore.. But Life & People don’t agree
    1. teminiran
      LOL at “deodorizing your words”- I’m gonna start using that. But I hear you loud and clear. My sister was just telling me the other day that I sometimes come off as rude, and I’m like “uh no, I’m just being honest, or misunderstood”. I prefer for people to be straight forward either way.
  2. Od
    First, that it’s not ok that people want to use other people, or in fact, anything at all with no sense of responsibility for them, honesty or not. It’s mercenary. A world like that won’t survive for long.

    Second, honesty is an admirable quality but it is often misunderstood today. Many realities including what people want are in a flux so the idea that unless someone can start immediately clearly what they want they’re lying to you is not often true. We change as we understand life better. So, the truth is often truly “I don’t know”. Sometimes too, it really is, “I want to find out too”.

    Many times when people insist on cut-and-dried honesty they end up lying themselves. It’s like the example you gave yourself. You expected that you’d prefer to be told straight up that the guy just wanted to have sex with you but you didn’t know that you would feel insulted. So, when you did, your earlier expectation turned out false. Our grandparents could have told you that women normally do not like being wanted for just sex no matter how honest you want to be. But the individualism of our post-modern times would have prevented you from believing that.

    I suppose I’m saying that honesty is a good thing but we don’t always know what it is. Being real might end up making you fake. So, simply stay open to learning how wrong you can be or how right and grow with it.

    1. teminiran
      We change as we understand life better. So, the truth is often truly “I don’t know”. Sometimes too, it really is, “I want to find out too”.- you had me at this sentence. While I don’t think we always know what we want from people, sometimes we do. And it’s in those times that I feel like it’s important to let that other person know your intentions.
  3. Emma Marie
    You kent kee yourself. At the time, you honestly thought you liked honesty. Now, you are honestly reconsidering it.
    I agree with Od that we’re all growing and we change. But as long as what you thought then was an honest outlook, it’s fine.
    I’d rather I’m dealt with honestly. It will hurt oh, yes. But I’d get over it.
    1. teminiran
      Please don’t get me wrong- I would still prefer his kind of honesty over anything else. I really just wanted to throw the question of why I even felt any type of way out there. If all you want is sex from me, please be honest with me- I still stand by that. And if you don’t know, say that as well. lol
  4. CeeCee
    I like it, I like it not. The question is, no matter how much you want honest, can you deal with it? Most times I find bliss in ignorance, I just don’t want to, keep me in the dark for your own good and mine. But then sometimes, I feel I just want the truth, but then when I get it, I wish I hadn’t. The truth sometimes hurt, but if you think you can handle it then go ahead. But then I think we know the answers to most of those things, we just wanna hear it.
  5. adventure
    i love honesty anytime anyday, tell me what it is if i can deal i stick if i cant i move, its not fair basing anything on deception… HONESTY is key, i tell you as it is no time for pretence or trying to remember what i answered to the question the last time.
  6. Exclusive
    Honesty. Issokay.

    I’m blunt, very much so. But I like to think that there is a human factor in the way I say what I honestly think so that I deliberately try to phrase my words in such a way that while I’m being honest, I’m also considering the very important factor that you’re human with all the attendant effects.

    I will not even lie, I will be insulted if a guy tells me he wants me for “just sex”. Let’s just have fun? Fun oshi wo? While I may not immediately write him off, I doubt I would ever take such a guy seriously. You mean to say our very engaging conversations don’t mean much? *scoffs*

    I’ve known some crazy guys, none has ever said that to me. I’m certain a few thought of it, “why can’t she just loosen up and have ‘fun’?” but none ever said it to my face. You’re responsible for what you think so…*shrugs*

  7. Cavey
    Honesty, bluntness, straightforwardness…whatever name you call it, the truth remains that even if we all claim that’s what we want, not everyone can handle it. Not because people would rather be led on/lied to but because the ‘truth’ isn’t always presented in a way they understand. Personally, just friggin tell me how it is, I’d figure out how to handle it but just because I can hold my own doesn’t mean I should expect everyone to be able to.
    What I’m trying to say is, the truth could be ‘harsh’ and it doesn’t need us to make it any harsher. We could present it as a suckerpunch or gently lay it out without it being any less the truth.
  8. Olamii
    Some truths can be too sharp and it cuts so deep while some can be so blunt and the poke leaves you hurt,some truth can save the day while some can be the reason for not having sunshine in your day.
    Hence,diplomacy is an art to master and apply proportionally. Am not encouraging lies but some times the truth might be too much to handle…
  9. passerby
    Dear writer, I could hug you. .. I want to hug you… okay fine, I’m hugging you *drags you into e-bearhug * …. I’ve been preaching this exact sermon for too long… My bluntness has cost me some friendships and I’m ashamed to say I’ve been consciously trying to conform to the “safe” or “considerate ” way of handling “relations ” and considering “emotions” before giving my opinion about anything. However, I still hate being lied to,rather I’m extremely offended and somewhat insulted that you think I can’t handle the truth or you’re too deceitful to just tell it.
  10. Israel
    Nice piece. I think honesty is a relative concept. In the hospital where I study is a medical student, sometimes we come across patients with terminal illnesses, you know…it’s the end of the road for them. Now, sometimes they want to know what’s going on with them, they want to be involves in their healthcare, but for reasons best known to the doc and ourselves, he doesn’t tell them the diagnosis. Instead he tells them stuffs like, ‘it’s gonna be well…we’ll try all our best to bring you out of this quagmire’. When we ask him, oftentimes he tells us the same thing, ‘honesty is good, very good, but sometimes it hurts in ways you may not fathom, in such situations the best thing is to inform the patient’s fam n close relatives with specific instructions not to disclose this to the patient’. So I think why some people shy away from being honest is just that idea of the anticipated hurt/anguish lurking around the corner although this sort of hurt may be in the minority. Yes, the doc lied, we lie to patients who call us aside tryna find out what’s really going on but we may have a credible standpoint, don’t make their burden much tougher by revealing some ugly truths to them. As per relationships, it’s a very tender subject. Being honest may cost you someone dear the moment! But I still prefer the hurt and possible embarrassment that comes with running into individuals not entirely satisfied with your honesty to the few gains of dishonesty. At the end we realise that those few gains come at a price…one we realise we could have forgone with relative ease compared to the pain inflicted on the victim’s souls. Thanks. I’m relatively new to this site but I’m inspired by the write-ups. Hope I learn more from the more learned writers in here. *smiles*
  11. Ibiela
    I truly appreciate honesty. Hell I even got the word tattooed on my arm. I’ve learnt that no matter how harsh or hurtful it may be sometimes, it’s a lot better than deception.
  12. Kikiotolu
    GOSSIP…I know of one Mr Aluko whose two kids are originally for his boss, but he didn’t break the marriage nor relationship with boss. But recently many magic dey happen . I think he is from Ekiti but hiding in Eko

    Kindly checkout this short story, it reveals reckless activities by men in uniform u could never imagine.

    MEN IN BLACK EPISODE 3

    Enjoy and share the fun

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