I’m someone who prides herself on being straightforward, sometimes even a bit too straightforward, and require others to do the same with me. I realize that for me, it is very simple. You either take me as I am, or don’t take me at all. It is how all of my relationships (friendships included) work.…
I’m someone who prides herself on being straightforward, sometimes even a bit too straightforward, and require others to do the same with me. I realize that for me, it is very simple. You either take me as I am, or don’t take me at all. It is how all of my relationships (friendships included) work.
I’ve however come to realize that everyone isn’t like me. Some people find comfort in waddling the waters; some are just not confrontational. And despite this difference in behavior, I’ve also come to realize that this doesn’t make those people bad people. It just means that they handle things differently.
But then I realize that sometimes I do mind when people aren’t straightforward. I mind most importantly when their refusal to be straightforward is their way of being deceptive. I don’t like deception, and I take insult with being lied to. I would like to think that most people can relate to this, or at least to some degree understand it.
However, I keep noticing that a lot of our conversations with regards to relationships revolve around that very word; deception. Men and women are constantly lying to themselves about their intentions, almost forgetting that someone will get hurt eventually. The most popular question now though, is this question of why some men lie to women/lead them on with hopes of an exclusive relationship, when all they wanted to begin with was sex?
We have established (at least I think) that there are women out there who just want sex as well. Shit, there are apps like tinder that support my claim. So why then, do men lie about what they want? According to some men, they lie because they believe that more often that not, women won’t want anything to do with them when they are upfront with their desires to just smash.
And while many women (myself included) have countered that, how honest are we? I know the one time that someone was upfront with me about what he wanted, I appreciated it. However, there was a part of me that felt slightly uncomfortable, although I’d always linked my discomfort with the fact that it was my first ever time meeting him. But if we are going to sit here and claim that we want honesty up front, then are we allowed to feel any type of way about the time they decided to be honest? More importantly, is it the time (or how well we know the person) or just that initial feeling of “damn, that’s really all you want?” or “That’s all the value you see in me”?
I mean while I will forever appreciate the fact that this guy presented me with the choice, I also can’t lie and say that I initially didn’t feel insulted. Perhaps this is the bigger lesson here; that we need to somehow not take insult to it. That not everyone will want you for what you can offer, or what’s “on the inside”, and that more importantly, that is ok.
What are your thoughts?
Image via Geek Club Books