Let’s Talk Flaws. What Makes You Awful?

Yeah I went there. I haven’t written on here in a while and was really stuck on what to reintroduce myself with. I trust you guys to flood our submissions with tales of love and romance so I thought about looking at myself instead and, hopefully, someone out there will see themselves in this as…

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Yeah I went there. I haven’t written on here in a while and was really stuck on what to reintroduce myself with. I trust you guys to flood our submissions with tales of love and romance so I thought about looking at myself instead and, hopefully, someone out there will see themselves in this as well.

The moment you realise your parents aren’t perfect, to me, is a crucial point in that awful transition from kid to adult. I will firmly maintain that I remain a kidult aspiring to be a baby girl, as I refuse to fully accept this bill-laden, tax-ridden, employment-requiring scam called adulthood. So yes, the transition is awful. I don’t like it. But I digress.

For me, the moment I realised my parents weren’t perfect was the first time I noticed their main flaws. It might not have been a specific point in time, but I remember this palpable awareness that went something like “Woah. Mum is really bad at that.” Aside the general “no one is perfect” rhetoric, I think most of us tend to have one major flaw (usually among many). We all know what that one really bad trait or habit that sticks out from the rest is. Yes, it’s that one you kinda tell yourself about when you have those “Na me fuck up” monologues in private, even when you won’t admit it to anyone else. Some of us wear it like a badge of honour, refusing to improve – all in the name of “This is who I am”. 

Mine is stubbornness. Like Grade A, unadulterated, “my way or the highway” type stubbornness. It’s integral to who I am because it makes me go after what I want without settling (even when my procrastination lengthens the process – but that’s another flaw for another day). The point is that I want things and I tend not to settle or back down. Being made to compromise usually leaves me feeling used and/or manipulated, especially because we are usually expected to do this as women.

So I guess my stubbornness makes me driven, and is a massive fuck you to anything trying to pull me off my path. But it also makes me difficult and inflexible at times, which isn’t always great for other people. I recognise these things, but do I really plan to change? The truth is I don’t. Not really. It’s not just because I’m justifying my bad behaviour under the “take me as I am” umbrella. I actually believe the opposite – it’s not something everyone can deal with, and I don’t have that expectation. 

It’s mainly because giving up that trait would mean giving up the good things it forces me to do for myself. I wouldn’t be in the career I’m in if I didn’t refuse to be swayed by alternatives, and my job might be hella stressful but it makes me pretty fucking happy. My stubbornness comes with collateral damage. I recognise that. Working on it is another matter. It also helps that I have other great qualities so occasionally being a bitch isn’t really the worst thing in the world. 😉

So I want to hear from you guys. What do you think makes you awful? What negative traits do you have, and how do you manage them in order to minimise their effect on others? Do you even care about working on this problem and how do we begin to unlearn these aspects of our personalities – which have sometimes taken years to solidify? As always, express you.

Responses

  1. Larz
    You shouldn’t give up being stubborn but….

    You should learn to work with your stubborness to leave the people you interract with regularly keen to keep working with you. For example, you can be more persuasive even when you are being stubborn or bribe them using carrots instead of sticks.

    My flaw is that I am too damn awesome>>>>

    1. Larz
      Haha just kidding. Not that i am not awesome…

      Oke where was I, Tolu area of improvement (I refuse to use the word flaw), is that I move too quickly. They problem it has thay is that if I give myself a little more time to act/ speak, to response will be more refined.

      My hubby does it so well though. Even though he takes his time to do stuff, the end result seem so more 5 star than mine. But I really enjoy the thrill of moving very quickly. I guess I just need to find a balance. For now, I will aim use the tailored and calculated approach for important stuff like business meetings and interviews, (or around my inlaws) and let it all out in easy company

  2. Miss X
    I’m generally that sweet, gentle-looking girl that everyone just loves at first meeting. I think I would be friends with me if I wasn’t me. Basically, I’m very likeable and mostly good.

    But my most negative side is lack of Sexual control. I’m addicted to porn and sex. I sleep with almost every guy that asks. For no real reason than because I have a vagina and I can. I’m seriously working on it though and I can say I’m definitely improving.

  3. Toby
    Ooooh Gurl,
    Nice piece by the way!

    My flaw, has always been and possibly will always be my Pride.
    Not like “Can you not prostrate to greet me” pride, more like “shut up you infernal insect, the only reason you still draw breath n this earth is because i wish it, now kneel before the one you should revere and bask in glory of the attention i reward you”, yeah that kind of pride.

    I am not going to discard it anytime soon though!!

  4. Dickson
    Hahaha….this made for a nice read.
    Mine is a mild case of OCD. Especially the compulsive part.
    I am easily irritated.
    My gf is learning to cope when I complain about certain things. Worse of all , I can check locks for Africa. I also check that electronics are turned off before going to bed and when going out. I will wake up middle of the night and check to be sure all doors are locked, all windows are closed. When going out, I can get downstairs and climb up again just to be sure ONE LAST TIME that all electronics were turned off and the door was locked.Door that I was the one who locked in the first place. My younger brother is already used to me.
    1. Morris
      Waawu, your ‘flaw’ made me want to write, as it kinda put a flaw right in my face… Impatience… I wee kee you, i am not even sure we can last as friends, LOL.

      I have too many flaws, maybe i am flaws sef, but combined to make this beautiful me. I cannot come and die on-top say i have flaws.

    2. Debloww
      OMG this is me!!!!!

      I have turned back to go home to check if I put off the gas burner. Gas burner that I didn’t put on in the first place. I was halfway through my journey and I fucking turned back. This hasn’t happened once or twice. I have turned back to go home so I can check if I placed a document(I think a phcn bill) safely on my bed so it won’t drop on the floor. Reason for this affection for this doc? I don’t know.

    1. Funmi Ogunlusi Post author
      May they not come to visit you and ask for someone else. Haba. Asking for S on my post? Kilode?

      JK. She’s working on something that will be hitting the site soon. I have a feeling her series will get people talking.

        1. Olushola
          Hi Ssssssssss, my name is Olushola *picks race*, wondering why I haven’t read anything from you since I returned to civilization. It’s not like I missed you o, well, maybe just a little.
  5. jude
    should I call this a story or an article, I think I started noticing my own flaws just about the time I realized my parents aren’t that perfect, have got so many flaws but I pick on how am so emotionally weak..
  6. Ohio
    I read something somewhere of resent that say “in life we learn, relearn and unlearn”.
    The third part is what we hardly or never do- unlearn. Personally, I’m a sucker for being patient. I mean, I’m patient to a fault and to me that’s weakness cos I’ve realised that anything done in extremity is not cool, my take.
  7. Cavey
    Flaws ei? 🤔
    We’re all imperfect in a perfect way and that doesn’t mean that’s (not) okay. I guess for me it’s that I don’t know how to express myself. Weird right? 😄 Okay lemme rephrase; because I want to pass across the right message, I’m very…finicky about how I express myself; choosing the right words, the right tone, the right tempo, the right facial expressions and while some say that’s good, sometimes, it also means because I’m trying to be ‘understanding and considerate’, where I should say “bitch, fuck outta my face, you’re disgusting me right now”, I’d go “*sigh* could you please just leave me alone, I’m trying not to rude” or worse, I’d just smile and take all your BS, even when I don’t.
    I guess because I know I’m an ‘extremist’ and I know if I get angry/upset, I wouldn’t regret anything I say/do (‘cos in my head, to get me to that point, you had it coming and I owe you no apology), I push myself to the limit of my tolerance. But I’m working on it. I’m a lot better at just ‘spontaneously’ expressing how I feel without being sure of what I’m saying and then working my way to saying what I mean to say.
    Lol! I don’t even know if this comment makes sense
  8. Vanilla
    Mine has to be how i can make up my mind about stuff and be so adamant about changing it. Maybe a little flexibility will help.

    Guess another one i am working on is to keep stuff to myself more. something happens, i get excited and i cant wait to share that news with friends. Like shut up girl, damn it!!!

    1. Funmi Ogunlusi Post author
      I relate with this in a way that kinda mirrors the point @cavey made. It takes a lot for me to get to a position of finality, so when I get there, there’s no going back. I decide and that’s it – for better or worse. Again, stubbornness. But I like to think it’s well considered stubbornness. 🙂
  9. Mrs B
    I’m such a terrible person.
    Why? Cos sometimes, I feel I don’t have flaws. Especially when someone offends me. I’m the good one. I’m the one who was hurt. But then again…I realise how very messed up I am. I’m terrible. I’m FLAWED!
    Many times I ask why I was made this way…but what can one do? I just live one day at a time.
    But I’m the Queen of Flaws. Terrible person I am…😩
  10. K.O.H.
    Hhhhmmmm. . . My flaws are many but thankfully, I’m working on the ones that can undermine me.

    I had a terrible case of procrastination. Add that to the desire to just be in bed all day, gorging on the internet and you get a sloth. I’ve been working on that with alarms, schedules and reminders, etc. So it’s getting better than it was.

    I used to live in the moment and had almost nothing to my name even with a fair paying job. Poor savings and investment culture. Last year, a love interest called me broke and that challenged me to challenge myself. So, for the first time ever, I saved over N1 million which was a very sweet feeling especially in the face of increased cost of living and the recession. I spent it all sha. For very good things and all the right reasons. Now I’m happy with myself and this year, I’m already on the road to do more and still enjoy the occasional “live in the moment” moments.

    Nothing scares me more than being in the wrong relationship or being with the wrong woman. I’m not perfect o. But when I give my word, when I say I’m all in and committed, I’m all in and committed. No side chicks, no games, no secrets, no Plan B. I’m not easy to love and understand but I always add value and give my best. The flaw – being burnt and used over time has given me a bad case of pisantrophobia – the fear of trusting people and in my own case, trusting a woman with my heart. Mine isn’t the “I think you’re cheating and I’ll constantly monitor you” or “women cannot be trusted” kind of distrust. It’s the “if you’re not patient enough to know me well and understand my story, my pain, my passion, my person, where I’m coming from and where I wanna be, we can’t work together” kind of distrust. Not a lot of people have that patience especially in these times of fast lives and instant gratification. So I’m mostly in relationship limbo and indulge in casual, no expectations arrangements to protect my heart.
    No jokes o. Heartbreak deals with me seriously. You know the type where you’re so into each other’s lives that you can picture yourselves together 10, 20 years from now. And then it all comes crashing down and you have to unlearn loving them so much and you have to push all those beautiful pictures of 10, 20 years you have away. Reality becomes very painful and you suffer withdrawal symptoms almost like a junkie. It takes months and sometimes years to get over that kind of love. That’s the kind of heartbreak I have and what I try so so hard to avoid.
    Hopefully, fate and love will smile on me as I address this flaw. I’ll have to open myself more and hope for the best somehow.

    lol. I’ll basically written a post within a post about my flaws. Wish me luck in dealing with them.

    1. Funmi Ogunlusi Post author
      Knowing yourself (i.e. how hard heartbreak hits you) and being careful about who you let in (because you’re right – not many people are patient) makes sense to me. But I don’t know you so if you say it’s a flaw, I believe you. 🙂

      As for your casual arrangements, the TNC comments section has proven to be a fertile ground for P setting so go forth and prosper.

      1. Cavey
        “It’s the “if you’re not patient enough to know me well and understand my story, my pain, my passion, my person, where I’m coming from and where I wanna be, we can’t work together” kind of distrust”. I get you man, more than you can even believe ‘cos this is more…only a bit worse ‘cos I don’t even see it as ‘distrust’. It’s protecting yourself because as y’all already know, when I love…lol. Let’s not even go there but as Funmi said, this is a GREAT place for p setting so don’t dull, prosper!
  11. Atoba
    Yea I do have a flaw, something I’d call “Unrelenting undying dreams” and simply put, it’s how I’d define my dogged stubbornness. I’ll want something, keep trying to get it, keep getting turned down, pray about it, work for it; still not get it and still not back down. Till I do eventually get it. And oh that takes a while, years in some cases, but here I am, still unable to learn the possible bliss of letting go. It has its benefits but many times it’s just exhausting yet I don’t know how to stop.
    Let’s not get to how I spend money I don’t have on guilty pleasures, once I can convince myself it’s not such a bad thing. I tire.
    I can’t even say I’m on a path to getting better. I no see road.
  12. Uche
    Lol, I am so flawed its amazing anybody likes me at all. I am very independent. I can also be set in my own ways and hardly forget. Once bitten, twice shy is not just a random phrase in my dictionary. I go late to meetings and hardly ever see anything through.
  13. T. A
    Indifference. Emotionally, i cant really dive deep. Lol you cant hurt me, please me etc. I can pretend you did… ask me again in an hour i prolly forgot the main emotion i was supposed to be feeling.

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