Letters To My Ex – Letter #3: My Awesome New Life and Wife

It’s been a while since the last time I saw you.

I thought about you today and I remembered the end. The day I said “We can still be friends.” while you sat frozen in the car, wordless for the rest of the journey. You may not remember how I kept driving at a snail’s pace…as though the time it would take to drop you back home would be enough time to resolve the problems we’d been having.  I replayed the words I’d uttered back in my head, shocked that I’d actually enunciated what I’d only ever thought to myself before.  I willed myself to say I didn’t mean it…but once we reached your home, it was clear things were over.

As I made the last turn, you finally broke the silence and asked “What will you remember of us?”

I didn’t answer you then.  I was too busy questioning my decision to let you go and was afraid that if I responded, I’d change my mind. We’d parked by the gate of your house, and with your hand on the car door, you looked back at me.  Your eyes said “last chance” and your question hung in the air between us.  But I still couldn’t answer.

So I drove away.

I remember anger.  A deep, besetting anger that I harbored against you for those tears you constantly shed and the emotions you lost control of too easily. There was an even deeper anger that I held against myself for causing you to weep in the first place and for always taking you to a dark place no matter how I tried.  I remember fights.  Public fights, private fights.  Fights so intense they extended themselves into my dreams at night and I’d wake up fearful…still angry.

I remember questions. “How do I know you won’t leave me?” “How do I know you won’t just do what the last guy did?” “How do I know if I should believe you or not?”  I had questions as well, wondering why we were even bothering. I questioned whether I was man enough to walk away, until the day I told you…I can’t do this anymore.

I remember guilt. For constantly hurting you and never being able to do what you needed me to. Guilt for staying in the limbo our relationship had become.

I remember the letter you wrote me the next day, the one I left unanswered. I remember you kept sending letters…and emails…and texts. You didn’t understand my silence.

Neither did I.

But today I thought about you.  For the first time in a long time, I thought about you…as I looked at my wife.  She reminds me a lot of you. But with her I’m everything I wasn’t with you.

Like you, her emotions spill out like water from a broken dam and threaten to sweep me away in their fury.  But with her I don’t fight it.  I let myself be pulled in and sink deep into her chaos. Unlike with you, I actually want to drown in her.

Like you I wonder where her mind is most of the time.  But if I question my sanity or hers, she just smiles at me and scoffs. “I hear you have a thing for mad girls” she’ll say, alluding to my past with you. I can’t disagree.

Like you she questions me. But not because she doubts me.  She wants to know me inside and out.  She wants to pull me out of myself, looking for the best parts to bring out into the light. You always struggled to get me to open up, but she does it effortlessly, pushing the words I would have once kept locked up, out into the open, where I can’t rein them in…where regrets are no longer possible.

Like you she dances.  Winding, floating, undulating around me every night.  She dances to the songs in her head or in her collection, giving herself the beat and melody, inventing new steps along the way.  Unlike you she pulls me in, never content to just let me watch from afar.  Now, I don’t struggle to match her steps.  We fall into the rhythm her mind makes, and I can hear it just by placing my ear near her temple.

Like you she dreams.  But she…she actually speaks of her dreams. Sings them to me in my ears and asks me what they mean.  She relives them in front of me, capturing every last detail in her dramatic flair.  Then when her recap is over, she pursues them, trying to give them life.  She doesn’t dream that I’ll leave her, the way you always did.

Like you, she shouts in joy and pouts in anger.  Her yells threaten to bring the walls down when she rejoices, and the heavens threaten to commiserate and pour down their anger when she frowns.  But unlike with you, I can’t match her volume.  So I just hold her tight.  She’ll squeeze back, asking me to hold her “tighter.”  I never can though.  Because, I don’t want to hurt her.

You may be wondering if I wrote you just to brag about her. But I don’t need to.  You already know my wife is amazing.

You know, because she’s you.

It’s been a while since you saw me last. The past me.  The me who needed time to stand by the looking glass and wait to face the dark images of our problems.  The me who needed space to breathe to realize I couldn’t breathe without you.  The me who needed more time to grow up in order to grow with you.  It took you time as well, to let go of the past, to forgive me and, despite the question you asked that day, to not remember us. You needed time to send us into the past so we could come into the future, to a new beginning.  We both needed time to reach out again cautiously, though doubt threatened to overwhelm us both, and grasp for one another.

I’m not writing to check up on you.  I know exactly how you’re doing.  You know exactly how I am.

It’s been a while since that day.  But now you’re only a room away.  Even as I type this you call out to me asking “What are you doing?” in the sing-song voice I no longer run from.  Now I search for it, listening to it, drinking in the sound of my name from your mouth.

I remembered the end today, but as I close this letter, I face my new beginning…you.

*****

I am Naija Husband otherwise known as NH.  Look out for more posts from me, and also check out my blog –naijahusband.com or drop me a line on twitter @NaijaHusband 

*****

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Comments
  • Avatar
    Marilyn

    I’m first again 🙂

    November 12, 2013
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      Yay you, Oya read the post proper <_<

      November 12, 2013
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        Marilyn

        Lol. :p

        November 12, 2013
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    I just lost a gold medal 2nd

    November 12, 2013
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    nyx

    Encouraging second chances. *bittersweet smile*

    November 12, 2013
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    Marilyn

    Awwwwnn. Cheers, to new beginnings and second chances. P.S: you people should not come and rub your familiarity in our faces and be like ” awwwn [insert naija husband’s real name] is such a good writer” and stoffs. We that don’t know them personally nko? Abeg

    November 12, 2013
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      Curious

      LOL!

      November 14, 2013
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    I’m not writing to check up on you. I know exactly how you’re doing. You know exactly how I am >>>>>>>>>>>>>> How sweet *Sniff Sniff*

    November 12, 2013
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    Kesh

    This is so cute.

    November 12, 2013
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      hrh7

      I know!

      November 13, 2013
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    Beth

    At first, I thought the guy was a proper asshole for bragging like that but along the line, his intention became clearer. This was nicely written.

    November 12, 2013
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    The Akin.

    This is nice, very nice.

    November 12, 2013
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    Chisom.

    “You may be wondering if I wrote you just to brag about her. But I don’t need to.  You already know my wife is amazing.

    You know, because she’s you.”

    I’m not going to cry. I’m not… *sniffs*

    November 12, 2013
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    Ute

    Yes. 🙂

    November 12, 2013
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    Naijahusband is a boss abeg.

    See as egbon just neatly sent us from "eeeeeyaah" to "awwwwn".

    Nice one.

    November 12, 2013
    • Avatar
      Kiz

      he sure is THE Boss of heart matters

      November 12, 2013
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    Mo

    Omg! Omg! Oh my heart! Need to go have a good cry now…lols

    November 12, 2013
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    vixenpixie

    Oh my Gosh…I'm crying. Remember when I said ur wife reminds me of me. Yeah, Exactly!! UGH

    November 12, 2013
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      The Akin.

      see you girls goin' all soft. yesterday's post y'all came out with daggers and pitchforks!. lol

      November 12, 2013
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      Sirkastiq

      Ehn, make it about you…famzer. mtscheeew

      November 12, 2013
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      lordfiddler

      Baby girl dry your eyes….I see what you're tryna do here!

      November 14, 2013
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    "The me who needed space to breathe to realize I couldn’t breathe without you." My goodness. I have to keep my thoughts on this private cos yeah I don't want to sound desperate lol

    November 12, 2013
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    Temmie

    OMG!I’m so teary-eyed right now,Awesome letter(for the hopeless romantics like me)I love it!

    November 12, 2013
  • Avatar

    Nice.
    I prefer the letters with scandalous story lines. I want abuse, bashing, curses and threats of murder :):)

    November 12, 2013
    • Avatar
      The Akin.

      LOL. Let There Be Blood!!!.

      November 12, 2013
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      Spatacus………………Blood and Sand

      November 12, 2013
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      thetoolsman

      hahaha.. you know, even though I'm a romantic head, I'm with you on this one..

      November 12, 2013
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      HoneyDame

      Like toh bad, ehn?!

      November 12, 2013
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    I’m actually wiping real tears from my eyes after reading this.. NH has a way wwith words abeg. This is too good!

    November 12, 2013
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    ninithoughtsonfood

    WOW!….this letter goes a long way for me….
    You may be wondering if I wrote you just to brag about her. But I don’t need to. You already know my wife is amazing.

    You know, because she’s you

    Awesome letter!

    November 12, 2013
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    bukonla

    This is so beautiful,bitter sweet indeed,but sweet like honey at the end…..

    November 12, 2013
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    Terdoh

    Amazing.

    November 12, 2013
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    shuggarkein

    OH MY GOD. I'm crying. Second Chances! Kai. Kai. God bless you and your marriage.

    November 12, 2013
    • Avatar
      Sirkastiq

      Shut up. You’re not crying -__-

      November 12, 2013
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    Dee

    This was so beautiful. And I like the little twist at the end, didn't expect it.

    November 12, 2013
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    That was how a letter to my wife was sneaked in as a letter to my ex. How can my wife and my ex be the same person? No be inception be that? Sighs. This is not fair

    November 12, 2013
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      Lmao.

      November 12, 2013
    • Avatar

      You had me laughing out loud with this comment.

      November 12, 2013
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      Aarinolaoluwa

      My exact Thought!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but She could have be the 'Only one' 🙂

      November 12, 2013
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      Lol. Why na

      November 12, 2013
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      curious

      At first I was like inception or deception? Then i got it…LOL

      November 14, 2013
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    Flakky

    Awwww. This is so sweet! Sad thing is it hardly ever happens in real life though…but I can't knock it's sweetness. 🙂

    November 12, 2013
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      Christabel

      Honey, this is real life. Naijahusband is married to her. She’s called naijawife. Check out their blog tho.

      November 12, 2013
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        Naijawife is not skoin skoin like this woman o. This must be a story, abeg.

        Naijawife, where are you o, come and see character assassination.

        November 12, 2013
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      Christabel

      @Niyoola this is soooo naijawife joor. I can picture her being this neurotic and then growing and evolving into the amazeballs she is now. :p. Where is she sef?

      November 12, 2013
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        Lol I’m right here. Trust me this letter is true to the very last drop. We’re going to write a post about that breakup.
        P.s – I still get skoin skoin o!

        November 12, 2013
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          Looooooooool

          see me doing Voltron for Zarkon!
          okay o, we await the story on your blog.

          @Christabel >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> apple jews for you

          November 12, 2013
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          Kiz

          i love u guys to bits . you and NH give me hope that people can live happily after marriage.

          November 12, 2013
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            lordfiddler

            Abeg o, not just after marriage oh…during the marriage join too! Ahhh! After marriage no be death or divorce??

            November 14, 2013
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    Tejflow

    Awwwwwwwwwwwwww. so sweet

    November 12, 2013
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    Christabel

    This is beautiful and amazing and all kinds of crazy. Its exactly how love should be. Love grows . Although, I coulda sworn me and naijawife are sisters with the way he describes her. Yeah and if you haven’t visited their blog, please do. *drops 2 cents in offering basket* *goes to vote TNC as fav blog* toodles!

    November 12, 2013
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      Christabel

      *Love grows you

      November 12, 2013
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        Sirkastiq

        Thank you for voting 🙂

        November 12, 2013
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    debloww

    So amazing!!!!!!Damn

    November 12, 2013
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    sweettemmy

    awwwwwwwwwww

    November 12, 2013
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    Rezza

    Abeg give us blood. We want blood!!!

    You make a sister come out with her matching red horns, curved tail + pitchfork, and then you proceed to deal a tear inducing post? Cammmmaan! #red eyes#

    We want blood!!! #raises pitchfork with one hand and red placard with the other#

    BLOOD!!!

    November 12, 2013
    • Avatar

      Lmaoooooooooooooooooooo , Spatacus kawai :p

      November 12, 2013
    • Avatar
      Marilyn

      Lmao. And you’re female afterall

      November 12, 2013
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      The Akin.

      LOL. Yes Oh!. Give Us Blood! Blood!! Bloooddd!!! *tears boxers*

      November 12, 2013
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    sade

    Awwwww…this has to be my best letter yet!!!

    November 12, 2013
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    trafels

    Cool story … I think I like this more because it's against the general belief that your ex is the devil.

    November 12, 2013
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      Soft and Teary

      Your own ex is the devil tho. <_<

      November 12, 2013
  • Avatar

    Now this is a splendid piece of work! Lol I totally didn’t see that coming.

    November 12, 2013
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    Ninny

    This letter describes what I'd write to my ex who I believe will be my future. I'm not crazy. Love it.

    November 12, 2013
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    Rolayo

    NH!
    Ahan!
    Be oppressing us unmarried o!
    Awesome post abeg! I’ve said the rest on twitter.
    *duffing my hat*

    November 12, 2013
  • Avatar

    Beautiful writing. Bookmarked!

    November 12, 2013
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    Ola

    :') Now I need to go punch a wall to feel manly again. *sniffs*
    This letter is …breathtakingly beautiful. Well done!

    November 12, 2013
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    Ayaba

    makes me think of calling him… *deep sigh*

    November 12, 2013
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    HoneyDame

    *Respect sir!

    November 12, 2013
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    Wow.

    November 12, 2013
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    chaka Khan

    Awwwww,naija husband is the real shit!

    November 12, 2013
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    Dayummmmmmmmmm!

    I was wondering what kind of eloquent, articulate, mean asshole wrote this to his ex, after seemingly breaking her heart.

    That was one hell of a twist. Kudos to the author!

    November 12, 2013
  • Avatar

    Damnn! Noice.

    November 12, 2013
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    Rookie

    Naijawife is a lucky woman! this is so beautiful 🙂

    November 12, 2013
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    @Sirkastiq

    🙂

    November 12, 2013
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    Aarinolaoluwa

    *Speechless*

    November 12, 2013
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    grace

    The most beautiful,heart wrenching love letter I have read.what makes it amazing is the fact that this a genuine story and letter showing the world that true love still exist.

    November 12, 2013
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    Aijay

    This is the best letter I’ve read so far,in this series. Mushy but really nice.

    November 12, 2013
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    Tseye

    Damn,have'nt read anything this good in a while.

    November 12, 2013
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    Papijebz

    Wow…very nice

    November 12, 2013
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      Dami

      hmmm so you visit here? issorai

      November 12, 2013
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    Anon564

    This one scared me at first because I am going through the same doubts, emotions and reactions that come with scars of the past. Trust issues are damaging in ways I never imagined but its getting better and this gives me hope. It's beautiful.

    November 12, 2013
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    Ava Mosby

    Naija husband is a amazing writer joor. Totally Love Z couple.. :)))))

    November 12, 2013
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    @Thisconnectd

    This is so beautiful. Couldn't stop the tears. *sobs*

    November 12, 2013
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    Zee

    Awwwwww I dropped a tear

    November 12, 2013
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    Nony

    Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! This is so amazing, I’m now going to cry and think about my inexistent love life

    November 12, 2013
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    Afoma

    THIS IS SO AMAZING!!!!

    November 12, 2013
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    Poisefreak

    When I first started reading this post I thought “Oh so you left her because she was crazy and felt the need for you to understand her”, then midway I saw you made the right choice by learning to take her for who she was and kept her….. Amazing letter. Your ex reminds me of myself… I only wish my “ex” would be as brave as you turned out to be to wife a “crazy” girl like me…….. I’ll let your letter inspire me to wait a little longer… Thanks for writing this.

    November 12, 2013
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      lordfiddler

      "Wait a little longer.."? . . . Hmmm, then what? Deep meanings held right there.

      There is always order in chaos; and beauty in order. Your "crazy" is definitely not as bad as you think it is…. possible you've been viewing it through his eyes. Good luck with your wait and life.

      November 14, 2013
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    Its been said but i still need to add my voice. This is totally awesome. NH, this letter took me to ur blog and I love it. Keep up d great work. NH and NW, thanks for giving people out there hope.

    November 12, 2013
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    Bimbo F

    The frigging best. Awesome to say the least. *small tears*

    November 12, 2013
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    Afreaque_

    Beautiful piece. Throway salute!

    November 12, 2013
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    Such Skill. . . Such beautiful misleading skill. Nice1 Bruva.

    November 12, 2013
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    vikie_carson

    The me who needed space to breathe to realise I couldn’t breathe without you. Deep stuff! I love you guys

    November 12, 2013
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    stupendousgrace

    NH, this is just so beautiful…feels like an answer to 'I wanna know what love is and I want you to show me…'.
    Love you guys to Timbuktu and back.

    November 12, 2013
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    lhaeide

    Love this letter more than others written so far…cheers to second chance and new beginnings !

    November 12, 2013
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      Marilyn

      Copy copy. (My cheers comment -_- )

      November 13, 2013
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      Marilyn

      Copy copy sha. (My cheers comment -_- )

      November 13, 2013
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    Soft and Teary

    I started from crying to smiling like and idiot and I actually screamed! Too fucking good! I’m saving this post!

    November 12, 2013
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    Abi

    awwwwwwwww

    November 12, 2013
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    Mma

    I couldn’t just read without commenting…..This is all sorts of beautiful…and this line ‘The me who needed space to breathe to realise I couldn’t breathe without you’. Wow!

    November 12, 2013
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    T.J

    Naijahusband came ‘ere?? Not fair joo. This was supposed to be some gladiator sort of series na, not “The Notebook” sorta love story.
    Cool story sha, I’m happy for y’all both & I always suspected she had skoin skoin esp after that “the grudge” stunt she roped U in.
    Love ur blog by the way; keep up the good work.

    November 12, 2013
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    moreen

    awwwwwww so lovely. have carry last sha

    November 12, 2013
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    ijebuPrincess

    *sniff. sniff* where is my bf abeg. he needs to come and read this. we can both relate to this letter on so many. levels.

    November 12, 2013
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    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. I’m screaming and smiling hard and I have tears in my eyes.

    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

    November 12, 2013
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    Babasands

    Hmmmmmph….makes we that have no ex wanna fall in love…and no we ain’t having that ( ,_,) nice post though

    November 12, 2013
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    Smyth

    And after all the stress of law school today,this post made me smile and forget everything. Beautiful. NH rocks.

    November 12, 2013
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    Smackychan

    Noice very Noice

    November 13, 2013
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    Waoh! Waoh!! Waoh!!! Tear’s fill my eye’s drill through my cheek…. Just wonderful!!!

    November 13, 2013
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    Chiiiny

    This is an absolutely brilliant letter.
    I love it.
    NH and NW for the man dem.

    November 13, 2013
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    Getting from that car ride home to saying your vows…*sigh*. Your wife is my hero. Beautifully written.

    November 13, 2013
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    Getting from that car ride home to saying your vows…*sigh*. Your wife is my hero, skoin skoin and all. Beautifully written.

    November 13, 2013
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    Nabia

    I love this letter…real talk, real life, real experiences…awesome stuff

    November 13, 2013
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    Nessa

    Beautiful! Beautiful! Beautiful! Didn't see that coming

    November 13, 2013
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    Mr Curiosity

    One word….Amazing!

    November 13, 2013
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    Cynthia

    NAijawife plz hold ur husband wEll b4 @sassy_ij rEads this letter and starts chasing him.ThE bitCh has no control.beautiful story

    November 13, 2013
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      Ola

      What the ..??! Madam, sweeerve!!

      November 13, 2013
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      Marilyn

      Don’t drag twitter drama into this peaceful blog biko.

      November 13, 2013
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      Abi

      lool! what??

      November 13, 2013
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    Frank Ugo

    Aww, you guys. You guys are so cute :’) Enjoy your life.

    November 13, 2013
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    amydeator

    what is this? >_> O/ <_<. That was vile and totally uncalled for. I seriously hope its a joke. However tasteless.

    November 13, 2013
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    Jiji

    This is amazing

    November 13, 2013
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    tobicomm

    Oh wow. Completely blown. This is amazing.

    November 13, 2013
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    Oma Ngozika

    Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is soooooo amazing!!! This is why I love NH and NW too much!!!!!!

    November 13, 2013
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    Abi

    soo beautiful .. this is still my best.. taste of fresh air

    November 13, 2013
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    A. Bonrue

    When I started reading, I thought hey why is he comparing his wife with his Ex na…Now I'm ooohing and aahhhing all over the post. This is so beautiful! For those of us who think Exes are "haram"…this is an eye opener…sort of.

    November 13, 2013
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    toborex

    Aww damn! This was a beautiful letter. I love the transition from his old self … *sniff*

    November 14, 2013
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    I like that this didn’t read like fiction. You and your wife inspire me.

    Thank you.

    November 14, 2013
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    jemimahnaa

    Lovely post!very well written,NaijaWife musta bin blushn n grinning like a Cheshire cat.lol.I know I totally would.loving u guys,ur blog n giving hope dt marriage aint all bitter like those church marriage counsellors try to paint it.Adun lo n gbeyin ewuro ‘in Niyola’s voice'(but diff storyline from toh bad sha o).2nd chances really r worth it sometimes after proper re-evaluation n growth n I’m a testimony to that. Looking 4wd 2seein d breakupstory on ur blog.

    November 14, 2013
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    Miss June

    Amazing writing, so beautifully put together. The best letter so far!

    November 14, 2013
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    MzS_Pam

    The best!!

    November 14, 2013
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    LaLa

    AWESOMENESS!

    November 14, 2013
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    T_raine

    Beautiful piece. Inspiring blog too. Happy for you guys 🙂 some of us couldn’t make it work even a second time.

    November 14, 2013
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    Kany

    Nyc write up. I enjoyed it so much I had to go read it all over again.

    November 15, 2013
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    Kany

    1st comment on TNC

    November 15, 2013
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    lordfiddler

    At first, I was getting angry and impatient…then I got where he was going and I wished I was him all of a sudden. I wish we all had second chances like this that suited our varying scenarios sha.

    November 15, 2013
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    Toni

    splendid…i love it

    November 15, 2013
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    Nneoma

    This is so beautiful. Couldn’t help but squeal with delight. So brilliant.

    November 15, 2013
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    igee

    Awww dis is so awesomeee!! ^.^ so goin to ur blog

    November 15, 2013
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    Mush mush mush. And this technically isn't a letter to an ex, but then again, neither is mine.

    November 16, 2013
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    nefertiti

    @naijahusband! This letter! This letter!! OMG! Its awesome! I had a rethink bou my life after reading it! I cried all night n had my shades on all day after cos my eyes were swollen!! And thanks to u of cos, my ex n I re trying to work things out… Ure a “brilliant, brilliant, brilliant awesome, awesome” writer! Gracias!!!!
    FIRST of cos!!!!!!

    November 17, 2013
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    ThermoChic

    STANDING OVATION !!!!!!!! This is the best letter here. this letter just got me a whole new kinda respect for NH. Dammmmmmmnnn good. Technique was flawless

    November 19, 2013
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    Amaka

    I just read this and crying And my boss is just looking at me wondering why I’m crying hoping I didn’t get any bad news from home.

    November 20, 2013
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    bluephoenixrebel

    Wise man. Lucky woman. Great letter. I love!

    November 20, 2013
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    dammy

    This is super awesome,can’t help but cry

    November 23, 2013
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    drgbaks

    Got bless you NH & NW for continually giving us singles hope and for always telling the truth that marriage can be blissful.
    Lovely story, made me think of being a better person in my relationship.
    Gonna save this one!
    Best letter I’ve read in ages.
    Love you guys!

    December 2, 2013
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    drgbaks

    *God

    December 2, 2013
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    lahnlopez

    You are the best sis any thing from the TATAHS is alway go God bless your inspirations.

    December 9, 2013
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    "You may be wondering if I wrote you just to brag about her. But I don’t need to.  You already know my wife is amazing.

    You know, because she’s you."

    Omg I had tears dropping

    January 2, 2014
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    This is too beautiful

    January 2, 2014
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    The juxtapositions employed by the writer are inarticulate. Plus, he really didn't need to mention that he was writing about her – she obviously knew that. He should have eluded us from that information, and let the smart mind figure that out.

    These are the flaws that render this piece of work shy of stellar.

    January 4, 2014
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      purplebloom

      this is a love letter written from the heart not to win awards or likes.

      July 11, 2014
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        Night Flame

        Lol do you only do stellar work when you want to win awards or likes?

        June 3, 2016
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    January 19, 2014
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