life lessons

On Learning And Unlearning Life’s Lessons

Score: Nearer My God To Thee (For 9 Cellos) || Piano Guys

End Credits: Unclear || Kodaline

I know usually, appreciation comes at the end of something but I want to start this article by saying a sincere thank you to the TNC family for being an integral cog in shaping the person I am today. Beyond the posts and comments, the camaraderie that’s palpable in the TNC community fills me with hope and joy. Thank you, TNC, for existing.

Thank you.

Now, on to the article.

Dharmmie’s post last week on ‘Adulting’ had me laughing but afterwards, it got me reflecting on how much I’ve grown, how far I’ve come in my journey in life and how much more growing I still have to do and at first, the path ahead seemed terribly daunting but then I remembered something one of my mentors said “if the picture of your future in your head doesn’t scare you, dream again” so rather than focusing on how far I still have to go, I reflected on how far I’ve come, the lessons I’ve learnt and I chose to share with the TNC family;

I’m learning that although there’s strength in needing people, I have to learn NOT to need anyone. I’m also learning that there are some people who, once they feature in your life, become a mainstay, a necessity you don’t ever want to miss. These people give your monochromatic life colour, beautifying it in a way you never knew possible. Keep these people because they’re rare.

But I’ve learned to remember that even though they colour your life, it’s YOUR life and no one but you determines the beauty of it. If you let others define your life, your happiness, because of what they bring to the table, what happens if they leave?

I’ve learned to appreciate the beauty, the colour they bring but I’ve also learned not to let my vision become kaleidoscopic. I am the book, they are the crayon.

I’m learning that it’s terribly hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice & not hurting people’s feelings and standing up for what you believe.

I’m learning that sometimes, you just have to be selfish and not think about others, else, you’d find yourself in quicksand.

I’m learning that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who’s lovable. The rest is up to them.

I’ve learned that what Samwise Gamgee did by carrying Frodo on his back up Mount Doom was not a ploy by movie makers to make me cry. I’ve learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I’ve learned that it’s okay to be angry but it’s not okay to use that anger as an excuse to be cruel.

I’ve learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distances. Same goes for true love.

I’m learning that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I’ve learned that your family won’t always be there for you. I’m also learning that ‘family’ isn’t those who you share a surname with but those people who, when push comes to shove, have your back, no matter the consequence.

I’m learning that no matter how good a friend someone is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I’m learning that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. This is a lesson I’m still failing.

I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I’m learning that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different…and that’s okay.

I’m learning that no matter how hopeless a situation is, no matter how much easier it would be to give up, if you look hard enough, you’d find a reason to take one more step, live one more day…you’d find a reason to fight.

I remember when I stumbled on this quote by Shakespeare in JS2 and I was sure I knew the meaning;

“There is a tide in the affairs of men. Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune; Omitted, all the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and in miseries. On such a full sea are we now afloat, and we must take the current when it serves, Or lose our ventures.”

Now a bit older and a bit wiser, it means something different to me. I’m learning that life IS a pot of beans and that things hardly ever go exactly according to plan but you can’t mope, just because you have to set a new course. If you mope, you’d miss the strong gale of wind to fill your sail the storm brought with it.

But most importantly, I’m learning that you can keep going long after you think you can’t.

I know I might need to unlearn some of these and I’m going to need to learn a whole lot more, but I know I’ve grown… I’m not the same person I was a year ago and for that, I’m truly grateful. Yes, nothing quite prepares you for adulting but hey, what can man do? Neverland doesn’t exist.

Please, feel free to help me learn more or unlearn anything I shouldn’t have learnt. The comments section is my lesson note.

Image via Jag Gym Blog

The following two tabs change content below.
Avatar
"Spotting someone reading a book you like is the book's way of recommending that someone" - I Can't Remember Nothing I say here would be enough to make you know me but my writeups, like books, would be my recommendations and should tell you enough about me.
Avatar

Latest posts by Cavey (see all)

Post tags:
Comments
  • Avatar
    Ibkn

    “I’m learning that life IS a pot of beans..” let us not forget the brunt dodo.

    March 12, 2016
    • Avatar
      Cavey

      Let’s not forget those! Or your ?

      March 12, 2016
      • Avatar
        Ibkn

        Thainks Thainks,

        March 12, 2016
  • Avatar
    Dumo

    CAVEY my man you just summarized my life right now. Thanks for these thought provoking lines. How’s she who must not be named? or rather words I couldn’t say?

    March 12, 2016
    • Avatar
      Cavey

      Let me be a Yoruba mother right now: “God forbid your life is not summarized in an article. You will fulfill destiny and they would write books about you” ???

      She’s fine, Dumo. She’s fine ?

      March 12, 2016
  • Avatar
    metaplasia M.D

    Well though out. Great read.

    March 12, 2016
  • Avatar

    Lovely, simply beautiful.

    Skentele or Skontolo: Double gele tutorial

    March 12, 2016
  • Avatar
    Olushola

    Wow!
    Bros, teach me how to write, biko.
    Great read.

    March 12, 2016
    • Avatar
      Cavey

      Me?! Teach you how to right?!
      ??????

      March 12, 2016
  • Avatar
    Ojuolape

    Thanks Cavey. You took the words right out of my mouth. I have been thinking about life lessons for a bit. Been doing quite a bit of growing up and cleaning head cobwebs.
    Think my greatest lessons so far are that friendships require work much as a relationship would and life is what happens daily. Not when you get that promotion/job/degree/ marriage. Is a daily something.

    March 12, 2016
  • Avatar
    Muyii

    Awesome

    March 12, 2016
  • Avatar
    moody

    Life has thought me the effectiveness of fighting but also the beauty in waiting, it thought me not to trust me, it thought me that I shouldn’t believe in an higher power because everyone else did, instead I should believe because what else is worth believing, certainly not nothingness, Casey got me in my feels tonight but then he always does, and another brilliant one, I should learn at your feet, sire?

    March 12, 2016
    • Avatar
      Cavey

      Hey Moody,
      Please tell Casey I’d like to learn a couple of things too ?
      “The effectiveness of fighting and the beauty in waiting”. Two beautiful lessons to learn, dearest Moody ☺️.

      March 13, 2016
      • Avatar
        Moody

        Hahaha, my bad????

        March 13, 2016
  • Avatar
    Anita

    I like a lot.

    I keep reminding myself of this;

    “If you don’t define yourself for yourself, you will be crunched into other people’s fantasy of you and eaten alive” -Audrey Lorde

    Be you always!

    P.s no Efe today? Toolz wat happened?

    March 12, 2016
    • Avatar
      Cavey

      Well said Anita…well said.

      March 13, 2016
  • Avatar
    MIA

    “But most importantly, I’m learning that you can keep going long after you think you can’t.” My best learning point. I am still working on it. Thank you for this wonderful writeup

    March 13, 2016
  • Avatar
    Iyanu

    @cavey Hi Cavey…. Great article, every single point was on point. Moving on to other things, pls E-mail me… Would love to have conversations with you (iyanuoluwaade@yahoo.com). I know you don’t know me but I promise I’m not a serial killer or man rapist of witch. Ok bye

    March 13, 2016
  • Avatar
    Cavey

    You had to say you’re not a serial killer or man rapist! You just had to! I’ve learned that people who say they aren’t serial killers usually are ?!
    Why Iyanu? Whyyyyy?????

    March 13, 2016
    • Avatar
      Dafididafidi

      How can u learn that and still be alive?. Email the repented serial killer Jo!

      May 4, 2016
  • Avatar
    Sommie

    I love you so much Cavey! Thank you so much for this!! It couldn’t have come at a better time.

    March 13, 2016
    • Avatar
      Cavey

      ☺️.
      You’re welcome, Sommie.

      March 13, 2016
  • Avatar
    ifeoluwa

    Life has taught me to Love myself before waiting on anyone to love me. I decided to unlearn the fact that I am unlovable. And am still learning total dependency on God as my only help as I journey through life. For indeed vain is the help of man……….This is such an amazing write-up.

    March 13, 2016
  • Avatar

    I love you @cavey
    I really do 🙂

    March 14, 2016
    • Avatar
      Cavey

      ????????????????????
      Thank you, Butterflymind!

      March 14, 2016
  • Avatar
    Od

    I finally read it. It’s nice. It’s true that you’ll unlearn a bunch of the stuff up there. Lol. Forgive me if I sound like a KIA. I’m weird like that. 🙂

    March 14, 2016
  • Avatar
    Thetoolsman

    Because of Mr Cavey, I think we need to start collecting some kind of “I love you” tax. For every commenter who declared their love for you, you buy us one bottle of Jameson. Fair right? Thought as much.

    March 15, 2016
    • Avatar
      Cavey

      ????????????????
      Wait wait wait!
      Shouldn’t it be me collecting the levy from you? They’re love for me kinda secures their loyalty to me and ultimately, TNC. The way I see it, I think we need an ‘I Love You’ bonus as part of the payment package

      March 31, 2016
  • Avatar
    Mademoiselle Kelz

    I’ve learnt that the world would expect you to stop smiling or being excited about little things…. But that it is your responsibility to preserve that part of you.

    I have learnt that sanity can be found even in a very insane world. My family is my sanity.

    I have learnt that it would seem like your life would come crashing if some folks were to walk away…. Well it would! But you would be fine after the crash.

    I have learnt that sometimes you got to stay with your gut feeling and do whatever it is you want to do. Then forget whatever anyone else say.

    Cavey! You write so beautifully! New songs on my Playlist!!!!

    March 15, 2016
  • Avatar

    I want to print this out and hang it over my bed.
    Thank you Davey????????????????

    March 15, 2016
    • Avatar
      Cavey

      I sorry it’s taken me so long to reply (I don’t know how I’m just seeing this).

      I’m glad, dear Preshy, that you find the ramblings of yours truly worthy to hang in your room.

      March 31, 2016
  • Avatar
    MADU

    This post got me thinking. Thanks Cavey.

    I learned that the good, bad and ugly experiences are part of life. Somehow, every skill and lesson learned along this bitter-sweet journey will come in handy. This is life’s way of grooming me, I believe.

    March 16, 2016
  • Avatar
    Lade

    This post is just ????????????.

    March 16, 2016
  • Avatar

    I wish we talked more when we could have. Like, over here. In real time…
    I like your mind – the one you share here at least.
    and I love your writing. But then, you already know.
    A good many of your lessons I have learned over time as well…
    but I don’t think life is a pot of beans fam. Nope. Uh uh.
    I choose to ignore whatever deeper meaning that statement connotes. There are way too many meals I fancy more and thus, my unmoving bias.
    Thank you for this. Stay strong. Keep learning & unlearning.

    April 1, 2016
  • Avatar
    Temi

    I have learned that being selfish isn’t always looking after your own interests, sometimes it’s about making sure the people you care about are looked after. At that point, they’re your interest.

    I have learned and still learning that servitude is key, it doesn’t make you weak or a rug to be stepped on. You become a kind of hero, saving people who didn’t know they need saving.

    Great piece darling. Heaven knows adulting isn’t easy, but it’s good to see someone else sharing lessons. Keep up the good work!

    April 5, 2016
    • Avatar
      Seriously...

      @temi You put into words things that I have felt and thought but could never express.

      @cavey If your piece were an Oscar-nominated film, this would be the bit they would play as they announced the nominees on the award night:

      “I’ve learned that what Samwise Gamgee did by carrying Frodo on his back up Mount Doom was not a ploy by movie makers to make me cry. I’ve learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.”

      May 4, 2016
  • Avatar
    Ibrahim Onimisi-Suleiman

    Bravo.????
    Bravo.????
    Bravo.????

    May 23, 2017
Post a Comment