#LipglossmaffiaGuide To A Happy Marriage…

I went to a wedding with my mum last week, and we all know how much I hate going for these things, I prefer funerals (way better food). We were at the church and the priest was looking so serious as they repeated their vows. Laughter erupted from my soul and burst out of me.…

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I went to a wedding with my mum last week, and we all know how much I hate going for these things, I prefer funerals (way better food). We were at the church and the priest was looking so serious as they repeated their vows. Laughter erupted from my soul and burst out of me. In church. If I was a normal person, that might have been an embarrassing moment, but my mum was more embarrassed.

The thing is, I have seen too many messed up things in my life to be excited about the ‘‘wedding ceremony’’. I’m more interested in how much effort the couple invest in their selves to make the marriage last a loooonnnggg time. A guy once asked me how I wanted my wedding to be, since I was always putting down the big/lavish ceremonies.

See, if I ever do get married, the most expensive part of that union will be the wedding rings and the food and the honeymoon. I wouldn’t mind going to the court with just my mum and sis, his two witnesses and boom! We are married. I really don’t care about much about parties (I’m more excited to plan my 30th birthday party though, don’t ask me why). I’m going to buy his ring(or a sexy ass watch, I hope I get married to a watch guy), he is going to buy my rings (emphasis on the plural) and we will live happily ever after.

But I digress, during that church ceremony, my mind decided to come up with advice that could help a modern marriage last longer than 2 years. You might think it’s weird, since I’m a single girl who hasn’t even been a “proper, stable” relationship. But, I have all of these tips inside me, and I might as well share them since I have no use for them (right now). So these are my top tips to making your marriage/partnership work and stay interesting of course. Enjoy…

Singleness: I don’t mean you should stick to your single life habits. No. What I mean is, keep yourself whole; your interests; your friends; your hobbies. Don’t believe any of that 50/50 will join to make a ‘100%’ bullshit. Who says you can’t have it all? It gives you more to talk about (forever is a very long time, you need topics to fill it up). You don’t have to watch football/tennis with him all the time, just once in a while is fine. And sometimes, you can go watch her when she plays golf too (let’s pretend for the sake of this article that I’m the wife, okay?) Both of you will definitely have similar interests, but don’t let go of the hobbies you had before you got married. It just keeps things interesting.

Keep A Spare Room: This will be a room in your house/flat decorated with your tastes combined to make a haven. It’s a place where you would go to be alone. Play a game. Read a book. Anything. For moments when you want to kill your spouse (those days will come, trust me). And if you have kids, maybe, you should just… NVM. There is no point, you might have to schedule monthly separate hotel weekends faaaaarrrrr from home.

Eat Together: I have a strong belief that eating together tightens the bond between couples. Whether it’s in the same plate (my fave) or separate plates but at the same table. Just eat together. Maybe it’s just me though; I don’t digest food properly if I’m eating alone. But seriously, there is a reason most dates involve food. There is something about eating together that creates a special bond. So try as much as you can to eat together. You can even eat together via Skype or Facetime or Google+. For the love of God, just eat together (except you are a selfish cow).

Sex: You need to plan for it. I’m not even kidding, there are moments when you will be too tired or busy or it will even skip your mind (it does happen, I asked my aunty!) Don’t think that planning takes away the spontaneity. No. That will still happen. What I mean is that you have to plan for sexy time. The anticipation is amazing. Get creative!

Drink: NEVER EVER RUN OUT OF ALCOHOL. I don’t even think I have to explain this. My prescription? One glass of wine or a shot of whiskey a day should be just fine.

I hope you try out one or two of my tips. It “might” (emphasis on might) be a game changer. If you’ve been blessed by these tips, I run a #LipglossmaffiaGuide on my personal blog. God knows I have so much life-changing information to share.

Let me know what you think about these tips, and please share some more with me. Help a sister to #GrowTheGuide. If you are married, let us know how it is going so far. Give us some tips, I’m sure it is not always as bad as some of you make it to be. If you are single, join me to speculate on this institution we know absolutely nothing about!

Responses

  1. Jude
    Funny but witty. On the eating together, I totally agree with you on that. Eating together with my siblings in one big tray was fun and bounds the farmily tight.
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  2. Gia
    I used to think people married for barely a year giving marriage advice was the worst, but this certainly takes the cake.
    Someone who isn’t even sure they want to get married, but is positive they have the winning formula.
    Cute.
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    1. Lipglossmaffia
      Wow. You seem upset. It’s supposed to be a fun article. You don’t have to take it serious. I didn’t claim to have the formula(not like anyone has it)
      Oh well…Have a lovely Sunday x
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    2. mide Kayode
      why so upset …..Aunty Gia?

      I have been married for almost 2 years and as the saying goes …”different stroke for …”(you get my drift) ….point is she has the right to her own opinion and believe it or not agree with a point or 2.

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  3. Priscilla Joy
    I would like to have a non-existent wedding if there’s anything like that, I would rather splurge on my honeymoon than feed and entertain a group of people I may not even know or have a relationship with, that is if I get married. If not for fornication, I would really prefer to be in a relationship with a good guy and have fun, adopt some kids on the streets when i’m financially capable and just give them a better life. But well, here’s hoping to meet the one guy I can have that real “thing” with, who knows an amazing marriage may be in the plans for me, and of course legal sex.
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      1. Osasu Elaiho
        Oh you just had to say it and I couldn’t pass it up. The “only” reason right now I would even consider marriage is for legal sex. I thought I was the only one who thought like this.

        To see a lady say it too is just beautifully epic! Nothing else drives me to want to get married truly. Not children, not starting a family, just companionship and legal sex.

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    1. A lil bit eccentric
      Lol! My kindred spirit… got married so the trumpet won’t sound and I’ll be caught butt naked doing the nasty with no “spiritual validation”. And yes, I wanted to elope but respect for parents didn’t sha let me. The consolation: I knew at least 98% of the little more than 100 folks at the wedding.
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  4. Pingback: #LipglossmaffiaGuide To A Happy Marriage… | ForNaija

  5. Osasu Elaiho
    So now we come down to my comment proper. From experience, I have come to realize that sometimes, not being in a thing actually gives one more keen perspective as they are on the outside looking in so if one thinks that because you aren’t in a relationship or haven’t been in a stable one and thus should keep shut, that is so far from the truth.

    Now I once had an ex whom I told that I’d prefer to just do a court wedding and then the trad of course and then splurge on the honeymoon and the marriage proper. She flipped saying that I was being cheap and didn’t want to show her off. I began to wonder which was more important to her: investing in the wedding or the marriage.

    I too don’t like weddings and I avoid them like a plague unless I am somehow roped into being part of the train. Funerals definitely have better food and a lot more alcohol that’s for sure.

    Coming down to the points raised, I agree with everything but the drink bit being that one may end up with someone who doesn’t drink or both parties may not even drink so it will have to come down to personal preference.

    Marriage in the long run isn’t easy and it takes a lot of time, dedication and two people actually willing to work through the ups and downs to make it work so you’re right when you say that “I’m more interested in how much effort the couple invest in themselves to make the marriage last a loooonnnggg time” <- this is what marriage is all about and thank you so much for sharing your insights on what makes a happy marriage.

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  6. Ifeolu
    I do agree with quite a number of your points. Eating together, planning sex, and (if you may) together.
    I’m newly married. My First year which according to a lot of people is usually toughest was the most fun for me, then our baby came and shit got real. I’ll just like to add that make sure you talk to each other when you can and try to have fun. Like you said it’s a loooooonng journey, it would be nice if you’re both on the same page. I have a few more tips but…today is not the day for it.
    But “Legal Sex” tho…hahaha
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