Just Married: A Few Lessons I Picked Up Along The Way

Opinion

What drained me the most were the numerous things I had to do as “senior single ladies” (27yrs -37yrs according to some mothers in Nigeria) in church. The prophetic bridal dances or prophetic objects we had to carry/touch and relate to real world.

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“Get him hooked, Get him to commit – your solution is here.“
“How to get that ex back – It can happen…”
“How to talk to Men to create uncontrollable attraction”

The articles were endless. And there were the, “think positive and speak positive daily” into the universe sermons? And those “my husband will locate me today” ones. Then you go through the day scanning the eyes of men who just politely say hello.

What drained me the most were the numerous things I had to do as “senior single ladies” (27yrs -37yrs according to some mothers in Nigeria) in church. The prophetic bridal dances or prophetic objects we had to carry/touch and relate to real world. Honestly, I went along with it, so church members would not judge me and ask, “why so proud?”

My muslim cousin did not mind that I prayed to meet a spouse but found it unsettling how certain pastors would subject desperate single ladies to eat grass or spray insecticide on themselves to wade off evil insects.

And no, the church I attend do not perform these crazy rituals. My pastor is more into declaration and anointing oil and I am a believer of those. But I subscribed to a few dating blogs at the time, played a lot of astrology love-match games, joined a dating site but had to scram out because I saw someone I knew and was embarrassed at how low I had gotten. I always wondered what I was doing wrong; imagine how life became when a lively talkative lady suddenly becomes a reserved unexpressive lady who tries to make do with men who feel disgusted and angered whenever her inner rebel tries to rear its head; depressing much!

I’d tell you one fact though… There is no particular way to meet a good man not to mention making him propose; but for me, I told God to knock his heart and send him my way, so maybe that helped.

All I told God was, when he comes, he should be the one crawling, and convincing me. That year I stopped caring, that year I did not care if I was snobbish or too uptight, that year I decided there was no need to put myself out there, I made up my mind to have fun all by myself and funny how it was that year Bobo met me and insisted he wanted to put this hood nasty chic on lockdown.

Here are a few lessons I picked up along the way:

Be honest with yourself: You are beautiful just the way you are and should be happy with who you are. That is what makes you special and different from anyone else. Surround yourself with people who genuinely look out for you (if you have really bad excesses, these people will be honest about it and help you be better), but don’t take no negative demeaning comment from no man especially when he has no intention of helping you right it. Work on your personal dreams, those are the things that will attract him.

Be honest about what you want in a man and write it down: Someone told me to write out the first 3 important things I wanted in a husband.
“I want a leader… who is led by God”
“He must be a Pro…”
“He must be my ….”

What the list does is guide you. Since you have written it out, you have a clear understanding on what exactly to look out for in a man.

Look outside the box: I wanted a Yoruba man, I did not care so much about religion but a Christian brother was a plus. Only brothers in church or those introduced by friends or work environment would be considered. White-collar man please and for a long time, I was strict about what was in my box regardless of what was on the outside. The day I decided maybe my box did not have nothing for me was the day I saw that outside wasn’t ugly. I’d leave you to guess on how I met Bae.

Love those that love you: It took me forever to realize what a silly cycle love can be. Have you ever wondered why Ms. Titi is crazy about Mr. Akin, who doesn’t give a hoot about her existence, but has Mr. Obi who will do anything for her being shunned daily? And then you find out Mr.Obi got Ms. Aliyah going bonkers for him and he is unaware of her advances and maybe Mr. Akin believes Ms. Aliyah is the woman of his dreams. After realizing this, I decided to give back whatever I receive and that worked for me.

Find your crazy: No-one is perfect, you are crazy too. I have quiet mood swings that mustn’t be disturbed but will be upset if also ignored. My husband gets upset when I try to hold him back from being a boy. So yes, we disagree a lot but we also knew we could live with each others “flaws” …we are only human after-all but I must say, communication is key. Always talk to each other.

Speak what you want: I mentioned earlier about the numerous positive-daily-speaking-universe practice… actually it works wonders… you know how? You actually start to believe what you hear, so much that your being starts to radiate what is on your inside to your outside, thereby attracting only radiant people and things.
….
If you know how many times I talked myself to believing and saying “ I deserve to be happy, I am a good woman ” … today, I know I am meant to be happy always and my husband calls me a good woman .

XO,
A

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