Men Ain’t Sh*t

Opinion

Yeah, I said it. Sue me. I know men ain’t shit. I know. I don’t try to believe that there is some good in men, but earlier this year one person stood out for me, whilst other men remained basically useless. I am a serial dater, I won’t even say I date a lot of…

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Yeah, I said it. Sue me. I know men ain’t shit. I know. I don’t try to believe that there is some good in men, but earlier this year one person stood out for me, whilst other men remained basically useless.

I am a serial dater, I won’t even say I date a lot of these men, I just always strategically position myself, find myself in a form of situationship with them, make a conscious effort to not be in a committed relationship because men ain’t shit, whilst scamming them to believe it’s an exclusive one and demanding they worship me. LOL.

I met this brilliant man earlier in the year and I became Sappy S. Being with him made me sure that all the other men I had encountered were just stepping stones to prepare me for him. Without a doubt, I felt that what I had felt before with other men was not love. This was what love felt like. Pure, unstained, easy, certain, painless, secure. Never had I thought that in this world of ‘ain’t shit’ men there would be one that was so good and kind. The adjectives I’d use to describe men changed. Instead of “hot” or “sexy”, I saw him as all of those things but much more. He was a good man, a good good man and very kind and gentle.

This one day, we met up after work because how better to end the day than in each others arms.This day turned out to be the day that I got my mind blown so hard, but it was a tragedy. During sexy time, the condom decided that maybe it didn’t want to be ‘there’ anymore so it rolled itself off him (either that or we were being too acrobatic for it to handle). In the heat of the moment, he realised and panicked like I have never seen before and my room went from warm to below zero temperatures.

I get that the normal human reaction is to panic but how it happened was just wrong. He went into the bathroom, still panicking and left me in the room for a while. I told him that everything was okay in an attempt to calm him down. He eventually came out, dressed up and lay on the bed with me for like 30 seconds. I was doing EVERYTHING in my power to keep myself together. I put on some loud music, DJ Khaled’s Major Key album to be precise. A few seconds later, he said, “I bet you can see I’m uncomfortable”. I said okay, told him he could leave, he left and that was it.

I broke down once I shut the door. Broke down because I played myself. I was so mesmerised by his goodness and kindness that I forgot that MEN AIN’T SHIT. He didn’t call me when he got home, nothing. He just left. I called my girlfriend because it was WAY too much for me to handle and I was panicking. Almost twelve hours after the incident, he sent me an SMS in the morning asking how I was. I was irritated. I responded saying that I should have been asking him how he felt. I also mentioned that he clearly needed space and I was gonna give him all that he needed.

Throughout the entire day, I kept replaying the scenario in my head. I was baffled. I waited for him to reach out so we could talk about things but there was nothing. Exactly 24 hours after the incident, I snapped. I dialled his number and called him out on his horrible behaviour. How dare he make the entire thing about him? Immediately it happened, he went to the bathroom to shower or whatever and left me alone in the room, didn’t ask or attempt to see that I was okay, or cleaned up. Nothing. He didn’t even ask if I had an emergency pill, or encourage me to take the pill ASAP, or even offer to get me a glass of water. Nothing.

Then he says to me that he’s uncomfortable. But I was there too! It didn’t just happen to him, but somehow I was the one trying to keep my little streak of sanity so I could calm him down from your gigantic panic waves. WOW. He somehow made the entire thing about him. I sat on the floor wondering what happened to all that goodness and kindness, then I remembered that men ain’t shit.

He had no defence. His attempt at a defence was the typical male thing to do – make the woman look crazy. He was really telling me about how judgemental I was and how there is a perfectly good explanation for how it all went down on his end. This nigga really decided that that moment was the right time to pull out the most useless card of all time. He was really telling me about how my behaviour stems from the fact that I think all men are the same.

Yo! since you already know that I think that men ain’t shit, have your actions helped me prove otherwise? You don’t wait 24 hours to talk about how a condom dislodged when we were fucking, you talk about it immediately, or worst case scenario, as soon as he got home. That didn’t happen. Instead, he made excuses for his selfishness and made me look like I was over-reacting. It was an ordeal that I didn’t need, and he could have done much more to be supportive in that situation.

Hi, my name is S and this story just reiterates my opinion that men ain’t shit.

Responses

  1. Butterflymind
    I don’t even know whether to laugh or cry or simply post this and go to the next post.

    Lol pele. There are so many “ain’t shit” people out there. I thought about a few yesterday and decided it ain’t worth shit to even think of ’em.

    So, well…

  2. Morris
    *Sigh… Honestly, i don tire for this type of talk, i was already tired after seeing the topic, and reading did not epp me. I try not to judge cos maybe i can’t understand where you/others are coming from, but, I would say basically basically, everyone ain’t shit.

    And maybe we should try to look at our circle of people. It’s like a guy saying all women are hoes and what not, is it my fault you are not surrounded by better women?

    1. A.
      Men ain’t shit or are scum or whatever other phase we use doesn’t mean every single man in the entire world! Stop with this #notallmen shit. We know.

      @S sorry about that. The most annoying thing is when/how they make you seem crazy. Like nigga acknowledge what you’ve done and apologise. Don’t flip the script.

      1. morris
        But if we are going to keep saying the likes, then saying #notallmen should be allowed forever. Please let them keep reminding us.

        And maybe my initial response is like that because (at the moment) I can’t seem to get how that single occurence is the basis of this article. Everyone you care about can make you feel like the crazy one… Very easy for my brothers (as Siblings!!!) to do to me.

        1. A.
          No we do not need to say not all men. You know why? Because we’ve never said All men. You people are the ones adding the all in your head. It’s nobody’s fault but yours.

          Also this one single article was not the basis of the title. If you read the beginning of the article, you’d see that clearly.

          My siblings annoy me. They don’t make me look crazy. Then again, I can’t use my experience to judge yours so maybe your siblings have that skill too.

          1. Nnanyielugo
            Men ain’t shit has already categorized every person who is a man into the ‘ain’t shit’ category.
            It’s like saying it’s like a brit saying “Nigerians are criminals” and coming out to say that he didn’t say “all Nigerians”
            There is a reason ‘some’ exists in the dictionary.

            Posted from TNC Mobile

  3. Buchi
    First off, Where the heck are you people meeting the men you meet? Same kind of men time after time so it settles into a pattern? instead of reverting to the stock ‘Men aint shit’ or ‘Men are scum’ refrain, look in the mirror perhaps?

    Now i do not excuse his over reacting and panicking, but can you really see what did happen there? didn’t the traditional roles get reversed for a bit? Isn’t that what we actually fight for? (this last part was tongue in cheek sha, but I’m sure you get my drift)

    But again, he panicked. Simple. and you did same too. You snapped, all too quickly because you wanted him to fit a narrative you didn’t want to let go of. After telling him you felt he needed space and you were going to give him all he needed, you snap and call him 24 hours after? that’s space? Okay.

    And no, I wont comment on this either:
    “I am a serial dater, I won’t even say I date a lot of these men, I just always strategically position myself, find myself in a form of situationship with them, make a conscious effort to not be in a committed relationship because men ain’t shit, whilst scamming them to believe it’s an exclusive one and demanding they worship me. LOL.”

    But Men aint shit.

      1. Buchi
        Could have sworn that it’s really obvious that I meant traditional perception of masculine and feminine roles, i.e man; calm and logical, woman; emotional and panicky.
        I’m actually glad the roles were reversed.

        Hope it’s clearer now.

    1. morris
      Lol, I think you might hav made up your mind to start defending men (#NotAllMen) in the comment section of this kinda write-up. I guess you are allowed, be careful tho…

      I am seriously trying to keep a straighface, still at work.

    2. Ufuomaee
      Hi Buchi,

      I agree with your comment… I would usually stay silent, but this piece didn’t portray her or women in a good light either.

      S, it’s a really childish thing to go about generalising because of the few men you’ve interacted with, when the likelihood is that you seem to the drawn to the same type of men. And it is also possible, as your exbf said, that you over-reacted to his over-reaction because you are operating on the mindset that men aint shit, and he would fuck up any day now. So you snatched the first opportunity you found to support your theory and are back to being miserable – and even more justified now!

      How many men will interact with you and conclude that women aint shit?! Why not snap out of it, and maybe try making yourself the kind of woman that will attract and keep a good man.

      My two cents.

      Cheers, Ufuoma.

  4. Exclusive
    Hi, my name is Exclusive, I’m a woman and no, all men ain’t shit. Too many amazing people to be spreading that kinda poison.

    Selah.

  5. Nosa
    I’m not even gonna feel guilty for laughing at this post. The dude’s behavior was apparently shocking, i’m gonna guess and say a past experience had affected him for him to act this way (not that i’m excusing his childishness though)

    If i was in his shoes, i would just be laughing uncontrollable, Yup, default response to fear/panic.

    That said; Men really ain’t shit. I think we can all agree, but is that realization gonna make you stay away from men? NO!!! You still gon’ find another man, have stuff go downhill and the proclaim “MEN AIN’T SHIT”. It is what it is.

    That said, that nigga really wasn’t shit. He didnt even try to talk about it. Was he trying to pretend nothing happened and then the universe would just make it so? He was uncomfortable, like that explained anything.
    But men ain’t shit, so what were you expecting?

    1. Nnanyielugo
      My own is the two faced hypocrisy staring at our faces.
      Here is a woman who, by her brief description of herself, comfortably owns a seat in the ‘ain’t shit’ auditorium, coming out to tag men as ‘ain’t shit’.

      Last last, she go dey alright.

      Posted from TNC Mobile

  6. Aggie
    It really sucks to decide that you can see the stars in someone’s eyes just to find out that it was light rays playing tricks on you, I have come to accept something in life expect the very worse from the person you think is perfect and when it does happen you won’t be surprised.
  7. JanJan
    I had a similar experience. Dude and I had sex for the first time without protection (we both had been tested FYI) and he nutted in me without asking. I asked him why immediately after and he apologized. He drove me to the pharmacy and got me the pill. You know how those things mess with your cycle. So I was late and a little alarmed. I decided to get a test and found out I wasn’t preggers. So I tell dude I checked and I’m not preggers but he gets mad that I didn’t tell him before getting the test. Blank stare. I didn’t realize I needed permission to ensure my own body is not about to change because someone was careless. Men ain’t shit indeed.
    1. Stubborn geh
      He was careless?
      Wowzer!
      You both didn’t use a condom but he was careless because he didn’t withdraw. What stopped you from withdrawing your puna?😠
      Mschew
      1. JanJan
        Yes he was careless. I’m not particularly sure why you’re angry. But I’ll attempt to make you understand. Many of the girls here may attest to experiences where guys have nutted in them with the presumption that they can easily get the morning after pill and all will be fine. I don’t know how many of you are regular at your gynecologist but if you are you’ll know that too many of those pills aren’t good for any woman. I am very conscious of my sexuality and sexual health and so I pay particular attention to these things. I already mentioned in the comment above that homeboy didn’t ask before nutting and yes he must ask. As to the point of me removing my pumpum, maybe you should have sex with this dude. You’ll discover what I call the silent nutter. I didn’t know orgasms could be silenced like farts till I met him. Nigga gives no warning. You don’t hear or feel anything. His face gives away nothing. So while I’m usually quick to jump off the D before anyone nuts, I jumped too late in this case. So yes he was careless and I really care less if you don’t subscribe to that opinion.
    1. Li
      Hem hI think hI can epp u out with d prices of pampers..value pack 1500-1900, jumbo pack 2900-3500 …promo offer buy 1 jumbo get a pack of wipes *wink wink* baby food cost too sha..cerelac don almost reach 1500 oo . N baby stroller z about 30k ..lmao…need more info?
  8. Joseph Carter
    I am a serial dater, I won’t even say I date a lot of these men, I just always strategically position myself, find myself in a form of situationship with them, make a conscious effort to not be in a committed relationship because men ain’t shit, whilst scamming them to believe it’s an exclusive one and demanding they worship me. LOL.

    This is the same thing men do and are called “scum, yoruba demon, etc”
    I beleive amongst all these guys youre serially dating there’s one who genuinely likes you but you’re forming “men ain’t shit”

  9. Gem
    No I think that having to ” strategically position myself, find myself
    in a form of situationship with them,
    make a conscious effort to not be in a
    committed relationship because men
    ain’t shit, whilst scamming them to
    believe it’s an exclusive one and
    demanding they worship me. LOL.” confirms that men ain’t shit because indeed,
    Men ain’t shit.
  10. Kells
    You should understand that people react differently to situations,your just mad that he didn’t make this all about you instead he just focused on himself. people are different with different type of flaws. Like seriously you ended things with someone you care about just because of his reaction to loosing a condom, not everyone is ready to have a baby. That men ain’t shit saying is just too old n boring.who knows you might be the reason why someone guys would be saying women ain’t shit too.
  11. Ifeolu
    RE: Men ain’t Shit
    RE: How much is Baby Stroller
    Strollers cost about 74,900-90,000. For he high quality ones. Diapers range from 1,500-7000. Not even Huggies ooo. Huggies start from 4,500-7000.
    Should I go on?
    So if the guy isn’t ready to be all cuddly after an acrobatic session that gave you a tyre burst, sorry. But then, what do I know? You have said it…
    Men ain’t Shit!
  12. Jojo
    I don’t get how he couldn’t just talk about it with her, why did he have to be the uncomfortable one? Anyway, maybe he had some form of STD that he didn’t tell you about and was tryna prevent transmission
    1. Chinweike
      Finally, someone says something about an STD. His reaction to me seems he was scared of catching somethung from her, I mean, I thought his rushing to the bathroom made that obvious. Him leaving was probably to go take some preemptive medication lol.

      Posted from TNC Mobile

  13. Larz
    Pls don’t take this the wrong way but I don’t think you are ready for men who ain’t sh*t.

    Ever observed how some thugs will disrespect a woman that walks past and respect the next woman that follows.

    Because, you expect men to be rubbish, you get rubbish men. Even when you thought this guy was good, from what i read, I think subconsciously you were expecting the other shoe to drop. The exact same scenario can happen to a completely different woman and she might get an apology out of it or some remorse from him. It sounds to me that you are just as guilty for what you accuse him of (it seem so to be all about you). The situation freaked him bad enough to act like an idiot but somehow you didn’t make an effort to find out why…

    Also, you keep referring to what you did with him as fucking. My definition of fucking (can’t be bothered to check dictionary) is pure animalistic form of sexual relationship. Ppl that f**k don’t expect sh*t from each other.

    Some men look for any opportunity to call women crazy (it is a better story to tell their friends) and i find that are often left speechless and powerless whenever a woman approach them calmly and take control of the conversation and appear less emotional. It is not something they expect and usually, when done properly, you can get whatever you want.

    Dear men, you can’t expect to do some weird Kama sultra posss and expect the condom to stay put the whole time. Y’all should expect the unexpected and take charge of that situation. In fact, unless you wanna be a daddy, do not leave her without getting her morning after pill

  14. Yaz
    but ‘S’…what if he had an STD or something, maybe HIV.. and he was worried that he may have passed it on?
    I know most guys aint really worried if a condom burst when he could simply get you a morning after pill…but seriously though, what if it wasn’t just about getting knocked up?
    1. Woyi_Oc
      “what if it wasn’t just about getting knocked up?”

      That’s…..actually a good point. So, ummm….Miss S, maybe call the guy to ask why he freaked out…or just get tested….?

  15. Temi
    So you’re a serial dater, dated a lot of men. He probably knows that and while he likes you, he’s conscious of that fact. He comes to your apartment with a condom (either he bought it while at yours or he brought it, he was prepared to protect himself); which removes. He freaks out when he finds out he’s riding bareback and you are annoyed. He’s possibly scared of something; however he tried to be a gentleman about it, the damage was done. Are you saying his freaking out is not validated? If he nutted in you, wouldn’t you freak out? He’s a guy, with own fears too after all.
  16. Msray
    People don’t seem to get this. The term ‘all men/ women’ is very much relative to that person. Where ‘all’ refers to the people that person has been with.

    Obviously people who are pained about relationship situations were able to believe the #notallmen kini only to fall into the wrong hands again. Fact remains e dey pain. And everyone has a right to rant.

    But to keep emphasising on #notallmen instead of addressing the main issue at hand is actually a way of encouraging the problem.

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