man doing dishes

Men Should Do The Dishes And Clean The House Too

Every time talk about chores comes up, men are quick to raise their noses and look the other way while their mothers have been known to look at anyone pro-domestic male with disdain (not all women o). Then the society too would raise an eyebrow at the thought of men doing dishes or sweeping floors.

Yea, I know some of you reading will follow suit at raising a face of disgust at the mere talk that a man should do dishes.  Some of you women can’t even picture men (either your dad, brother or lover) doing any of this stuff (except you’re oyinbo or live in obodo-oyinbo).

Not only that sef. How many negative comments have I heard from men who have posted pictures or commented about other men doing dishes or some other chores in their home? The disdain and filthy comments on those men’ walls would force tears out of Aldof Hitler’s eyes.

From the misogynistic minds, to those who “claim” religion and are quick to quote the bible saying “man is the head” (though I still wonder what man being the head has to do with doing dishes or sweeping) some men in our society seem to believe it is demeaning for them to clear and clean their own dishes or help their partners out (men are the only ones who need help. Women are supposed to just find their way do their duties and still help men). They see it as a task for lesser humans (women).

An average African man would say “I am a man, the head of this family! Why should I do chores” While I’ve not seen where God distributed chores to be done by men or women in the bible (e.g men are to bring money, women are to wash plates. Lol) he has said the woman should be a help mate.

Often times we forget that the word “help” is used when we are the one doing the heavy lifting (men) but there is support from somewhere else (women). But what do we see today? So many men have taken the role of “helpmate” while women are in charge. Then we lament that women are not submissive; how can they be! You both earn daily bread for the family, then you still expect her to cook and clean after you without you raising a finger.  So you want her to help you provide for the family because you can’t do that alone yet you want her to do the chores all by herself?

There are men who won’t even help their wives warm food even if all they needed to do was to punch one or two buttons on the microwave talk less of giving their women surprise breakfast in bed treat. Then you hear same men advice that a man should marry a woman who is ten or twenty years younger because women age quickly. Abegy why won’t she age? The work load on her. The burden she has to bear alone is killing. She has so much to cope with and so little resources to do that, some men are so callous that they even would not allow their wives have the benefit of a house help by selfishly insisting she has to do it all on her own because they don’t want strangers in their homes.

Eventually all these overburdening of the woman would drain her then her libido drops and she can’t perform her “duties” in bed; something many polygamous men have found as an excuse to multiply wives. So many of our men have helped age their women – women they once professed to love with all their hearts.

Unfortunately, this mess is being encouraged by mothers who have refused to train their male children. Those male children are so dependent on them, they can neither boil water nor cook noodles. These are the same kinds of sons that grow to become completely dependent on their wives and their mother’s believe all is well. In fact they frown when their son bends over to keep his house clean or stands up straight to cook food that he would eat. They ask questions like “where is your wife, what is she doing that you have to be the one in the kitchen, what is the job of your wife” as if a woman was born to cook.

No guys, if you need to eat, get a cook/chef. If you need your house clean, get a cleaner. If you need financial support, go to the bank or microfinance or any other financial institution. If you need a warm bed there are prostitutes (legal or not) for that. But if you need a companion, a friend an all in one package, someone to cook, do dishes, clean the house, warm your bed and generally satisfy you, get a wife. But you also should be ready to become an all in one package to us women (our main provider be it raw food, cooked food, emotional food, spiritual food).

Stop the illusion that men are only supposed to support their families financially and it ends there (most men can’t even do this without help). There is nothing wrong with a man calming his crying child, doing dishes, cooking food or sweeping the house. Is there?

Image via The Telegraph

  • Nimrod

    I love to cook as a man. Nothing wrong in doing chores. Just remember that there are gender roles for male and female.

    July 14, 2016
  • Omoprof

    i’m a man living on his own. I’m a bad ass cook, and a clean my house every weekend. People typically expect she comes over to cook and clean but i do my thing myself. I grew up in a family of 4 boys and my mother gave no room for laziness. My father is 63 year old professor and at times he joins my mum in plucking efo, and that hasn’t reduced his manliness in any way. He also goes out to remove washed clothes from the line when they are dry. Doing these things actually increase the respect i have for him.

    July 14, 2016
  • What I mean is there are some things guys do better and some others females do better. Females are better at doing feeding and caring for kids. Men are better at fixing tyres, filling the generator and changing spark plug. I like to cook and clean up after. I like your write-up but it sounds like a bit of nagging. About men getting prostitutes and cleaners and cooks I think that was unnecessary as even women have those when married. Man and wife can always sort these things out while having naked conversations.

    July 14, 2016
    • Omoprof

      i guess she was trying to address those who think that its strictly the woman’s duty to do certain things. Some guys won’t raise a finger to do any house chores even if their wives are heavily pregnant or writhing in pain. As you rightly mentioned, gender roles assign certain tasks to each gender, but conscience and common sense deem it fit for us to be flexible when the need arises.

      July 14, 2016
    • Black Bride

      Oh really. I was born into a Family of 4 Girls. I cook, clean, wash clothes and dishes, change the spark plug, change light bulbs, fuel generator and according to my Dad, I wash the car perfectly well. Ever heard of male nannies?

      There are no gender assigned roles, just an individual willing to help and make contributions!

      July 15, 2016
  • Lol @ changing spark plug. That’s cute.
    I grew up with a mum and a younger sister, i didn’t know there were special roles for boys and girls. Mr Nimrod, what’s the big deal with “filling generator”, all you need is funnel abi? Maybe i have been doing it wrong. I don’t think the writer is nagging, i think she is just tired that in 2016, people still take these gender roles so serious. I don’t even get what the big deal is?
    In my old age, i have discovered that some guys like to help, and some don’t. Ladies, if you need help, then just ask him. And if the “partner” you have thinks he can’t help you with stuff, then it’s your fault for accepting less than a “partner”.

    But what do i know? *goes back to changing light bulb*

    July 14, 2016
  • @Lipglossmafia when you carry 50litre keg of diesel to fill gen it is not beans o.

    July 14, 2016
    • Hmmmm…. Men gen, spark plugs n all… Frm my ss1 i started putting on our lister generator (cassava engine) n bleeding it whenever disel fnshs in it.. Anywhere i find myself, i always end up learning to improvise and do things myself… (Change bulbs, nail one or two things together, etc…) I grew up washing cars, in addition to other house chores as soon as my elder ones went to bording school… Nt jst that.. My brothers and sister took turns in the kitchen n cleaning the house whenever they were home… Trust mumsi and her rules… And as such my brothers can cook n keep the house.

      But even with the above said, brother 1 can b in the house with me and i can wake up to breakfast already made in the kitchen, b4 he goes out..

      Bro 2, now dats another story… He can wake u up from sleep to make ‘TEA’ IMAGINE…. as far as there is a female in the house, he won’t be caught in the kitchen… But when alone he can cook for himself… Imagine…

      So with the way we were brought up, and the way my brothers are now, i think a mother’s training will go along way, but its not enough… Personal efforts have to be made.
      Guys need to make conscious efforts to help/assist….

      July 14, 2016
    • Jade

      there’s one tiny little thing called “improv” it means to improvise, if i can’t carry 50 litre keg i will pour it into paint bucket and slowly fill the generator tank. Anyone can do anything if they set their minds to it. So forget gender roles, my brother has backed his baby with wrapper in Liverpool city center and proudly too

      July 15, 2016
  • Tee

    In 2016, either gender is capable of doing anything. As far as you are capable you should. Foesnt ake you less of a man or less of a woman. I could change the light bulb when the guy isn’t around and I could do it when his around as well….but then I dont, I just ask for help. Same as dishes and other household chores. Its really just about helping each other.

    July 14, 2016
  • Liza

    Guys should totally wash dishes and clean the house. Chores were never created for one gender only. I find it totally ridiculous that in this day and age it’s still an issue. What is wrong in washing the dish you used to eat?? Or cleaning the house YOU live in?? How is it someone else’s job to clean your mess just because you’re a guy??? I hate male privilege jor lol. I will make damn sure I teach my children, male or female, to do chores for themselves, to know how to clean up after themselves and not wait for anyone to do that for them. Change has to start from somewhere.

    July 14, 2016
  • Thanks all for reading. I hope we will be more flexible in our mindset about chores.

    July 14, 2016
  • Twisted

    Bukunmi nice post. But it’s “help meet” not help mate.

    July 14, 2016
  • Sherlock

    Like it nor not, there are gender roles. Some ladies have no idea how to even change the oil in the car they drive, not to talk of things that involve heavy lifting and whatnots. Having said, this I think it would be highly insensitive for a guy to leave his wife or partner alone in the kitchen cooking, at least keep her company and help out with the little stuff like cutting up of onions or whatever.
    She is your soulmate not slave, don’t be like 50 Cent, take out the trash when asked and when not asked. Make her breakfast in bed once in a while, even if you do burn the food, the next time you won’t.
    I might add that, I heard (no, I have no experience in such matters????????) that if the sex is mind blowing enough, she will clean and cook like a demon possessed.

    July 14, 2016
    • Cham

      I know right? Come and steal the meat I’m frying it’s no worries just keep me company. I grew up with a lot guys but I still fix bulbs, change switch boxes and bulbs, bleed and fuel the Gen. I’ve changed one tire once when I had a flat on my way traveling back home. There are gender roles but doesn’t stop us from being helpful when the need arises.

      Posted from TNC Mobile

      July 14, 2016
    • Jade

      Some men also have absolutely no idea how to change the oil in their cars as well so what do you say to that? I recently learnt how to change my car tyres, whenever i take my car to the mechanic im actively involved, asking questions trying things. I won’t say im a woman so i shouldn’t know these things. Gender roles are obsolete abeg, even women now do cowgirl and reverse cowgirl so wetin remain??? Performing any task in your household neither diminishes you or reduces your manliness so you guys better get with the program

      July 15, 2016
      • Sherlock

        You’re quite right of course, but picture this scenario.
        Its a Saturday morning, both of you have no where to go, two cars to be washed and obviously you have to eat. Isn’t natural for the dude to drift towards washing both cars and general check up, while you fix breakfast? I can cook almost anything, but in that scenario I would gravitate towards washing the cars.
        As for reverse cowgirl and cowgirl, don’t even get me started. ???????????????????? we guys get a raw deal there. 90%of the time we get to do all the work, muscles straining and bunching, the babe rides for 2 minutes and she is already tired.
        Lets conveniently ignore the fact that guys are limited to one orgasm at a time and you guys can get multiple orgasms at the same time andddddd it also lasts longer.
        I could go on………..

        July 15, 2016
  • Od

    “…if you need a companion, a friend an all in one package, someone to cook, do dishes, clean the house, warm your bed and generally satisfy you, get a wife. But you also should be ready to become an all in one package to us women (our main provider be it raw food, cooked food, emotional food, spiritual food).”

    Amen, sister. Preach.

    For a minute, the title and ensuing comments made me wonder if the post was an attempt to invalidate the existence of gender roles. That would not be wise.

    There is a separation of duties. Some things are better suited to one gender than the other and vice versa. We should always uphold that idea because it eliminates chaos and confusion and keeps relationships between members of the opposite sex meaningful and workable.

    I also agree that kids should be brought up appreciating the importance of all duties. I don’t agree that it is necessary to teach them to fill every role, no. Rather, I think that it is necessary to teach them to respect every role so that they do not look down on anyone performing any kind of task. I would not have my sons look down on chores and those who do them or my daughters exalt bread-winning as if it were the ultimate aspiration and ambition. Everything is vitally necessary to keep life working with the smooth rhythms that God planned. I want them to know that and therefore, give proper honor and respect to their future partners.

    July 14, 2016
  • OluwaPRtoyosi

    God would help total “male victimization” without any chance from Nigeria girls….thank God the previous comments shows guys who stand up for chores….


    July 14, 2016
  • nikky

    I guess I’m one of those people that don’t believe in gender roles especially within the context of How people run their household. This idea of a man being the “helper” because he is doing the dishes, going to the market, or cooking while the wife, girlfriend or sister is doing something else equally beneficial for the home is not right.
    I have heard both men and women berate men who in agreement with their spouses choose to stay home and raise their children, cook, clean etc. The same way I’ve seen and heard people give women hell for doing being in charge of rent, and other household bills.
    At the end of the day some people cannot help the way they were raised. If your parents successfully ingrained this strict notion of gender roles it’s not your fault. Just don’t loose out on a good partner because of these ridiculous expectations of what men and women should do/not do.

    July 14, 2016
    • Oluwadunni

      I totally agree with you @nikky that upbringing is a major factor that shapes people’s beliefs about gender roles. My dad is not handy at all, and never did any chores that could be deemed feminine, his own is just to provide money and some other stuff. And my brothers toed that path, whenever my mum asked them to do dishes or cook, they would say “Ahan, when there are girls at home.” It’s not really good, now that I think of it, and instead of giving excuses, we should unlearn any habits that cause strain in our relationships, and learn better, healthier habits.
      Eventually we learn to do things out of necessity. When there was no guy at home, my sister and I had to wash cars, pour fuel into gen and put in on, and do some other stressful work. (I can’t fix bulb sha, it scares me) And I think this same sense of necessity should guide partners. If the wife is busy with the baby and needs help in the kitchen, then by all means, be of use. This is why you are PARTNERS. It’s not a boss and slave relationship biko. Work together to achieve your home-goals. *Drops mic*

      July 15, 2016
  • Jade

    I completely believe that no gender has the mutual exclusivity of any role except those bestowed on it by nature like breastfeeding or providing sperm. I also hate it when like Nikky said a man does something for his children and people say he his helping his wife, no you aren’t, you are taking care of YOUR our children whose sperm you provided in the first place, if he makes the bed you both smashed on, oh he’s wonderful he helped me to make the bed!!! abeggy. Me i believe in an all hands on deck approach to life even work. So if you’re cooking i can be sweeping or if you are making the bed i can be washing the toilet, shebi its me and you that will shit inside and lay on the bed together????

    July 15, 2016
  • Tee boy

    I cook, I clean, I bake, I do laundry I wash cars, I raised my little nephews and nieces and did all the diaper changes and baby sitting.
    I do general household maintenance which consequently led me to do same on my motorbikes and cars.
    My female siblings do same except fix their own vehicles.
    And no! I am not the only male in my family
    Today I am better for it. My partner loves it.
    When my babies were born, I gave them their first home bath before my partner had the guts to do it for fear of dropping them
    I can play any role in the team. All because I was not raised with only one specialty.
    Not to brag…I cook better than all the girls in my house and my partner won’t compete with me when it comes to that….
    I am a man. I love my work. I have no regrets whatsoever and will not have it any other way.

    July 15, 2016
    • Jade

      Wagbayi!!!! correct guy *chop knuckle*

      July 15, 2016
  • Tee boy

    Lol @jade
    *chop knuckle*

    July 15, 2016
  • Black_Knight CFR

    Irrespective of the opinion that men should help with chores and cooking sometimes which I agree with, we cannot rule out the existence of gender roles in a relationship.

    July 16, 2016
  • jolade

    This is according to islam,Umar ibn Al Khattab (radhiAllaahu ‘anhu) with his Wife»

    “It is reported that a man came to ‘Umar ibn Al-Khattab (radia Allahu anhu) to complain about his wife’s ill-temper.

    While he was waiting for ‘Umar to come out of his house, he heard ‘Umar’s wife scolding him and ‘Umar quietly listening to her, and not answering her back.

    The man turned around and started walking away, muttering to himself: “If that is the case with ‘Umar, the leader of the believers, who is famous for his uprightness and toughness, then what about poor me?!”

    At that moment, ‘Umar came out of his house and saw the man walking away.

    He called him and said, “What is it you want of me, O man?”

    The man replied: “O leader of the believers, I came to complain to you about my wife’s bad-temper and how she nags me. Then I heard your wife doing the same to you, so I turned around, muttering to myself, ‘If that is the situation of the leader of the believers,then what about me?’”

    ‘Umar replied, “O my brother, I bear with her because of her rights over me. She cooks my food, bakes my bread, washes my clothes, breast-feeds my child… and yet none of these are her duty; and then she is a comfort to my heart and keeps me away from forbidden deeds. Consequently, I bear with her.”

    The man said,“It is the same with me, O leader of the believers.”‘

    Umar said: Then, O my brother, be patient with her, indeed this life is short.

    July 16, 2016
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