Hello Beautiful People. Welcome to another
Monday Rush. Yes, I know it’s not Monday, but there was this concert featuring a certain masked musician whose name begins with and L. Needless to say, I just couldn’t miss it so I left this unfinished. Sue me.
P. S. Shout out to my girl Tola who held it down at that concert on Sunday. Much Love!!
Anyway, let’s get it!!
In the US, this past Sunday was Mother’s Day. I don’t quite know why the Mother’s Day in the US has to be different from the one the rest of the world celebrates, but it is. Be that as it may, I did my good son thing and called the most important women that I have ever had the privilege of calling “mommy.” After that, I started watching a bunch of YouTube videos to while away time before the aforementioned concert. I came across some very interesting videos about Mother’s Day from a channel called Stuff Mom Never Told You. The video that really caught my attention was about women who don’t want to have children.
To be honest, there was a time in my life when the very notion that a woman would not want to have children was anathema to me. Back then, I really couldn’t fathom that there were people in this world who weren’t completely driven by the socio-biological imperative to get married and have kids (preferably the more the merrier because the species depends on it). These days, I’ve become fairly ambivalent to prospect of fulfilling that imperative, so I am definitely a lot more understanding.
There’s a common mentality that everyone is hardwired to want to be parents. Coupled with that notion is the idea that we all instinctively know how to be good at parenting. I have seen first hand that those ideas are utter crap. In the last few years, I have gotten the opportunity to spend a few weeks observing people in the newborn nursery. After watching some of those women become mothers for the first, third, sometimes the sixth time, it was clear that motherhood and good parenting skills weren’t necessarily things that came naturally to everyone. There were definitely those for whom it came as effortlessly as breathing in the aroma of cherry blossoms in the spring time. Some struggled at first, like learning to ride a bike, but they eventually got it. And then, there were those for whom despite having multiple children, motherhood was as foreign as reading the Principia Mathematica in an extinct language.
That experience made me a little judgemental. I left that place thinking, “Man, the only crime some kids in this world committed was being born to people who should never be parents.” I realize that there more than a few deeply held negative biases in that last sentence, but my point still stands.
I don’t think it’s everyone’s lot in life to galavant gingerly towards procreation. There’s a lot of emotional, financial, and physiological considerations that go into bringing a child into world and successfully raising them to adulthood. Some women have weighed their options and decided that motherhood is not in the cards for them. They may cite a myriad of reasons related feeling/being incapable of handling such a tremendous commitment. They might just decide they don’t want it at all even if they’re more than capable of handling it.
Personally, I don’t think it’s particularly selfish or callous for people to willingly decide to forgo procreation and/or child rearing if they don’t feel up to the task. In a way, I think it’s kind of noble. It’s hard to float an argument against the idea that all children deserve to grow up in homes where people will love and support them in every important way. As it stands, far too many children don’t have that. In that light, it seems logically inconsistent for society to vilify people, especially women, who decide that they don’t want to have kids that they can’t or won’t be willing to support. Nobody wants to be stuck in a situation that feels forced upon them, especially if they feel unwanted.
In conclusion, shout out to the ladies who have definitely decided that they’re having kids. Kudos to the ones who have decided not to do it. And cheers, to the ladies who are still making up their minds.
Note: This question is for everyone generally, and ladies in particular.
Are you planning on having kids? Why or why not?